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More rambling. The actual question is at the end.
It's been over a week since I started to admit there was something going on in me. Talking to you all has been so helpful, but the truth is I'm still so utterly confused about what I am and where I want to go. One moment I'm thinking about wigs and dress styles, and the next I feel I'm a nutter and should jump out of it before I do something I'll regret.
I can't imagine shaving my ample body hair, due to limited patience and fear of my wife questioning me, so I was developing a vision of wearing leggings and long sleeves thing under a dress (I always felt drawn to the look of contrasting legging under a skirt), but then what to do about my face?! I'm not sure I'd be interested in makeup or find it pratical enough.
Today it occured to me that some people might dress without even trying to "pass", and perhaps that might be nice, despite my previous judgemental inner dialogue on the matter. Bald man in a dress, that would be me 😔.
To make matters more confusing, I got two thongs. One was frilly in a womens style but cut for men, and the other was a lilak tuck thong. I seem WAY more intersted in the tuck thong, so that puts a dent in my theory of dressing without trying to hide anything.
But in my dreams perhaps there is something magical about the idea of unifying both sides of me, with friends I can trust, in a dress, accepted, without judgement. I don't know.
Feeling guilty for subjecting you to more insecure ramblings. I am indeed wondering if a gender therapist would help but I'm not sure, since I do know I'm comfortable with the male side, and only seem to "fancy" girls.
The question - have you come across peope who dress, perhaps with the appearance of breasts and tucking, but without any effort to "pass"? E.g. they might just let their head or face reveal them.
Emma
@emmajones Your profile is incomplete enough that I can't guess your age. You could be in your teens or twenties, is my guess.
What are your goals regarding dressing and your gender? If you want to do more than just crossdress, maybe now would be a good time to get some professional advice, before you go too far in an unhelpful direction.
I asked about your goals because it is comforting to have some sort of plan. For example, maybe you only want to dress in private. This will give you more time learn how to do make-up better before going out in public often, later. It can take time to control some body hair, to make presentation better. If you are not out to your girlfriend, then you need to learn how to deal with that.
If you need to shave a beard, starting now gives more time to let others adapt to a big, obvious change. It makes doing make-up easier, too. 😁
As a probable young person, try not to be in a rush. Read, listen, and learn as you go.
Please, let us learn more about you.
@harriette, thanks for the tip abouy my profile. I've just added an age, I am mid 40s, but I've blanked out infrequent dressing tendancies since early teens.
I did look at my profile a few days ago, but felt I didn't know enough about what I was to write much! I think I'm trying to avoid appearing unstable.
I've no idea what my plan is. I think that's what's been frustrating me. As you say, it's comforting.
The one thing I do know is that I'm really appretiative of CDH and being given this opportunity to walk this path with company.
Emma
@emmajones That's OK, as you will learn here, none of us have all of the answers about why or how we dress. Take your time to understand yourself more.
Ah, Emma, I see you've discovered that crossdressing can be a complex and contradictory life choice. And it is a choice because, even if the urge is strong, we choose whether or not to do it.
You are getting yourself tied up in knots. When that happens to me, I tell myself to stop. Go back to the beginning and try to see this as new again. Before thinking about thinking, see what you feel. Don't even attempt to judge if it's good or bad, the feeling will answer that.
This is, without doubt, the best place to discuss what you are currently experiencing, we are a truly diverse community. There is a downside though and you've just found it, there's just so much to compare ourselves to! No wonder so many of us get confused.
That's why I say go back to the beginning and let your feelings guide you, at least until the need to consider the practicalities and certainly before (or instead of) worrying about what it means for you psychologically. You've had your own self-image for years, now it's being challenged by your desire to crossdress. Nothing has to be destroyed here, only accommodated.
Don't worry about rambling, it often results in the best result 😊.
Keep posting!
Allie x
My goodness. I needed to read those words so much. And to hear that other people tie themselves up in knots too.
I want to let myself focus on the feeling and dial down the thinking. I will let myself try to just experience.
Thank you.
