[Closed] Duality

Hi Tina, duality is the best word you could use for this topic, in fact it is the best word to describe us, I felt very identified with your situation because, a little while ago, I was in a position similar to yours, in fact I went to therapy with a psychologist, because the desire to be my feminine self was driving me crazy, with therapy I managed to find the point of balance, currently I take care of my image equally in both facets, I worry about keeping them as good as possible, because I am both I, 2 in 1, both represent the best of me,
regarding telling your sister and that you are not being honest with her, let me tell you that I felt the same with my mother (RIP), I felt that she was I should have, what was I doing wrong by not telling him, in therapy I could see that it's okay to have secrets, everyone has them, it's your private life and no one is shouting their private life in the street, it's not something you have to do for obligation, if you get to tell him, let it be really because you want to share this wonderful part of yourself with her, not because you are forced, because if you do something out of obligation and not out of conviction you are not being faithful to yourself,
I think that the way to be honest with yourself is to accept yourself, with your duality, and continue to grow and develop in both, because that way you are completely you, it is fine if you feel more inclined towards your feminine part, in my case it is like that, but do not forget your masculine self because it is also part of you, hopefully that this can be of some use to you,
Greetings and hugs, with love, Sofia

I hope you can find a way to discuss this with her. I know the stuggle of living two parallel lives. Its a logical means of self-preservation, but at the same time reinforces that internal sense that one is flawed. Even sharing with one trusted and hopefully supportive person can help ease that burden.

I would be telling my sister because I want her to know not out of a sense of obligation.

When my SO outed me with my daughter, I had a sense of obligation to come clean with her.

Thanks for your thoughtful response

The ultimate dilemma! Are you two or one? 

You are your true self, however you appear. If you went from part time to full time the core of who you are won't change. There are things that you will do to develop into the feminine role such as mannerisms and deportment by conditioning yourself to do this. Some will argue that they 'feel' more feminine or 'think' like a woman. What does a woman feel like and think like? Ask a woman and they will give you differing answers. You may have some womanly character such as empathy, a softer motherly nature and not have a strong masculine nature. 

You say that deep down you are C.D. No, you are overtly C.D. and want to appear more and if circumstances allowed you would go for it. 

I would have a serious go at telling your sister as you will never know otherwise. If you know her well enough and love each other should it be an issue to her? She may support you and you will be the same person to her no matter how you wish to dress. 

I can say from my own experience that any one that knows me from old has said that I haven't changed and still like me for who I am and appear more happier now. The fact I appear as a female is secondary to their opinions. 

There are a few people I would like to tell but always wonder what my motivation is and what am I hoping to achieve by doing so.

If I open the flood gates of letting people know, I will probably not be able to close them. Eventually it would become public knowledge at some point.

I guess I am hoping that by telling specific people, it will become freeing and not a colossal mistake.

You're welcome and I hope you can find the best time and way to tell him and that her response will be positive, I think it would be great to have a sister supporting you,
regards, Sofía 😘

I totally understand this.   I have selectively told friends and a very small number of family members.  Thus far, and this goes back over a decade, those who i confided in have kept the information to themselves.   Perhaps I have just been lucky, but really I think the truth is that most people that I shared this with just see it as something unique about me, and appreciate that I trusted them with the information.

Hi Tina,
Your profile says your wife, son, and daughter all know. It seems like those would be the most important people in your life, so telling any other family and friends might be a comparatively small issue. If you have a good close relationship with your sister then I would encourage you to tell her. I see you’re also Christian. I’m glad to see that! If your sister is as well then it should go well, as long as she’s not a super conservative, hardline type Churchgoer. Your point about opening the floodgates is certainly true. It’s not something you can “unsay.” I suggest praying about it and trusting your instinct. Take a breath and trust her.

Please let us know how it goes.

Hugs,
Catherine

I can understand where you are coming from. But I have six sisters and 3 brothers. I’m sure one brother and one sister know but they never brought up the subject. Because of my X having a big mouth I think my daughter and two sons know. But they haven’t brought up the  subject. Point is I don’t care anymore. I am me   Unless you pay me , don’t tell me what to do. When I die every one will know because when they clean out.. my stuff they will see it. Live for today. Once you die , who cares

Hi Tina,

Most times I don't feel 100 percent female or 100 percent male. The way I handle that is just to be me. My goal is to be 100 percent me and allow myself to feel gender fluid without feeling like I should do this or should do that. There is some work involved in that. That work is to be geniune to myself and not buy into cultural stereotypes for either males or females when they don't fit me. An example of how that works for me is that I enjoy wearing bralettes under blouses when I to feel like I have something sexy on and to show a little lace under a blouse. But I have (so far) not felt interested in using breast forms.

- Robyn

It is difficult to say the least to be both. I am also conflicted due to my career and the family I have.

I have told one friend of mine and now I often feel she doesn't really want to talk to me anymore, but it's easy to get in my head.

Right now I am actually feel quite a bit let down and feeling like I need to pack up all my stuff and pretend to be just male again. Good luck.

My window of opportunity has now closed for a face to face conversation. My next opportunity would include my brother which I don't think I am ready for. I also have a better relationship with my sister than my brother.

My sister and I have spoke about our family dynamic and disfunction. Openness could be something that enhances our relationship, hinder our relationship or change nothing.

It will probably need to be in the form of an email now and maybe it is time to throw caution to the wind and go for it.

There will always be a portion of my friends, acquaintances, and co-workers that will never know. The more people that know, the less I need to hide. Even though there will always be a duality to my CD, I want it to be more aligned and less parallel. In more situations, I want people to know me as Tina and my male persona. Hopefully they can understand both.

My instinct is to turn tail and run from those conversations. I want to change that and be open with those that are deserved. Some will never understand and they will never know unless by accident.