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Felling inadequate

53 Posts
31 Users
230 Reactions
Posts: 421
Honorable Member     Northern, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

As for me, I revel in the duplicity, and I feel I am the better person for it.

Posts: 36
Eminent Member     Salt Lake City, Utah, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

I often feel the same way you do. I have never fit in with traditionally masculine people. I also don't feel like I fit in with the traditional feminine ideal in the culture I grew up in (conservative religious community where the women are expected to be the enforcers of religious values whilst having no say in how the religion is run). I only really feel comfortable with more gender neutral types of environments where men and women are on equal footing such as when having intellectual discussions, bitching about the dominant culture, engaging in artistic expression, etc.

It can be hard to find those types of situations in family settings.

And although I do generally enjoy being myself, there are times where I do feel profoundly sad about not being accepted the way more traditionally valued men and women are. I sometimes wish I could have had my gender identity integrate me into a community where I was supported in learning how to dress, how to use makeup, get affirmation for hitting new milestones.

So you aren't alone in feeling what you are feeling. It is coming from the situation you find yourself in, not from anything intrinsic in who you are. We sometimes need to be in these types of situations that are not suited to our strengths just as part of living life.

But that does not make what you experience when you are alone less valid. It might feel that way just from the way that we see others receiving external validation that we don't get ourselves.

What might help is to find irl communities where you feel as comfortable when dressed as you do when you are alone. And there might be ways that you can help someone else find that validation that is not as far along in their journey as you are.

I hope these feelings don't get you too down.


1 Reply
Joined: 8 years ago

Estimable Member     Athol, Massachusetts, United States of America
Posts: 69

@lgoldman2212 thank you for responding you are right we can't always pick the places we have to go, or interact with people that we want to. I know it is how WE, deal with these situations internal and external what matters. I do feel more at home or at peace alone or with gender neutral places and people.

Unfortunately those places are very few options for me. But tomorrow is another day. Smile  

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