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Well, I had added some pictures of myself dressed up to my profile, left them up for maybe a day or so (thank you to those who commented) but I was at work the next day just feeling so paranoid and anxious that somehow, my wife, or someone I know, would find it. I don’t see how anyone I know personally could even be aware of this site, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it. The thought that my wife would text me a screenshot of one of my pictures and just say “what is this??” 🤦🏻♂️
I know I’m overthinking and being anxious, but honestly I think my life could really fall apart if something like that got out. I have some great friends, but I don’t think that they could handle something like this. Even with my face covered, I couldn’t stop thinking that somehow the image could be traced back to my device.
I don’t even know if I’m asking for advice here, really just venting. I’m glad I took some pictures of myself, even if they’re gone now. I hate having to be so secretive about this.
@canadianeagle97 Bella… you are not alone in this!! If I post pictures it will be neck down, the cost of recognition is just to great unfortunately
@canadianeagle97 I will say this Bella my life got a lot easier and dare I say better when I finally admitted to my wife that I am a cross dresser. She did suspect somewhat and I thought she might be ok with it. It turned out to be a non event really. Now before I go out she gives me pointers on my outfit. If you think she might be amenable to it I would tell her. What is the worst thing that could happen? I have pasted pix on other site including my face (sadly without makeup in some). The people I don't want to know will never be looking at those sites. (Lol. famous last words.)
@fatima Fatima, the worst that can happen is divorce. The great reveal could be a black and white issue, which is why a lot of us closetted girls have to think very carefully about the consequences xx.
@chrisfp99 Yes I suppose I am speaking from the vantage point of the gilded lily. I have read that many, maybe most wives do not like her guy crossdressing. And I have read stories of wives finding out and offering a quick and curt "Get Out". Although I have to ask if the wife is really like this do you want to stay married to her???
Although I have to ask if the wife is really like this do you want to stay married to her???
I think this is a bit of a crass generalisation. Everyone's story is different. I imagine the majority of wives would respond badly to the revelation that their husbands like to dress pretty. Whilst honesty is the best policy, particularly if early in the relationship, for me that ship has sailed. I know for sure my wife would leave if she knew. However, although my marriage isn't perfect it is worth preserving, both for the two of us and the wider family.
@chrisfp99 I don't want to argue about it but I do wonder. So the couple have been married 30 years and as is often the case the guy now feels like he wants to crossdress but knows the wife won't like it. So he hides it. And is filled with anxiety and the ever present fear of being found out. Or he purges and is miserable for ever after. I just don't see how people can live like that. Better to try and educate the SO and let them know you are not gay and you still want to be with them. I have read stories from guys who get found out and the wife has a brutal reaction. Hiding it might even make matters worse. Just sayin.
@chrisfp99 Exactly, divorce and who knows what else. If your gut says stay hidden, trust it.
@chrisfp99 Agreed. It didn't go well for me. I would have been better off had I not tried to share this.
@barbaralynne Barbara, thank you for your support honey. I'm sorry things have been difficult for you. I haven't come out at all, but of course that is difficult too xx.
@gracepal perfect simple advice Grace. I get tired of hearing gurls with accepting spouses telling us closeted gurls what to do.
I highly suspected that my first wife would never accept my crossdressing and my thoughts turned out to be correct. Not only did it eventually lead to divorce she outed me to family , friends and even customers of mine. Living the life of a closeted cd can be difficult and frustrating but for many of us it’s the only alternative
Natalie💋
@chrisfp99 thank you Christie. Being outed was always a fear. It happened but you find out it’s not the end of the world and life still goes on. In my situation a better life
@splitdecision There’s never a shortage of people telling others what to do is there? And they don’t even have to be asked either, they’ll just give it to you whether you care or not.🤣
Nothing wrong with staying hidden. Makes for good peace of mind and less stress. And to me it’s just as “authentic” as all the other aspects of the cd’ing hobby.
GP
@gracepal thank you for your comment Grace. I’ve never felt short changed or not girly enough by keeping my CDing private. I enjoy my own little feminine world with my own imagination and thoughts.
