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I think we all find our gender nonconforming natures inexplicable at a deeper level than feeling right or good however one of the things that drives my crosdressing is curiosity, what does it feel like to wear a dress, heels, makeup, etc. and wondering why an adult human would choose clothing and footwear that is apparently impractical.
Part of my brain - the male part I guess - really cannot understand why anyone, cis-woman, trans-woman, whoever would choose to wear those things and the reason for this post is that outside of exercise I have spent the week in skirts and dresses and yesterday evening whilst cooking in a jumper dress and knee high boots my mind wandered and I thought "why would anyone dress like that" and I had no idea but I was still doing it. So when I got up this morning I was just going to wear joggers and a hoodie but I couldn't decide so I've ended up in a dress and tights again.
Do you dress for curiosity, to try to understand what it feels like? And if so why having done it once and experienced the feeling do you do it over and over? Also do you experience the duality of it both it feeling "right" and simultaneously feeling that it is incomprehensible?
Cathy -<.
For me the question would be - why wouldn't anyone dress like that.
When I first tried on my mother's clothes when I was young it was out of curiosity. As I got older the few times I wore lingerie it was because I liked the feel of the material and I will admit there was a bit of stimulation involved. That being said, when I came out to my wife and started dressing more frequently (now almost daily - even if only for an hour or two) the feelings are different. I enjoy the styles, patterns, colors, different materials in clothes and being able to accessorize with earrings, necklaces, bracelets and rings. Then there is make up and a wig, as well as shoes. It is nice being able to dress and be pretty. In addition for me it is an escape so to speak, I am able to be another part of myself which helps me decompress. I also find a certain freedom being in a skirt or dress where I'm not confined as I am in slacks, jeans or shorts. That in and of itself is a reason to dress in a skirt or dress.
XOXO
Suzanne
I must admit that when very young it was curiosity that pushed me to try on my mother's things. I was fascinated with how it felt to wear women's clothing. Once i figured out how to make breast, I was hooked on the look. I had to try on almost every item she had just so I could feal the sensation of wearing so many different items.
I often wonder whether it was curiosity or necessity as the feeling was right, I feel it was the latter as I wanted to be a girl. That said the fascination for female clothes was part of an exploration to understand the feel of them and to emulate a woman. To me it gives me my identity so wearing more feminine clothes strengthens that.
The practicality is another thing as back in the day women did wear very feminine attire doing the chores but that changed to the casual.look to now only the shaping,brand or colour differentiates male and female clothes but now even that has blurredwith the myriad of gender identities.
As for the term 'non gender conforming' , does it apply to trans who are conforming to the gender we feel we are? Or is the term for the other genders outside the two base genders as it seems to blur sexuality and gender. You have to have a basepoint for the term to be validated thus accepting gender is based on
If all fashion were the same for men and women would there still be crossdressers..just a thought.
For me, I think it started as curiosity as to how those soft, silky clothes would feel. Then morphed into wondering how girls feel when dressed in various feminine outfits. Currently, it is a need to spend time feeling like a girl and enjoying the emotions that come along with it. All that being said, it still feels nice compared to male clothing, especially since there are choices for the mood I am in - or want to be in.
Denise
❤️
Having had no inherent attraction to femininity or 'female' clothes as a child, when the spark of curiosity happened with me a couple of years ago, for some reason I nurtured it. Sure, a lot of it was sexual thrill at the very start. Once I got beyond just the lingerie and breast forms though, it was more about how the clothes physically felt to wear. But then much like @denises924 says I realised how wearing them was also making me feel emotionally, different pieces in different ways. But most importantly, I realised I felt happier the more womanly my reflection looked back at me out of the mirror. Although I was always comfortable as my drab self, there's a new connection which I'm still working out the place and meaning of in my life.
@butteryeffect If/when asked about this I usually present two reasons:
- Expression: There are parts of me that need expressing, and these are generally incongruous with "guy me". Melodee gives me the freedom to express these in a way that, to me, feels far more natural.
- Relief: The world and time that I've lived in have put upon me certain responsibilities - some I had choice in, some I did not. Men (at least in my country) are expected to live by certain rules - rules put in place both by men and by women. Becoming Melodee gives me the opportunity to shrug that burden off my shoulders, if only for a brief time.
There are certainly more complicated facets involved, but I feel like those are the cornerstones.
(ponders the stability of herself with only two cornerstones, then remembers she isn't a mason and so it'll be fine)
I think my first wish to dress was to experiance what it was like to dress as a girl (I was young then) at secondary school, just looking at the fashions jused to drive me crazy.
Now I just dress enFem when I want too. Its another facet of who I am.
Best of both worlds only my fem side is lets say, sheilded from the public gaze.
May have been different if I was young again in these times now.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply, all very informative.
I guess I would be interested to know if anyone else experiences the duality of simultaneously crossdressing and wondering why anyone would dress like that
In the beginning starting in my early teens there was a ton of curiosity which quickly gave way to decades of guilt, shame and purges as I wondered why anyone would dress like that. But I finally came to realize that there was nothing wrong with me and came to truly accept myself for who I really was. Now that I live full time as a woman, dressing in woman's clothes is simply me being me, nothing to wonder about any more.
No pain, no gain.
IMHO, the female form is a beautiful work of art and a work-in-progress. I strive for perfection, knowing I will never achieve it. All the more which is why I will never understand the wig and a dress crowd.
The "why" has been asked for many years, in many different ways. Perhaps because it just feels right.
So, why chose clothing and footwear that is impractical? Why not?
I agree completely. High heels, leather skirts and sexy dresses, in addition to cute sundresses lol
I feel generally happier and like myself when I dress. The world seems less stressful too which i think is related to generalized anxiety caused by dsyphoria.
I generally where clothes that I think accentuate my more feminine features and or make me feel cute or comfortable. I sometimes try to glam up a bit sometimes but usually only at the request of a guy friend.
Interesting topic of discussion. My therapist asked me to think about “Why do you dress?”. This was meant for me to look within myself and try to answer the question. She is encouraging me to think about the reason why I started and why I want to keep doing it. I have stopped before for a while and then the feelings come back. Originally, when o first started in my early teens, it was about the feel of the nylon or satin. It was a sexual arousal. Now it’s more about the feeling wearing a dress and how it feels against my legs and walking in heels. The sensation is hard to explain. I also do feel a lot less stresss and relaxed when dressed. Now I’m trying to figure out why I can’t feel relaxed more when I’m in guy mode. I have been thinking about this and trying to understand if it is related to my childhood events in my family (that’s another story). We have all had our issues growing up and my question is how did it impact me and is this part of why I want to become Traci? I’m not sure why I dress and still trying to figure out why. I do know the feeling is different and exciting to feel feminine. Anyhow, I keep looking to my past for the answer and through therapy I hope to figure this out. Thanks for listening to me. -Traci
Traci
I'm in the exact spot you are
Yet a lot of my cross-dressing deals with stress in marriage but lately
My desires to live as women have become stronger and stronger
Right now I feel like Cinderella in my marriage
So I always ask myself why can't I dress up as women and feel a little better about being feminine around the house
Since my wife is disabled why not be less stressed and dress up
I have a an old girlfriend from high school who encouraged me to feel feminine and dress up as women
If I was single I would probably dress up as women all the time
For all of us cross-dressing is different for everyone
I'm still trying to figure out my self