Complimenting do’s and do nots

Simply... ask “May I give you a compliment?”.

Easy!

Polly

I’m a very shy person as it is, at least in drab, Tonya allows me to be a little more open, but I’m always afraid of saying the wrong thing... like I know this young woman would have probably loved to know the dress looked amazing on her, I think she was trying to look nice for someone... she had that, excited yet stressed, yet hopeful exhausted look to her... we all know have felt and seen the look

Hi Tonya!  Great point.  I find myself doing this more recently.  A lot more, in fact.  I've always been pretty observant but now I will openly compliment a lady if I notice how gorgeous her hair is ( totally jealous ) or their nails, clothes, etc.  I'm so much more aware of that stuff now.  I hope the world never gets to the point where you can't compliment someone without being afraid.  Most people say thank you and smile.  As they should...   Never(!) Feel bad being nice to someone.

Stevie

I just can’t help, especially with the stigma today, to be afraid when in drab that they will assume I’m hitting on them or worse... just a fear I must get passed it seems

Oh, I understand where you're coming from hon.  There will always be a contrary person who takes offense to a compliment - something I'll never understand.   But having someone smile and say "thank you" is a great feeling.  Once you start hearing that, it gets a lot easier.😊

Yeah this is the kinda situation I’m always afraid of.., and while she looked like she really could have used the compliment... as her mannerisms said she was looking for something to impress... and was having trouble believing she could... those I believe are the most delicate as well

Idk of your overreacting or not... but and i hate saying it because I know it does happen and being part of this community has already opened my eyes to the “toxic” side of masculinity... but unfortunately it’s the only side that the media outlets want to push... it seems “evil men,evil guns, evil whatever else they want to put after the word... “ and it’s a horrible feeling to be afraid to compliment someone of any nationality, gender, race or anything because I could “offend” them but simply trying to be nice and offer I appreciate it in a non sexual manner

I hope so. And I hope one day the world becomes less, everyone has an agenda behind there words, and return to a compliment is just a compliment unless more is present... I’ve had many a time I’ve wanted to compliment a person make or female on hair, clothing, even a few on the way they hold themselves due to obvious situations... but I As I said... I’m afraid of them rejecting the compliment as me being “just another person giving a compliment out of pity, or (forgive my crudeness) wanting in their pants... I hate that feeling when I’ve seen that kinda look on someone’s face... while yes the attention is kinda nice but the look makes you uneasy

Its judgment of when to give a compliment, rather than should I give a compliment. Many Females don't mind a compliment but it's how it delivered that counts especially if it coming from a male. I have always started with "Forgive me, for saying.......". It's often meet with just a thank you, or the conversation expands politely. It's just a matter of knowing when to make a compliment and when not to. 

This is basically my biggest dilemma as I can never fully tell, with the exception of my friends when and how I should give a compliment... when I’m person I have a hard time expressing things a lot and they tend to come out... a jumbled mess to put it lightly

That was the type of compliment I really wanted to give because the color of the dress was a light blue color and she had deep brown almost black hair and it just really made the color of her hair pop. And she had a nice med tan that just made the dress all around beautiful on her

I refuse to give into the nonsense that men are somehow all toxic predators such that it scares me from being me. It’s ridiculous.

However, as I have discovered when exploring my femme self out there in the past, stepping into the shoes of a woman (literally!) is very educational. I began to become aware of why safety and security is so vital to them (it helped me understand my wife better and pay more attention to those issues at home and when we’re out). A woman (and a man dressed as a woman) is much more of a target (predators target those they perceive as weaker) and thus is much more exposed to danger. And also is individually usually less likely to win a physical encounter.

So much like what some others are saying here, I didn’t STOP complimenting women or saying nice things and friendly things to them, but I did start to pay more attention to the language and body language I use when I do so. As to Tonya’s specific situation, (and I think Samantha said this too) when we are specific with the compliment, the danger dissipates in their mind. “I love the way the blue dress accentuates that beautiful shade of hair..., etc” works better than, “you look smoking hot in that dress!” Lol. Now she might think you’re gay or something, so if you have designs beyond the compliment, you might wanna butch it up just a little! 😂

Lol at this point I don’t think I’m looking for another partner, so “butching” things up shouldn’t be a problem lol I just know I’ve learned how much just a little... thing like “that shirt looks good on you” can boost my self esteem a lot... and I just don’t ever want a small compliment from me to seem... any other way than just that letting someone know I appreciate how they look, or the way something fits on them. Without them assuming I mean I’d rather see off of them...

True! And as much as we hate to admit it, women have their own brand of dangerous toxicity also. It just manifests itself differently. It’s due to the essential flawed human nature.