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Good evening girls, hope everyone is staying safe and healthy (and cute obvs!)
My S/O and I have been watching ‘La Casa del Papel’ on Netflix (thoroughly recommend if you’ve not come across it). Most recent series features a trans mtf character who is talking about their youth, how they would be out getting up to no good with another of the characters when they were younger. The other (male) character expresses surprise, ‘but how can you have been doing that if you were always a girl?’ ‘Every night after we’d been out I would come home, put on some red lipstick, light a joint and that was who I was’
It reminded me of the dozens (at least...) of occasions as a teen/twenties boy, after having been out drinking with my friends I would do the same, dress up and put on some makeup (depending on the housing situation at the time) Often this would turn into more of a fetish release, but I wonder now how much of it was my mind trying to balance the expected norms, macho going out drinking, smoking, staying out late with the more femme side of my personality (obviously then followed by the hard punch of guilt and shame) or if it was a way of coping with the usual post alcohol depression.
I know many of you talk about the calming restorative effects that dressing has on your mood, maybe it was that simple for my undeveloped teen brain (!?)
S x
Hi Seraphina. Teen and early 20,s life can be a very confusing time in one,s life For all of us no matter gender. Drugs and alcohol only add to confusion. Now lets add to. that confusion a little thing like gender identity confusion and sex you have the making of very confused young person i believe our gender identity should of been already settled before teen life began It can be a coping mechanism for a confused state of mind. Why we identify with woman rather than the gender we were suppose to or at least we were told is still a mystery. I read some where it was something happened during the brain development while still in the womb. Some others say it was some type of trama when we were young. There was trama for me when my mother woke me in the middle of the night and told me to get out of my sisters night gown before my father saw me. That is when shame and guilt started and lasted my whole life. I know my mother was only trying to protect me from the harsh cruelty of society. She told me that boys do not wear girls night gowns and those who did were sissy boys. She used another term panty waste i did not even understand any of those things but i knew it was not good. So take that into puberty and into teen life confusion. It amazes me we made it out it still alive. I know identify with woman. It does in no way make me a woman. I just want to dress and be like who i most identify. It does suck that i do not have the body The clothes would fit better and we would not have to hide those male body parts.. It becomes a sanctuary where i can feel comfort and sence of peace where i could be that person i most identified with the female gender. Now given that going back further before age 5 or 6 I am not sure why i was attracted to the fem world. I do not think it was trama there is just to many of us from all over the world growing up in different cultures. I believe it happened in the womb and then society got a hold of us and told us what was expected of us if we were born with a penis. Then it gets more confusing when you are told if you want to be like a girl you must like boys. Our sexuality is totally different . Anyway just a few thoughts from a older crossdresser that enjoys expressing that wonderful feeling of being a part of the female gender. Luv Stephanie
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It’s always helped me feel more relaxed and I’d noticed the more depressed I was the more I wanted to dress I’ve really come to terms with it a lot more the last few years and realize that why I hated myself hated how I looked and was always super sensitive to any comments when I was younger and why I was never happy is I’m in the wrong body. I’m not perfect or fully passable yet as Bethany but I can accept that and want to do the things I can to make myself better and feel better. When I’m her I feel like myself
I love my female side! It has a calming side that is me! My wife and I communicate about everything! She is happy to see me this way!
I have a lot of PTSD from combat, EMS and fire service. I had zero fem side..wife admitted she was worried about me. Counseling didn't help! Then I started with hormone issues and more stress! After 5 years +/- my progesterone and estrogen levels were higher than my wife! I was about to give up! We talked about changes physically in some areas so I could accept or fight. I love my wife too much to leave her alone. I started with panties; we changed the way we did some personal things, I dressed more and my stress level also started dropping! One night I asked her if I could be a woman. I didnt want surgery but my male side I need a break from. She was fine with me wanting to be myself! Life isn't a bed of roses automatically but I am so much more relaxed as a female! Dressing allows me to be in touch with mind and body!
I still have some PTSD but I don't wake up at night with it! My wife also has a sense of humor. She told me I am glad I married my husband and had kids before I am now married to a lesbian! Sorry for length! Writing is also therapeutic to me!
Hi Seraphina wow my wife pretty much says same thing im much calmer and in a better mood when stephanies around as in compare to my other half some times thanks for post .
Stephanie
We all have to accept we are who we are! Society is a group of similar interests! We are all individuals! We can only judge ourselves but it helps when our SO does also. Have a great evening and enjoy being your self!
