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Damned by genetics

33 Posts
20 Users
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Posts: 164
Lady
Topic starter
(@sailor2000)
Reputable Member     Houston, Texas, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Vent here... I am 6'4"... which puts me at taller than 99.54% of all US males and taller than 99.99% of all US females... I stick out and am unusual in any crowd as Doug and as Megan... lets say I feel like a circus freak... and in heels, which I love, I look like I am on stilts. There isn't a damn thing i can do about it and i do my best to make believe it isn't true but any time i even think of going out in the real 'public' i just cant get through the door. I am built like John Wayne, big all over (well almost all over... ) with a 20" neck and fingers that are off the top of the men's rig size charts, let alone women's and wrists that are more suited to wearing what for others are arm bands than any women's bracelet's so accessorizing is pretty much impossible with anything off the shelf... i read about other girls shopping in thrift stores and stop as soon as i remember that most thrift stores don't have men's clothes big enough for me let alone women's.... as Doug my size has been handy many times.. but Megan just wishes she were 5'4"...     That's it, rant over... love to all my sisters...

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32 Replies
11 Replies
Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1776

@sailor2000 You're a couple of inches taller than me, but if I wear my higher heels I need to duck to go through a doorway.

I tend to keep my public appearances in Anna mode sporadic and away from home - but still doable and I do wear heels in public. (Oh and ginger or red hair)

I don't really wear rings other than my wedding ring, but there are a lot of options for wrap bracelets or beaded bracelets - even custom make your own? 

There are tall brands (such as Long Tall Sally) or A-line dresses are often generous in length so would still fall on your knee or thereabouts and there are manufacturers of hosiery that cater for long legs.

You can also change your shape - a wide belt, a shawl, the cut of your skirt, padding

But stand tall, stand proud, tall has it's own attractive quality. Don't worry about what you can't do, just try what you can do.

Hugs,

Anna xx

 

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Lady
(@sailor2000)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Houston, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 164

@annaredhead I am just beginning to learn how to make my own jewelry items. I bought two faux pearl necklaces lately that have various size pearls from small to big (6mm to 16mm) with the intent of rebuilding them into one.

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1776

@sailor2000 Well done! I'd love to hear how you get on.

Hugs,

Anna xx

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1706

@sailor2000 I feel for you Megan. As you say, there's not much you can do about it. I'm 6'00" but at least I'm lucky that I have small extremities (stop that chortling at the back). I have tiny hands and UK size 7 feet.

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Lady
(@sailor2000)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Houston, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 164

@chrisfp99 lucky you! i have size 16 US womens feet

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Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1706

@sailor2000 Oh well Megan, at least I've got something going for me xx.

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Lady
(@michaela2001)
Joined: 8 years ago

Noble Member     Goldsboro, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 789

@chrisfp99 You are so lucky, I have size 11 UK feet, that's size 13wide womens over the pond. I have terrible trouble finding comfy shoes, even size 13WW can sometimes be too tight. I am 6'3" too!!

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3977

@sailor2000 I have an expression that has been repeated often: it's not what you've got but how you use it. Apparently, Carrie Lucus turned it into a cheesy 2002 hit for her.

The tallest CD that I ever saw in the wild was probably in her 40s, taller than me, and dressed in goth, too. There was nothing subtle about her.

Do whatever you want to do.

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 9 months ago

Reputable Member     Blearmill, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 173

@sailor2000.  I know how challenging it can be.   I am a bit shorter at 6’2” and spent perhaps too many hours in the gym over decades.   Perhaps my most telling features are my hands, which would look more appropriate on a dock hand rather than a woman.

But there is some balance in the universe.  Nearly everytime I go out, regardless of whether I’m presenting as male or female, I encounter women who are my height or taller, some  also equally…lets call it robust… and still women.   

I don’t expect to pass on close inspection, but I do strive to blend and at least keep ‘em guessing.   Once I get to know people that I meet, then it’s been my experience that they accept me as my whole self and invariable treat me with courtesy.   What more can one ask?

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3977

Posted by: @kimdl94

I encounter women who are my height or taller, some  also equally…lets call it robust… and still women. 

Lucky you. My wife is Asian and I tower over most men let alone Asian women.

