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When i was younger I went to many psychologists as I was a child of an alcoholic but they never did much for me. A few years ago I went to counseling for stress and she said I really didn't need it. but never have I discussed my CD desires. Im in a better place these days partly because of all of you so thank you from the bottom of my heart . but sometimes I feel like some professional counseling could take me one step further towards my goals of inner peace and basically stop fighting with myself.
What has been your experience with counseling and what type of counselor did you see. I dont have much faith in Psychiatrists as they seemed all book smart and I couldn't relate to anything and the few I saw were useless. probably very difficult to find a good one. One thing i read that resonated with me is well there is nothing wrong with me so what do you need counseling for ? I have come to terms with this as well and being open with my SO has been another piece of this puzzle. I have been feeling like all the pieces are there now I just cant figure out how to put them all together to make one complete picture. RC
I was also very wary of going to therapy, not because I don’t think that going would be helpful but probably wasn’t going to help me. The psychotherapist I have is wonderful. The previous one did a lot of validating and praising which I didn’t find helpful but the one I have now is great. In two months I have come so far with really coming to terms with what I want to do and how I want to experience life which is mostly as Lauryn. We don’t spend much time on the past instead we talk about what I am experiencing now and how I can make my desire to be a woman work with the wonderful life I have. I have a supportive wife and daughter and great things I value. We talked about transitioning and if I were younger and still building a life I most likely would but we are focused on how to make the life I have and wanting to live as much of myself as a woman that I can while respecting the life I have. She is someone I can be totally honest with and I don’t feel so alone in this journey.
Over a 30-year span, I've had 4 therapists and 1 psychiatrist. My experiences have been mixed.
The psychiatrist was good for managing clinical depression. At the time that's what I needed. The meds he prescribed really helped. I was severely depressed several years before that.
The first 2 therapists were LMFT's that treated general anxiety, family/marital problems, etc. They were okay but I'd never go back to either of them.
The 3rd was also a LMFT that treated anxiety, addiction, and marital issues. He also had another trick up his sleeve - he claimed he could "cure" crossdressing and transgenderism.
I was there at the behest of my controlling and transphobic wife. Trying to save my marriage. I became a "fix-it" project after she discovered my secret. Weekly visits to this quack were part of the conversion therapy program she forced me into. You read that right. Conversion therapy. The quack therapist did way more harm than good. It took years to undo the damage.
I've said before that the last 3 years of my marriage were a living hell. This is one of the main reasons why.
I found my 4th therapist shortly after my egg cracked, in 2016. I did my research this time and looked for therapists that specialized in affirming care for patients with gender dysphoria. The woman I found has been utterly amazing. More than anyone else, she's had a profound impact on my life. I wouldn't be where I am without her.
I think even girls that are in a healthy and supportive LTR can benefit from gender therapy. Nearly all of us have some internalized transphobia from years of being shamed. A good gender therapist can help push past that to a greater understanding of who you really are.
/EA
River -
I've been seeing a therapist for about 4 years now. I started at the suggestion of my wife after I came out to her. It wasn't to get me to stop dressing but to help me understand myself (hope that makes sense). I opted for a female therapist as I find talking with females easier than males as well as thinking a male wouldn't understand. I was probably wrong in that thought process but that's what worked for me. My therapist is a gender therapist and has worked with the trans community for years which is very helpful. When I contacted her to make my first appointment I was very nervous (read sweaty palms and cracking voice) as she was the first one, other than my wife, to whom I admitted being a crossdresser. She put me at ease and I felt comfortable with her at the first session. I have been open and honest in all my sessions and discussed things with her I've never discussed with anyone else (including my wife). One ting I learned is that therapy will only work if you are open and honest with yourself. The therapist only knows what you tell them, if you hold back they won't be able to help you. I was fortunate and found a good therapist right away this time. I've been in therapy in the past for anger management and grief counseling but didn't get anything out of those.
I hope this helps some. If you have any questions or want to discuss further feel free to PM me.
XOXO
Suzanne
An interesting topic and variance of replies, most of which come from girls in the Americas and seems a huge industry. Therapy is not something we here in the U.K automatically think of but it is gaining ground and counseling is even offered after some documentaries on T.V.
It can take time to put the pieces together and can be figured out. What you have to ask yourself River is how is this affecting your life in general, are there any other issues. How is life overall, relationship work and things in general. Is this issue impacting your day to day abilities over and above the usual trials of life. Some replies site bad marriage, anger management and other impacts on wellbeing. If this is so then it is more than one issue and complex so help would be the next step.