Emma
@emmajones Emma, I'm bald, bearded and hairy. I like who I am in drab, and I like who I am en femme. The idea that gender is either this or that is a myth. Nothing else about you is either one or the other. Your hair could be thin and blonde on your head but dark and thick elsewhere. You could be light brown, auburn, red or black. Skin can be from arctic white to desert black and everything in between. Gender identity is the same way. It runs from super macho gorilla to silly frilly giggly girl. All you need to decide is what makes you feel right at any given time and who you trust enough to tell them who you are.
I have put on my steel toed shoes and cut down trees so I could put a house on my property and then worn pink frillies to relax. One person in my life knows about both sides of me and she was the one who helped me cut down the trees. Don't beat yourself up over this. It is not religious or political and it is nobody's business unless you want it to be. Be the best of who you are whoever that is.
Love Tia
Thanks for painting the picture of your situation for me, I love it!
In addition to the contrast you describe (work vs home) I also really like the emphasis of gender being fluid and picking whats right at the time. This helps very much.
Emma
@emmajones I'm glad I can help. Being a "Stranger in a Strange Land" as one author put it is hard to deal with sometimes even for the most stable of us. We balance on a tight rope because we don't feel complete on either side. Tie a swing to the tight rope, feel the wind in your hair and enjoy the ride.
Love Tia
@emmajones I have found that there is a broad range of approaches to crossdressing. This includes people like myself, who want to be feminine from head to toe, to others who just wear female clothes. As an example, I saw someone out and about two days ago wearing a feminine top, capri pants and low heel pumps (nice clothes btw..) while having a beard. They definitely didn't wish to pass as a woman but just preferred the look and feel of women's clothes. Apparently, no thought of passing but still cross dressed by general societal standards. Good for them I say...express yourself in whatever way you want!
It's funny I guess, that there is such variation here that I'd never thought of until now. Thanks for the example - really helps build my view of the full spectrum.
Emma
@emmajones Just go with what feels right for you. Wear what you like and feel comfortable with. If you don't want to wear makeup, then that's fine, no rule says you have to.
(I'm writing this dressed, but not wearing makeup).
Crossdressing is, in part, exploring how you see yourself and therefore is whatever you want it to be or can safely let it be. Just be patient with yourself - remember we are all on different journeys.
Anna x
@emmajones No, I don’t personally know any cross dressers who don’t try to pass, though I know they’re out there. I DO try to pass as I feel it’s safer that way for me. But like you, I have a lot of body hair and I don’t want to shave or wax it off as that would lead to questions that I don’t want to answer. So I just wear long sleeves and black nylons when I wear a skirt. And please remember, you’re not in a race, so take your time to figure out who you are and what you feel is right for you.
Hugs, Jill
@jillannquinn I had been wondering about that - that it might actually be safer to try and pass if going out. Not that I'm even remotely close, Inot least as I've not got any clothes yet.
I guess you just have to do a good job of the face if going down that route.
I like your profile. Much respect for your self acceptance.
Good advice about taking the time. I'm trying to do that, with the odd indulgent daydream, which feels like it's doing wonders in itself. I never realised that I'd have to grow my self acceptance so much just to get to that point.
Emma
@emmajones and @jillannquinn,
While I do see the logic behind the idea that it is safer if trying to pass, I can also speak from experience that I have never not felt safe in presenting as I do. I will admit, however, that my size and build (I am built like a bear.) is helpful in dissuede those who might wish to me harm. But I do agree that whatever path one chooses, there are both positive and negative consequenses and risks.
MacKenzie Alexandra
The bear bit gave me such a laugh!
I guess a part is being confident enough in ones self to not be scared of the social attention from just being different. But perhaps it gets easier with time.
Emma
@ladymakenzie I’m more the size of a cub than a bear. 😂 So trying (and I really stress, TRYING) to pass seems in my best interest for my safety.
@emmajones In my humble, non-professional opinion, this all begins with self acceptance. Otherwise, you will probably end up in the vicious cycle of buying and purging anything feminine and feeling shame and guilt. And that not only wastes your time and money, but I doubt it’s good for your mental health.
For me, accepting my feminine side really changed my life for the better. Much better. My wife can see that I’m happier and calmer and that can’t be bad at all. It also shifted my reason for dressing from a sexual fetish to something that makes me happy and relaxed. I hope this helps you.
Yes! It does seem that way for me too now that you point it out, even at this early stage of accepting. When suppressed it does seem to leak out more as a sexual fetish. But if allowed to be it can seem so pecaceful, at least in my mind.
