Decision

Hi Lexie,

Sorry to hear about the stress in your relationship. I hope that you and your wife can keep talking, and keep listening. Communication and education are key. Perhaps a marriage counselor could help.

- Robyn

Gosh Lexie 31years of marriage is a long time to suddenly end. You talk of other issues, are you both open to talk to professional marriage guidance counselors before you both make that decision?. I wish you both well it's a very emotional and complicated situation within relationships and sometimes outside help can often bridge areas and  problems that are clouded by the distress and distraction of emotional dealings within oneself, and often obscure the ability to communicate effectively. Good luck Amanda xx

Sorry to hear that and I hope you can work through this.

Gosh - did she give you a reason?

Divorce over clothing?

Seriously?

That's not a reason, it is literally unreasonable and sounds like an excuse - what's really bothering her?

(Question for you to ask her!).

Love Laura

Hi Lexie.
You say you are having issues, not related to cross-dressing. If it was me, and you DO want to save your relationship, I would start with dealing with those issues, oftentimes those side-issues cloud everything else, and suddenly makes the cd'ing a bigger issue than it is.
I do agree, if yo are both willing, to seek professional help, but both parties need to be honestly open to the idea, or it doesn't work.
I hope and pray, things work out the way you wish, and you can both be happy.
We are here for you, sis.
Hugs, Regi.💕

[postquote quote=463026]
My wife is very religious. I won’t say more about that topic. I have anger issues which are due to what I feel are her unreasonable that the amount of traffic on our street is people wanting her to sell her home. She’s lived in it for 58 years, since she was a little girl.

I will add more as time permits.

rhank you all for your support!

[postquote quote=463021]
The decision, according to her is completely mine. I either completely give up this deviance or else separate/divorce.

It was 38 years for me. I didn't actively dress, but to manage my disphoria I journaled. Writing was therapeutic for me. It helped significantly. But alas the journal was discovered, read and led my then wife to real mental troubles. (Or so she reported) Counseling was tried but after 3 sessions she stopped going as the counselor wanted to deal with her issues as well as mine. In her mind she didn't have issues, only I did.

She agreed to research gender disphoria. She did and concluded it was time for her to divorce me, before I transitioned since all the literature said that would ultimately happen.

That was 8 years ago since she divorced me. I rarely dress now and don't plan to transition, though I would love to.

It is so hard to know how our femininity / dressing / disphoria will affect our wife or SO.

I have since remartied. My current wife knew I was "gender broken" going into the marriage. Last summer we talked very openly and I was able to dress at home with her consent. It was very satisfying. However I sensed het discomfort and stopped.

This is a very important part of us and difficult aspect of us for many wives / SO. Yes it can be worked out. Work is the operative word however. Acceptance usually doesn't happen easily. For those of you who have that support, be ever thankful for her. Love her like nothing else. You have a treasure.

What do you want?

Araminta.

[postquote quote=463411]
I want to be me. I love women’s clothes, they make me feel more genuine than when I’m in male clothing.

I also really want to stay married, so I have a lot to think about. My wife also, besides seeing the therapist I’m currently seeing, want me to see a psychiatrist. To work through my anger AND my cross dressing issues!

Well, anger management is a very useful skill. I am concerned that your therapist thinks you have "cross dressing issues". Sounds overly judgemental and hardly understanding. Seems more like your wife has "issues".

If you want to stay married what are you willing to give up?

I rather suspect that giving up cross-dressing will NOT be beneficial to your anger problems. It may well be that the suppression of your need to be feminine in being and expression contributed to anger, depression, feelings of being unfairly treated, etc., that you have yet to fully confront.

I guess, no matter what, this is going to be painful.

The reason why I asked, "What do you want?", is it is important to focus on what you need to happen as a goal. If it comes to negotiations, you will know what you are negotiating for. Once you know what you want you can seek ways to accommodate others.

The same question could be put to your wife and probably should. If you can agree on a common goal you may be able to achieve it with a minimum of bitterness that just aggravates the rift.

In any case, my deepest sympathies.

Araminta.

P.S.: I heartily recommend that you avoid publicizing your actual birth-date (in your profile) as it is a part of your identity and promotes identity theft.

A.

Made an error in syntax in my last. Meant to say:

"I rather suspect that giving up cross-dressing will NOT be beneficial to your anger problems."

Araminta.

Hi Lexie,

Thats a very scary situation to be in my friend I have been close I must say.

You really need to think about how much your wife means to you and how much dressing means to you.

I had to tell my wife I couldn't  quit if I wanted to.

fortunately we are still together, but zOur age was a factor I think.

Hugs Patty

As Patty Williams noted, you are in a scary situation. People have reasons for doing things, and they have excuses for doing things. The two are not necessarily related. I believe you have given your wife an excuse, not a reason for the "D" word; if you are attempting to salvage your relationship - which I hope you do - then I suggest you focus on the real reason, and put the Dressing issue on the back burner for now. And good luck to you both.

Hugs,
Bettylou