Criteria for Going Out…

Good question. Perhaps you should dress when in the groove. (I experience the same.)

Hi Mallory,

When I go out, I want to be seen and accepted as a woman; I don't want to be accosted or ridiculed, so I do my best to be passable. But most of all, I want to go out, and I do. I've been clocked many times, I know, but only mocked once (on my first outing, by some teenage girls).
Otherwise, I have been treated with courtesy by everyone with whom I have interacted.
My suggestion to you is to choose a "safe" location, then do it.

Hugs,
Bettylou

I know that if someone looks at me, I look like a man in a dress. My goal when I go out is to look good enough that people don’t really see. Most people are into whatever they are doing, and as long as I don’t stand out, they may look at me, but they don’t really see me.
The exception to this is if I go into a store and make a purchase. In that face to face encounter, I know I will be clocked, and I don’t care.

Mallory, my experiences in going out are very rarely planned. Still in the closet myself, I have to take the opportunities as I find them. So, when I get the chance, I do it and it has been more wonderous each time I've done it.

I've gone to pick up take out breakfast with my ponytail sticking out of a ballcap with a t-shirt over a sports bra and leggings (I'm trying to say that I just put on something quick and out the door I went) to just last Saturday, I walked around the mall for the first time with as full of a femme presentation as I can muster (albeit still casual) and wore my forms out in public for the first time as well.  (Which is also my new profile pic.)

By just watching people I've found that a LOT of women don't put much effort into their appearance.  To be honest, that might be a good thing because I think it that allows us to blend in easier. My advice would be to just pick a casual look that you are comfortable with and go outside.  Go for a drive.  Take a walk in a park.  Get gas and go in and buy a drink.  Go thru a drive-thru.  Those types of experiences will give you confidence and will lead to more, and longer, outings.  If you do it once, you WILL want to do it more.  I can practically guarantee that!  🙂

*kisses* tara 🙂

If I'm going out with my wife as Bridgette, I'll do my best to look good so that at any distance I'll just look more or less like another girl out doing her thing. I know that up close, especially if I have to talk, the very best I can hope for is to be thought as a trans girl pre-op, but probably a guy. And I don't care. I'm going to do me. I'm going out, and I'm gonna have a good time. I may well have been spotted by a friend yesterday, but I probably wasn't recognized. Today, my wife and I went out again and had a great time. The waitress at dinner knew I was no girl, no doubt so did the hostess up front. One of the other girls in the staff though complemented me on my jewelry. I appreciated that. Basically, you've got to do what is right for you. What you feel comfortable doing, wearing, etc.

Bridgette

When I going out do my best to do makeup add some nice jewelry not to much and something nice and presentable. Been outed few times but no big deal. Also try to present yourself as lady like as can.

Mallory,

I can tell you that I have no idea how a woman feels.  I am not, nor ever going to be, a woman.  So that is not even part of the equation.

Like Sa•man•tha, I just go out when I want to go out.  What I have learned is how to ACT like a woman.  I'm usually going out for walks in my neighborhood.  So makeup usually consists of a bit of beard cover on my upper lip and chin, and sometimes some concealer or bronzer.  Enough to cover up some of my male attributes without looking like I'm wearing makeup.  There's so little that I can go out as a guy and not appear to be wearing makeup.  I've learned things like posture, walking style, and enough non-verbal body language to appear to others as a woman.  I've learned to change my voice enough that for quick doses of "small talk" (Hello, how are you, have a good day, etc.) I don't sound like a guy.

I know that usually I don't look pretty.  But I have enough in my appearance that I look feminine, so that others believe I am female. (If they don't believe it, they still treat me as a woman, which in my book is passing anyway, because you're accepted.)

Putting it all together, I can feel the sensations that a woman would feel, either the restriction of a pencil skirt, or the freedom (and potential vulnerability from a gust of wind) of a full skirt.  I can experience the way women are treated or what it's like to not have any pockets.  I can experience what it's like "to play for the other team."  I can feel feminine in my presentation to the world.  But I can't begin to tell you how a woman feels.

I hope this gives you a different perspective.

Mary Jane,

I think that’s a good idea. My challenge is where I live, and potential issues with my employer. As there is religious involvement by my employer, they often get exemptions from basic protections. So, I really do like the idea of going out when I’m feeling it, I’m just not sure I can risk getting clocked by the wrong person.

thank you!

Mal

Sa man tha,

wow! So cool to get a reply from you!

I really want to go out, but for safety, I think I need to do it on trips out of state.
the rest makes sense.  Not every GG does a full makeup and super nice clothes every time they go out, so makes sense we wouldn’t either.

I'm thinking I am going to try it at least one day on my next out of state trip.

Thank you!

Mal

Bettylou,

That’s kind of what I’m thinking too. I want to have an experience when I’m out. If I can’t be (at least my idea) of a woman, in my opinion why bother going out en femme? I can dress at home without the hassle.

my next planned trip is to a place generally considered safe, and while I would love to do the whole trip, I think maybe just one day is enough to get started.

thank you,

Mal

Tara,

there are some nuggets in there I think I can use… even here.

drive throughs, drives and similar will let me out, and like you said, give me some confidence.

thank you!

Mal!

Alison,

I think we are saying the same thing. Yours I believe may be better worded.

You’re right, I’m not going to feel exactly like a genetic woman. But I want to feel as close to that as I can. If nothing else, I want to (in my own mind) feel girly, feminine and not look (again, in my own mind) ridiculous doing it.

Mal

Mallory.

It really is ALL about confidence in yourself. If you feel good and think you are ready, then hit the town. If you go out the door feeling that you are a " man in a dress" and it makes you feel worried and uncomfortable.....don't go.

You will spend the entire outing in self doubt and worrying every second that it's going to end bad.

Even now, I can have doubts...yes, after years of doing this, I still have to look in the mirror and think, yep girl....you will do!!!

Passing really is not the "be all and end all"....yes, of course it would be lovely, but it's more important that you look the best you can......and ENJOY it.

Isn't that why we do this wonderful thing?????

Best wishes, grace xx

Hi Mallory

It's the feeling - women's intuition, if you like!

I might try on several outfits before I find the one that makes me feel it today, or I might start with a vision that a specific dress is perfect for right now.

Makeup is optional - get the dress right and everything else is taken care of.

Although sometimes, make-up is essential, and I can't go out without a bit of slap.

It's a girl thing!

Love Laura