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So,... it has been a while since I have dressed or expressed myself as MaryAnn (not correct, more on that later). Not because I do not have the desire, I have overwhelming desires to express the Femme side of me. It is because of the love and respect I have for my wife. Why I don't is because every time I do the smallest feminine thing I get " that is sooo wrong or that is sooo not normal". Since I do love and respect her I acquiesce and act and present myself as her definition of a normal me would be.
Today a lightbulb went on in my small cranium in that I asked myself "at what cost?". I have been living my life according to someone else's terms and conditions for the last 20 years..."at what cost?". I have been hiding and suppressing my true self to make others feel better about themselves for the last 20 years..."at what cost?".
The cost, I have decided is...MaryAnn.
I think I may have come to the point of enough is enough. My TRUE self is MaryAnn, and that is just too high of a price to pay. I love the people in my life for who they are, faults, blemishes and idiosyncrasies' included. I think it is time that there is a bit of reciprocity in my life. I want to love me too.
I have struggled with hiding every aspect of myself so I can present an image of what is normal in their mind. I'm not sure how much more my mind can take. I was doing some shopping for some essentials today and took a wrong (right?) turn and ended up in the women's department... I walked out of there with a cute grey cowlneck sweatshirt. I thought about where and when I would be able to wear that item all the way home...never. Then I asked myself... what is the one thing I could get myself that would help me feel more like MaryAnn than anything else, and, what could I use/wear all the time or any time.... Well, in three days I start my electrolysis sessions. Yep, the ONE thing I could do for MaryAnn that I wouldn't have to (or want to) hide is a totally hairless face. The thought of not having to take the time to hide a beard under makeup was incredible, so I made the appointment and the he## with what anyone thinks!
What an amazing journey this will be....
Hugs, MaryAnn
Let us know how the procedure goes, and what cost, if you don't mind. I'd love to do that too. Or come to that, get rid of everything below the waiste and the back too.
As to the whole business of do i do for me, or do I live for her, that's a question only you can find the answer. It certainly is your life, but you do share it with your SO. I believe there had to be compromise on both sides in any successful relationship.
Good luck,
Bridgette
It can be a very tough situation.
As said Mary Ann, only you know your relationship, circumstances....and YOU so only you can and should decide the costs your willing to bear and for how long.
A enduring relationship needs to be a two way street when it comes to the acceptance of each others flaws and blemishes, with SHARED compromises to mutually deal with them if necessary.
Do the best you can, but do what you need to have a happy life whichever way you decide works best for the future of things.
Mary Ann
To quote -
" I have been living my life according to someone else’s terms and conditions for the last 20 years…”at what cost?”. I have been hiding and suppressing my true self to make others feel better about themselves for the last 20 years…”at what cost?” "
Exactly!! I dont know your age, but thats basically the starting point of a mid-life crisis.
I've touched on it before in other posts and you've already started...but when do you...or anyone really...start living life as your TRUE and Authentic self!
As so many other girls here can attest...sooner or later your femme self will NOT be contained anymore.
Good luck to you.
Robyn 🤗❤️
Mary Ann
To quote -
" I have been living my life according to someone else’s terms and conditions for the last 20 years…”at what cost?”. I have been hiding and suppressing my true self to make others feel better about themselves for the last 20 years…”at what cost?” "
Exactly!! I dont know your age, but thats basically the starting point of a mid-life crisis.
I've touched on it before in other posts and you've already started...but when do you...or anyone really...start living life as your TRUE and Authentic self!
As so many other girls here can attest...sooner or later your femme self will NOT be contained anymore.
Good luck to you.
Robyn 🤗❤️
Congratulations Mary Anne
Welcome to the real you💕
Previous posts have went into the importance of compromise in relationships, but at the cost of you being who you really are?We are doing others no harm! Is it a compromise too far to suppress this wonderful true you because our SO would be embarrassed by you. Is this embarrassment our issue, or theirs to deal with.
If your SO always wore dresses and heels then just started wearing pants and sneakers, or always wore make up then suddenly stopped, or got their beautiful long hair cropped, or let their always smooth skin become hairy, do we have a right to critisice them! Can we insist women always stay feminine! Just try and see where that gets you.
How dare we dictate how they look. But is the reverse true, can a man start wearing make up, or get all body hair removed, or god forbid go from pants to a skirt, no.
Sure there are some exceptions to this double standard, some wonderful accepting women who see that it is sooo wrong to demand that a man be who he is supposed to be if that is not who he wants to be. If only there were more.
I’m sure this suppression has led to a lot of unhappiness and even mental health problems among men. Unable to be themselves because of huge mental barriers built on a lifetime of enforced societal expectations dictating how we should act, present ourselves, be!
My mind is still a demolition site, gradually overcoming these barriers to let the true me out. Never been so happy. It has come at a cost personally. I know my chances of ever stumbling on a woman who will accept me as I am now, not willing ever again to bury my true self, are slim to nil. But letting that hope go was another huge weight off my mind. Soooo much angst and sadness attached to the feeling that women will reject a relationship with the real me. So not trying any more, and it’s so liberating. Life’s too short to be somebody else. It’s their loss not mine🤣🤣🤣well that’s what I tell myself🤣🤣🤣
❤️Bianca
What a powerful and thought provoking post.
In my opinion, relationships shouldn't be a question of sacrifice, nor should the measure of love be how much one is prepared to give up for the other. But unfortunately that's the way we are conditioned. The expectation is that when times are hard we'll stand proud and say " I'd do anything for..." but do we really mean it, and more importantly, should we. Equally, is it right for one side to acknowledge the sacrifice being made and take it anyway?
[steps down from soapbox]
There was a post on here recently which concluded along the lines of 'you fall in love with the person, for who they are, what they stand for, their passions, their beliefs... not what clothes they choose to wear'.
A big high five to that girl 🤚🏻
As you pull that cowl neck down over your silky smooth skin, you just tell yourself 'this is me' and to hell with anyone who's got a problem with it.
Didi💋
