Curious for your views

I forgot to mention that whilst in this sense of new found joy, I have had to bite my tongue on several occasions before I blurted it all out, I may be happier but I'm not ready to pop down that "rabbit hole " yet!!

Helen

Hi Helen

From my profile you'll see that I'm a lifelong crossdresser. Before joining CDH I kept that a closely-guarded secret. I was initially VERY nervous about signing up. After all, that would mean that other people knew about me. My secret would be out! The sky would fall! But, of course, nothing terrible happened. Quite the opposite, in fact.

What I encountered was a very warm-hearted, loving community. Everyone was so friendly and, well ... normal. And, of course, that made ME feel normal. Here were people who, from the very first reply to my introductory forum post, treated me like the girl I had always felt I was inside. It was like balm to the souL. As you say in your opening paragraph, it was very calming.

As in your case, the acceptance led to a surge in confidence. For me, the surge in confidence started to translate into actions, some small, some not so much! I've only been a member for two months, but here are some of those minor and major changes, pretty much in sequence.

I learned a whole new regime for shaving my body (wow ... it's so much better now!)
I started to lose weight within a week of joining. My diet has changed completely, and so far I've lost just under a stone.
I started exercising again.
Now I've discovered the concept of a stealth bra, bras have become a standard part of my underdressing.
I've told a few close online friends things about myself that I'd never really said to anyone else.
I've told my Mum and one of my sisters about Ellie
I've been out shopping for women's clothes with my sister.
I've gone out in public as Ellie in 50/50 mode for the first time.
I'm booking a makeover and escorted public trip.
I even have plans to attend Diva Las Vegas in October 2024.

In short, things have begun to happen VERY quickly since I joined the site. Much of this is due to my new-found confidence.

You're right to sound a note of caution though. As far as 'letting Ellie out of the box' goes, I've tried to have a careful plan so that each step happened according to a logical progression and stayed within my control. Over the last two weeks, things started happening faster than I was perhaps comfortable with. In my case it's all been very positive ... but it was definitely moving too quickly. I came out to my sister on a Friday evening; we were clothes shopping on the Saturday; I was out in public in 50/50 mode for the first time by Tuesday, and doing that a lot closer to home than I'd planned. I felt that the Pink Fog was descending, and that I had the potential to become reckless.

I've reined things in, slowed them down, and reasserted control. I'm actively trying to avoid any of those potentially 'devastatingly disastrous' consequences by plotting my own path 🙂

Hugs

Ellie x

PS. Hope this hasn't been too long. Maybe we should get together and form 'Ramblers Anonymous'?

Congratulations on your new life path. Eating healthy and having a goal of a healthy body weight is commendable, keep at it, but don't beat yourself up over it. It takes time and patience. I have always been active and relatively slim, but looking good in a dress, or just lingerie has always been a motivating factor. The more I dress the more confidence I build which just makes me want to stay fit and healthy. It is a win/win situation as far as I am concerned. While not out to most family and friends, those I am out to have been great and supportive and I have no regrets at all. I go out in public at times and never had an issue with staying fit helps me feel confident.

Tell those people who you feel you want to tell and don't worry about others at this time. You can come out more as you feel necessary. For me there is no, or little benefit in telling most people, so I don't. If they were to find out, fine I am not ashamed of my dressing, I just don't feel like having to explain myself.

It's a shame I don't live in Scunthorpe anymore, we could have, maybe, supported each other, I am still locked in the closet to family.  Weight loss is something I often worked at but was never successful until I stopped drinking a year ago. My last drink was taken on the day of the Queens funeral. I was a wine guzzler sinking 3 large glasses of wine in an evening, but packed it in because I fell over & hurt myself. Xrays proved I had no broken bones but, at my age, it scared me. So, I stopped drinking. Interestingly, with absolutely no other changes in diet or exercise, the weight fell off me, so much so that the Doc mentioned it during my last check up. I had gone from 210lbs down to 185lbs, in a 4 month period. I have now stabilized at 187lbs. Thankfully, all my femme clothes still fit well.

