Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Dear Friends,
I have recently began to reflect on how Cross dressers (self included) project our desires and ambitions on our significant others/partners. We hope they would dress a certain way, because we internally have that specific vision or desire.
Even in my youth, I hoped my partners would dress up (dresses, makeup, high heels, etc). Many of us buy lingerie for our partners which ironically we wish we could wear for ourselves. I now buy it or sew it and wear it myself. I began to realize much of my hopes and expectations for my partners were actually my own inherit desire to the idolized queen of my own heart.
On that note, much of the appealing lingerie and garments are not comfortable at all. The same way having an ample bosom is very taxing on the back 😪 Looking that good comes with a price. Often crossdressers do not maintain their male selves on a daily but wish for more in their femme selves and their partners.
Often much dispute in cross dressers relationships is the desire to be "sexy" and be a idolized women, which is frowned upon by their partners because it is (fairly) seen as unrealistic and a naive perception of what it means to be feminine.
my friends, I am curious what are your experiences? I would love for us to have an open conversation about this.
Gracefully and glamorously,
The Bluest Belladonna
I am curious what are your experiences?
My wife and I were more active 25-30 years ago. I looked for a nice corset for her and couldn't find exactly what I was looking for, so I had one custom-made. She only wore it a few times because... life got in the road. We still have it, but I doubt that it would fit me.
Hope for the best, plan for the worst. If my wife ever stops working, maybe she will consider wearing it, some day.
@bluestbelladonna I have been buying clothes for my wife for years as she works in an office environment. She has always been impressed with my selections for her and I always loved the way she had to dress for work. Back in the early days she had to/ was the norm then to wear pantyhose to work. That’s when she would give me pantyhose to wear as she knew very early in our relationship that I was very fond of them. I would always notice what she wore and back then secretly wanted to be wearing the same. Skirts, blouses, dresses , her heel collection and of course her under things like slips, camisoles , bras and panties. It all made sense to her after I came out as to why I would watch her get ready , put her makeup on and do her hair. I always appreciated a women in skirts, pantyhose and heels. I did buy her lingerie and I know it wasn’t right but did try her garters and stocking on when alone. I have told her that she helped me in my choices of what I liked to wear from watching her over the years and learned a lot about putting outfits together which now she mentioned I do a nice job of putting together my own styles and outfits. Now a days she always asks me questions about outfits , which heels go better , even asked me about how I did my eye shadow. Kinda funny how the tables have turned and she borrows things from me, pantyhose, makeup, and as of late my press on nails for a quick fix if she is going out. I’ve come home with a dress or too she really liked and I’ve gone back and picked up the same in her size. I feel we have grown closer in some ways since coming out to her as a cd.
I have never bought my wife clothes, she has her own style and I wouldn't try to change it.
When I first started cross-dressing just a few months ago and came out to her, at first she bought me clothes or suggested this top or that dress. I appreciated her input but quickly found that I have my own style too and we agreed that she would stop offering me suggestions (unless they were notable) so that I could develop my own wardrobe. Sometimes we try on each other's clothes but not often and then it's probably only coats or jumpers.
My personal style is to aim to be elegant as I am far too old to be 'sexy'.
@rebeccabaxter I once bought my wife a full corselette because I wanted it! 🙄. Like you, Becca, I'm finding my own style. One of the first buys was a pair of 4" stilletos, opened the box and unwrapped the shoes, sharp intake of breath and heart racing. Put them on and "walked" about a bit. Put them back in the box and sent them back! I do have a couple of pairs of 3" heels that I find much more comfortable. And that's important to me now. Nylons and suspenders are undoubtedly sexy and certainly have their place, for just sitting about chilling in the evening, I prefer tights and a floaty mid-length dress. My wife always offers comments but, so far, hasn't bought me anything girly, that would be great x
@alexina Your comment about heels reminded me so much of my first purchase. It was some court shoes from Amazon. I was so excited about buying them I forgot to check out the heel height.
They turned out to be 4 3/4 inches.
I nearly broke an ankle staggering across the bedroom floor!
I can manage about 3 1/2 now without fear of collapsing
@lucyb112 I discovered block heels, sooo much easier to walk in without losing too much OMG-ness ha ha
@alexina Yes block heels are good aren’t they?
One of my favourite pairs is a semi block heel pair of Mary Jane shoes from Next. In fact I’ve 2 pairs, black and blush pink
This reminded me of the very first time I put on a pair of high heels. I was 14. My mum's shoes were all low heels. I wore them often, but longed for something higher, so I used my pocket money to buy a pair of 4" stillies at a second hand shop. I put them on in my bedroom and tried to stand up. My ankles were unaccustomed to the position they were being asked to take, so that my legs refused to straighten up. I pitched forward and landed on my chest with a thump.
To answer Belladonna's question, I've only ever bought my wife jumpers that she's asked for at birthdays and Christmas. I've worn the closer fitting ones among them in the past, but makeup transfer makes it too risky.
@jacquelinelarkspur I think it was only gripping onto the bedpost for dear life that kept me upright.
I must have looked like someone on an ice skating rink for the first time.
It is one of those things where we dress or wish the partner would dress in the way we would want to dress ourselves.
A partner seeing it as unrealistic is in a way a compliment as if they are accepting and, hopefully allow the dressing to go further they wouldn't want problems for you.What is seen as being feminine varies very much between ourselves as much as women as a whole. In the main feeling sexy and wanting to be idolised then dressing that way is perhaps the image you want to be ultra feminine. If that's the way you want to be then fine but is it realistic if your aim is to go further and go out in regular places.
It is not surprising this becomes an issue in a relationship as I would wager that there is much more going on in a partners mind as to the motives whether innocent or not.
I too have fallen into the trap of wishing my wife would dress a certain way.
She works in an office environment, and what I find really sexy is a skirt/blouse combo, with heels, tights, the works. However, my wife never wears any of that as none of the females in her office wear skirts. As well, wearing a skirt with tights/pantyhose is really awkward when it comes to bathroom time. So it is a simple blouse/pants for her.
I also love spritzing perfume, but again since she is in an office environment, spraying fragrance of any kind is frowned upon.
So alas, I have my own style and she has hers. I have learned to leave well enough alone.
When I married my ex wife we were young and like rabbits. I told her I liked women who wear sexy things, particularly garters. Well I let it go and did not hear anything until one day we were dressed up and driving to meet her family for a holiday dinner. Well I was driving my car and talking away. I did notice she had a nice above the knee skirt on and was looking good. Well she took my hand (as I was driving and talking a mile a minute) and placed it on her thigh. Well I nearly drove off the road. She showed me her stockings and I could not wait to get home that night. Her grandmother noticed she had stockings on and made a comment. She turned bright red, as her mom and dad heard the comment too. We were married so it was fine with me. Well that night and several other nights she surprised me with a lot of sexy outfits. I was in heaven. Unfortunately I did not pay enough attention to her but we are still friends to this day and we have two wonderful sons as a result.
The memories of being young and in shape are great. Wow. Just wow.
- Traci 