@splitdecision I took the chance and finally came out to my wife. It wasn't pleasant, and I would have been so much better off had I kept Barbara out of our joint lives. I love this part of my life, and I do what I can when I can,
@chrisfp99 I am in this situation, hence the sunglasses or rear view photos I have.
@clt It's hard isn't it Rachel? Thank you for your support. Your pics are still lovely xx.
@canadianeagle97 When I first started posting pictures online of myself dressed, I was concerned about this too! but even if someone I know saw my pictures I don't think they would recognize me! I see a lot of headless pics or pics with blanked out faces so you're not alone in this concern.
@canadianeagle97 Hi Bella, I recognize your anxiety, I deleted my first pictures too. Of course the best advice might be to do what feels right for you, but it can be hard to find the right balance between mind and feeling. x Astrid
@canadianeagle97 good for you Bella, you’ve got to make yourself comfortable. This is supposed to be fun, not cause stress. I have heard that our computer gurus strip out metadata like location, so that no one can actually trace the photo to you. So at least there’s that. If you are inclined to share some photos, you can use private photos which are only available to members. So if someone recognizes you and is a member, they are one of us.
@canadianeagle97 I understand I thought this alot. but then thought if someone spends enough time here to find me and go to my private photos then I would expect they would also have much to hide or at the very least understand to follow the code. but Ya, ya never know, and there is only one way to be 100% sure. but on the other hand if someone could actually recognize me then they would be a close acquaintance and I would probably be happy to find someone here that I was already good friends with. uggh so many questions and possible outcomes to consider.. Cheers RC
@canadianeagle97 Bella, I know exactly what you mean honey. I put my pics up with some trepidation, but I trust this site, and I can't see any reason why anyone I know would come across it (unless I have friends who are crossdressers, in which case they're in the same boat). My pics have been up for a couple of years and nothing so far. Lastly, I'm ridiculously closetted but I do wonder if there's a tiny part of me that wants to be discovered. I do hope you kept the pics for your own personal viewing xx.
@canadianeagle97 Bella, the girls have all given good advice. I will only add (i) confirmation that sharing my crossdressing with my wife did make things easier and more relaxed….but I was indeed lucky that she was very accepting and supportive…unfortunately this is not always the case and only you can judge if it is right to be more open with your wife (there is no right answer…its how you feel). (ii) if you want to post photos, but hide who you are, in addition to make up/hiding your face, removal of location tags, I would say you should also check the background of the photo…this can also be quite revealing. Also look out for unintended reflections.
Do what comes right to you, do not stress, enjoy your crossdressing. Good luck with the (possible) future photos.
Hugs
Christine
@canadianeagle97 hi Bella. I applaud your courage to open up on a very personal and private matter. Please don’t feel pressured to do whatever one group or another says is the right thing to do. There are many of us that will support you in whatever decisions you make. Best of luck on your CD journey!!
hugs
Rachael
@canadianeagle97 There was a day I couldn’t put my pics on the www because it wasn’t invented. I did send film out to be developed and got some pics back undeveloped with a note saying they do not develop provocative pics. I never took provocative pics in my life so I figured because I was trans and they read me, that was enough for them. Pre LGBT2+ days. Lol
Really you are just most likely over reacting. However, most people never really look at the picture but rather just the subject. The photographer, you, doesn’t take the time to look at the surroundings in the pic and say to themselves, would someone recognize that pic on the wall, that living room, that red Corvette, that family photo on the fireplace mantle, etc. The point is, they may not recognize you, but they might recognize the location the pic was taken.
@canadianeagle97 I understand completely Bella. While it is nice to get the positive reinforcement that photos can bring, I don't feel the need to post photos of myself anywhere on the internet. Once photos are out there, you have no control over them anymore which bothers me. I'm something of a private person anyway and that plays into my decision also.
