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Hi all,
After reading some of the being caught in femme wears by SO/outting posts, I noticed the common question that keeps coming up is "Are you gay?" as the 1st or 2nd response...followed by something along the lines of 'what's wrong with you?' (those were the same "insulting" remarks I got when I came out as a CD to my family)
Why is it that people are so quick to pass that judgement and stick a label of 'gay' to it? Just as everything it's not so - black and white...there is so much different shades of gray inbetween...
Thoughts..?
There is a common meme out there that gay men dress in women's clothing. Many drag queens are gay men.
Most people don't understand mathematical logic. Believing the meme to be true, they figure if gay men cross dress, then men who cross dress are gay. This is called the converse, and is not usually true unless the two conditions are identical. (Mathematicians use the phrase "if and only if" to indicate the two conditions are identical.)
If it is raining, then it is wet. - Statement
If it is wet, then it is raining. - Converse
If it is not raining, then it is not wet. - Inverse
If it is not wet, then it is not raining - Contrapositive
The statement and contrapositive have the same truth value, and the converse and inverse have the same truth value. (The original statement can be false, as in "If you own a poodle, then you own a cat.") It can be wet for other reasons than rain (say, melting snow), which make the converse and inverse both false.
So the question arises first on an invalid assumption (gay men crossdress) then on incorrect logic (crossdressers are gay).
Unfortunately people are just judgmental and not curious
It is so sad we can’t enjoy feeling pretty without people thinking you are gay.
Human nature has it so that people jump to conclusions about things they have no knowledge of. Custom and media are of no help. As for crossdressing, most folks see and hear in the media a picture that a crossdresser is a drag queen or street walking prostitute. And many drag queens are depicted as flamboyant homosexuals. Although this may be true in some cases, the majority of the time this is is a false narrative - fake news to use a popular phrase.
I am no expert, but for me, all of the crossdressers I have met (albeit few) are straight with a spouse and fem side, like me.
It does bother me that folks assume I am gay - I'm not - even a few close friends and my wife who are aware that I crossdress from time to time have made that assumption. I think I have quelled that thought but wonder sometimes.
A teacher once told me to assume at your own risk, when the word is broken down, assume means to make an "ass" out of "u" and "me." Always liked that analogy.
Just enjoy your crossdressing, we only live once.... Have fun... Staci...
Something curious. I have some gay acquaintances in my country and none of them are crossdressers. What's more, most of them discriminate against us crossdressers. It is something that I do not understand. And since they have never suspected that I am a crossdresser, I have never told them. And we live in peace.
Still I don't know any crossdresser in my country.
Gisela
Maybe some people assume that you're dressing as a woman just to attract men.
A teacher once told me to assume at your own risk, when the word is broken down, assume means to make an "ass" out of "u" and "me."
While this is not the origin, this phrase was popularized in 1973 on The Odd Couple TV show when Tony Randal as Felix Unger said it. The quote was "You should never assume [writing ASSUME on a blackboard], because when you assume, you make an ass of u and me [circling the letters as he says each]. Search "Felix Unger Assume" on youtube.
I have a friend who when asked the question "Do you like women?" replies yes I like them so much I want to be one.
I think when it comes to gender, for most people, there is still a binary classification system in place: you’re either male or female. If you wear skirts you are female. If you have a beard you are male. If you paint your nails, you’re female. If you are male, you like females. If you are female, you like males.
If you now tick a box opposite from what’s expected, all the other boxes are questioned too.
Good points above about a lot of drag queens being gay, etc. but I think the logic might be simpler ... Hetro women are attracted to men and sometimes dress to be attractive to men ergo the first conclusion for a lot of cis-het women is that a man dressing like a woman is doing the same. I suspect it very few crossdressers are slouching around in a hoodie and jeans when caught
I'm told the accepted wisdom is that women dress for other women, not men. Personally, I dress -- and go out -- because it is exciting and different. I can look at women's clothes, jewellery and perfumes without perceived judgement. Oh, and I just love the way I use my fingers when I'm wearing bright red nail polish, it is just naturally different from when in drab, no idea why.
I'd wonder about the motives of a man who took an interest in me, being nearly seventy years old (although I like to think I look younger (don't we all?)).
Becca