Emma
Well, I don't feel like I pass very well, even though I generally try to by shaving and otherwise trying to look the part. I have to accept that I am probably always going to look like a man in a dress though. You can look at my pics and decide for yourself. There are people on this website who do wear feminine clothes, but don't shave or are otherwise not really trying to pass.
I think the main things are to decide what look you're after, and learn to accept what's possible with who you are.
Hi @raven188 , I actually stumbled on your profile a few days ago and it amazed me. You look so happy and natural. And your story paints such a picture of a comfortable balanced attitude. I read with awe about you wandering around campus, and I thought it was so great that you seemed unfazed by your partner not being a fan. Quite inspiring.
Emma
Hey Emma, thank you for your kind words. I'm sure I'm not as inspiring as it seems, lol. It's tough sometimes and I get nervous and confused about things all the time.
@emmajones I have no chance at “passing”. My wife would immediately catch me and a VERY uncomfortable situation would arise. Will I ever be able to fully embrace Rachael? I don’t know. I’ve been hiding this since before Rachael was Rachael, if that makes any sense. All I can say is do as much as you can and feel comfortable with. Only you know your situation. And then go from there
@emmajones Hi Emma. Not only have I come across the people you mention, I am the people you mention. I've been tucking for so long I now consider myself to be an expert. I can wear the tightest of leggings without showing anything. I also wear a padded bra daily which gives a pretty good B cup. Now to the crunch! I don't go out in a skirt (well I did once but it's not a habit) & I wear loose t shirts which pretty much cover the obvious. I do have a wig which I have worn out but it is a generic straight cut blonde affair & isn't a particularly girly style so that's basically just hair. Passing would involve actually going out & trying to look like a real woman with the whole make up, nails & shoes thing. I am not sure I could pull that off & right now I don't feel the urge to do so. Shaved legs are a must for me but again those are easily hidden & even in shorts, who goes around checking men's legs for hairyness? that would be a bit weird.
Jumping back to the start of your post, it's by no means unusual to wonder what the hecky decky is going on with me. It takes time to process things like this so just take it steady & don't do anything rash. It can take time to come to terms with your new "reality" & just talking things through with someone can be a big help. As it looks like your wife is not aware of this then you can always find a sympathetic ear here. Personally I don't care for therapists & the like. I KNOW who I am & a complete stranger isn't going to find any hidden secrets, all they will do is drain my bank account. I would think it through yourself for a long time before deciding on that route. But hey, that's just my opinion for what it's worth.
Given enough time I'm certain that you will come to a definitive answer or find a balance that can work for you, in the meantime just go with the flow & don't sweat the small stuff.
X
Sasha
So you tuck and shave, etc. for yourself, but when going out you cover it and usually present as a man? That makes sense to me I think, as you feel different underneath. Though I can also imagine a side of me craving validation.
I've not attempted much proper dress up yet but think I probably lean more towards understated than sparkley. I don't seem to be interested in nails and shoes, but certainly have a thing for leggings.
Yeah, I suspect the therapist idea isn't going to help either. Slowly exploring, largely in my head, seems to be helping most at the moment, though there's a long way to do.
Thanks for sharing your position. Really does help.
Emma
@emmajones The whole thing is more about fitting in with my inner self image than making a statement to the outside world. Maybe one day I will but for now this will suffice. Having said all that I've just ordered a new "utility" kilt which, I suspect, will get plenty of use. One of the benefits to being in Scotland!
Shaved legs are a must for me but again those are easily hidden & even in shorts, who goes around checking men's legs for hairyness? that would be a bit weird.
This is my first full summer of doing what I do in public, so I still closely watch people, to see where on me they first look.
Yesterday, while wearing fairly short shorts, it was as if my hairless legs were in a spotlight. Not much of a tan makes them very light coloured, Sasha, so I guess they stood out, so to speak. It also occurred to me that I need to figure out what to do with my hairy arms.
Live and learn.
@harriette I would suggest that arms & legs get the same treatment. At least mine do. Have you considered that maybe it's the shortness of the shorts that's getting attention rather than the legs within?
