Dealing with Convenient Double Standards

Hi Stephanie first of all thanks for yours and your wifes service to our country .. As not trying to brag but a lot of sisters here know my story and when i got married to my wife and came out to her very shortly after with a few conversations later she was ok and supportive and accepting of the new girl in the house as long as she did her third of the chores he he .. So this ment that i had to do two thirds of the chors didnt see that one coming lol.. but a fair trade to acceptence of Stephanie in our home so not much as double standards a few conflicks  and some little rules to live by which was a fair trade .. Hope you can work things out in your near future and come to an agreement as wifes are a wonderful thing especially when they support the Stephanies in our lives ..

💋💖🌹🌹 Stephanie

Hi Stephanie first of all want to thank you and your wifes service. As for she being so out of touch now. wearing your boxer shorts. Maybe should have got one of her nighties and wore it. and watch mulan

Wishing you the best and if a marriage is solid know you and her can work  on something halfway without the cold shoulder.  But don't give in to demands.

This may be silly but back in the 80’s, every “hair band” the band members wore makeup, long frizzy hair, and clothes that were questionable as to being male clothes... but none of us, at least non that I ever heard, called then crossdressers, and all the guys loved these bands and rocked out to them and posters on the wall... but let me wear makeup, wig,’put on something feminine and I’m called out for it and ridiculed? I guess it’s because they are performers and I am not....🤷🏼‍♀️

🎀🌺

This doubles standard is a unique place to be in. My wife and I have a don't tell policy pretty much. But it's awkward when they are wearing your clothes because they are "more comfortable." I'm left thinking let me where yours and we can both win. I don't know what my solution is yet. I've tried arguing with her and trying to point out the inconsistencies. That didn't help much. Having great gals on this site helps a lot but still a struggle.

I know you mention your faith a lot and it's place in your CD experience. My wife is also on the more evangelical side of thought when it comes to CD. It would be interesting to see/understand how are partners faith impacts their view/experience of the double standard.

Sivvi

I've actually not been at this for very long, and am very much learning my way. What I have found is that now I see so much of what I never noticed before about the conduct of my guy friends at work. They're a bunch of pigs! Since last summer when Bridgette happened to Wil, as it were, my eyes have opened to a while lot of what was obviously there before, and I'm learning how to fight against that crap, and my friends are slowly learning that suddenly there's a line in the sand where there wasn't before. No gay or trans bashing is tolerated anywhere near me at work. As to the other great source of double standards, the church, I've changed to a different church also, and am much happier with less sanctimonious Old Testament law and more New Testament grace and forgiveness. My Faith hasn't changed, just the building.

Bridgette

Great response, James. It can me a bit maddening. I think it comes down to intent and motive — it’s our intent that so disturbs them, not the act itself. The same people who don’t blink or laugh at a man dressed as a woman for the purpose of performance lose their minds if they find out that we actually like doing it — and WHY we like doing it. That has always suggested to me that the act of CDing itself has no moral content in and of itself but rather that HOW and WHY we do it is the thing that matters — and that could either be for moral or immoral reasons.

Maybe this will mean something to your wife within the context of her faith. I have taken a lot of comfort and significance in Scriptural reference to God as a “mother hen” and other feminine references. While it is clear that He positionally our Father, He still exhibits in perfection all the best feminine traits. After all, He made us both — male and female — in His image. Check out the following: Genesis 1:27, Hosea 11: 3-4, Hosea 13:8, Deuteronomy 32: 11-12, Isaiah 66:13, Isaiah 49:15, Isaiah 42:14, Psalm 131:2, Psalm 123: 2-3, Matthew 23:7, Luke 13:34, Luke 15: 8-10 .

God bless,

Steph

It always seems to me that cross dressing for performance reasons is perfectly acceptable to everyone for some reason, but if you actually like it and want to do it because you LIKE to feel femme, everyone loses their minds and thinks it’s sinful. I can’t really resolve why that is.

For me, it always comes back to this. I give it its moral content based on what I do with it. It could be bad to crossdress for sure. But I think it could be good also. Kinda like playing golf! 😆

Thanks Donna! 😊

I want to be clear that I’m not dumping on my wife here, and I’m not looking for anyone to defend me and/or criticize her. I was just using that as an ironic example of a double standard that exists everywhere out there.

Ironically, since it is easy to put myself in her shoes, I get it. Having a spouse who wants to act like they are the opposite sex ain’t exactly easy to deal with. If I were actually a woman, I’d want a strong masculine man as my husband, and CDiing threatens that image. Maybe using my spouse is a bad example as being representative of everyone else, because it’s not.

Your input is wonderful as always, supportive, and thought-provoking. And I thank you for that so much! 😊

Thanks Steph! The law of unintended consequences! Lol. 2/3 of the chores! 😂 😆 😝 Love it. Most of us would happily volunteer for that if it meant acceptance of that additional girl. Lol.

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can relate Stephanie but have never been there as right now have no spouse. But imagine there could be some friction specially if they really don't care for it.  Like for me if ever find anyone for more serious relationship they will know for sure life style if they good with it great if not well.  But anyways wishing the best.

Hugs

Donna

Agreed sweet friend dont mind at all lol..

Stephanie

I too am in a "DADT" ("dont ask dont tell") relationship and even after 20 years we are still very nuch a pair of "lovebirds".

BUT!!!! She will take a man's shirt given to her by her daughter to alter for her work uniform and not bat one of her pretty eyelashes...

But if I was to become Caty in her presence, the "deep arctic frost" would descend  in nano seconds.

Tho it has been denied, I also strongly suspect my CD'ing has had a very bad effect on our "bedroom exercise". As in it's ceased altogether. Against that we are both in our 70's and such happenings are quite common in our age group..

Happy dressing

Caty

Thank you for your response. I do feel I missed an important question. How was Mulan?  I heard meh reviews and can't bring myself to watch it. Not really sure why.

Sivvi

We didn’t watch it! Lol.