Despite having more confidence, I don't open up to most people. It is all on a need-to-know basis. I have two adult children who live with me and I'm dressed quite often around them. I have another adult child whom I've told but doesn't live with me and has never seen me dress. My ex knows as well.

Beyond that, it's only the people who wax me or my hairdresser or people from my support group. I have someone else who knows as well, but more because he's seen me than I outright told him.

I had been trying to lose weight for years. Even doing exercises didn't help. The weight just didn't come off. This year I've managed to lose quite a bit of weight (about 20% of my weight), but it is because of illness more than anything I've done. It's changed my eating habits so my weight seems stable at the moment. Sure I could afford to lose a little bit more, but I'm much happier where I am right now in terms of weight than a half a year ago. I'm not exercising as much or as hard, but this is due to my recovery and to just losing some muscle mass as I had to take a few months off.

So yes, confidence definitely helps, but it doesn't mean I'm opening up to people I don't want to tell.

Most all my friends know and I am comfortable about that and have confidence at a time with encountering strangers in public. I only held back telling family. I have loved living as a girl a few days a week and enjoy the experience. Suppose it keeps me fit as well to keep a figure I am satisfied with now and just would want bigger breast

For me the experience of discovering my feminine side has been both positive and negative. The negative is having some family members opposed to this side of myself. It has caused great difficulty in my relationship with my wife. I do not express my feminine side to hurt my wife, but my feminine side is a very important part of who I am. I have gained so much confidence in presenting as female out in the world. I know I have been read as a crossdresser, but I have never encountered mean people. Most people I meet as Julie are friendly.

The positive is the joy I get from expressing that wonderful feminine feeling. I have lost a lot of weight and can fit in a 10 size dress. I love the variety of women's fashion. When I look at a women I am looking at what she wears, how she does her hair and makeup. I love feeling pretty. I find the friendships I make as a women are so much stronger and emotional. I am really sad when I lose a friendship.

As a member of this site I have learned we come from all different walks of life, and we are all just regular people. The girls here at CDH are wonderful caring girls, who are all caring and supportive of each other. We are normal individuals who make the world a better place. Variety is what make for a more interesting would. So Helen welcome to our sisterhood, I hope you make many lifelong friends and enjoy your journey as a beautiful women.

Well put Ellie.

I am so glad you feel that way Helen. This is a learning process. We all started where you are at now. In time you will feel more comfortable and confident.

Hugs Julie

Hi Helen,

What you said about coming out certainly resonates with me. It would be wrong to trouble my 94 year old mother with this and too many people I ow a lot to, for helping me over difficult times after my wife passed away, have over the years shown they have at best suspicion and at worst a dislike of the anything transgender. This may be cowardly but I have no need or desire to cut myself off from friends and family and I find peace in the considerable amount of private time I can spend as a woman.

Janet

Wow, a very personal question.  But we here share our hopes , dreams, and fears without question.  I very much regret not being able to come out to my oldest daughter.  She is so outgoing, understanding and street smart.  I would love to hear  her say let’s do lunch ,shopping,  and our nails, and I think she would.  Alas, my wife has forbidden I talk to any of our children concerning this . She has few rules, but this is one.  I can’t lose my love and best friend so I remain silent .

Helen
Take a breath girl stand back and give yourself a chance it's not a race hun, enjoy being Helen and then see how your feeling. If you come out to someone and it doesn't go how you wanted there is no going back, concentrate on being Helen when the time is right for anyone else you'll know.
Sarah xx

Helen:

I suggest that you watch this documentary (about 1 hour and 19 minutes):

Many think that passing is a bridge too far, but know that some have a more difficult road.

Hi Helen,

I signed up here around last October, but it took me until February to pluck up the courage to do an intro.
Although I’d dressed on and off since my teens, I’d never told anyone about my dressing, so it felt very strange to even write anything.

I was very quickly really glad that I did. Like you I felt the sense of friendliness and homeliness here, and you’re correct, you almost certainly will make some good friends.
The confidence thing was also something I felt when I realised that I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was, so I think that’s quite normal.

As for coming out to anyone, well that’s not something to be taken lightly.
Only you know your own situation, but there’s really no rush.
Just enjoy being here and being Helen for now

Lucy