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To level the playing field for this question. Imagine CD TG is completely acceptable everywhere and considered the norm. With that wonderful , "and seemingly impossible" thought in your head. Do you dress to fit in or stand out? When I was younger , as a male , I wanted to stand out , but now I just want to go un noticed. This has been a dilemma with my shopping for river. Extravagant is exciting. but I find myself being realistic in my choices and picking things that are more outwardly flattering and not so standoutish " I dont think thats a real word " . But "IF" everything was a level playing field, Im not sure how I would represent, as im sure some of my personality has been molded by the desire to just Fit in. but Glam is so much fun. I greatly envy you girls that honestly just dont care and know exactly who you are. Cheers RC Addendum after thinking a bit and reading the lovely comments. Im Thinking my best scenario would be everyone is wearing extravagant and exciting over the top fashion. so I can do the same and Just Fit In. I love glam and fashion but dont want to stand out. geeze that sounds weird. cake and eat it too I guess. Cheers again RC.
@river Since I generally prefer skirts or sometimes dresses, I probably stand out a little. I am always going on walks in my neighborhood wearing a skirt or a dress, which is a tad unusual. But otherwise I dress to fit in (except maybe on Halloween).
@alison-anderson I would say on a nice summer day a skirt is appropriate and does not stand out. maybe a skirt in the middle of winter would be a stand out though 🙂 A sun dress fits in but a sparkle prom dress would prpbably stand out i guess depending on your neiborhood. This may end up being one of those subject to interpretation conversations like just about anything I guess. Thank You. Have a great day. RC
@river You probably can't tell in winter, because I have an ankle length quilted nylon coat.
@river Well, speaking from your "impossible" world it would be a bit of both really. Fit in during the day & stand out at night. It would be a nice world & I hope that it becomes real one day. In the real world it is fit in all the way, except that we do stand out by the very fact of our existence.....my head hurts 🤣
@sashabennett Agreed. I wrote the post and deleted half as I was going in circles. trying to understand my desire for glam but at the same time not wanting to make a scene. its a vicious circle. I also need some asprin 😉 . Maybe something like Narnia for Cross Dressers. I mean the wardrobe part fits but it would be filled with dresses and such rather than old coats lol. oh that sounds like a good story idea 🙂 Thank You have a great day. RC
@river In drab mode, I dress mostly to stand out and can get away with it. En-femme, if the scenario of being able to have total acceptance, I would do the same. As things are now, when I do go out en-femme, I keep it away from home and make a quick dash to get into my house
Why choose? There are times when I like to stand out with an exclamation point! The rest of the time I revert to my lazy trans girl look.
/LK
@lizk Never considered it as a choice. more of a personality trait. but to be both is probably the best possible solution. stand out when appropriate but when not , then fit in. but there are those that just want to stand out all the time even when inappropriate 🙂 If everyone is wearing a dress do you come in a miniskirt just to shake the tree ? I can appreciate that. and food for thought. I do want to fit in and go un noticed but how boring is that Thank you RC.
FWIW River, when you are full-time or close to it, you realize how much effort it takes to stand-out. That's the main reason I dress down most days. It's way easier.
There will always be occasions when standing out is the right choice. It becomes a treat that you gain a new appreciation for.
/LK
@lizk I understand that. I generally dress a few days a month and lately even at that rate its been hard to get motivated. but one can still dress to fit in and still really stand out. Im not sure if my river personality is different there than my male side. but since were really one in the same then its probably not. I want to look ab fab but not have people make a big deal out of it I guess 🙂 Thank you. Have a great day RC
@river As for my everyday tastes, I'm all for comfort so I dress nicely but don't particularly try to standout. When I need to dress for an outing or special occasion, I am something of a Glam Girl. I love a nice dress or skirt and heels. Unfortunately, these occasions don't come up all that often but when they do, I tend to go all out!
@lauren114 If only do glam when everyone is glam vs Doing glam whenever you feel like it regardless of others around you. I would unfortunately dress down to fit in but ultimately want to knock it out of the park. Thank You Have a great day RC
@river Even dressed down, I still manage to work in glam touches. As an example, heels with jeans and having my nails long and polished. I also love smoky eye makeup. They are relatively small touches compared to dressing to the nines but I still get to feed my inner glam girl.
