Do you ever think about quitting?

Steve,

About three years ago when I accepted my feelings and elected to explore them, I often considered quitting. As I really started to explore my feelings and to venture out, I realized that I did not want to be a woman.  I was and proud of the man I am, and any efforts to present other than the man that I am was me trying to meet someone else's standard.

First, it was throwing away the notion of wearing a wig. I never felt like me when wearing a wig.  I was hiding who I was.  At first, I looked for other options to present as woman without a wig. But in thinking about it, I concluded that it was the presenting as a woman that was the problem.  I  am not a woman, and I don't want to be a woman.  I am a man who prefers womenswear to menswear in many occasions.   This epiphany has allowed me to embrace who I am, and I am less stressed and happy.

It has been about 2 years since that epiphany.  Today, I dress how I wish whether a shirt and tie or a dress and heels without being anyone other than man whom I am proud to be.

MacKenzie Alexandra

I am not sure if this is on topic. My wife accepts my cross dressing and helps me do it. But, a few years ago I tried wearing some of her lipstick and found that I liked how it looked. I began buying my own at the stores. I soon over a hundred different colors and brands. I would wear them privately and take selfies on my phone. I had an app where I could add a wig , glasses, earings and necklaces to the pics. I was looking great in the pics. After a few months I began to feel it wasn't much fun without someone to share this experience with. One day I just threw all my lipstick out and quit. Wouldn't you know it not long after that is when my wife and I where having a cocktail and she asked if she could try some makeup on me. The rest is history. I am hooked forever now.

I rediscovered my inner woman 6 months ago. I've had so many wonderful new discoveries. Where do I start? I love wearing panties. The first time I put on pantyhose was wonderful. Finding my correct shoe size has enabled me to wear heels. I've still got to practice walking. I love wearing heels.

The best my woman side is wearing a bra. What a feeling! The first time I put in a pair of breast forms was beyond anything I have ever experienced.

I enjoy, and even relish, my feminine side. I will not abandon my femininity. Ever. Will I remain closeted? Probably. Will a I go the transgender route. No.

My woman side will be with me forever. I feel very secure with me and both of my sides.

I wish you all the best.

I understand your feelings, Jess.  I relish the feelings I get when I'm en femme.  What I can't figure out is how that acceptance and enjoyment of feminine things comes and goes.

Stephanie

I never thought of looking at things that way, Mackenzie.  Actually, being a guy in a dress is one thing I've tried to avoid ever since I got into cross-dressing.  When in feminine mode, I want to be in it 100%.

Stephanie

<p style="text-align: left;">I used to everytime I purged! As I've matured I realise that my femme side is very important to me.hedonism perhaps but I'm happy as I am.❤ charlotte xx</p>

You can check out any time you like...

:0)

Love Laura

Stephanie, I can relate to so much of what you said. I'm sure there are others on here who can as well. I and many others here went through cycles of purging our women's things only to buy more later.   Sometimes I still think how much simpler and easier my life would be without crossdressing. I still struggle to reconcile my cross dressing with the man I know I am and usually don't mind being.

I know this might just sound like someone on a crossdressing forum trying to encourage you to cross dress, but the most healthy way of dealing with it is to try to accept it.

There was a time when my cross dressing felt like a part of my life that was out of my control, that I needed to stop to get control of my life. I looked at all the money I was spending on women's clothes and concluded that this weird obsession I have with all things feminine would only get me in trouble.

But I slowly realized there will always be things I can't control. I made the decision to try to accept my cross dressing around the time I first came here. I'm still not all the way there yet, but I do allow myself to enjoy it and explore it as much as I can, even though I don't fully understand it either. Ive come to the realization that it does me more good than harm, especially when I let it.

Its totally normal to go through times when you loose the need to do it. For me they sometimes last quite a while. But I know it will always return. I've been at this long enough to know its a part of me that's not going away, even if it seems like it might sometimes.

Hopefully you'll stick around on CDH. The ladies here are very understanding, nonjudgmental and willing to help. If you do some reading around the forums I think you'll find that your experience really isn't that different. Being here has helped me a lot in my journey and I know it can for you too!

