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Sorry in advance if this is a bit of a long post (I’m not quite sure how it will turn out) xx
A part, maybe a large part of being Isabel is the desire to be ‘validated’ as a women. To be seen as attractive - whether by men, women, crossdressers or not - to be desired, to think that someone might like how you look as well as who you are as a person.
To dream about small everyday girly experiences - having someone do a second glance and hold a door for you or give way to you in a supermarket queue beyond being polite. (I hope that comes across as I intend it to do so, I don’t want to offend anyone)
I know that some might think it’s wrong to have this need, to want this but for me, that is part of being Isabel. Dressing at home alone is just not the same.
I also have a desire (when possible) in real life - which is a lot less than my online / virtual opportunities - to try and experience simple every day girly experiences.
Walking in the park with someone (as per above), grabbing a quick coffee maybe one day going to the cinema. Nothing special or intense, just a desire to experience those things as a girl.
Part of this perhaps prompted me to do the live blog post the other day, as it really felt like you girls where there with me, watching me walk across the car park and thinking ‘oh nice legs’ maybe (I wish) as it made me feel more validated. More of a girl. More of a woman.
Anyway, stop rambling Isabel!
Does anyone else feel this and how do they go about getting that fix?
I’m not overly fond of just going for a walk on my own all dressed up as Isabel in broad daylight, just yet anyway. Tips, tricks and advice welcome x
Thanks for reading.
Isabel x
@isabelcross
Interesting topic, Isabel. It's not something I've ever thought of, firstly because I've never gone out en femme. Well, not in the daylight and without a bag over my head anyway.
Secondly, I've never really been one for giving or receiving compliments, my thinking being, if I give a compliment, the recipient will wonder what my ulterior motive is and, if I receive a compliment I'll wonder what their ulterior motive is! (It's not been easy being me).
However, since joining here and interacting with the girls, I've discovered that Allie gives and receives compliments easily and without fear of causing suspicion or being suspicious. Digression alert! One of these days I'm not going to correct my swipe keyboard and see what it produces instead of what I want it to. E.g. "suspicious" could have been "sourdough"
Back to reality, or what is close enough.
Another thing, is that when I look at one of my pics, then one of yours (and I'll not be doing that again in a hurry!) it's very clear who is more likely to receive compliments.
Regarding doing ordinary things as a girl, I'll get back to you later in the year, once I've done some.
Yes, a very interesting topic, thanks 😊
Allie x
@alexina Thanks Allie, that is a really thoughtful reply. x (And I love the sourdough reference - autocorrect can be helpful but not always! 😂)
I can understand the concerns some of have over commenting. I always just try and be supportive and understanding and trust everyone is being supportive and understanding back - accepting that isn’t always the case.
Sorry, for posting a thoughtful / interesting post, I’ll do something lighter and more fun tomorrow!
Isabel xx
@isabelcross
Never apologise for inspiring thinking in others, Isabel, that's a precious gift!
Keep 'em coming 😊
Allie x
@isabelcross I understand the desire to be validated. That isn’t necessarily the same as passing or blending. I would see it as being able to go out into the world and interact other people in a comfortable and positive way, regardless of how people might see us. Of course, part of me would like to pass, but I am quite happy when people respond in a friendly and courteous manner, whether they see me as a woman, a transwoman or whatever.
@isabelcross
Hello Isabel,
I don’t think that I need to be validated, but it is a very nice feeling to be out in public and be addressed as a lady, so I guess is a sort of validation to be treated with respect and feel like a lady.
@isabelcross what has helped me is going for a drive. So a day would work like this - visit makeup artist well away from where I live), park away from where she works. Get dolled up, chat, drink coffee, walk back to car drive on a leisurely route to near home. Stop. make a few quick adjustments to attire which will get me past the neighbours, go home.
Anna x
@annaredhead Thanks Anna, some excellent suggestions there, something for me to consider xx
@isabelcross It was quire reassuring that my makeup artist says I walk well in heels. Her neighbours seeing a very tall ginger girl wandering round her village - they're quite used to it.
@isabelcross I have come to the realization recently that I am actually a woman and I am integrating my femininity into my everyday life more and more. This includes doing the everyday things that I would normally do (going to parks, shopping, etc.). I'm sure I don't pass completely on close scrutiny but I do try very hard to blend in. When I am able to blend in, I feel it to be very validating as a woman. One time while shopping, a woman told me that she thought my booties were very cute....that was incredibly validating!
@isabelcross It really was! Analyzing it, it is apparent she was checking me out and arrived at my booties as something to comment on. I like to think I passed a lot of scrutiny for her to get to that point.
