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For the week of Christmas my aunt convinced me to fly to Alaska with her. I am from Arkansas and I did not have proper clothing. When ordering clothing I decided that I would order fem cloths when possible. The fem clothing were mostly leggings. I wore my leggings from the time I went to the airport until I got home. I was very self conscious for the whole week but the experience was very liberating. I even went to the Ulta in Fairbanks Alaska and received a makeup tutorial. The young lady named Jazzy was very helpful and did a great job.
I tell this story because it made me realize that I would like to dress and look fem full time. I have a couple of obstacles, I am single now so I don’t need to concern myself with a SO however, in my family only my daughter knows and I am unsure how to approach my son. He is closed minded about the subject (I tried my best to help him keep an open mind but we are in Arkansas). I have two grandchildren through him and I would like to continue to see them. Any advice on how to approach him.
The other issue I have is with work, I work for a community mental health facility we are in many counties. The company I work for should be very open but the reality is that many people are closed minded. The CEO is a very open person and we have an open line of communication, I plan to spend next week at the corporate office and I want to tell her about who I am. Once again, any advice on how I should approach the subject.
Below is a link to a pic of me at the arctic circle. The temp was -30. Notice I have on a pair of leggings. I actually had 3 pairs on along with some fleece tights.
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It would seem obvious to have that conversation with the CEO Alla if you believe that you wish to progress to being more open with your dressing and think that you want to work in femme clothes or go further in appearing as a woman. Clearly you have issues with your location and attitudes there which should be part of that discussion which I am sure the CEO would be aware of. If the company has strict rules about the issue that is fine when dealing with workers and the process for you to adopt. You are dealing with the public in a sensitive environ coupled with attitudes it may be difficult for you. If you haven't done so already have a look at your companies policy, if there is one.
From my own experience I applied for jobs and here every major and even minor company has a policy regarding inclusivity and I made it clear I was male but appeared as a woman. The applications went well and I got jobs with no issues. I know that your situation is different in that you are currently employed but there is something I may offer. I work with vulnerable adults with mental health and learning issues also dealing with families. I said at the start that I would not be offended or cause issue if a case, individual or family objected to my being the case worker. I was told that it would not be a problem and in fact it all went smoothly as it was on a one to one basis and most, if not all, just saw a woman support worker. One issue came up later in my work when I went to another department. There were a couple of clients whose families had stated, either through religious or personal reasons, that no males were allowed to do any intimate care, such as toileting or any exposure of skin. This never came up before and the manager asked if this would be an issue as it breached the company charter, something that was perhaps overlooked before, I had no issue and respected that.
As I haven't officially changed my name the companies only used my female name on all E mail addresses, I.D. and to all the other staff. They held the real details at head office and if any one leaked those details it would breach data protection. Although I entered the workplace as Angela I was asked if the staff should know and I decided no but the managers knew but if anyone had an issue I would happily discuss it with them. If you decide to progress it would be prudent to work out a plan with your CEO how you wish this to happen, again most companies have this in a policy.
It isn't easy and there are girls here who have done what you are thinking of and seemed to have been successful and can offer you more detailed advice.
The main thing is that you are 100% sure in yourself and prepared for what comes but not be put off by a few, and I am sure it will be a few, that may have a negative attitude.
I hope you work it out.
My belief is you need to be you, and if that means dressing partially or fully en femme, do so. The one place for a reasonable compromise is with your son. He is an adult, and if he has a problem with your dressing, it is his problem, not yours, but your grand kids are a different concern. I suggest telling your son, and discussing/agreeing to not dress around the grand kids, at least while they are young. When they are older then you can decide if you want to tell them.
As for work, they need to wake the f@%k up, especially being in the mental health industry. I assume you have an HR department, so use them if you get the least bit of grief from anybody. Sure Arkansas can be pretty conservative, but they are not brain dead. I was traveling across the country by car, mostly en femme, and went shopping in Little Rock, and was treated extremely well. Not all of the state is close minded, and just maybe you can open a few minds by being you.
Hi Alla,
As Angela mentions in her post, there are a few girls here on CDH who are more than crossdressers, we are transgender. I am one of them, a trans woman and have been living and dressing female full time for almost a year.
I came out to my co workers and admin staff that I was transgender and asked if it would be okay to transition while at work. I received unanimous approval, have transitioned and am now legally a female and viewed and treated as such by all my co workers.
I have to ask you an important question, one you really have to consider. Angela and I are both full time women, and we are viewed as such because we "pass" as women when viewed publicly. The topic of "passing" is always a bit controversial because some people dress and don't give a d*mn about what others think, while others are petrified to go out because they don't feel they "pass" as women. Angela and I both work with the public, and live as women full time, largely because we are fortunate that we look feminine.
So the important question you need to address is, can you pass as a woman? If you believe you can, and have the confidence that you can, then the world is your oyster girl! Good luck!
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
We her at CDH are all over the place, from the closeted crossdresser to the full trans girls. Many of us move from one end to the other. Some are happy with the occasional CD outing while others want/need? to go all the way surgeries included. For me I am ot to most important people in my life. Most of the time I wear no male clothing from the time I get out of the shower after work till I put on my uniform the next time I work.
. Cassie
It has been a month and a half since I wrote this post. I figured I would give an update. Soon after the post, I began debating again about transitioning. I have thought about it a lot. I went to a therapist and started researching HRT again. The week before I came out at work, I decided I wanted to do HRT. On the 25th of January, I took a five-hour drive to our corporate office and came out to my CEO, my COO, and my employees. Every single person was supportive. I went back the following week to my home location. I told several people the following Monday and, on Tuesday, changed my name and my email address. Last week, I met with my doctor and began HRT.
A few people are upset, but that is their problem. Coming out has been such a blessing. I have most of my male clothing put away, I go out as Alla full time, and my son, though unhappy, has been OK with the change.
Follow your heart Alla, so happy for you, and the acceptance you are receiving. All my best wishes to you moving forward.
B x
Alla,It's important to do what's good for your soul, only you live inside yourself and it's not, right neither are you. There are the real issues that you'll have to deal with but just that deal with. Hopefully you'll find a smooth road to travel on but it's important that you take the trip and enjoy it.
Congrats on being yourself, and continuing your journey as you've planned too.
You seems to have a great strength and bravery.
I have most of my male clothing put away
So cool, more space for more woman clothings!! Shopping mode activated? 😉
Otherwise, I'm sorry to read that some people have been upset by your coming out. But if they are not really important in your life, that should not matter.
Once again, congrats, and hopping to read from you to get some updates.