It's probably down to being in Scotland but when I'm out in a kilt no one is checking my legs out (at least as far as I have noticed) Maybe a tan will help or perhaps just stop closely watching people so much & just do your thing 😀
@harriette I would suggest that arms & legs get the same treatment. At least mine do.
It took me about 1.5-2 years to get my legs as hairless as they are, so I imagine that it will take even longer for my arms because there is so much more white hair there now.
Have you considered that maybe it's the shortness of the shorts that's getting attention rather than the legs within?
Oh, I am certain that short shorts are part of the scenario, but long, untanned legs catch their eyes, too. I walked up to a cashier who was sitting down and my waist was right at her eye level. She said, "Nice shorts!" 🫣 We learn things through experience.
It's probably down to being in Scotland but when I'm out in a kilt no one is checking my legs out (at least as far as I have noticed) Maybe a tan will help or perhaps just stop closely watching people so much & just do your thing 😀
A kilt on a man has to be a bit different and more expected in Scotland than short shorts. I am sure that a tan would tone down things, but I closely watch people to get feedback about how I dress. It doesn't hurt to look.
@emmajones I"ll answer your question before I start to ramble. YES! I see folks out now and then, includig the one I see in the mirror that dresses in what I like, on that day, with or without any form of makeup.
I ran into a fella at a 80s retro bar I frequent watching a Cure cover band play. He was wearing a great pencil dress with spaghetti straps, pumps and no makeup obvious male pattern bald with stubble length. He had a small bag on his elbow. He and his friend were having a blast.
I used to OBSESS over "passing" until I learned that I don't feel like I'm "crossdressing" anymore. I'm wearing MY clothes from MY closet that my wife sees and offers her opinions on. I wear what moves me that day. Jeans/T-shirt/cowboy boots, ok... skirt/strappy tank top/wedges...cool. And I have been known to wear or NOT wear makeup with either configuration.
I'm try to say IDGAF what people think, even though I do stress over what reactions I might get. But telling myself IDGAF as I walk out the door or walk into the bar helps...
You go be that glorious bald fella in a dress! Be YOU and and be HAPPY hon.
Have fun out there!
XOXO
Rayna
That's really interesting to me. Can you help me understand how, on the one hand, you can feel IDGAF but on the other also stress about the potential reactions of other people?
I have a feeling I'm starting to understand what you mean, like when I look in the mirror, but I'm not sure I'm there yet.
Emma
@emmajones Hey there! So, it's more like the "act as if" or "fake it till you make it approach".
I tell myself IDGAF what people think even though I'm a little stressed about acceptance. I may even put on a "WHAT?! Say something, I dare you.." attitude to convince myself that what they think isn't a factor.
I WANT to be accepted and I DO worry about what people think, I'm just trying not to prevent it from living MY life as I see fit....
I hope that made a little sense, 😉
Have fun out there!
XOXO
Rayna
Makes perfect sense. Love it! I don't have the confidence yet, but it is certainly growing and that's a great vision to aspire to!
Emma
x
@emmajones If you are interested in my take on all this, I don't pass as a girl, probably never will, but I enjoy dressing as much as anyone here. I want to go out en femme, and have once been in public, wearing a denim skirt, long sleeved top, ballerina flats, all the proper underwear and a wig. However, I have not done that since that one time and I really want to again. My every day femme clothes for going out, are things like jeans, work pants, trainers, and other femme shoes that, at a glance, pass muster as a normal guys shoes. Just this morning, I was at my local supermarket wearing all femme clothes, denim shorts, no-show socks, trainers, bikini panties, black cami bra (no boobs) and a black teeshirt that could be anyones.I also carried a small femme cross body purse and had no wig on. As far as I was concerned, I was dressed and happy with the way I felt, the staff in the store who know me just nattered as usual, and other customers didn't bother me. I may have seen another dresser, but not sure, a tall lady with a masculine(ish) build. I do add my forms when the weather is cooler and when a light jacket is needed. A jacket is enough to minimize my boobs.
You look fantastic to me! I like your style of dressing. I'm also envious of your bravery going out today, and without wig. In my beginners mind that feels like a peak of confidence and self-acceptance.
Sometimes I imagine seeing someone dressed out, when I'm in my usual boy clothes, and wonder how I'd react. In reality I'd be too shy to do anything, but in my head I'd give them a hug and thank them for showing people like me that it can be done.