@lauren114 Love to see all of those things. heels with jeans is so sexy and I also always try to have a smoky eye look. Definitely can fit in but also show some style. Nice !! Cheers RC
@dovemtn2016 You go girl! I concur. but being the best dressed does not mean ones intention is to stand out. I always want to look my best for me which may make me stand out, but would not be my goal. which is my dilemma 🙂 Thank You. Have a great day. RC
@river as I try to find myself in the cd world i eventually want to go out in cross dress but just rather blend in and not be noticed.
@dustytumbleweed You and me both. I would do the same. Which is the dilemma even though im still only dressing in private Im trying to make choices that are geared towards the plan to go out somewhere someday. But My preference for myself is 100% Glamorous and sexy but im shying away from that to find a low key solution in case the opportunity presents itself I would be ready . Im trying to keep it real but its not as much fun. I think I need to just do what makes me happy and then find somewhere that that style fits in. Thank you have a great day RC
@river As I oft state here on CDH, I'm one of the more "mature" members, so "at my stage of life", I'm definitely "blending" if and when I "go public". Aka try to be the "mature elegant grandmother"
https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/photo/a-cd-triple-echo-echo-1/
Which again.. due to some on going health problems, has not happened since last May last year and may be a long time before it happens again.
But... if that occurs I will be content, its been a helleva CD ride since my late 20's...
Happy dressing,
"Nana" Caty
@ryanpaul Nana I greatly appreciate your experience. I sincerely hope you have a speedy recovery and that the ride is still in motion. I hope when that day comes you get to enjoy it to the fullest. Im not looking forward to the day I feel the ride is over. Lets hope we all have many many more years to go.. Thank you so much. have a great day RC
@river I honestly love the look of a professional woman. Everything should look stylish but flattering too. I want to show off my legs, and the curve of my breasts, while still looking like I could meet your family and no one would think I looked trashy. That’s the look I’m striving for.
Hugs, Jill
@jillannquinn I think thats the majority. As for the trashy reference. My opinion on this has changed drastically over the years the more Involved I got with CD and how it makes me feel. Sometimes trashy is just plain fun. and I have a better understanding of women that say Im not looking for attention I just love to feel this way and presenting that way is what makes one happy. I always thought it was to get attention but not always the case and fits in with this discussion. regardless of what one wears the purpose of fit in or stand out is definitely personal as its different for everyone. one may stick out like a sore thumb but honestly not intend to. they are just being themselves. I think that would be my ultimate goal. Just be me and be happy with it. Ahhh maybe someday 🙂 Thank you. have a great day ! RC
@river As for trashy, I’d only advise being careful for the sake of your safety.
Jill
@jillannquinn Good point. I would never need to worry though I could never present that way Im a fit in gal. Thank you. RC
@river Actually I don’t try to do either one. I endeavor to be well dressed for whatever the situation is. The proof of that is I often am complimented. I don’t look upon that as validation of femininity. I view it as validation of how I can put an outfit together. To me, that is a very good feeling.
I do understand that we are all dealing with time and money constraints, but the idea is to do the best you can with what you have to work with. A bit of creativity can do wonders against a lack of resources.
@flatlander48 That sounds like a perfect mix . To have no intentions except being yourself. That's my ultimate goal. Thank You Have a great day RC
Oh I am definitely a 'fit in' girl River. I have my own style and perhaps do dress a bit more as I like dresses but there are so many types and styles that can fit into any situation. As the sun is shining the flowing summer dresses are being worn. There are some women wearing them out and about so still fits in nicely, stylish but not extravagant.