 

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 Lea
Lady
(@lea-jhene)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     California, United States of America
Posts: 1093

@sailor2000 We must be girls for feeling that way. I wish I was a little shorter, slightly smaller shoe size, and about 40 lbs lighter. Oh well.

Tall women are a thing. Seems like all the Instagram videos in my feed try to tell me that. I especially like this one where a tall woman is doing basketball tricks in heels. Turns out she's trans, and so feminine even with her height. It's how she carries herself, her attitude, her confidence.

The next generation seems to be taller. I've seen countless younger women browsing my size in the women's shoe dept at many stores. And their height equals mine. Very volleyballer or basketballer height for women.

And of course lots of bigger women out there, just doing their thing.

You fit in more than you'll believe.

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Posts: 1026
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@sailor2000 Hi Megan, let me tell you two things I've learned:

1) At Keystone in '23 I met a girl who's easily your height, likely taller. She was stunning, and wearing 6" platforms. A friend of mine who's older than I said, "Tall girls shouldn't wear heels, it makes them stand out." To which I replied, "That girl's gonna be tall no matter what she does, so why not lean right into it? If they're gonna stare no matter what, then be _ing fabulous when they do."

2) I didn't used to like my figure/shape. I looked in the mirror and it wasn't what I found attractive, and I bemoaned this for a while. One day, someone looking at my photos was quite complimentary and I thanked them, but pointed out how my figure was a bit 'thicc', and this person said, "Yes...that's exactly what I like about it." Lightbulb! I don't need to look like what I'm attracted to, I just need to look as me as I can and then whoever likes that look will find it attractive.

Don't spend too much time lamenting what you don't have or aren't good at, girl, it's mostly wasted energy and it tears down the self confidence we all need to be building up. Find out what you do have and what you are good at and lean right in to those things! 🙂

For the record, I find tall to be exceptionally attractive, so there.

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Posts: 1270
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I was 5'10 and 1/2 but a recent physical at the doctors showed my height to be 5'9; so don't worry, if you live long enough, you'll shrink.

Yes I know, that just wasn't helpful Smile .

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1 Reply
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3977

@rebeccabaxter I used to be 6' 2". Not so much any more. The shrinkage still isn't  enough to help me blend in.

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Posts: 1119
 Erin
Princess
(@erinb)
Noble Member     Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

Just be you I understand that being shorter be nicer I usually have to wear more dresses due to I’m 6’2 shirts and pants are hard to find that fit properly you say freak and you stick out picture this I’m 6’2 and wear 9in heels lol who sticks out lol I don’t care tho it’s my style and what I like just be true to yourself and do what makes you happy and hell with everyone else have fun enjoy this life style we all gotca your back here TC 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@sailor2000)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Houston, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 164

@erinb 9" omg! go girl

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Posts: 48
Duchess
(@chrisdressing)
Estimable Member     Las Vegas, Nevada, United States of America
Joined: 1 month ago

I understand your struggle, I think all of us do - we worry we look too manly, too masculine. I don't have a remedy for that, sadly, but I do have a story I can share with you:

A couple of years ago I went out to dine at one of the nicer chain restaurants, and most of the outing was completely unremarkable except for one thing - the tallest, most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She towered over everybody: women, men, ceiling fans, everything. Granted, she was wearing some conservative short heels, but even without them she'd still be the tallest thing in the room.

And everyone was in awe of her height because -and here's the important bit- she carried it gracefully, and she owned it. She knew she was tall, how could she not, having to look down to talk to anyone, and she still wore heels! And because she was so graceful, so well-dressed, with tasteful makeup, her outfit all worked together and made her look super pretty and super feminine.

And so, years later, I still remember her. I don't remember anything else from that day, but that beautiful tall girl is seared into my memory.

So I'm with Melodee on this one - find out what your best features are, and own them, just like this girl did!

 

PS: don't worry too much about accessories, they're cute but not really necessary - this girl wasn't wearing any

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4 Replies
Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 1706

@chrisdressing Chris, I think you nailed it. Whether a GG or a crossdresser, if you're tall, you just need to be elegant.