Emma
@emmajones I’ve been out to my wife for 3 years. She much prefers I don’t go out dressed. Thus I’m content to be inside. I wear feminine attire to bed every night and all morning as a rule. I don’t put on makeup or a wig ( really hot here). I love sleeping as a girl, it is so relaxing. The one drawback, Lorraine is constantly shopping for nightware, and my wife already thinks she has way to many things LOL.
Sleeping as a girl. What a lovely thought! I don't know why I like it so much, but I do. One day I will get to try it.
Emma
@emmajones That's the easy bit, just get yourself some short pj's or a cheap nightie from Tesco or Asda. Although, having said that, as you are married and if she doesn't know, it could be a problem. 😀
Actually, as of yesterday, she does know! I made another topic where I wrote about it. So it will be quite interesting to see what is to come.
Emma
Hello Emma,
Everyone has different goals and ideas as how far they want to dress, it is hard to give an opinion. I have met a few people who are just happy dressing at home, no make up, also, I met someone many years ago who only like to wear high heels in public.
My questions to you is, what is your comfort zone? do you want to present yourself as a lady? do you want to go out in public?
In my case, I love going out fully dressed, being able to do regular everyday activities out with the public, so I make sure to present myself as much as possible as a lady, dress and act appropriate for the time and place I am visiting.
There are ways to hide your body hair, long dress, pants/leggings, but my preference close shave full makeup, anyway, I can go on forever, wish you luck.
The media is full of people who dress because they feel like it, rather than to pass as women. Three that immediately come to mind are Suzy (previously Eddie) Izzard, Conchita Wurst, the Eurovision singer, and more controversially perhaps, Lewis Hamilton, who seems to spend an inordinate amount of time in alternative clothing. I suppose it is easier if you have money, an entourage to protect you and a collection of adoring fans, but the many 'men in dresses' I have seen just dress and go out into the world.
Personally, I like to try to pass and up to a point, I can (at a distance), but if you choose to go out 'warts and all', more power to your elbow.
Your profile indicates that you've only just started crossdressing, so I think any talk of gender therapists is premature.
I think many of us started by wondering if we were perverts, closet gays, sexual deviants, or some other socially unacceptable group of weirdos but we soon dismiss those thoughts and realise that we are just 'us'. Most of us find ourselves and what makes us tick as CDers sooner or later.
Just go with the flow. See what you like, what makes you feel good and dismiss any negative thoughts about what you are doing. You've only just started and you have a long way to go so just experiment with the here and now and enjoy the feelings -- without guilt.
Talk on here, try things out, and see how you feel about what you do in a few months -- you might come to love your crossdressing side, or you might just decide that it is not for you and give up on the whole thing.
Whatever happens, have fun with it..
Becca
I had no idea Eddie was now Suzy! From comedy memories decades ago I would think of Eddie as my rock solid positive image of a "bloke in a dress". Am both happy for her and slightly disoriented at the news and realising that what I thought was fixed was evolving. Silly of me to have thought otherwise really.
I've never heard of Conchita Wurst until now, but his look is very interesting. Am going to sit with that see what comes.
Yes, I've spent so much time thinking I'm a terrible deviant. I think my wife rejecting much milder sexual aspects helped firm up that pre-existing. But that's ok, I will slowly explore on my own.
Yours and @alexina's words about just feeling, less thinking, less guit, are so right.
Emma
@rebeccabaxter Lewis Hamilton doesn't dress to pass, he's just got terrible fashion sense 🤣 I can't help but think of "the emperors new clothes" whenever I see the latest dreadful outfit. I doubt he would be wearing that if he worked at a local builders merchant.
Do what works for you. I have been out with a few femme touchs but otherwuse male often, ie forms under a male shirt, lipstick and a touch of make up but otherwise male, or a skirt and otherwise male look. I do have hairless legs, but I started that in my bicycle racing days and just continue it (as well as removing most other body hair these days...not so much for dressing, buy becuase I like it thay way.)
These days if I am going out en femme I tend to go all the way, buy around the house I just wear a dress as my only femme wear (besides panties which have become normal base wear.)
@jjandme that sounds so balanced and centered and healthy. Like so many people here you're doing it your way. I have so much respect and admiration for that ability, and I hope it will rub off on me.