@ab123 Certainly A sun dress on a beautiful day is definitely a Fit In. sounds lovely.. Have a great day RC
Fit in, but I will stand out due to my height in heels and I like pencil skirts ( business look )
@leah63 Thats also a dilemma the desire to fit in but your fashion sense says stand out. love those pencil skirts. I wish I could pull one of those off. Ok that came out wrong. I wish I could get away with wearing one lol.. Thank you for the response have a great day. RC
@river Correct. I love my pencil skirts. I have about 8 of them.
that last comment made me laugh my ass off … lol. Thanks for the laugh !🤣
I do both. Go unnoticed and stand out. The deciding choice is what is appropriate for the occasion. Tunic and leggings for supermarket shopping and special occasion clothes for restaurants, etc.. Color or design doesn't matter so much if you are well dressed. I have found that people appreciate a well dressed person in any venue.
@lisanicole If your going to a gala event when you walk in do you prefer people to just not take any notice or go whooa whats going on there ? Thank you for the response. RC
Oh River, I love to stand out. But I don't want people to say...OMG...what was she thinking wearing that? I want them to say, she looks fabulous; that is a really nice dress.
Last weekend I went to see Hamilton. I was wearing a Floral maxi dress. I didn't stand out at the theater as everyone was dressed to the nines, but after, I went to a local bar for a couple. Oh yeah! I stood out! AND I LOVED IT!
@lisanicole Sounds like a beautiful evening. I so miss Broadway. we used to live in Upper hudson valley NY and went all the time since moving its not so easy but still need my Broadway fix from time to time. In Ny city you can pretty well get away with anything but the theater scene anywhere is a great place to go all out and afterwards winding down at a local venu which makes for a perfect evening. I can imagine it would be wonderful as River. maybe someday. Thank you for sharing. hope you loved Hamilton. Cheers RC
Well River, daily I just go about my work and usually fit in. When I go out at night, I like to have fun and stand out in a nice way. I don't at all mind wearing showstoppers. Party on, Marg
@margprodue That is fantastic I wish I had that confidence . Just have fun, be whoever you want to be and thats it. no secret recipe . Thank you thats great !! maybe someday I'll get there. Have a great day. RC
@river Hey River, just attend the Keystone Conference, even if it's only for one day. It can solve a lot of problems with confidence and you'll have a wonderful time. It's just down the coast. You will find a level playing field there. Hugs, Marg
I would say: stand out, preferably a little crazy. If so, then right. The interesting people are the ones who are different.
@marion54 Ahh a Wild child love it !!. And completely agree . if we all looked the same and all just fit in life would be boring and I definitely dont do this to be boring. more food for thought. thank you !! RC
If crossdressing as a woman was the norm then surely the best way to stand out would be to dress as a man, just saying. 
Hypothetically I would dress pretty to stand out!! If only I had the courage
@coloradog1 Same boat. the point of the hypothetical scenario was just that. if there was no fear . I think even as a male I would stand out more. so Probably as river would be the same. I just worry so on what others think which is so frustrating Thank you RC
Hi, River.
I've always "stood out" since my early teens. I was taller than the other guys at that time, being 14 and six feet was a bit unusual. I also let my hair grow, which wasn't unusual in 1968, in the wider world but it most definitely was in the village I lived in.
I've worn "hippie" clothing and accessories all my life too, colourful "loon" pants and T shirts (ok, does anyone remember loon pants, and why on earth they were called that?). From my thirties, I discovered Asian kurtas and shalwar kameez, long shirts and extremely baggy trousers, usually in a silky fabric. I've yet to see another Caucasian male wear these.
So, I suppose, if I could wear anything, I expect I would still go for things that make me stand out as there's enough grey in the world!
Good topic, River, thanks 😊.
Allie x
colourful "loon" pants and T shirts (ok, does anyone remember loon pants, and why on earth they were called that?).
Loon pants are a variation of bell-bottom pants made popular by Sonny and Cher, and Derrick And The Dominoes. There were balloon flares (loon) and elephant flares, up to more than 2 feet across.
Punk rockers put an end to flares until they were revived in the late 80s.
Harriette, I had a few pairs of loon pants (but never the two tone), and that's the first time I've heard where the name came from! Thanks for that.
Yeah, we used to buy a new pair of jeans, unstitch from the knee down and insert another material of our own choosing, or whatever mum had in her sewing box.
Great days 😊.
Allie x
@alexina Customized jeans. Cool!
