Contemplating body shape and a raft of other issues

Hi Cathy.

One thing I learned over the years is that women come in many shapes and sizes. So while proportions may be good averages, there is enough variation in averages that you don't need to be perfect.

I'm 5-5 (formally 5-6, but have lost an inch over the years). For many years I was about 215 lbs until I lost about 40 lbs this year due to illness. Whether at my old or new weight, I'm pretty square shaped. My chest, waist, and hip measurements are pretty close. (I can often put on men's pants without undoing the waist, and I usually need a belt to keep it from falling down my hips.) You have the advantage over me of having your waist significantly smaller than your hips or chest.

I've been going out for years. I rarely pad my hips or wear a corset to pull in the waist. Instead I hide my shape (or lack thereof) with my clothing.

Occasionally I will wear a wide skirt with a soft tutu petticoat beneath. These are usually available at Halloween or party stores. This softly widens the hips, pads the behind, and holds the skirt out from my legs making me I'm wider down below than I am.

You can search google as to ways to minimize broad shoulders. The idea is to wear something that draws the eye away from the shoulders so it is not their focus, and they don't notice your shoulders.

If you're taking photos, stand at an angle to the camera so it too doesn't notice the size of your shoulders (one will be smaller because it is receding back).

I hope some of these tips help and make you feel more confident going out.

Hi Kathy,

Thank you for posting this. I’m not sure if I’m responding to this accurately but I can empathize with your body shape predicament, and probably many of us can, Including ci-women.  I think it’s important to remember ci women experience all of this self doubt with cloths and how they look as well.
One of the things I enjoy about clothes meant for women is creating an illusion. Not necessarily passing or something like that, but creating the illusion of hips, or hiding broad shoulders or a belly for example.  Speaking only for myself, but I realized many of the cloths I felt looked good on ci women didn’t really work for me. I’ve found places like Pinterest to be extremely helpful in suggestions in styles and colors in clothes to help with my body type. Sometimes it’s trial and error.  For example, I steer clear of empire waist dresses especially if they are short (mid thigh length) because they make me look way too top heavy. I try to find clothes that have a defined waist line (belts also help) and have a flare in the skirt or dress, things like that. I think you can achieve the look you’re after without having to use padding with a little trial and error and /or research. Sort of finding the style you’re comfortable with I guess.  Good luck!

p.s.

looking at your profile picture you seem to be doing just fine. The mind is a funny thing, lol. We are always our own worst enemy.

Oh my goodness,helloooooo, we all struggle with body shape males and females, period. Maybe you have noticed a few products, plans, support programs dealing with body shape in day to day life? It’s a billion dollar business. The bottom line is, keep it simple. If you’re six feet tall, skip the five inch heels. If you have a tummy, wear a top that falls in layers, skip the crop top. Leggings? Notice anyone wearing them lately? They slim the leg. Sensible breast forms take care of the top section. As for the butt, there are lots of padded panties out there.  If you dislike padding, there are lots of pants and skirts that give you hips of sort. I like tops that hang down past the hips or roughed dresses that extent the hips. Go get ‘em!

If your picture is a true reflection of your look then you have a starters for ten. It looks fine.

The girls above have given some great tips on enhancing the shape by sensible clothing. You have this issue with using enhancements which you feel is not authentic but understand that women do this. The perfect shape is probably miles away for most so it's a case of making do and consider using enhancements and not the extreme you cited.

As stated women come in all shapes and sizes even to the point of having broad shoulders and small hips. Look out for them and see how some will dress well to cover this and some who don't.

I myself have do wear enhancers in the bra and devised some padding for my hips which I wear all day without any issues. It gives me confidence when going out and feels perfectly normal.

Of course you have internal issues as to go out or not, we all know what it means to go out. Those of us that have gone out in the world have had that apprehension and questioned how we look. Behind closed doors is the place to get the look right and  feel comfortable in yourself. As for the mental issues that is for you to deal with by questioning yourself or seeking a therapist. You have a life of conforming and peer pressure in your head and to overcome that is often difficult but not insurmountable as you begin to understand what you want and where you want to be.

