Counseling

Hi Natalie,

I went to some counseling several years ago for about 4 visits. It was with a man and overall I did not find the counseling terribly helpful. To be fair, I perhaps did not do enough research in choosing this therapist. He seemed intent on going back through my life when all I wanted was help coping with the woman inside me and my relationship with my wife. Not why I feel transgendered since I've already accepted that.

From reading other posts on this subject it seems that it is critical to choose a therapist with more than just passing experience helping crossdressers. And I also wonder if there would be an advantage to speaking with a woman therapist. Would be curious what other girls think about the pros and cons of having a woman therapist.

Overall I would say yes to counseling, I think it has great potential to help you and others. I may try it again soon.

Bobbi

Thanks Bobbi for sharing your experiences, I’m on the same mind set thinking it Could be Beneficial to seek a woman counselor versus a man I think I would be more conformable speaking to women about my cding as she could possibly relate to some of my feelings/ issues or at least give me a better opinion on what I should do to cope with cding in my life.

Hi Natalie. First I would highly recommend seeing a gender therapist. Therapists and psychiatrists specialize in certain areas. Any therapist who says they can help you no matter what your issues are is someone you should cross the street to avoid talking to. Also avoid anyone who tells you that crossdressing isn't a gender issue. Those people frighten me.

The therapist I saw for my gender issues was a man. The leader of my transgender support group was a woman. They were equally excellent. Unless you're naturally more comfortable talking to a man or a woman anyway their gender shouldn't make a difference in how they treat you. If it does, find another therapist.

You should be able to trust your therapist. If they somehow somewhat make you maybe feel a little uncomfortable but you're not quite sure, tell them. The good ones want to know. They may feel that you'd be better off talking to someone else.

Always trust your instincts. If, like in Bobbi's case, your therapist insists on talking about things other than those you've told them you're there to talk about, find another therapist. They should never push but there's a difference between pushing and being persistent. They might sense that there's something you need to talk about but you're resistant. You'll be able to tell the difference.

Definitely research your therapist first but call them before you make your first appointment. Be open and honest your situation (this isn't the time to give them your life story, just the facts ma'am) and what you're looking to get out of talking to them. They may say they don't think they can help you or words to that effect. You'll know what they mean, but that actually means they're a good therapist. If they won't talk to you on the phone like that but they tell you to come in to tell them that, their advice isn't worth the toner it took to print their degree.

What's the difference between a therapist and a counselor? In my experience, and being bipolar I have decades of experience, none. Some prefer to call themselves therapists, others prefer to call themselves counselors. Even on the bipolar support site I'm a member of some of us call it counseling and counselors, and others call it therapy and therapists.

Hopefully that covers the major things. If you have any questions you think would be better asked in person just message me.

Hey Natalie, I’m quite new to this, but my experience has been overwhelmingly positive. I have been seeing a therapist/counsellor specialising in gender/relationship issues for nearly three months and I’ve found it extremely liberating. I guess I got lucky as well; obvs you can read reviews or try and get a recommendation but this isn’t always that easy, depending on where you are. Mine is a woman, which I feel made it easier for me to open up  at the start.
good luck with whatever you decide

Seraphina xx

Hi Natalie , I've seen a gender therapist ( female ) regrading my gender fluidity & crossdressing s, certainly helped my wife & I through some harder days. We're still together , growing stronger , I'd have no hesitation in suggesting seeing one , personally I have to like them for them to be of help . 🌹Tiff

Natalie -

I started going to therapy after m y wife suggested it.  I did research online and found a therapist that dealt with sexuality and gender issues.  My therapist is female and I feel very comfortable talking with her about my crossdressing and sexuality, I don't think I could be as open with a male for fear of being judged.  That may sound silly but when you've suppressed that part of yourself for so long you want to feel safe when you finally bring it into the open.

I have found therapy to be very helpful and would highly recommend it to anyone.  It is a place I can be honest with myself and have a guide to help me on my journey who is non-judgemental.  Do your research and make sure you feel comfortable with whoever you go to.

Suzanne

Hi Natalie I am just confirming what others have said here. I have found that having a female therapist helps a lot. They do understand that part of me that identifies with the female gender. Now she only wants to Stephanie and deal with Stephanie's issues with guilt and shame. No woman should feel guilt and shame for wanting to express her self. I really do not believe many men can understand the emotional part of feeling less than. We all want to express how we feel and a good therapist can help you if you allow them to help. You are the one doing the hard work they are there just to help. We are very special people and a very small part of the general population finding a therapist that has done their homework and does recognize that our issues are real can be a challenge.. Take your time and find the right one. Those who are truly vested will advertise their qualifications in our community bulletins.