Perhaps it already is. I feel like so much has changed in how I percieve other people in just a week. And it may not be a big difference, but I'm starting to accept myself a bit more.
I don't think I could have spent an hour last night wandering round in panties were it not for the reassurance of knowing about others like you.
Emma
I firmly believe that 'passing' is a myth. Realistically speaking it means that you are thinking you know what some strangers are thinking about you. You can neither dictate to them what to think, nor know what they are thinking.
So why expend any energy on this notion?
Just dress how you want to dress and leave others thoughts to themselves. 🙂
I can relate to your point about expending energy on something. Like, some aspects of dressing up I'd probably happily spend hours on and enjoy every moment, others might feel like a chore. So I was trying to pass I'd have to push myself through the negative parts too.
It's funny isn't it. The extreme power of social interaction on self image.
I guess it takes quite a bit of clarity to separate what your directly doing for yourself, versus what you're doing for other people in the hope you'll get something back that you need.
I wonder if I'll get the opportunity to meet some other crosdressers in person one day. The would be interesting. Even if only my male form.
Emma
I wonder if I'll get the opportunity to meet some other crosdressers in person one day. The would be interesting. Even if only my male form.
I'd say there's every chance 🙂 I'm not a million miles from you, and I live 24/7 as Fiona now. I would be only too happy to help other girls explore their identities and find themselves like I have. I'll drop you a PM shortly.
Well Emma, I'm full time but don't wear makeup or a dress unless I'm going to an event or party. Otherwise, most days you'll just see me in jeans and a top wearing my ponytail through a baseball cap. It really doesn't cause much concern for me or change the way I'm treated. My body is feminine and hairless but my face is not pretty so I just make do with what nature gave me and live my life. Safe Journey, Marg
Thanks for sharing. Hearing these examples of realistic balance, and how it works for people means a lot to me - slowly giving me the confidence to allow myself to explore.
I liked your swimsuit article and bio.
Emma
@emmajones Thanks Emma, I'm glad if it helped. I'm also glad that the swimsuit article and bio is still of use too. I haven't had much swimsuit time this year but maybe I'll get some chance in Atlanta next month. Just take your time and you'll find your balance in all of this. Incidentally, even though I'm hairless and have somewhat shapely legs, I do wear dark leggings a lot. That helps to cover all the bug bites and bruises that I get from working around the farm. It's just being realistic. Safe Journey, Marg
I'm a new member here but I just wanted to add my thoughts on the pass or not pass idea, I mostly keep my dressing to under dressing mainly panties of a variety. I just recently told my wife she is accepting and like to see me in my panties. about it. I am a long haired bearded male who just loves wearing panties. From time to time I will put my wife's pants on we are the same size but I don't go out in her pants just wear them around at home not all the time though. I have no desire to pass for female I just like the clothes. Panties are by far my favorite articles of women's clothing to wear I wear panties everyday under my male clothes and feel so good about it. And that's what it's all about to me is what makes you feel good. Do what you do,wear what you want and don't be ashamed of your self. I've been wearing panties since I was a young boy but never knew that someone someday would accept it
If someone had told me that one day I'd this pleased to read a message like that I'd never have believed them!
It's so reassuring to hear all these personal experiences. I like hearing how other peoples partners often accept and even support them like yours. Because, even though I'm not in that lucky situation, I can't be too bad when I know this community, and many of their partners are so supportive.
Thank you for contributing to the overwhelming voice of support that one doesn't need to pass. I really really appretiate it. This topic has honestly helped me.
Emma
No doubt there are many different types here from trans people who do not want to pass as a woman, but to be a woman, and good onya for it. There are others who the whole purpose of dressing is to look and feel as feminine as possible. Then there are those who just like to wear femme things and beards, body hair and big muscular builds are of no consequence to how they look, because they just feel good when en femme, fully or partially. No doubt there are many other reasons as well. None are right or wrong, they are just reasons why to dress.
Personally, I just enjoy dressing. It makes me feel good and gives me pleasure. Sure, it would be great if I looled so good people mistake me for a woman, but I am fine with thst not happening and I.just enjoy myself.
