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I've been wondering about this, as it crops up a lot.
I know of no scientific evidence that it does, yet it's what my wife has said to me - and she's university educated and rational in most things.
I've read of CDs who have successfully become "Pretty Daddy" as well as "Man Daddy" for kids who accept it as normal.
LGBT+ rights are being taught in schools, and children are getting the message via TV and film that different including queer is good.
So why is it OK for kids to be different, but not daddy?
Why is that toxic?
Isn't it simply reinforcing and perpetuating the message that, really, queer is queer and not normal, and that CDs are perverted?
What do you think?
Love Laura
great post on this. you posted this part--- LGBT+ rights are being taught in schools, and children are getting the message via TV and film that different including queer is good. i realize school is teaching about the LGBT in which is a good thing, but the part of queer i don't under stand ? ain;t we all queer in a way? you also posted this ---Pretty Daddy” that is a good thing why can;t we be pretty daddies, there is woman who dress in men clothing every day. you also posted this--- Isn’t it simply reinforcing and perpetuating the message that, really, queer is queer and not normal, and that CDs are perverted? w are not perverted we are just x dressers showing our feminine side. but this is a great post. makes people wonder
Historically yes it was the societal and media view that there must be something wrong and perverse for a man to want to wear a dress/skirt/heels/make up/wig etc. For example the Judge in Mrs Doubtfire told Robin Williams to get counselling at the end ! Can you imagine if a woman in the 1950s was told to get counselling for wanting to wear jeans and a tee shirt, or a suit with pants and a jacket ! What would we think of that nowadays ?
Thankfully nowadays children are much more accepting of the fact that anything goes, as long as we are doing others no harm. I think the barriers still exist among the adults who still believe that things are still the same as when they were children, when media and society did actively demonise those who were different, whether it be lesbian/gay/trans/crossdressers/dark skinned/different ethnicity/religion etc. Thankfully these prejudices are gradually being eroded. Freedom for all to be who we want to be, as long as we are doing others no harm, what’s the harm in it ?
love
B
I am not an expert in mental health, but I do know a few things from things I've seen before:
People like us dressing the way we like to do is not common. Kids are still learning the ways of the world. So when you have a kid who sees an adult male wearing women's clothing, they will either get the attention of all their friends around them to look, or they will get their parents attention to ask them why. Then you have parents looking and probably giving dirty looks because they now have to explain something they may not like to their kids. I have no idea why I like wearing women's swimsuits. And I'm sure the parents would come up blank if their kids asked them why.
As far as how I live my life, I know that I would get unwanted attention if I went public. I also know that I do not look pretty even though it feels good. And as much as I wish more people would be respectful of us for the things we enjoy, I try to give them the same respect of not forcing anyone to see something they would most likely prefer not to see.
Hard to tell! It used to make me very uncomfortable as a boy but I think that’s because I knew I wanted to do it (in a non-comedic way) all that time.
My child is still very young but I know she will be asking questions before she sees anything (especially on her dad.) I plan to be fully honest in my interests and feelings on it as well as why things are as they are and how they may change. Perhaps it will make her happier to be a girl! Who knows? Either way I don’t think it takes much to traumatisé a trained mind and unfortunately children can be trained very early on.
Hi Laura ,
Oh what a question, my feeling is that whilst more diverse LGBTQ education & awareness is about , it seems to me that we are only part way down the pathway of complete mindedness. Which is great as it's moving in the right direction but in the meantime there'll be those attempting to argue against LGBTQ & in our case crossdressing . There's still a belief on pink for girls & blue for boys .
Having working in child safeguarding for all my working life I don’ t think I have seen a situation where a child is traumatised by daddy (or mummy for that matter) being different, and I have worked with gay and trans parents. tThe children I have worked with have been traumatised by much worse things).
The problems tend to with adults, parents who struggle that their child is different or use their anger against the ex partner through the child. A child learns to hate or discriminate through what they see, hear and are taught.
Children are wonderful people who are accepting and open minded of most things, yes pretty daddy may upset a child at first but their love for their parents comes through.
Being a person who likes to quote I love Nelson Mandela’s statement,
No one is born haring another person because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.
Jessica, so true & beautifully expressed ☺
- Hi Stephanie , I agree wholeheartedly ☺
My children were about 11 and 12 when we told them I was a crossdresser. It was a surprise to them, but they were OK with it. After they were told, and had got used to the idea (including helping me choose some outfits and accessories) we had a kind of 'reveal' party where I dressed one Saturday evening and we had a nice meal and rented a fun film for us to all watch (OK, it was 'Snakes On A Plane').