Luv Stephanie

If I may I'd like to add some food for thought here.

I know a lot of people, not just us, feel that a woman would be more understanding of what we're going through and be more accepting. And yet some wives and SOs can't accept the fact that we crossdress. Then there's the fact that a man grew up with the exact same messages from society that we did.

Maybe it's just because I'm androgynous but in my experience when it comes to therapists really the biggest difference I've seen, and that difference is actually pretty small, is the way men and women naturally deal with patients. And of course they're trained to tailor their approach to each individual patient, so that's why for the good ones the difference seems so small.

Like I implied in my previous reply some people are naturally more comfortable talking to a man or a woman. You have to respect that. Otherwise I'd recommend giving serious consideration to not letting the gender of the therapist be a big factor.

Hi Natalie,
Last summer after coming out to my wife I did seek counseling. We have a free counseling service here, it is mostly aimed at mental health and addiction. I get the feeling I was a bit of an anomaly for them. The female (not that I feel it matters) was very helpful. she basically reassured me of what I already knew, that this is a part of who I am and that's ok. Because I am from a scientific background I have this need to analyze and try to understand every aspect of my world, including this aspect of me. The fact that I can't find a rational explanation for why I want/need to cross dress was really bothering me. She helped me understand that the WHY is not necessarily important as it is not going to change anything. What is important is the HOW. How I integrate this into my life while maintaining a healthy relationship with those around my and with myself.

After the counseling session there was a peer support volunteer in the waiting room. again her focus was on mental health and addiction, but I had a bit of a chat with her, not specifically about my reasons for being there but peer support in general. After speaking to her I started looking for peer support groups. There was nothing local, but it was at that point that I stumbled upon CDH.

Chatting to folks on here has been helpful for me. its nice to know there are people like me out there and possibly more important is learning that although we all have a lot in common there are important differences.

I think more counseling may be helpful, but I don't feel the free service has sufficient experience with my corner of the spectrum and I am not able to afford to pay for counseling.

hi Natalie. I have spoken to a therapist about my crossdressing and he was very supportive. Never treated it like a disease or an addiction. What he said was if it put me in my happy place and didn't hurt anyone do it. He did also ask me about transitioning but I found that it was much too early to tell. Deep down I'd love to be a woman but I'd much rather speak to a gender therapist about it first. Just having someone to talk to is great. My fiance, gay brother, best friend, mother, and makeup artist support me which I love. If you'd like to talk you can send me a message. 💋

Based on my personal experience, most therapists are generalists, for the most part, and are clueless, when it comes to CD issues.  Moreover, some are dangerous, in that they give advice and counsel that is totally wrong and harmful.  I know of one girl and her wife who were advised that he (the CD) had a mental illness which could be cured, eventually.  As we all know, that is totally bogus advice, bordering on, if not actual malpractice.

Even when you can locate one that claims to be experienced in LGBT issues, they are actually clueless and inexperienced in CD issues.  I know of on going efforts by a few CDs to educate future therapists about CD issues, while they are still in college.  This is accomplished by gaining credibility with faculty at numerous colleges and universities, then doing a presentation in a classroom setting to students.  If you read my profile, I was actually one of several case studies that a PhD student interviewed for his doctoral dissertation.  He had an interest in transgender and CD issues and is now, I believe, on the faculty of John F Kennedy University in California.

There is hope, and I would say it is just a matter of carefully screening and asking questions of therapists as to what is their experience and education in the area of cross dressing.

IMHO, I have seen right here on CDH some great peer-to-peer help, in so many areas.  It would seem CDH is a repository of some outstanding self help and peer-to-peer help.

Self help CD peer groups used to be pretty easy to find  decades ago at the height of Tri-ESS, when they had over 40 chapters all over the U.S.  Tri-ESS is virtually dead today, with two chapters left, one of which is on life support and the other which is faltering badly.

Sorry I could not be of more help.

Hugs,

Peggy Sue

I did see a therapist in Minnesota a couple of years ago, she helped me tons & was very good when I came out as a CDer to my girlfriend (now my wife). She explained the difference between gender & sexuality & helped me understand that CD does not mean bisexual. I am happily married for almost 2 years & my wife supports me & has even helped me with makeup & some shopping. A few times while out looking at things she asks if BillieJo might like that dress or top.

Well would like getting HRT using informed consent rather than seeing a shrink.

I have been seeing a gender therapist for years and she has done wonders for me regarding my crossdressing. I was so confused when I first started therapy and through gender counseling I am so at ease with my crossdressing but most of all I am at peace with myself. I am cognizant that it is hard to find the right therapist but when you do it can be rewarding.