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Lady
(@sailor2000)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Houston, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 164

@chrisdressing The gal you mention may not 'know' she is tall, as in top of mind, as you might think. At 6'4" i 'know' i tower over almost everyone and make people very aware of being shorter than me, but i dont realize how big i am unless i see a pic of someone my size with more average folks. I just think i am their size too. I am the same size as John Wayne was and here is a pic of him with 'normal' people  https://shorturl.at/99jxH

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Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1026

@chrisdressing @sailor2000 Megan, I would tell you that if you're really feeling your height when you're in girl-mode, if this person Chris mentioned is a cis gal, then she's feeling that every day and has been probably since she was 14 or so. Buying clothes, shoe shopping, in any photo ever - there's no way she's isn't perpetually aware of her height. If she isn't cis, then she's every bit as aware as you are when you're dolled up.

However, what this person and the girl I met have done is chosen to be at home with this. I'm not saying it's easy, but...maybe just light a little spark in you. Start with an attitude that says, "Oh...you think I'm tall without heels? Here hold my [adult beverage of choice]," 

It's certainly one of the viable paths to building self confidence. However, self confidence is always a choice. You have to choose to walk that path. No doubt, it's a fake-it-til-you-make-it kinda game, but I find that during the faking, a few small successes starts to build the actual foundation you need.

You're never gonna be not tall, so I mean...what have you got to lose, girl? 😉

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Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Joined: 2 years ago

Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Posts: 1026

...and to that end, I was at a drag show last night, and one of the performers came over to chat with me. Young girl (20s), quite charming and totally gorgeous (ha, she asked me when I was performing...I did mention she was a charmer). She told me she was 6'2" and 240lbs...and I could barely keep my eyes off her.

And her mentioning this wasn't an accident. She wants people to know because she'd bought in. She wanted to be fabulous, and girl, was she ever.

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Posts: 810
Lady
(@dazzler)
Noble Member     Cardiff, South Glamorgan, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

There was me moaning that I can't find court shoes in my size here in the UK. I feel for you. I'm lucky that I'm only 5'10". I'm a UK 18 in tops and dresses, and a UK 16 in skirts and trousers etc. A recent long term illness caused me to lose a fair bit of weigh, so I can often get into the next size down. 
We do have shops here in the UK that specialise in larger sizes. I'm assuming that htye have similar where you are. 
Have a lok on rosewe.com. They seem to cater for the larger lady, but their style isn't short or sexy 😉 They go up to UK24. They are international.

Cerys

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1 Reply
Lady
(@sailor2000)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Houston, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 164

@dazzler Thanks, the challenge isnt finding clothes that are big enough around, it length and even more the dimensions in the shoulders and sleeve lengths. I have considered learning to sew but even then the patterns have the same issues as the clothes Kiss Kiss

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Posts: 2041
Duchess
(@rozalyne)
Famed Member     Shrewsbury, Shropshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 3 years ago

Hi Megan, 

None of us can help the way we are and we all have something to moan about the way we look, we just have to be ourselves and just do the best we can, I'm just 5-6 which is not a bad height and with heels maybe 5-9 or 5-10, but I've got big feet and big hands and broad shoulders which means i have to buy bigger size dresses to fit me at the top but the bottom half is very baggy, also finding shoes to fit is hard too, 

Over here in the UK we have a store called Long Tall Sally which caters for the taller ladies, 

And I've seen quite a few Tall ladies round and about, 

Love Roz ❤️ 

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Posts: 38
Duchess Annual
(@brycenee24)
Trusted Member     San Francisco, California, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

You have much wiser words from Anna, Chrissie, Harriette, Melodee, Becca, Erin, Chris, Cerys, & Roz than I can offer but I will say that I can sympathize in a small way. Despite being pretty fit (I do triathlons) and average to slightly above average height at 5'10" I've always felt like my arms weren't strong enough as a man. I'm "too skinny" in my mind. But when I dress my concern flips and I feel like my arms are "too muscular". It's funny to me how the lens through which you see yourself changes your perception. I'm too weak as a man but too strong as a woman. But in reality neither of those things are true. They're just BS stories I tell myself. If I got out of my head - which I don't do, ever! but I'm going to tell you to do - I'd realize that I'm perfect the way I am (and so are you!) Smile  

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Posts: 1493
Duchess
(@augustvaliant)
Noble Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Megan!

