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I'm sat here in a dress, petticoat, wig, make-up, shapewear, bra, sheer tights (pantyhose) and heels wondering how I got here. Don't get me wrong, it feels right, it feels like this is how I should dress, or at least some of it does but I am about to enter my 6th decade and for the last 5 of those decades I have had no interest in bras, shapewear or wigs and little interest in make up. Whilst I have had a life long interest in female clothing, if you had asked me just 5 years ago I would have said that I wasn't really interested in the whole ... (I don't know what words to use here so forgive my clumsy coinage) female impersonation thing.
I suppose generally I want to be "me" but wear a skirt or dress, may be some heels and jewellery. I guess I see my self as the sort of woman who goes about her day in jeans, trainers and a nice top with may be just a bit of mascara and sometimes gets dressed up for an occasion. I'm far more likely to wear some leggings with a baggy top and a pair of Uggs.
So is this a common experience? Are we all on the inevitable escalator to an idealised representation of how women appear? Do we all go from a few basic female items to a full wardrobe and frankly a some things (a petticoat???) that few women actually own these days?
Where does it go from here? Ever onwards or is there a plateau, does it level out, is there a balance to be found?
@butteryeffect Wear what makes you feel happy and what suits your occasion. The outfit you describe sounds like something I would wear and feel very comfortable doing so.
En-femme I will always be in a dress or a skirt, but that's my preference. Equally fine is wearing jeans or leggings.
Anna x
I suspect that it is quite a common experience Cathy. I sometimes wonder how I got to where I am now.
I tend to think of it as if we’re on a train journey with various stations along the way.
We get off at one and see what it’s like, then if we feel like it we get back on and head to the next station, and some of us may even go back a station or two until eventually we find the station that suits us best.
Just my two Penny’s worth
I tend to think of it as if we’re on a train journey with various stations along the way.
We get off at one and see what it’s like, then if we feel like it we get back on and head to the next station, and some of us may even go back a station or two until eventually we find the station that suits us best.
Exactly this. That's just how I described it when I decided I was going to stay living as Fiona 24/7. Hugs 🤗
I totally feel you. All my outfits are more less the same, jeans, belt, nice top, high heel boots, leather jacket, and accessories. It’s how Chloe started her journey and always wanted to dress, but my wardrobe has now expanded to several iterations of these same staple outfit pieces. I have several outfits all comprised of the same general thing, yet all slightly different. For now, it seems to be continuing but I do feel that there will eventually be a plateau where I’m content with what I have. At least, until the next time I go online to FARFETCH or my other favourite online shops haha
~Chloe
@butteryeffect As many have shared in the 5 years I have been here, the pink fog sometimes dials way down even sometimes goes away for a time. So for me also, EXCEPT in the last 5 years. I now have turned 70 and on the verge of presenting as Cassie full time.
There are many here who are perfectly happy with the occasional dressing. Some have progressed to where I am. Some who want to go all the way with HRT and all the surgeries.
Just find your own place where you can live in the world.
Cassie
@butteryeffect Ever since I came out to my partner I have dressed to some degree almost constantly.
Most of the time at home I will be in full-femme mode, complete with makeup, usually a wig (although I still have my own long hair and use that sometimes), jewellery and perfume. This usually only changes when there is no option but to present as male. Fortunately we don't have many visitors 🙂
I almost always underdress, but very occasionally I will go 'full guy-mode' (although I usually keep the knickers as I find men's underwear unpleasantly uncomfortable there days). My partner worries that there is something wrong and I have to reassure her on these occasions that I'm just 'experimenting with masculinity' or something lol I'm always relieved to go back to drag afterwards though.
I think the thing to ask yourself Cathy, is 'do I enjoy being dressed this way?'. If the answer is yes, then do it. I gave up trying to find rhyme or reason why I should be this way long ago. As Aleister Crowley said: "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law". 😉
While I would say your experience is not uncommon, we all are different in who we dress and act. I do think many of us do end up dressed fully en femme, even that is to varying degrees.
I don't fully dress very often, and when I do it is to a lesser degree than you discribe. But, I do wear panties only and bras, etc when the mood strikes.
Everyone's experience and comfort zone is different. Just do what makes you happiest.