I came back from a late 1970s trip to Panama with a pair of jeans that had coloured strips of leather sewn onto the legs. This was well before the distressed jeans era.
I proudly wore them here and I don't remember anybody saying anything to me about them. Sadly, I have no idea what happened to them. I'd wear them today if I still had them.
My mother in law used to say, "Keep something long enough and it'll come back into fashion"
There's loads of clothes that I wish I still had but 50 years would most probably not have been kind to them!
My mother in law used to say, "Keep something long enough and it'll come back into fashion"
Lately, I have bought a couple of variations of women's shirts that are white with black stripes. The stripes on the body parts are always vertical. You've seen them. Variations of them are everywhere, last year and this year.
When I sorted through my drab clothes, recently, I can across a similar men's shirt probably from the later '80s. It still fits, a little worse for wear, but it still works for how I dress, even though the sleeves are longer than the women's sleeves. It's not something men wear today, though, so it is a useful compromise.
These striped shirts sure draw attention!
@alexina I do remember loon pants. As I remember them being described it was as much about the wearer than the garment 🤣 As for the Kofta's & Shami Kebab's those are new ones on me 😆
Oh ha ha! Everyone's a joker now 🙄. You've never heard of that great Middle Eastern Tabbouleh Ensemble? I'm sure they played the Eden Court theatre only last year.....
@alexina Did you present that way to deliberately stand out ? or just how you prefer to look? . I generally stand out which is why I think Why I prefer to fit in. My preference is extravagant and glamorous but not to stand out its just what makes me happy. Of you could look anyway you want and feel great about it would you want to be the center of attention? Or just be another beautiful girl in the crowd 🙂 Thank you
Have a great day RC
It was both, River. I was a painfully shy teenager, being the only child of a one parent family (although it wasn't called that then) and always felt like an outsider. I suppose my thinking was, since I don't fit in with the others, I'll do my own thing. Looking back, there's definitely some reverse psychology going on there.
That has just reminded me, I was referred to an occupational psychologist when I worked in management and was struggling a bit. One of the things he said was that I was terrified of peer judgement so I put myself beyond their sphere of reference. My clothes and behaviour were just different enough to avoid or negate any derogatory remarks.
I've also tried in my own small way, to bring some colour to what I see as endemic greyness, I do live in Scotland after all!
So, when I have to wear male things, I'll wear "different" male things. When I wear feminine things, they'll be what makes me feel and look good...I do want to be noticed!
I hope this answers your question? Or should I say three questions, seeing as we seem to have a glitch in the matrix....
Allie x
@alexina Nailed it. thank you.. To just do you and rock it!!.. Thats got to be the ultimate goal. Thats a beautiful thing. Im Jealous. 🙂 have a great evening. RC
@alexina Did you present that way to deliberately stand out ? or just how you prefer to look? . I generally stand out which is why I think Why I prefer to fit in. My preference is extravagant and glamorous but not to stand out its just what makes me happy. Of you could look anyway you want and feel great about it would you want to be the center of attention? Or just be another beautiful girl in the crowd 🙂 Thank you
Have a great day RC
@alexina Did you present that way to deliberately stand out ? or just how you prefer to look? . I generally stand out which is why I think Why I prefer to fit in. My preference is extravagant and glamorous but not to stand out its just what makes me happy. Of you could look anyway you want and feel great about it would you want to be the center of attention? Or just be another beautiful girl in the crowd 🙂 Thank you
Have a great day RC
I have always tried to fit in. I grew up shy and insecure. Fitting in was safe. I am ok with that choice. Now when I dress as a woman, I still try to fit in. Blue jeans, sports bra, athletic t shirt, light makeup up, small earrings.
