Do you behave differently in girl mode?

Hey girls

I’ve decided to start another thread about something that’s intrigued me. It’s intended to be a fun and light hearted post, but I’m aware that it may draw one or two deeper answers! Pour yourself a glass of something nice and settle down; this is loooooong.

The question I’m posing is: when you’re in girl mode, do you experience any behavioural changes from when you’re in boy mode? In other words, does your femme side ever seem to you like she's a different person to you?

Before I elaborate, here’s a bit of background info about me to set the scene.

If any of you have read my profile, in which I possibly go into more detail than is strictly necessary, you know that like many of you I’ve experienced a steady drift along the gender spectrum. This journey sped up noticeably in recent years – I’m still trying to work out why, but ultimately perhaps that doesn’t matter. It’s as though for most of my life I’ve been orbiting the black hole of femininity, constantly experiencing the pull but always afraid to get too close. A while ago I decided that life is too short and decided to stop trying to accelerate away. As a result I crossed the event horizon and now there is probably no way back – Ellie is here to stay.

The analogy breaks down beyond this point unless you want to imagine me being ripped apart by extreme gravitational forces.

Anyway … I live on my own, and only have to be in boy mode when I go to work, or leave the house. So, once I’d decided to set Ellie completely free, and she emerged blinking into the light, there was nothing to stop me being her most of the time. I now think of myself as entirely Ellie, call myself Ellie in my head and dress as Ellie full time at home. It’s been wonderful, but I’ve also noticed some interesting differences between old me and Ellie.

Now I’m not talking about planned differences that someone might make to appear more feminine, such as deliberately altering voice, walk or mannerisms. I’m talking about changes that were entirely unplanned, and which happened organically once I’d flipped that switch in my head that signalled to Ellie that she was finally free.

So, in no particular order, here are some of the differences between old-me and Ellie:

Ellie is much more talkative and sociable than old-me. This has already been commented on at work. Old-me was decidedly stand-offish,introverted and grumpy, but Ellie (albeit disguised in boy mode) will just go up and talk to people, give them compliments and so on. Weirdly disconcerting.

Ellie is much happier in herself than old-me; I constantly catch myself smiling at my own reflection. Also disconcerting.

Ellie is OBSESSED with skin care, and has already amassed a range of moisturisers and put together a thorough skin care regime which can take up to an hour to complete. Old-me would just step into a shower and out again after a fairly half half-hearted soaping and just do a rough towel-dry.

Ellie is ALSO obsessed with her nails; not just one bottle of nail varnish but multiple shades, bottom coat, top coat, nail oil, files and buffing blocks. Where on earth has that come from?

Ellie has started EXERCISING TO LOSE WEIGHT. WTF. It’s like she’s looked at me critically and said ‘Well, buster, you’ve been in charge of this body for all these years and, be honest, you’ve let it go big time. Well, honey, time to step aside and give me a chance!’

Ellie is much tidier than old-me, and goes around collecting discarded clothes and ACTUALLY WASHING THINGS AND PUTTING THEM AWAY. Old-me never did this, at least until it reached the point where I was having to physically climb over clothes, using ropes and crampons, if I wanted to leave a room. Ellie also HOOVERS.

Ellie is particularly focused on the state of the bedroom, where she has introduced stylish wooden boxes especially for her collection of moisturisers and nail care products, introduced an incense burner and so on.

I could go on, but you get the idea. I didn’t plan any of these behavioural and psychological changes, and they’ve genuinely taken me by surprise. Ellie and I are obviously the same person, and yet we’re not. Since I’ve allowed Ellie to take over I’ve got healthier and thinner, I have better (and definitely moister) skin and nails to die for, I live in a cleaner, tidier house and I’m much more at ease with other people (especially, I’ve noticed, women). I like Ellie much more than I liked old-me, and every change has been for the better.

Fortunately, Ellie likes alcohol as much as old me, though she has an inexplicable fondness for cocktails – so I’m having to find out how to make them.

So there we are. Thoughts? What are other girls’ experiences of their femme side – positive or negative?

Looking forward to seeing what everyone has to say ...

Hugs

Ellie x