@canadianeagle97 sorry you felt such worry I am so upset that you all have such concerns and worries about being who you are.
just wanted to send a few hugs 🤗 to you and also fyi as a wife , chances are okay your wife doesn't 'know' she is completely aware of something being a little 'off' with you and in turn she will likely think it's her fault . For me , although everyone's story is different there was actually a huge relief after finding out cos suddenly I realised it wasn't me who was the problem ( why we just assume it must be us I've no idea) 🤷♀️ anyway - imagine a life free of the lies, entirely possible I'm sure . Feel free to reach out anytime should you want any opinions 'from the wife's sides ' xxx anyway hugs 🤗 to you 🙏💕
also , we've posted public profile pics and have concerns around should someone in our life see them decided if someone was to see them they would be googling this anyway so likelihood is they are searching for info about this world and hence would be cool with things xx
This is totally understandable, Bella! Our journeys are wonderful but need to be taken at a pace that is comfortable for the individual. I'm sorry that I missed seeing your pictures, but an alternative may be to post them as private photos that only other CDH members can see.
Please try not to stress out - we still love you!
Hugs.
Shawna
Bella, You made a good decision. i do not post pics of me anywhere, drab or dressed. You never know where these photographs will wind up. With advent of social media, AI (whatever that is), and all the other computer / internet crap, ya never know, so I just don’t do it.
My wifey and a few friends know and that is fine with me.
Others may feel different and that is fine but for me I just don’t post pics on the net.
Enjoy your cross dressing, it is an enjoyable experience.
Staci.
I always think that if someone [who didn't want to be] was discovered on this site, I think the discoverer would be very unlikely to say or do anything as the first question one would ask of that person is "what were you doing looking at a cross-dressing site?"
I'm fortunate that I don't really have the problem because if by now, there is anyone in this village who hasn't heard that I'm a cross-dresser, then they must have been living under a rock. Most of my neighbours have seen me, if only a fleeting glance; some of them have seen me enough to talk to in full Becca-mode.
I realise that this sort of thing could be career or marriage-ending for some people, and while I can't help, I can offer my sympathy.
The OP should be aware that if name of this site is entered into a search engine, it is quite possible for a cross-dressed image to be returned in the results, especially if you add your name.
Everyone has their own comfort level Bella so you're better off doing what is best for you.
It’s interesting to think that someone you know would be looking on this site, why? The big problem is reproducing them elsewhere. At my advanced age, I no longer in a work environment, friends are rapidly leaving this world, and stopped worrying about what others think.
I can understand the sentiment. Those who say "who would be looking at a crossresser site" are underestimating search engines.
Many years ago, I went out with my group shopping. My (now) ex came along too. When we got back to my friend's home, we took a group picture with everyone showing their purchaces on our crossdresser meetup page.
Later on, her sister called her and had managed to find the picture. While her sister didn't approve of me dressed en femme, nothing ever came about it between my SIL and me. I guess it was done via image search 10-15 years ago. Software has gotten better since then.
Another time I was searching another part of the web, and recognized the tile floor and background curtains of my friend. Although she was not mentioned, the background was obvious to both her and me.
So things like image searches or background images may cause a search engine to match a photo even though they aren't particularly looking at crossdressing sights.
@canadianeagle97 While slim, the risk is non-zero about someone finding the images by accicent, so don't feel bad about deleting the images.
@alison-anderson You’re absolutely right. I just did a Google search for “crossdress bella harrison” and one of my pictures actually came up, even AFTER I’ve now deleted them!
It’s a very specific search criteria to find it, so I’m not too worried about someone coming across it. Still, if you think you’re totally hidden on this site, you’re underestimating the internet!
@canadianeagle97 This is one advantage of only using one given name on these sites. I think that the only place where I use my surname is at retail sites, for registrations and purchases. For instance, the CD given name on my credit card is not related to my drab name.
Otherwise, I try not to tie my two names together. And I haven't posted any pictures of me at home.
For Android, go to your phone's camera's permissions setting and turn location data off. Google's Photos can remove location data of pictures that already exist.
@alison-anderson You’re absolutely right. I just did a Google search for “crossdress bella harrison” and one of my pictures actually came up, even AFTER I’ve now deleted them!
The internet is forever, I fear.
