Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
Hello all.Happy New Year.I have crossed dressed on and off since my mid teens.Married since 2023.I just started ed therapy about six weeks ago.I will try to be as brief as possible.I have always identified as heterosexual at least that's what I thought.Always felt a bit different but always liked women growing up.In my mid twenties I had a huge crisis.I had this idea that I may be gay.I hated the feeling.still liked women but felt less of a male.The feeling subsided.I was treated for OCD as a child and at 19.Later I learned of HOCD which seems to describe me pretty well.Still felt different though.Then about 3 years back I started looking at males on the Internet. My feelings towards them centered around being a female.Its like i discovered this because of crossdressing.when I was younger that would of turned me off.Just wondering if some guys who crossdress fantasize being with man while dressing? Anyway I have been told I have some autogynephilia.I still have this adversity to being in a relationship with a guy.that turns me off but find myself thinking about a it lot like a worry.
Anyway thanks for listening.
BTW I am going to see a transgender therapist just to rule that out.I think Probably I am not transgender.I feel like I am male and no disphoria for the most part.as I got older I just feel like I identify with female expression.it seems a lot stronger than as younger man.
I came across heteroflexible and Demi gender.still the experiences of CD stories really ring true for me.
Thanks for reading. 
Rich
@roxanne Welcome to CDH, Roxy!
Hopefully your therapy can help answer your questions and calm your life. We can help with most crossdressing issues, though.
@roxanne I think you are not alone. I believe that attraction is not binary but rather a spectrum, between 100% heterosexual and 100% homosexual. I believe many (most?) of us exist somewhere in between, but our society forces us to choose one or the other. I'm theoretically pan, but effectively heterosexual. In my mind, there are several levels in which this spectrum applies: friendships, romantic involvement, desire and fantasies, and actual sexual activity.
I have finally learned to accept the fact that I'm on different places on that scale in each level. And that my tastes are not fixed in the scale.
@roxanne one of the curious things about cross dressing is that your mind has to reconcile conflicting feelings. I know for a long time I worried that I might be gay, although I had no interest in males, simply BECAUSE i cross dressed.
There are certainly cross dressers who are attracted to males, but that seems to be a small percentage. I also know that autogynephilia has fallen out of fashion as a concept, but while it may not apply to some people, its worth considering as part of what may constitute an aspect of OCD or addictive behavior…basically that dopamine reward cycle. Again, that may not apply to everyone, but it’s worthy of consideration, particularly for those (perhaps a large proportion) of cross dressers who do not experience gender dysphoria. It’s almost always a mistake to paint everyone’s motivations and behaviors with the same brush.
@roxanne We're all individuals and dress for our own reasons. I hope the therapist helps you find what's right for you.
Hugs,
Anna xx
Welcome Roxxy nice to meet you unfortunately here it’s hard to give professional guidance on sexuality as most just enjoy crossdressing and nothing more am glad to hear tho that you seeking professional guidance on your sexuality as it can be hard and difficult to figure out myself never fantasize about men even dressed I just enjoy the transition of being a lady for the moments I’m able to tc
Hi Roxxy, it does sound like you have become perhaps a bit focussed on this subject and it might be from anxiety in general. I did therapy as a man in his early 20s and a bit in my late 20s and into my 30s. We can focus on things that should not really matter too much. We grow out of it.
Even if you are married, your sexuality should run along fine because you know you love that person and that really matters as you go along as they are more than the sex side alone. You are doing the right thing exploring this in therapy for yourself. Don't let it effect your relationship unless you are really not happy with that person. Maybe your wife might suspect your sexual feels and is fine with this.
I have realised I fall into the Gynosexual category as I reached my late 40s. It also kind of made me relieved as I read about it because it strangely instantly created a feeling of self acceptance. I am a sensitive type who seeks answers. I now realise I am into more than a fetish for the odd item of clothing and became more a crossdresser, which happened over a number of years in my 30s and 40s. Then I felt less guilt as I admired other attractive crossdressers and especially feminine transexuals. I don't find men attractive unless dressed as women. I refuse to feel guilt over it. I got over the feeling it was wrong over a number of years again. I have never done anything about it but I do allow my fantasy of sexual contact and how it is interesting compared to a female. I am married to an amazing wife who I can perhaps never share my full crossdressing side with.
Nearly all humans are confused about a certain sexual matter, it is just they don't share it and keep it locked away, that is their loss though but I do wish they would stop repressing others!
Love Sxx
Hopefully you can find the answers you are looking for through therapy. I have gender dysphoria but I'm very happily married with a supportive wife. I wish you the best in finding the answers you are looking for.
Allison
XX
Good luck! Only you can answer your questions, but therapy and sites li,e this can certainly add insight.
I am a heterosexual male, but am always curious about other options. I find men interesting, but have zero desire to be in an intamate relationship with a male, though a one off encounter would be interesting, especially if I was dressed. Being married for 40 years, that will not happen.
My advise is to explore and accept your feelings as part of you. I long ago accepted that I get great enjoyment out of dressing, and once I did that I gave up trying to figure things out and just enjoyed the ride.
Thanks for reply.I think if I can reduce the feeling of anxiety that I feel when in public that will help.When It first hit me in my twenties I couldn't go anywhere without much anxiety.I have controlled it but it still is there.my therapist is working with me.
There are some people here who feel they attracted to men when dressed, but never when in male mode. There are others who feel attracted only to women whether they are presenting as male and female. There are a few who are attracted to men or women independent of how they present. None of these is "right" or "wrong," in any absolute sense.
There are a number of threads talking about this that you can look for. This topic comes up from time to time. A recent one is Does your attraction change when you are dressed
Don't feel guilty because you are only attracted to women when in male mode but also attracted to men when in female mode. You are not alone in this.
What you do have to resolve is how to handle it since you are married.
I'm so sorry for your confusion and anxiety. It's a great thing that you are getting therapy to address the issue. I'd this to address crossdressing a number of years ago and found a wonderful therapist. Through the process I overcame the guilt and anxiety associated that had clouded my life for a long time. Now, I have accepted myself for who I am and now I'm so much more comfortable in my own skin. I'm sure that your therapist can help you reconcile your feelings with your relationship too.
Wishing you peace and serenity for the coming year and the long term future Roxxy!
Hi Roxxy!
Thank you for sharing your struggles with us. I wish I had some advice for you but your post and the responses that followed have introduced me to some very new ideas. I appreciate the opportunity to learn from it.
All I can say is stick with therapy, and with these wonderful ladies here at CDH. I hope it all works out for you and your wife.
Hugs,
Autumn
