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Hi all,
I *think* I've overcome stage 1 of my cd'ing. I'm accepting of myself whereas in the past I've indulged myself more as a self help technique to balance my inner pysche from time to time and then move on. But I'd always had associated thoughts of guilt and annoyance as in "Why do I feel the need to do this?"
But now I'm getting a different sort of annoyance with myself - "why is it such a big deal not to open up to others at least a little bit". And then 'excuses' set in.
Case in point. Life is easy for me - retired, own house, on my own. My step daughters could have drifted away when my wife died - they have a good relationship with their dad and his second family - but instead we've become closer even though we all live in different places. Not sure quite how it would go, but I can't believe for a minute they would blow me out if I fessed up.
Last year, my youngest got married. So that's obviously not a good time to 'share' my newer me. Let her have her day. Then my eldest got pregnant - wonderful - so maybe I'll put my thoughts on the back burner. Don't want to steal her thunder.
I became a step granddad a little while ago. Not a good time to talk amidst all the excitement.
And then last week my youngest and her SO turned up for a few days. Should I mention anything? Well, how could I, once she's told me, with a radiant smile, that she's expecting her first baby?
Part of me says those were sensible decisions, but part of me thinks I'm really good at finding excuses.
Does any of this ring a bell with you?
Marti xxx
Oh gosh that sounds bells with me too.
Mine was to make that first decision to tell my mother as she could be the one that would understand.
How many excuses did I make? I then started with clues in the conversation. I baulked so many times so in the end I said it.
The rest,as is said, is history. I have never looked back.
When is the best time? The twelfth of never maybe.
If you believe the relationship is strong and they love you perhaps now is a good time.
Whats the purpose of telling them. Is it because you need to get the burden off your back?
I'd be cautious doing that, as while it may free you, suddenly your loved ones are carrying a burden.
Is it because you think it would enhance your relationship?
Lots of other questions that could be asked.
Hi Mary Jane,
Thanks for your answer
"I’d be cautious doing that, as while it may free you, suddenly your loved ones are carrying a burden."
Lol, that's another of my considerations / excuses. Because of course I couldn't expect either of them not to share it with their SOs both of whom are pretty nice guys. And you're right, the last thing I want to do is lay a trip on them that they would rather not deal with.
My thinking is, it would just be nice, at least with them, that I could just be a bit more honest about where I'm at. So even if I'm not dressed in front of them, I don't I have to worry about 'evidence' laying around.
A short version of a long story, but once they grew older, the kids coped well when my wife and I navigated them in understanding that 'smoking' (nudge, nudge) was part of our lifestyle, and not the end of the world, and that we wouldn't freak their visiting friends out by being 'outrageous'. I wonder, am I expecting too much to hope for a similar outcome?
Marti xxx
Thanks for your answer, Celeste, hard nosed but it makes all the sense in the world. Love you for it x
I think it's just been bugging me that I'm maybe making my life more complicated than it has to be. It's not as if they aren't used to seeing me in a sarong, just maybe it'd be nice to wear a sarong-like skirt once in a while. Perhaps I should just sneak it up on them?
Marti xxx
Thanks Angela,
"If you believe the relationship is strong and they love you perhaps now is a good time."
ha, ha, that's it in a nutshell.
Covid willing, my elder one is flying in to visit me with her baby in a week or so
Sod it, let's just enjoy the new baby and have an easy life till the 'next' time. I'm starting to think I'm just a good excuser. 😉
Marti xxx
Ok Gen,
I'll do it yesterday.
Oh no, too late !!
Marti xxx