Indeed we all have are own unique ways and clothes that makes use feel good and comfortable definitely agree wear what you enjoy and are comfortable with I don’t think it ever flatings out there’s always something you see or want and buy biggest thing is is to be happy with yourself
@butteryeffect It's surprising. You can always find the storage space for more clothes! 😀
Indeed I’m a closet dresser I’m working on my third tot I have to hid all my items in lock tots
Hi Cathy ,
Only you can decide when enough is enough for you, but with the every changing fashion's there is always something nice to buy, what we all have to do is go through our wardrobes and say to ourselves am i going to wear this dress or skirt or top again, if not then just replace it with something new, replace not purge,
Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗
@rozalyne I did have a clear out a few weeks ago but there always seems to be more coming in than going out 😊
Hi Cathy, you will have to get a bigger wardrobe, lol,
I need to go through my wardrobe and sort out the things i don't wear anymore, whenever i get the chance i buy myself more clothes, I bought a new skirt only last week and i bought myself some new holdup stocking's,
Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗
I agree with all the girls Cathy. Wear what makes you happy, and enjoy the journey. I'm an all or nothing girl personally. I want the clothes, wig, shoes, jewellery and makeup, including nails and lashes. Unfortunately, alluding to Lucy's analogy, the train drivers are all on strike (as they always seem to be here in the UK) and I'm going nowhere fast.
Hugs, Chrissie xx.
There is no inevitible path or escalation. I started much as you did, just wanting to wear a skirt or dress. But I wanted to be able to go out in the world, and I going out, don't feel comfortable dressing in obvious female clothing while appearing male. (At home, I'm just fine wearing a skirt and top with no forms, makeup, shapewear, heels, wig, etc.)
I went to a transformation place 15 years ago and learned to do makeup and went out for dinner. I then started attending parties at her home too. Over time my confidence (and comfort level) grew. I can say I'm comfortable presenting as male, female, or somewhere in between. I've learned a lot while presenting as female. But it's not a core need.
I still will present as female when going out, and am comfortable to present as a male in female clothing at home.
You just have to find your own comfort level.
@alison-anderson Not that I've ever been out but like you I am happiest at home with just a dress or skirt and top without all the added extras.
Cathy, I view my crossdressing as a hobby and I think for many of us on here it ebbs and flows. And also that it changes depending upon the time of your life. Until recently I hadn’t dressed up at all or really even thought about it for the last 15 years. When I was still in the go-go work world, everything I did was rushed: Working, commuting, eating, showering and even crossdressing too, when I was active in my 30’s and 40’s. Looking back now, it seems everything in my life had it’s own “allotted time window” and that was it, then move on to the next thing. After a time, crossdressing got dropped because,I had no time. Too many other things. It got put on the shelf.
Retirement changed everything for me. I was concerned…”what will I do to keep busy?” The answer: Start taking my time and enjoying my life. The word “urgent” no longer exists for me. I don’t commute so I don’t drive fast, no hurry to get anywhere now. I eat slower and enjoy my meals, look forward to them in fact. I get to exercise leisurely at my own pace. Showering is a newfound pleasure -since I now can spend more than 3 minutes doing it. And as I turned to deciding on hobbies I took a look back at my fondness for crossdressing. Yes, I’m older now and I’m not going for the same looks as I once pursued. But now I can slow down and really enjoy the pleasures of becoming my feminine self. I’ve only just started again recently and already am sensing a satisfaction with it that I never had the first time around.
So Cathy, I would say don’t overthink things. They’re just clothes that create feelings in us. I feel grateful that I’ve found such simple things that give such joy. I’ve stopped trying to understand why or what they might lead to. Take time and enjoy the ride. While you still can.
GP
@gracepal Over thinking things is what I do 🙂 although to me it is not over thinking it is analysis which is something that I enjoy
Nothing wrong with that girl! When you figure it all out let all your sisters here on CDH know all the secrets 🥰👩🦳
Thanks for all the replies, it is really interesting to see other perspectives. I do wear what makes me happy and what I want, I suppose I am sometimes surprised about how that changes and progresses over time.
In all my time dressing I have never purged or stopped for any period of time but until the last 3 or 4 years it has been a fairly constant low level activity and now it seems to be heading in a direction I could never have imagined. I guess talking things through really helps with coming to turns with this journey.
Over thinking, analysis, or just wondering why aee all reasonable things to do in regards ro dressing. I have done all of the above, and never really arrived at a conculsion other than I simply enjoy dressing. It brings me pleasure and that is good enough for me. I still sometimes over think it, but when I catch myself doing it I just stop and go back to the fact that I just enjoy it and leave it at that.
