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This morning I knew I’d have a couple hours home alone so I made plans to fully dress up. I’ve obviously done this before but its been at least several months. Anytime I had done it before I hadn’t accepted or understood what I was yet. I always felt so ashamed and had thoughts of “what am I doing, this is wrong, I need to take these off” (even though I knew I enjoyed it). This morning was the first time I dressed and knew inside that what I was doing was really okay. I put on some light makeup, bra, panties, thigh high socks, and a black dress. I couldn’t stop staring at myself in the mirror in complete shock. It felt like there was somebody else looking back at me, and I was more than okay with it. I was deeply happy with it. I honestly didn’t understand the idea of having the female alter ego when dressed, but suddenly it made absolute sense. I really just stood there and stared at the person in the mirror. Like a deer in headlights, but without any sense of fear at all.
I don’t know if I’ll ever truly be able to describe this feeling in words.
Betty! You don’t have to describe the feeling! We KNOW the feeling! I LOVE the feeling! It’s wonderful! And it’ll happen again and again!
I also love that you got to experience it! I’m very happy for you
Sheryl
Dear Bella,
I call it EXHILARATING....and don't ever allow that feeling to be any less.
Sincerely and With Love,
Thea
Bella, you need not have any shame in what you are doing, it is who we are. The why, how come we do this is not the, feeling of shame. I have dressed many times; I have not had any guilt. I believe it who we are, SO does not understand it all, but I enjoy it. Doing hair, makeup whatever. Live in the moment and enjoy and let all other thought pass. It is all about you at that time.
Shame and guilt does not have room to invade our space.
Lynne
Ah, yes... when the shame and uncertainty yields to joy and self-acceptance! Congratulations, Bella! I remember well when I stopped fighting and shaming myself and just allowed myself to be all I am. The most liberating day of my life! Welcome to the other side!
Enjoy that feeling Bella, sometimes it takes years to get there…as Ellie said,”Welcome to the Club”’ 😀 I am experiencing it as I type!
Been there, dine that
Yeah, thus has happened to many of us, and it is a unique experience for each of us that can be related in general terms, but is very individual emtion to each one of us.
Not all who dress have experuenced this, but I hope some day they do. It is a huge weight lifted from our shoulders. I had come to this same realization quite some time ago, but had an wven deeper appreciation for it recently. I was away for the weekend skiing and had the hoise to.myself so.dressed.fully.en femme and was just.going about my evening when I happened to.see.myself.in a mirror. I just.stopped and looked, smiled and then started to cry because I felt so happy and content. I am not one to cry, though it seems to happen more as I get older or maybe get more femme, but they were tears of joy.
Like.most had had periods of guilt and confusion ovwr why I dressed, but long ago.came to the conclusion that I.enjoy it, that it brings me.pleasure and that I do not need.a reason. I just enjoy it like I.enjoy my.pets or.a.walk on the beach...they all just bring me joy.
It is truly an exhilarating, life-altering experience when you finally recognize, accept and welcome your inner woman into your life. I am so thankful that I got to experience that sensation two years ago and am glad that you have as well.
I remember well the first time i looked in the mirror and saw a woman looking back at me. Could have stayed there for hours just soaking it in.
I only discovered my feminine side in recent years, and was able to experiment alone at my own house before going 'home' to my OH's place where we live. Since I've already accepted Fiona to the extent that I'm now out to everyone close to me, I don't expect I am actually going to get much in the way of guilt. However, the feeling of seeing Fiona in full make-up smiling radiantly back out of the mirror was, and still is, completely liberating. I really feel like me when I see that, possibly more than I do when seeing my male self (who doesn't smile much!).