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Hello Ladies,
I did not know if I should post this here, in crossdressing experiences, or in the transitioning forum. I chose here as this experience or these thoughts May Be experienced by someone else on a daily basis or as life goes by.
I cannot say that I have thought about having natural breasts seriously. But I have wondered how it would feel having them and the feeling of them bouncing and hanging down when I bend over. The feeling of my nipples hard and the whole body connection women have to their nipples. I have had breastforms with pocket bras and regular bras and loved the bounce and weight. It just felt right, normal you know? Like I was meant to have breasts from birth. I haven’t talked about this much with anyone at all except my own thoughts and my mom a long time ago. I should have had an older sister who was lost to my parents by miscarriage. I have been told that she would have been 1 year older than I am so we would have been close I just know it. However there is a part of me which has always wondered if she was in fact my twin and my parents pushed those feelings way down out of sight. I do feel and believe that I should have been born female and I talked with my mom and told her that I felt like I should have been born female. That’s when she told me about the miscarriage. She and I were in tears and neither of us told any other family members about our talk. My mom caught me at an early age, 7, in panties and found my stash which mysteriously looked like some of her missing panties. We had the talk when I was 12 about my older sister.
In this day and age it is easier to transition to a female and even have a satisfying sex life with the new surgery technique of using some colon as the vaginal wall. Acceptance is still tougher in some areas of the USA than others and some other nations more than others. But here I am married in my third marriage and having thoughts and feelings I haven’t experienced in decades.
My first 2 wives did not know about my crossdressing, I was better at hiding my stash than at 7. I did tell my second wife about my deep dark secret after the divorce because who was going to be hurt at that time? Well I was! She thought my deep dark secret was that I liked children! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME I shouted!!!!! Hell no! I am a crossdresser I shouted at her and I left our house she now owned! Ouch! 20 years of marriage, 24 years of knowing each other, and she thought that?!!!! How little you really know what others are really thinking.
Life went on and I met my current wife on “Match.com” and we had a talk before I proposed to her about me and my crossdressing. She was and still is accepting to an extent and on a day to day basis. More yes than no. But I was not thinking of talking to her about anything involving transitioning or growing breasts and hormone treatments. I need to be truthful with her and explain what I have thought since I was 12 but a recent chat revealed to me that she would have to think very seriously about our future if I decided to transition. I am afraid to tell her and I am afraid not to. I am torn and mentally in pain over how I feel and what I may want to do as opposed to telling her and losing her. Our most recent talk was almost a month ago and it was about the future of Danielle in our marriage. That was a lot for her to take in and a week ago I wanted to talk to her about getting a total crossdresser makeover with the works and pictures. She blew a gasket and we had one of those stupid arguments you regret later. It was a case of too much too soon. This is something we will talk about at a later time by mutual agreement.
So I am asking if anyone has had this dilemma with your SO and you thinking about transitioning? Also what have been your thoughts on being born male? Have you ever thought you should grow natural breasts and a partial transition with out the surgery? Pros and cons of each? Opinions? Thoughts?
thank you so much for reading this rambling mess.TTFN 💋
Danielle
Danielle thank you for saying the same thing I have been struggling with my entire life. I too have told my parrents at around 5 or 6 however they were not as keen to the idea as I was. I have always wondered what it would be like to have the body in my mind versus the one I have to use everyday. I have opened up to my current fiance before we were engaged and she completely understood, now if I watch a certain show I'm told not to get any ideas or to just drop it. First wife I never told. Im trying to decide now about transitioning, am I supposed to be happy for my fiance when she only lets me be who she wants or for myself. Blabbed long enough thank you again 💋
Hi Allison,
I’ve known that more have had these same feelings and it is so nice to see another who feels the same way. I know exactly how you feel when your Fiancé gets a bit miffed if you watch certain shows or read articles or even browse for a bra or panties. One day it’s we are in this together and the next it feels like you are all alone with yourself as the sole person who wants to talk about your feelings or worries. She has basically not said anything but has put up the wall and your feminine self is not allowed over. Some days I get so much pent up anger at being dismissed that I start thinking if we will be together in a year or two. Then other days I know we are meant for each other. What a lonely road to travel. But we have sisters now we can chat with and feel better about ourselves. It would be so nice to chat with you again sometime. TTFN💋
Danielle
Danielle - Your wife sounds like a real pain. Is she perhaps bipolar or schizo? How can she accept you one minute and then cruelly cast you aside the next? Poor dear! I don't blame you one bit for thinking it won't last. I hope she isn't the type to expose you to those you love or to your employer. Of course, maybe you're one of the lucky ones whose employer wouldn't judge or discriminate against you.
You should start looking for someone who will love and accept your gorgeous self, girl! Life is short, and why spend it with someone who boxes you in? Have you ever thought of being with another TG 'girl'? Maybe you would find more support there.
TTFN
Danielle,
You ended your article by thanking us for "reading this rambling mess"... That is what CDH is all about. I thank you for for sharing your article with the ladies here. You have a SO which supports you with your CD and give her a extra hug. Although my wife knows, she prefers not to participates in my feminine alter ego...
Welcome to CDH, Danielle looking forward to your writing more articles,
Be well,
Leonara
I suck at advice 🙁 but loves gurl Lay it on us!!! It's a difficult decision. If I were to choose now I would prefer loneliness to pretending I'm something I'm not. I do that on a daily at work to make money but when I'm off my kids know. My wife knows. Weight off me. I knew it could all come crashing down when I told her. She came out. The chains couldn't hold her. Some can't take hormones but they still are who they are. Here is the thing though I love my wife and Just talking about it was like therapy. Probably only because she wasn't negative. It's always hard to be completely open with the one you want to be with because of rejection. So after all of this my advice is not to tell or to tell, rather it is to work on yourself. Take walks, eat right, excercise, clear your mind, work out the booty by doing leg presses or squats with 20 lb weights. Clear your mind, listen to music. Then after a few weeks decide what you want. Ask her to work out with you.
❤️
P