If this is merely putting the jig saw together about your dressing then you hold the answers. If you are out to your S.O, she is sympathetic and talking then it's a good thing for you. The key is for you to have an idea where this is going, where you want to be then how is that going to be achieved? This is the scary part not only for you but your S.O.. Can you piece it together yourself or between you that would be my question. You may not need a therapist but if an impasse is reached, the final bit is missing or something else is having an impact then maybe.
I went through 3 or 4 counsellors before I found the one that was right for me.
I fell into a deep depression due to the deeds of a close family member. He was sent to prison for a very long time. His crimes sent me into a couple of years of hell.
My first counsellor was fresh out of uni, had neither the experience, nor the capacity to deal with what I was going through. He also had never met a crossdresser before.
The second didn't want to help me with overcoming the depression caused by the evil deeds. She only wanted to talk about my crossdressing. She had no idea and was using me to learn. I was paying her to use me as a teaching aid. One day she asked me to attend dressed. I did't go dressed, but I got changed there. She left the room. I got changed and called her back in. She entered the room and laughed. That ended that relationship!
The 3rd was OK, but I felt we were getting nowhere.
The 4th was amazing. A transwoman that I had a lot in common with. She not only helped me with dealing with the evil deeds, she helped me slowly climb out of the well I had fallen in. She also helped hugely with the struggles that crossdressing was causing. My crossdressing came to the fore as I was dealing with the evil deeds. Being Cerys helped me, but it caused issues with my wife, and it also made me doubt my "I'm only a crossdresser" belief and made me start to think that I was trans. This caused all sorts of issues..... This counsellor worked with me. A little on the evil deeds, a little on my crossdressing. Bit by bit my life started to improve. I learnt how to deal with my demons. I learnt how to cope with the guilt of my crossdressing. I learnt to accept who and what I am. I owe my counsellor so much. I still suffer bouts of depression, but I can handle them now. I know that they will be short lived. I know not to let them define me.
Going to counselling will only work if you GET THE RIGHT ONE!!!!!!!!
Do your research on them. Don't be afraid to change it it's not working. Good luck!
Cerys
I went to a guy counselor and he was a very general counselor. When I tried to discuss my crossdressing he laughed and told me of another guy he counseled and that was the end of him. I now started to see a “LGBTQ” friendly counselor. There are several of them and they specialize in many aspects of LGBTQ issues. My counselor is female (my preference) and she is very easy to talk to and has challenged me to think about me and why I crossdress. I also recently told my older son and my younger sister, as a result of counseling. I told my wife on January 1st and she does NOT want to live with a Crossdresser but also suggested a counselor. She is also going to a counselor, as a result. My wife and I have had many discussions since then and continue to talk. My counselor asked me once “why don’t you tell others about your crossdressing?”. I never thought about it but was shy because of social acceptance and homophobic people I know (they would laugh at me and not be accepting). Anyhow, it is important to find the right counselor and if you don’t feel it is working then find another one. Kind of like jobs, you don’t like one find one that suits you more. I am excited that I found a very open counselor who makes me think and gives me homework each time I leave the session. I m going every two weeks, due to costs but also looking on line for information. I do not want to lose my wife as I love her very much. I am very close to retirement and have set plans on moving out of state to build a new life with her. Traci is not part of her plan. Time will tell what happens. Research and find the right one for you. -Traci
Hi River,
it seems like you have got a very good advice on this topic already from lots of ladies. I can't offer quite the same level of expertise, however I have recently started seeing a counsellor who I sought out specially to help me with this subject.
It was daunting at first but I found it has been very helpful so far. It's nice to be able to talk in person about wanting to be Yasmin and she has asked me some very thought provoking questions. Although I haven't had a massive revelation yet I am very hopeful that as this goes on it will help to improve general happiness and acceptance of crossdressing, and for that reason I would say find someone who states they cover these sorts of topics and go for it as it may be very helpful.
in the meantime if you wanted to chat and share any thoughts please feel free to I'd love to hear from you.
Yasmin x
My first therapist for over 40 years ago and was to put it politely, plain useless. It was a man and back in the days of if you like "shock therapy"
Given my love of female period costumes, he told me to go home and when in the shower, think of myself as "Scarlett O Caty " dolled up to the nines and then turn off the hot tap... (Come 2017 and I went to a CD conference as Scarlett, so plainly shows how that did work...
Later years....A good female one whom I saw re "family troubles", but of course Caty got a mention She helped quite a lot.
Then just after Covid, I needed some help again with my CD'ing, (why is rather confidential) and again a good female therapist was the answer.
I saw her again last September, looking for advice after my "DADT' SO did the old "She came home early" thing and caught me red handed fully dressed.
Good advice from the above, but since then we seem to have settled back into our previous DADT. I'd like to take it further, my I've had a serious, (non fatal, but very painful ) health issue going on since Christmas and that's taking up all the spare brain power this old girl can muster "ATM"
Caty.