I've never felt they were traumatised by my dressing, or negatively affected. They set some limits, and didn't want their friends and peers to know, but within a year or so they were telling them themselves anyway. Over time their friends saw me dressed as well. We did have some counselling as a family early on, which helped us all talk about how we felt and what our limits might be.
(One benefit they got was that when my wife and I started going to a local CD/TG group one Sunday evening a month, we took the step of leaving them at home on their own for the evening - with loads of instructions and caveats. So my dressing gave them something they regarded as grown-up responsibility; essentially they got the fun of an evening without mum and dad as a side-effect of my dressing, which helped make it a more positive thing for them.)
Wonderful words, Jessica. Having grown up in the ‘50s & ‘60s i well remember a world where conformity was god and nonconformity was the very essence of evil. i watched that world change in the sixties, slowly and painfully, now in my sixties i am finally growing into the real me or maybe mes. 🤪
i can find no evidence of crossdressing, Same sex attractions trans gender traumatizing children but plenty of evidence of intolerance and hatred doing so!
Hi Lucinda
Thanks for your detailed reply - I tend to be a bit free-form and questioning in the few posts (and many replies!) that I make - and I can tell you're similarly questioning.
The sentiments expressed are how I perceive that society sees us - and I wish I was completely wrong, more than anything!
Safety lies in numbers, together we are strong, but my deepest desire is that not only are we not only tolerant, but encouraging of our children to express themselves as they are, but for the children AND "grown-ups to accept that children of previous generations also feel that way.
I firmly believe that it will bring real value and benefits to society at large.
I think it's toxic, and potentially traumatizing to keep such simple, innocent things hidden until the sudden shock discovery.
There are awful YouTube videos and other online materials which quote the Old Testament sections that condemn cross dressing, ignoring the fact that most churches use the New Testament, which has no such instructions. Also, in the same section (Deuteronomy), it condones the slaughter of people who don't subscribe to the prescribed religion, as they are less than human.
They never mention that, while condemning cross-dressing, which hurts no-one.
People may not want to see it - I may not want to see them, but is that my choice?
If I didn't like people who looked different to me, and was in a position of power to be able to ban them from wearing jeans, tight leggings, hats, burkas, etc. Would I do it?
No.
People should be free to express themselves as long as it's in a non-harmful way.
What's non-harmful is up for debate.
Should people be allowed to walk around naked?
I think so, but there's a lot of people, mainly men, who probably couldn't manage themselves well enough.
How about dressing in a provocative way?
That's really difficult!
There are girls/women who dress outrageously, and girls/women who look provocative by accident. Probably men too. I don't know as I don't find men, including myself, attractive at all.
But a man, dressed appropriately for the surroundings, should be able to wear what he likes.
If a child should be encouraged to dress to express, so should everyone else, to encourage and help them, if needed.
If everyone did dress as they felt, there wouldn't be these clothing issues in the first place!
Honestly, it's just material used to cover and enhance our bodies! Nothing more.
I love everyone's replies to this thread, but I respond best, and think freest when questioned - glad it's got you thinking too.
Would be good to know about scientific evidence, but the real-life experiences here are heart-warming. It can and does work positively forceveryone, by the look of it.
Love Laura
I am wondering why there seems to be so much support for children who want to be or just are gender fluid, and not for those of us who definitely are, but found out a long time ago and hid it?
There should also be support for children of parents who are gender fluid (I include CD in that for convenience).
Maybe programmes where children go home to a cross dressed father - or who are collected from school by a cross dresser doing all the things traditionally associated with women, like making tea, tidying up, getting them ready for bed - all things I do, yet am constrained to remain in male dress whilst performing the same role as my mother...
Times not only are changing, but have moved on, surely?
Love Laura
Hi Laura and sisters. I little say this.....Boy/Girls what no nothing with go showing mixed clothes. The the father a barbarian would teach his son say no brutal he is anyone each. Then the tribe teach he other as one....pick other others.
I would other bone heads would prevent up from be adults.........if that is the same intellegent.
Would be all to love each other but same be good with other.
Veronica
Laura,
About CDs: It was, and remains a common misperception that all CDs are gay "Drag Queens" and possibly sexual predators. Not so, but adults who are not part of the CD community have little opportunity to learn otherwise. Only when I found myself to be a CD did I connect with others and find them/us to be "real" people. There do exist cross-dressing predators who target children, and as a parent and a grandparent, I am greatly bothered by them. How do we discern who is who? I don't know, and that's the rub.
The LGBT issue regarding children and adults is complicated, and would require an essay for proper discussion, so I won't even try, except to say the reported high suicide rate among trans people disturbs me, as does any loss of life among our youth.