You are in a fortunate to be in the position you are to dress when you please but is there anyone in your circle of friends you could reach out to?

It is difficult taking steps forward but take your time and work through it logically.

Thank you, my profile picture is not edited but obviously it is low quality and taken from a favourably angle.

"is there anyone in my circle of friends" - that is, I guess, where one of the many issues lie. I find it hard to make friends and want to keep those that I have. I have no idea how they would react but I would not want to take the risk of losing any of them. My main past time requires friends to have a lot of confidence in me and me in them (to the point of trusting each other with our lives) so any little thing could disrupt that.

I would like some trans friends but I think that needs to me commit more to the lifestyle.

Thank you, sorry to hear about your illness, I do have a petticoat and perhaps I need to make more use of it, I do quite like some retro styles

Thank you, my profile picture is not edited but obviously it is low quality and taken from a favourably angle.

I know what you mean about the clothes you like on other women don't really work, I think that is something for which I need to develop a better eye.

Hi Cathy, as others have noted: probably 90% of what displeases you is in your own head and not what others see. However, I can relate to your feeling. I'm 1.8M 93kg and there are times I feel very linebackeresque. But, I do what I can - I own 3 corsets (though only wear 1 at a time 😉 ), I find dresses that draw in a bit at the waist, etc.

Every girl wants to have that 'girl' look, but at the end of the day, you're going to have to accept yourself in whatever shape you can manage. This is really the most important, not for how you will look, but how you will ACT.

Girls that go out that don't like how they look give off a nervous, uneasy vibe. Humans naturally pick up on this and it makes them uneasy. You'll find that people's reaction to you is far more positive when you have the attitude to match. Do your best for your look and walk out that door like you look *exactly* the way you bleepin' wanted! Smile, chin up, greet people in a friendly manner - it works. Confidence is the most attractive quality in a person, not an hourglass figure. 😉

You can do it!

Thank you, my smile is another thing I dislike 🙂  but yes, confidence ... although which comes first your style giving you confidence or your confidence making you look stylish?

Wearing something that you feel comfortable in, that doesn't need constant adjustment (like tugging your skirt down),  that's location and (potentially) weather appropriate (a skirt too long that you have to keep pulling up the hem to walk, wearing a light full skirt on a windy day, not wearing something seasonally appropriate) will allow you to experience the journey outside instead of constantly fussing with your clothes.

If you like the outfit you are wearing, it gives you confidence.

Take a trip to the mall one afternoon. Sit and watch. Observe women walking, carrying their purse, what they wear, their swagger, mannerisms, their makeup, or lack of. These are todays women. Sandals, never hose, basic makeup, leggings, loose top, never heels. I am always, always, flabergasted when shopping clothes and see women looking at skirts and dresses when I can tell, they have no intention of ever wearing it. Why bother looking? Leave them for us. The latest issue that scares me is seeing young people setting a new trend by wearing a dress or skirt with running shoes. I know, they have the right to wear whatever they please and be comfortable but it’s something I struggle with accepting. Sucks to be me. Lol

I hardly call wearing a dress or skirt with sneakers "a new trend."

When I'm out for a walk in my neighborhood, I'm wearing a skirt and sneakers. It may be odd, but it's become my M.O. For a long walk, the sneakers are better than even dressy flats.

And that look has been around a long time. Remember the yuppies in the 80's used to wear sneakers to and from work, wearing heels or dress shoes only in the office.

Omg, yes I remember. For the younger ones, I mean the ones heading to the club on a Friday night. They look stunning from the top of their head to their shins. Below that, running shoes. The ones that dared to wear heels, are carrying them in their hands. Oh well. I completely understand it, just not for an old school gal like me. Lol