Stephanie,
About half of us are hetero males, and married, but who have a feminine side which must be expressed in varying degree. If you have the "urge", it is part of you and will always be there, whether you quit or not. The "problem" (I think) is that because much of society won't accept us, we have trouble trying to accept ourselves - which causes a lot of misery.
We are "different" but this does NOT mean that we are "wrong" in any way. The opinions of SO can cause complications beyond my ability to advise about; but I found that once I accepted myself as a CD, the rest became easier to manage. Hope this helps.
Bettylou

I began crossdressing at age 4. I am 70 now. in that 66 years I have tried quitting so many times I have lost count. Purged my feminine attire as many times . Now I accept that my years are numbered and I do what I want when I want... with limits. I am married and while she knows, she doesn't know how much or how often... out of respect.  I too am comfortable in male mode and am that way 95% of the time. But when that 'girlie girl' urge hits... I go all in and have fun with it mostly by going to stores where people know me only as Michelle. Women are so much more compassionate and I love the feeling I get when I am treated as a woman. That being said, it's football Saturday and I am off with the guys to drink beer and act like a 'man' . No, My male friends don't have a clue!

Hi Stephanie, i must admit that during my years at home with young children growing up, i did think about quitting, but, it is easier said than done. Is it an addiction? is it purely your inner thoughts and feelings? i suspect that we all have our own reasons why we do this, one thing is for sure, you can quit!...... but not for long! in my personal experience, it's not like giving up cigarettes where at first the 'pangs' are unbearable then eventually subside, oh no!! the feelings stay and stay only to get stronger and more frequent, it's almost like an itch that has to be scratched. The length of time you abstain is purely down to willpower but i have yet to speak to someone that has totally quit crossdressing. You could, i suppose describe it as a habit or more habitual but many things are at play here, not just a singularity like drinking or smoking where this is done to just make you feel good or sociable etc. Crossdressing for me involves powerful inner feelings that simply cannot be supressed, the desire to look fem, act fem, be fem and all the associated things that go with it such as clothes, makeup, perfume, accessories etc etc. This for many is a lifestyle change, to be who you want to be, the happiness, the contentment, the feeling of being complete instead of half the person you are. This is a very complicated topic!! thanks for sharing 🙂

Fiona-Ann xxx

I too like many others have had these feelings.  I definitely can't offer any insight on why they come and go.  I have gone without dressing for extended periods of time.  I don’t know.  Just wanted to chime in and add another vote to validate that you’re not alone I guess.

I will say the cycle doesn’t offer much concern for me anymore.  Even in the days when I did think about it more I guess i knew I would never be able to quit.  Now I just keep it all put away when not in the mood, knowing i’ll come back too it.

These days I guess my biggest hang up is the embarrassment I have when the topic comes up with my wife.  To her credit it’s nothing she says or does.  More so I guess it’s that I’m afraid her perception of me will change I suppose.  Again this isn’t based off anything she has said or done, but just my hang in hang up or fear or whatever.

I don't think I have ever really wanted to quit. I have postponed while raising my kids and when I was married. But always loved putting on a skirt or blouse...always. I find that I am happy just having on some type of women's clothes even if I don't have on full makeup or a wig. I love the colors and material and how they are so better cut than clothing for men. Men are so limited in everything that is made for them. I can have on a dress, wig, makeup, pantyhose and makeup and be very happy or just a pair of panties under jeans and be just as happy. I don't want to quit, there is nothing wrong with me and no guilt for loving my women's clothes.

I first put on a one piece swimsuit at a very young age. Even though I liked wearing it, I did not like the fact that I liked it. I pretty much spent my entire childhood either seizing the chance to wear one during one of those rare times when nobody was around to catch me, and trying to force myself to not like it.

Even after growing up, I kept fighting myself in my mind to stop thinking about one piece swimsuits. I once heard someone say "if you have a song stuck in your head, then just listen to it for real a few times and eventually it won't be stuck in your head." I tried the same with swimsuits. Since I had a source of income, my own address, and the convenience of shopping online in private, I used this logic to buy a few swimsuits and would put them on and wear them when I was home alone for a while. This actually did not work for me. Even with the ability to wear swimsuits more often, I still wanted to wear one every chance I got.

I am now in my early 30's and my love for one piece swimsuits still runs strong today. I find that just giving in to it and keeping it a secret is much easier than the unnecessary stress I generate from trying to get over it. Besides, when I come home after a hard day at work, I feel a huge stress stress relief and massive relaxation when I take my clothes off and put on a swimsuit.

So to answer your question, yes. I've thought about it, I've failed trying to quit, so I just quit quitting.