@isabelcross
Hi Isabel,
I don't often reply, but I wanted to validate your desire to be validated as a woman. I completely share that dream of yours. I've never been brave enough to go out like you have. But yes, oh my yes. Just to go - with a friend - to the store or for a walk in the park or to get a coffee, as a girl. Normal, ordinary experiences as a woman. Yes, that's a valid wish 🙂
@greenann Hi Robyn, thank you for validating me xx and for perfectly capturing what I desire! Thank you so much xxx
@isabelcross We all have a different take on the situation. Personally I don't seek validation I seek anonymity. If I could be unnoticed & just go about my business that would be a dream scenario. Nothing wrong with the desire for validation & I know exactly what you mean about a desire to experience things as a girl. If that's your thing then I hope you get to experience it asap. Luckily for me Mrs B is always on hand to share life (& keep my feet firmly anchored) In her eyes I am just me whatever I'm wearing or doing. (in other words a bit of a nutcase). 😆
@isabelcross Oh Isabel, your words are my thoughts!
An owner of a boutique here in Tucson told me I was very elegant. Yes, she's looking for business, but I'll take it.
Hi Isabel!
Long? That's not long. Have you seen my profile? 
Yes. I feel ya, girl. When I'm dressed, I AM a woman & I want to be seen & treated as such. Passing is very affirming. I love bein "ma'am-ed". There's absolutely nothing wrong with this way of thinking.
Unfortunately, I don't have as much opportunity to go out in public as I used to, but you're right. It's a whole lot different than dressing at home & not leaving the house. I want the world to know Dawn & I want to interact with it as Dawn. I want to experience every aspect of life as a woman.
I remember how scared & nervous I once was to be seen, dressed, in public. Now, it's second nature. I go from the house to my car in broad daylight. I go shopping, have lunch with friends, get my nails done, etc. So much fun & so liberating! I no longer have any inhibitions with living life as a woman. My wife, not so much. 
When I'm me, I leave "him" behind. You just have to have the mindset that you are a woman & be confident about it.
Go get 'em, girlfriend!
Hugs,
Dawn
@beach-girl What a wonderful reply, thank you xxx I’ll grab a coffee then and read your profile shortly!
Well, I didn't bother with the coffee but I did read your profile, Dawn and found it both familiar and affirming.
Allie's host has never been much of a party-goer but, oh how I wish Halloween parties in Scotland were like yours, I've seen quite a few US girls that have used them as their first public crossdressed outing.
Anyway, just wanted to say I enjoyed reading your profile and, like many others, I'm sure, recognise much of what you say.
Allie x
Being trans, I'm out to the world. I'm just another gal doing her daily thing. I routinely get gendered correctly and generally feel validated by the people I encounter. That's lovely.
But here's the thing. I don't need the validation of others. Everything I need is in my head. It's a state of mind. Being out for years does that.
I'm comfortable in my own skin. I live authentically. Confidence, conviction and an easy smile is a winning combination. People gravitate to that. Interacting with them is among the best experiences I can havé.
/LK
@lizk Sounds wonderful Liz and I’m very happy for you xx I guess every girls journey is different and is also at different stages xx
Isabel x
What you need/ want is just for you, and is niether right nor wrong. While I enjoy going out in public I do not do so as a woman, but as a guy in a dress. I do want to be treated with respect and prefer to be mamed and not sired, but I know I do not pass up close and do not take offence...but that is just me and not anyone else.
I do not pass up close, but I suspect you can and do, and if that is what you want you have to put the effort in to get it. You do you.
Like Liz, I live full time and am out to practically everyone. I love presenting Fiona to the world and love being treated as just another woman when out and about. I think most of us like to feel validated in some fashion. It's confirmation that all our efforts to appear as just another woman are going in the right direction.
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who replied to this topic, there were some really thoughtful replies.
Isabel x
Hi Isabel!
I love this topic, because I can totally relate! I actually discussed this with my therapist a few years ago. Prior to that I would go out as Lisa and feel incredibly scared (as well as thrilled) to be out in public.
My therapist was so supportive and gave me such great confidence, assuring me that I was passable and even described me as “gorgeous!” (I don’t know about that, but it sure boosted the confidence level!).
She started me with suggestions of going to Starbucks, then it gradually built to walking in the mall and then shopping while interacting with SAs. I love how I’m treated and the girl talk I have with them. Most of them at first have no idea that I’m a cd, and when they realize it, they light up! Seems like they are happy for me as well as intrigued with me.
Anyways, I’ve learned to own it and be Lisa. I now shop regularly and hold up clothes next to me while I’m looking in store mirrors. I’ve also gotten comfortable with men smiling at me, complimenting me, and holding doors for me.
Sorry I hit the reply button before I was done!
I didn’t mention how nice it is to get compliments from other women on my outfits the way real women do and how much I feel like a woman when I’m out. My therapist has helped me to make great strides, and if I was younger and had had this confidence, I’m sure my life choices may have been alot different. But, I’m loving being Lisa and always will.
I hope you can experience this and feel the joy that comes with it.
All my best,
Lisa
@lisagurlll Thank you Lisa, an inspiring and wonderful reply - just debating my plans for the week ahead and how brave I feel! Your reply has certainly helped though xx