I thought about asking the same question, I wondered how often do others wear dresses and skirts without make-up, I like to wear loose fitting dresses when I'm at home relaxing, I never go out in public with out putting on my make-up
Erika
Emma,
I am not sure if this is what you are seeking, but I share my outlook and experience with you. I also invite you to check out the phots in my profile for a visual reference.
I describe myself as having a gender identify of male, but with a feminine gender expression. That being said, I generally present as a the proud man that I am. However, I also typically wear feminine attire on a daily basis that is appropriate for the situation - skirts or dresses or slacks and blouses for work and more casual wear (leggings, shorts, jeans, and tees) for recreational activities. Throughout out this, there is little doubt that I am a man. I have sported a military style haircut since high school and a neatly trimmed goatee and mustache since my wedding. I really have no desire to present as a woman, and as such rarely wear makeup, and never wear a wig.
Additionally, I naturally posess a B cup size bust line for which I find wearing a bra daily to be much more comfortable, especially if I am involve in more physical activity. This is true even if I am sporting fully masculine attire. The few times when circumstances do not allow me to wear a bra (some family events), I find that experience physical discomfort.
My experience, in general, has been positive. In my public interactions, I have have found taht most individuals return respect with respect. I will often receive compliments from both men and women for my outfits and courage. On a few occassions, parents have used my presentation as a teaching moment for their children to express the uniquess of individuals in our society. And even those who are clearly uncomfortable with my presentations tend be courteous as they try to limit the duration of their interaction with me.
Feel free to respond here with any questions or to PM me.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Gosh, that's exactly what I was wondering, and you do it with such grace. I'm very impressed. I can't imagine ever having that confidence, but thank you for proving to me that people do it and it works. I love the way you look so at ease in your photos.
Emma
Thanx for the compliments. It is a journey that can only be accomplished one day at a time, one step at a time.
@emmajones I agree with Mackenzie. You’re on a journey of self discovery. It will be difficult to predict where you’ll be a year from now as you navigate these waters. A few years ago I couldn’t have imagined where I am today. We are all on a similar path but our expression of it depends a lot on who we are, what our circumstances are m, our ago, and where we live. Ten years ago I couldn’t imagine myself in a dress but times change. I’ve lost a lot of my early conditioning and gender fluidity is much better understood and acceptable.
For the record I often go about my day dressed en femme. I was surprised by the plumber dropping by while fully dressed, about to go out to an event and it didn’t rattle me or him in the slightest. When I do present as male, I’m usually wearing women’s clothes and look androgynous. I’ve seen men dressed as women without a wig and looking very much like a man in a dress. They don’t seem to bother anyone. What ever you do decide, own it and wear what you want with grace and dignity.
I kind of like that idea, that I might not have any clue of what could be possible in future. It makes sense, as I never saw myself having acknowledged anything like seem to have done now.
Just imagining someone coming to the door and neither party being shocked. That's really something!
Emma
@emmajones The more I show up as Lea the more natural it becomes. I think it’s a matter of me accepting myself and putting myself out there. The more I do, the more acceptance I feel. Good luck on your journey Emma. As a navy seal once said, coming out as as a trans woman was the most challenging thing she has ever done. It’s not for the faint of heart. Most us certainly wouldn’t go through all this for the sake of a lark.
@ladymakenzie I could never be close to you in presenting when out, but I’ve found that when I am out, I really don’t think about the people who might see me. I’m dressing to please me, not them. 🤗
I’d say %50 of the time I crossdress I get completely done up, shaved, makeup and a beautiful full outfit , wig and shoes. Now I go through phases in life where my feminine desires come and go but there are some articles of female clothes that I wear all the time even in male mode. That means the other %50 of the time I crossdress is just me putting on a denim skirt or sundress with some sandals and a cotton bra but not wearing a wig, makeup, or even trying to look like a woman. I enjoy ladies clothes and find them more comfortable but don’t always feel the need to completely feminize my look especially if I’m not leaving the house. I enjoy both whether I’m going all out or just slipping on a skirt to relax on the couch in.
-Natalie (:
Thank you! I've really got to get used to this 'phases' thing, where desires change.
Emma
@emmajones I’m still getting used to it myself! Eventually I got to the point where I’m tired of repressing this side of me. I cringe when I think of my many purges in the past. I just want to accept me for me.
@coloradog1 your words are so perfect, reading them was like I was talking to myself.
Emma