@canadianeagle97 And you did a text search. Who knows what image searches might or might not come back with.
First up, (lucky me), I've been retired for more than 20 years, so there aint no work problems with that score.
Secondly, I have "security measures in place" that also reduces.. (not eliminates, I'm not that silly) of anyone finding my identity . Not gunna list them, then they would not be secure.....
Thirdly, cos I've been an "Active Internet CD" for over 10 years, there far too much "Caty stuff" out there already for me to try and retract it. Starting with my 13 articles, many many posts and ?? photos here on CDH.
Lastly at my "advanced age" and where I live comprises a very restricted social circle. Most of these folks, (some good some bad), already know about Caty.
But it the words of that old pop song, "do what you gotta do my wild sweet love".
Caty.
Google mature cross-dressers or senior cross-dressers and hit images and see what comes up. It looks like the Featured Photos section here on CDH.🤣 Best way for that to never happen is never post a pic. I only post private pics and I don’t even trust those. But to get there you’re a paid member of CDH so discovery is remote. Even though it’s a long shot I am ready with my question for the detective who finds me: “How do you like that CDH site? Lots of cute girls there, yeah?”🥰
I just googled myself and found nothing pertaining to me at all. I'm not out aside from my dear wife, but I have reached the point where I would have little concern if someone found out. Not very likely since I would be astonished if someone came across a picture of Julia and associated it with the other half of me. if they did then c'est la vie.
Jules
@juliarey I've done it before but thought I'd try again to see what has changed. I googled Becca Baxter and got nothing, I added 'crossdresser' to the search and there I am, first in the list and with my most recent picture too; I'm quite pleased 
.
Should anyone else do this then there would be no doubt who they were looking at. Clicking on the image takes me to this site where there are pictures with me and my distinctive car, and one with my wife. I'm lucky in some ways as, like Caty, I am retired, I'm quite old and I can largely do what I want with my life.
Becca
@rebeccabaxter Here's to being retired, quite old and doing what you want with life!
@juliarey I just Googled you after reading your post and you came right up. First row of images. You’re out there.
@gracepal I can't seem to find it, but nobody would associate it with my male half anyway.
I can definitely understand the trepidation @canadianeagle97 I have often thought about similar things. I think having a supportive partner plays a big role as I don't need to worry about her finding out. And for anyone else in my life that could find out, it would take a bit for them to do so and I don't think it is as big a deal anyway.
But that doesn't mean you don't have legitimate fears. And it is always worth an abundance of caution since it is impossible to put this genie back into the bottle if things got out. I think it sounds like you are doing right for you.
I will say that even if you don't post the pics, it may be worth trying to save them in some other way. Yes, this increases the risk of a loved one finding them but I wish I had more pics and I still take pics when I can so I can see how Natalie has changed over the years. But, again, abundance of caution may lead you to the conclusion that this isn't worth it either which is totally ok. Hopefully some day you can share what you want without fear of reprisal.
Sorry to say, but removing your pictures does not remove them from some hidden corner of the internet. For something really scarry, post some of your "normal" pictures to a facial recognition app and you just might find your CD pictures pop up...mine do, even deleted ones. I do not know how often data miners scoure the internet for pictures, but it is often enough to find some surprising things.
If you have never used a facial recognition app, you post three, or so, pictures of any person you choose, and it a few seconds a bunch of results pop up, including group shots others have posted that may contain your face.
Fortunately for me, I don't really care if somebody finds out my desire to dress, I am beyond that these days. I do not advertize it, but since I do got out en femme at times I have to accept the fact some day some one may recognize me. If they do, oh well since I am doing nothing wrong, just dressing deffersntly than expected, and there are worse things in this world than that.
Just a little more context to give for those suggesting I just go ahead and tell my SO:
I actually tried to be open about it roughly a year ago, which is when I really started crossdressing (I had done it before but didn’t really understand why I wanted to and that there were other people like me). One of the main things I saw on sites like this was that things will go much better if you’re open with your SO early on. We’d already been married a few years but when I presented it to her, I tried my best to let her know that while I think this has always been inside, its really only now that I’ve come to understand it for myself. I didn’t want her thinking I had been already doing it behind her back our whole relationship, and knew about it when we said “I do”.