Your description of yourself reminds me so much of my father. He was also 6'4" and wore a 60 US jacket. His hands were wider than mine are long. Any trouble finding gloves to fit?

The only advice I can think of for accessories is buy 2 of a bracelet you like, and link them together.

In general the best advice has already been given.

You are who you are so embrace it

Hugs,

Autumn

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1 Reply
Lady
(@sailor2000)
Joined: 2 years ago

Reputable Member     Houston, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 164

@augustvaliant Sounds like i am your dads size... Gloves? I take a mens XXL when i can find ones with fingers that are made for my thickness. For some reason when they make bigger gloves they only make the palm bigger, not the fingers!

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Posts: 65
Duchess Annual
(@rayna)
Estimable Member     Leominster, Massachusetts, United States of America
Joined: 4 months ago

I'm just two inches shy of your height. And that's why I'm reluctant to go out dressed on public by myself. People can't fail to notice. 

 I did step out of my car while dressed to get gas at a self serve recently. . I had the pumps to myself though, and nobody seemed to notice. But to walk into a store or restaurant is a whole other kettle. 

 I've been lucky enough to be able to find things that fit me, and I do like the way I look in them, or at least how they look on me. 

 On the male side of the equation, having bodies like ours does come in handy. And they're capable of some amazing things. It is frustrating though, having these desires but being unable to project the image of femininity that naturally born women can. Our obviously very masculine body structure is almost impossible to conceal. 

 I don't dress up more than a very small percentage of the time, so most of the time I'm quite at home in my male physique. It's only when I'm dressed that I sometimes wish I were somehow more slender and petite. Or that I had somehow stopped growing in height and body mass around the time I first tried on a dress, Nothing points out the difference between naturally born men and women than experimenting with crossdressing. 

 In my case,.my size and body type comes from my father's side. Yet Ironically enough, the women on my mother's side of the family were all in the petite category. And my mother and her youngest sister were quite attractive as young women. Would that I'd inherited more of their genes. 

 I'm afraid I can't.offer.mucj by way of solutions to you. If I did, I'd be using them on myself. Or would I? Would I sacrifice a good portion of my natural strength for a few fleeting hours of femininity? Or is my desire for it that powerful? Would any of us, given the choice?

 Either way, we can't seem to stop ourselves. We either have to find a way to embrace it and enjoy it, or deny ourselves. And miss our on all the fun. 

 

 

 

 

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Posts: 600
Duchess
(@michellemybell)
Noble Member     Clearwater, Florida, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Great advice from a lot of the gals here.  Some of us can blend in better than others but very few of us can really fool anyone into thinking we are actually women. So, the key is being confident and happy with yourself and then others will enjoy being around you and accept you as well.

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Posts: 36
Lady
(@lanam)
Trusted Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 3 months ago

Interesting you are the same height as RuPaul.  True she's in drag most of what we see of her but she is stunning, and somehow styles herself to embrace her height so as that it's not important.  I'm slightly under 6' anymore and wearing heels feel like I'm 8' so am always overly self-conscious of my height.  Lately, trying to accept I'm not the young and curvy (reverse curve in my case), nor will ever be, I have been looking for outfits that fit me more proportionately.  Not sure if any of this makes sense other than I'm more focused now on embracing and working with what I am.  I guess another way to say it is "I'm workin' with what I got!"  

Uncertain Heart  

   

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Posts: 154
Duchess
(@mkat3874)
Reputable Member     Northeast GA , Georgia, United States of America
Joined: 4 months ago

For what it's worth I read an article once that said that the average height of women in the US has increased slightly over the past 50 yrs.  Maybe there is some truth to it.  Just a few days ago I was out for an afternoon of shopping with my wife and had some time to waste just people watching. I did make a point to observe height of the women passing by.  Surprisingly I did see quite a few that looked very close to or even slightly over 6 ft.  Obviously I couldn't go up and measure them to be sure but one of my daughters is 5 ft 10 in so I can gauge based off her height and there were definitely many taller women (in flats) out and about.  

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Posts: 28
Lady
(@petrasue)
Eminent Member     Virginia, United States of America
Joined: 4 years ago

I’ve gotten some clothes from eshakti, even if you order a standard size, they include a height specification.  I’ve had good luck getting sleeves right with them.

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