@karynrivers Im very shy as well which is why I would do the same but I would prefer to be full glam and still fit in. which is my dilema when shopping ive been buying things that I could see me actually wearing out but its not really what I like. as I dont wanna stand out uggh 🙂 thank you have a great day RC
@karynrivers Im very shy as well which is why I would do the same but I would prefer to be full glam and still fit in. which is my dilema when shopping ive been buying things that I could see me actually wearing out but its not really what I like. as I dont wanna stand out uggh 🙂 thank you have a great day RC
@karynrivers Im very shy as well which is why I would do the same but I would prefer to be full glam and still fit in. which is my dilema when shopping ive been buying things that I could see me actually wearing out but its not really what I like. as I dont wanna stand out uggh 🙂 thank you have a great day RC
@karynrivers Im very shy as well which is why I would do the same but I would prefer to be full glam and still fit in. which is my dilema when shopping ive been buying things that I could see me actually wearing out but its not really what I like. as I dont wanna stand out uggh 🙂 thank you have a great day RC
@karynrivers Im very shy as well which is why I would do the same but I would prefer to be full glam and still fit in. which is my dilema when shopping ive been buying things that I could see me actually wearing out but its not really what I like. as I dont wanna stand out uggh 🙂 thank you have a great day RC
@karynrivers Im very shy as well which is why I would do the same but I would prefer to be full glam and still fit in. which is my dilema when shopping ive been buying things that I could see me actually wearing out but its not really what I like. as I dont wanna stand out uggh 🙂 thank you have a great day RC
@karynrivers Im very shy as well which is why I would do the same but I would prefer to be full glam and still fit in. which is my dilema when shopping ive been buying things that I could see me actually wearing out but its not really what I like. as I dont wanna stand out uggh 🙂 thank you have a great day RC
I would have to say "fit in" for the most part. I love the idea of wearing a sundress during the summer months, they are so light and airy and look wonderful with a nice pair of sandals. I prefer dresses and skirt/blouse combos so that is what I would probably wear most days, although a pair of slacks, leggings or jeans on cooler days. For footwear a pair of kitten heels or booties. If going out for the evening something dressier with heels, after all feeling elegant is part of it. I love jewelry so at anytime I would be wearing something appropriate for the time and occasion, right now I wear studs or hoops when out and about but when I dress at home I like to wear my sparkly or dangling earrings.
XOXO
Suzanne
@cdsue And feeling elegant is part of it.. Agree 100%. What if a specific dress is really talking to you , but is overboard for the event? Do you just do it ? or dress down ? Thank you have a great day RC
@river interesting point - I would have to say it would depend on the event that I was wanting to wear it to - if a guest at an event (wedding or something similar) I would probably dress down so as to not detract from the honoree - if going to the theatre (play, opera, orchestral performance) I would probably just do it as that is a place to "strut your stuff"
XOXO
Suzanne
@cdsue And feeling elegant is part of it.. Agree 100%. What if a specific dress is really talking to you , but is overboard for the event? Do you just do it ? or dress down ? Thank you have a great day RC
I stand out with out even trying to stand out, because I am tall
@leslienix There are things we just cant avoid . what If ! everyone in the place was tall ? how would you present? Thank you RC
@river I would stand out, I would be wearing my favourite en femme clothes and have a swagger of feeling super powerful and sexy and be ready to dominate that hole room 
@river I would stand out, I would be wearing my favourite en femme clothes and have a swagger of feeling super powerful and sexy and be ready to dominate that hole room
I'm not "passable" so I like to dress to fit in, age, season and location appropriate.
@emily2day Is it that you like to fit in or feel there is no choice? I do a good job with my makeup but my body is another animal and thats what scares me the most. but if my outward appearance was not a factor. and I was not shy . For my own reasons not for attention I would be as glamorous as possible and as often as possible. but all my curves are in the wrong places. I would look in the mirror and pause and say Nope !! Im staying home 😉 Thank you have a great day RC ..
@river I really feel that I'm more on the trans side, and like to fit in rather than stand out.
@emily2day I think the majority just wants to be themselves but also fit in. Your in good company. 🙂 Thank you have a great day. RC
For going out and doing the daily stuff just blend in but occasionally standing out is fun but I can also just dress up online and really have fun with it
I land on the side of stand out. I want to look my best. If I have an opportunity for an evening out, my first choice would be to a place where glam was appropriate. Even daily tasks, I would prefer to be "noticeable". 🥰 I tend toward sexy styles, but that are in good taste.
