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Curious if anyone else here feels a sense of guilt around exploring their femininity, whether it be general guilt, specific aspects or scenarios when dressed, and how you deal with it?
For context, I was a closet dresser for about 20 years. My wife knows and is supportive, I have young kids who don't know, and I personally identify as gender-fluid. But despite having a supportive spouse and some internal acceptance when it comes to how I identify, I find myself feeling guilty when given the opportunity to go out for a night as Kayla.
The opportunities don't come around often, I genuinely want to get out and think about it quite a bit, but when given the chance I have these feelings that I should put my energy into the people around me and that going out as Kayla is fulfilling a selfish desire. Internally I know that isn't 100% true. Wondering if anyone can relate.
Guilt and shame are 2 of the biggest mental issues we deal with! We all handle and deal with it differently. You have to accept who and what you are first an foremost. It will not change nor go away.
Our minds can be our worst enemy! We feel we should not be having these thoughts or desires. Let alone want to dress up in ladies clothes, makeup ect.
It is great you haev a supportive spouse, that is better than most of us have. Having lots of conversations with her and your feelings will help you out
Kayla,
I've been crossdressing and exploring my femininity for over 40 years, and I've been feeling guilty about it for over 40 years as well.
For me, I'll probably always feel guilty about dressing in one way or another. However, rather than fight against it, I've kind of learned to accept it. That's not admitting defeat or anything, or showing some kind of weakness, it's just being realistic that those feelings tend to show up every now and then.
Once I recognised that, then I became more comfortable with myself.
Katie
Katie
Kayla
I know exactly how you feel. My wife is the only one that knows and supports me. I have only recently admitted to myself that dressing and feeling gender fluid is not something that can control. I feel that guilt and shame as well and speak to a therapist about it. Remember we all have to live our lives as who we are. Only then can we be happy and make others happy
Shannon
Kayla,
I live alone now in a mostly empty house. My ex is well off financially thanks to me. I used to feel guilty about cding when I had a family and kept it pretty well hidden. I no longer feel guilty about it because what I’m wearing or how I’m presenting does not harm anyone. It is one of a few things left that brings me happiness so I cherish my Kerri time.
Hi Kayla,
We should be good to those we care for, we should also be good to ourselves and that includes dressing.
Janet
I agree that fully accepting who you really are is an important way to help lower the level of guilt. Sometimes that guilty feeling is due to a person still feeling deep down that there is something "wrong" with crossdressing.
And don't be afraid of dressing and treating yourself to a nice day on occasion. People do it all the time whether it's playing golf, going to a ballgame or joining a bowling league with friends. Just don't let it detract significantly with all the other stuff that you and your wife usually do together.
I felt guilt and shame. I have come to realize that I am hurting no one. Judge if you need to. I don't care. I dress in public but nobody knows. If not for my wife and familys feelings I would fully come out.Guilt? Not me.Maybe someday not you either.
An interesting thing about the human mind is that we often experience feelings, like guilt, and try to ascribe reasons or causes for the emotion. But often, the supposed reason is not the actual cause of the emotion, its a placeholder in the absence of the real reason.
I would guess that you are already doing a pretty good job as a partner and as a parent. Occasional outings won’t change that. But perhaps there is an underlying fear that your kids might find out. Perhaps the guilt is really associated with a worry without a specific cause.
When we say “blank” makes me feel guilty or fearful or happy, that “blank” isn’t making us feel anything. We are choosing to associate “blank” with feeling a certain way.
Sure, sometimes. It passes. Like anger or fear or any strong negative emotion it’s key to not let it control you. It will subside and you can make the kind of rational assessment other gals have described here.
I have only started crossdressing for less than a year, but one of the feelings that I have not felt is guilt, except maybe over the amount of money spent on clothes recently. But since I haven't spent a lot of money on clothes throughout my life, not guilty there, either.
I think every crossdresser has gone through some form of guilt. In the early days I went through it a lot. Always thinking back then and no use of the internet thinking I was the only boy/ young man doing this and that it must be wrong for me to have these urges to dress in my mothers and disinters things when home alone. Now a days after counseling and coming out to my wife and a few others I’ve come to terms with the fact that this is who I am and now embrace it rather then beat myself up for loving what I do. I’m a crossdresser and proud to say it.
When I was younger and had my 2 daughters at home. I always felt guilty about taking time for myself. I believed that doing so was just too selfish and taking time from them. So, all I did was work and spend time with them.
I got a lot of pleasure and happy times from those years. However, I slowly came to realize that spending some time on myself was indeed good for me too. I found out that i was a better person and dad when I would have some down time.
It's interesting, I think I myself probably experience more of a sense of shame rather than guilt, which is slightly different. I don't feel guilty about my crossdressing because I don't feel like there's anything wrong with it. But, unfortunately, a lot of society doesn't see it the way that I do, and it goes against long engrained traditional values too. I think that does create an associated sense of shame related to crossdressing for me unfortunately.
I don't feel especially guilty about indulging myself in dressing up particularly either, I don't think it's a selfish thing to do at all. But, I do feel like I dislike the judgements of others.
I'm not fully out about my dressing, my partner knows about it and is supportive about it, but I know that other people in my life wouldn't be as understanding if they knew. I suppose it shouldn't be a shameful thing, but I feel like people often treat it that way sadly.
Would you feel less guilty if you went out for an occasional guy's night out? Would this be selfish?
We all need a break sometimes. I'm sure you've seen the memes about the stay-at-home mother who tells her husband to watch the children when he comes home so she can relax with a bubble bath or have an occasional girls night out. It's no different. As long as it is done occasionally, it's not being selfish. It's resetting your mood, giving you a change of pace, giving you a mini vacation. We all need to do something to reduce the stress and change the rut of daily life just for our own mental well being.