Do you think there is an air of competitiveness within our community?

Definitely! I agree with everything Celeste has mentioned and would go so far as to say that the things sacrificed/absent in one's masculine life can sometimes be played off like merit badges. Another part of it is that some problematic attitudes towards women can come out against CDs i.e. saying women aren't "feminine" enough can come out in criticising a CD for not jumping through the same hoops they expect women to. A woman can be hairy and wear no makeup and put on a skirt and still be a woman. A man can do the same and still be a crossdresser and isn't that the whole point? Sure, I won't look as good by just about any standard, but sometimes we can't have it all, can we?

Some of the replies so far deal in generalities about the overall hive mentality of a group. We as a society should strive to look at and see actions by indivuduals as just that. Too often we hear it said that "those people" when its likely the actions of a few within a group that give us the impression (usually negative).

It can and should also be mentioned that Some mild comparison and competitiveness helps us strive to improve and move forward.

Is it competitiveness? or is it being judgemental? We all started dressing we all are at different levels or areas of crossdressing compared to others. The need to be competitive or judgemental draws the line. We have all struggled and still struggle and when people judge then is it really helping others even if you want to call it competing.. it is detrimental to every one mental state. Some Dressers take it very serious and some are in a situation where it is life threatening or life changing. If you have to judge because some one cannot shave or go out then you need to find a new home or change the shit attitude and start helping and supporting than being the problem or adding to the problem. Whether you are Trans or starting out dressing we all have to support each other than to devide as we already have a fighting battle in being accepted in society and even just with themselves and at home..... either your part of the problem or your not...... Sorry Just my rant and JMHO.

Hi Fiona;

Another thought provoking question I see..

My take on this is a little different, I think that there are people who honestly think that success is a zero sum game and that for someone else to be pretty, rich, or successful, then someone else can't be, and then there are the people who think that "a high tide lifts all boats" and that one person being pretty, rish or successful doesn't make an iota of difference for anyone else.

I belong to the latter category and am always surprised when someone mentions that other people begrudge their whatever.   This apparently happens more than I would expect and I think a bit of that is going on with these responses.

Having said that, I DO get a little envious when I see some of the pretty pictures from some of the members who are just spectacular at it (Makeup, or photoshop 🙂 ) (You know who you are).  I wish I had 10% of that sometimes.    This isn't delusion or self pity, it's just how it is and will likely be for a long time...  (I know I'm improving);   I'm sure most of us have heard women saying "I'd love to have her .....  (whatever) " as a "Gee isn't she lucky", and then we hear the "I bet those are fake" or "They must have cost a lot", Aside from the fact that in our case it's probably true, for most GGs making that comment, it's not pretty.

In any case, WE need the pictures from the ones who are exceptionally pretty and pull it off well, and the ones that don't consider themselves pretty, but just want to share.   They're all inspirational, and as far as I'm concerned, the ones that feel like making poor comments can take it as a lesson to deal with those feelings in a positive fashion.

This is, without a doubt, the most supportive place I've ever seen, and my deepest thanks to all of you.

-Molly

Celeste;

I really appreciate your feelings on this, I'm not sure if I've been oblivious or not, but felt that I've only seen a very small number of cases like this in the forums and comments (I don't spend enough time in chat to comment), and most of the messages were more like: "It seems hard, but it's really easy, you just need to ...." which seems to be the case for most things we haven't done yet.

Your last comment on "hairy panty wearers" made me giggle though. Thanks, that makes my day. I guess there's a bar that most of us would actually agree is the minimum to call yourself a CD, and the chaos of trying to turn that into a succinct "Are you even a cross dresser?" type poll would be something best done at a gathering with plenty of "inhibition suppression fluid" 🙂

23 steps to becoming a crossdresser and then becoming more than a crossdresser perhaps?

-Molly

i know in my support group there is infighting between two groups and the leader of one of the groups is doing everything in her power to either take over the entire group or start up a group of her own

If there's competitiveness , then it's an individuals choice to join in or not .. like the rest of life xx Tiff

I am in NO way a competetive person but I'm sure there are some people here that are. I don't feel jealousy or envy when I see a gorgeous looking girl, I am happy for her. And I feel compassion for those who are too afraid to leave thier bedroom/house en femme or for whatever reason, struggle with coming out to their spouse/family. I know those feelings all to well and feel blessed that I have come so far it such a short period of time but that's because it was meant to be.
We all struggle enough with our crossdressing desires and/or transgenderism, don't make things harder by feeling competative, jealous, angry or envious on this website, if you do. This should be everyone's safe place, a refuge where we can be ourselve's without the nonsence!!f2f
Hugs, Breanna

I haven't noticed any bitchy, jealous type of competitiveness.  Everyone I've encountered here seems very friendly and helpful.  Seeing other girls who look particularly good in one way or another does motivate me to up my game.  It's not because I am jealous or feel that I am in competition with them.  It's just that something in them made me notice something that is lacking in my appearance, and I want to improve it.

I've heard others complain of this. Many have said it's a thing between CD's and TG's. I have never experienced any of it.

I've noticed it in real life but not on line in this community at all.

As a beautiful, articulate and loveable sex-bomb surrounded by many more beautiful articulate and loveable sex-bombs I am quite surprised at the kindness and helpfulness that our membership show to each other?

Perhaps it's because we all share the same stories of dispair, optimism or happiness that leaves us with no reason to be openly 'bitchy' to each other?

Like the bits you like and ignore the bits you don't.....Sally xx

Celeste;

Thanks for the clarification, and I do appreciate the distinction. I showed up at my first CD meeting in Drab with a full beard (had it for 15 years and was struggling with how to explain it's removal). Some of the questions were very interesting to say the least.

I think I can see the CD/TG comment from both sides, but I do understand the feeling of being lucky you don't need to transition; I feel it too, and am concerned that one day I'll find myself over the edge and feeling that I need to transition simply because of the emotional pain that it'll cause.

-Molly

Hmmm, it seems my thought provoking topic has raised even more thought provoking topics!! i knew this could come across as contraversal as of course there are many aspects and views on this subject. Having said that, i can only go on what i have witnessed and felt, although in the whole picture, its certainly not detrimental. Maybe this gives many of us a positive impetus to do better, but of course it can have a negative impact too, i suppose it depends on the individual, some people will simply 'brush it off' with a couldnt care less attitude, others will take it to heart. I agree with the comments above that there really should be no competition, we are, at the end of the day, a family, sisters, a community. My view has always been, no matter how you look, you should be treated equal.

Finances also play a huge part too, for many of us (myself included), we simply do not have pots of money hanging around to afford all the best clothes, makeup and everything else, its a case of make do and mend, i shop regularly at charity shops (thrift stores), and i couldnt care less if they have been worn before, nothing better than a bargain!! and remember too, you are helping others by the charity and also doing your bit for the environment by recycling and re-using clothes 🙂 .

Thanks for all your splendid replies so far!!! keep 'em coming!!

Love and kisses, Fiona xxx