She tried to be supportive for a day or so, even letting me try on some of her clothes, but I could still feel the tension in the air. There was a dress she let me try on and I couldn’t even walk out of our bathroom for her to see. She was trying to be supportive mentally to try and be nice and loving, but her heart wasn’t there. She ultimately said she couldn’t handle it, and we’ve left it at that. She probably assumes that I've stopped but I don’t know.
This woman is the love of my life, and mother of my children. Do I wish she could be more accepting? Of course. Maybe she might come around someday? I don’t know. But for now, I can’t let her go. I made a commitment to her and I still stand beside it. Not out of obligation to a document I signed or a promise I made, but because I’m in love, and theres not much explanation for how that works! This is the girl of my dreams. I don’t *think* she would move for divorce if she found out and to what degree I was doing it, but it would cause an immense amount of stress and tension in the relationship.
We’re also in our 20s, and have young kids. So while I envy and appreciate the “retired and do what I want” situations that have been shared, thats still a far off concept for me.
Again, I very much appreciate all the responses! This site is amazing for just bouncing thoughts and ideas out. I’m definitely an over-thinker so having somewhere to just share what’s rattling around up there rather than stew on the same thoughts over and over again is refreshing to say the least!
@canadianeagle97 Oh Bella, it's so hard isn't it girl? I understand your position completely. Heck, I am retired, and still can't do what I want..Aaarrgh! I completely agree that being part of this amazing community is of great comfort at times like this xx.
Hi Bella. You are not alone in your thoughts about posting pictures. My CD life runs under a strict 'no photos' policy and I intend to keep it that way.
Unless somebody has taken a candid photograph of me, then not a single 'en femme' photo of me exists from my CD life. I was due to have a makeover/photo shoot later this year but have recently decided against it.
Would love to have typed more on this subject, but my commute to work is now over. Another time, maybe!
@judevderl Hi! I had a photo shoot and loved it; five hours, three changes of clothes. When we finished I asked for the thumb drive and he gave it to me. So no trace; I was worried that somebody else would take over the business and not be so discreet. Incidentally I showed the pictures to my wife and she did not recognize me. In fact it took some minutes to pursued her that it was me. So fear of being recognized is not high on my fears. Best, Marlene.
@marleneroberts Hi Marlene. Glad you loved your photo shoot! Sound great! I would be quite happy if I could be given a thumb drive / flash drive and be the sole owner of any photos, but I'm not being given those kind of assurances so far. Of course, the other option is to just have the makeover to see how I look, but without the photos. The fact that I don't have a single 'en femme' photo would still be the case!
It is interesting that your wife did not recognise you in your pictures. Despite my photo paranoia, the ironic thing is that I am happy to venture out and about 'en femme' as I feel that I look completely unrecognisable from my everyday male self. Just don't point a camera or smartphone at me! 😊
Judy.
@judevderl Judy I've had two professional makeovers. The MUA would have retained the pictures but asked me if I was ok with having them on her Facebook page. I said no, and I trust her. I wouldn't have paid all that money not to come away with some lovely pics. I'm happy that they're on CDH though. Can't worry too much about these things, even though I'm terribly closetted xx.
@chrisfp99 Hi Chrissy. You have some really interesting points here. Thank you! As much as I would happily just have a makeover, it would be nice to have some photographic memories of the day. The great thing is that you were able to trust your MAU and it would be quite foolish of them to break that trust. That is definitely something to consider.
The one great thing that I am discovering about CDH is that it gives you so much food for thought. Being able to hear others thoughts and opinions is so helpful. Think my photo paranoia isn't really doing me any favours. Time for a slight re-think, maybe.
Judy. X.
Hi Judy. Thanks for the comment. Go for the makeover with no photos. You will really enjoy it I am sure. Having photos is a bit tricky if you are in the closet. I am out to my wife but not the rest of the family. Best, Marlene.
