Follow On to "What to do, Opportunity"

I am not fully out to my wife yet. She knows a little about how I like fem things. I have been building up slowly to a full diclosure. I dressed fully for Halloween as a "costume" letting her see how comfortable I was and hoping to take everything to the next level. We talked a bit, but circumstances have prevented us from having a real meaningful conversation. Our marriage, however, has been one of convenience for severall years now. We won't split up, but the intamacy is long gone.In your case, it sounds like you would like to preserve your relationship. Sounds like you've reached the point of no return. If you love her and want to keep her, then the time has come for full disclosue. Otherwise you'll just continue to grow further apart. I see three senarios. You tell her and come to an agreement or you tell her and it's all over or you both continue to be miserable. I'm sorry dear, but I just can't see you continuing on the way you are. Best of luck in whatever you decide to do.
Hugs

Candy

Hi Candy,

Thank you so much.  Your words mean a lot and I sincerely appreciate the honesty with which you speak.

Love and hugs,

R.

hi rebekka. ohhhh its a difficult one this. have you spoken to your so at all about this? is she the type of woman who would listen? I hated hiding from my wife, I did it for a good 16 yrs or so with a few near misses along the way. like you, I used to hide my things in places she would not look. the only realistic answer is to be honest and tell her but it really is easier said than done. of course you have to weigh up all the risks first! I really hope things turn out better for you rebekka as it is a difficult situation you are in :

take care hun 🙂

fiona xxxx

Thank you Fiona,

You are a dear!  I got dressed this morning just like always.  I was up early and went out and bought my tall riding boots! Can't wait to wear them!

Yes , this is tough.  I was just out shopping on my own thinking about this.  (Bought some very nice trouser socks and my first pair of black leggings!  Good and bad!

I have to do something I know.  The boots maybe the catalyst.

Love and hugs!

R

Glad i have never been in that situation but have thought about what if my SO asked me to stop, what would i do. I know i am in the minority as she is accepting if not supportive.

Well these ramblings are my thoughts

what does CD mean to me/give me . Level of comfort with myself and inner calm. I like the look and feel of the clothes, especially stockings, fresh bed sheets and the touch of a hem on shaved legs.

what would being outed cost me as only my wife knows . More embarrassment for her i think, i could shrug most of the issues and my family live miles away. For her we live close to where she was born so lots more for her to lose

if she asked me to stop. I am MIAD, i dont need to pass. I would miss it but try my hardest to bottle it all away and do as she asked. I would need to find a way to do this but would lose everything before losing her. Not saying it would be easy as i dont see my CD as something i am driving in any shape. More it drives me and if i could be given the easy option of CD or never dressing again i would choose the latter. Enjoy dressing a lot and that worries me

Rebekka, think long and hard on what you really want, if coming out fully would kill off your relationship can you live with that. Where do you see it going.. would you transition ... questions. I dont push my wife’s limits and at the moment it works. Whatever you decide follow your heart and personally i am here if you need to talk it out

hope things go well for you

Lacey

Dear Rebbeka

If you need to "come out", your time will come.

My catalyst was a friend in a local am-dram society, who surprised me by coming out on Facebook to all her friends and family with a very long post detailling what was happening and how she and her wife were working with it.

I felt the "force" very strongly after yhat, joined this site and found advice which I felt would work for me, and I am acting on it one small piece at a time - and having an ansolute blast!!!

My SO surprised me quite a lot by msking no big deal about it, setting limits, at which I expressed my desire to go way beyond those limits, but chose to accept them as operating parameters for now.

A relationship is all about compromise, so no problems.

In turn, when I hsve mentioned something I'd like to do, like go for a walk, or to the Post Office, she has simply told me to get on with it!

I ferl truly blessed at thus point in my life - so my advice to others is to look for signs, take it at your own speed, and welcome every opportunity however small to become who you are in your own way.

Love

Laura

PS Apologies for all the typos - I just don't get on well with phone keyboards!

Thank you Laura and SometimeLacey for your thoughtful replies,

I truly appreciate them.  I don't think I would ever transition fully, kind of late in life for that.  But there are certainly some things I'd like to do, like enhance my breast size.

Tough all around, and it will have to work out somehow.

Hi Rebecca, I wish I had some words of wisdom to give you that would help. Sounds to me like your relationship is already in trouble. When the intimacy leaves the bedroom without good cause like a illness or accident, it seems to  create a loss of trust. Maybe she knows more than you think, or has suspicions. I agree that you need to decide for yourself what you want out of life, do you want to take things to the next level regarding your dressing, do you want your so to stay. And how does she really feel? You must be fair with her and I have always felt selfish when dressing without my SO. I really feel your pain and know your struggle as I am in a similiar relationship. I hope you both are able to work things out and both be happy. Life is so short to not experience Love and Happiness everyday. I too am always here if you need to talk. Hugs, Brenda

Hi Rebbeka

I agree with Bren - intimacy is incredibly important in a loving relationship, and I would suggest compromise to salvage that part as a priority.

7 years ago I took to shaving my entire body to maximise my feminine experience.

Like your SO, mine almost went off intimacy entirely - no matter how frequently or carefully I shaved, she would notice the scratchiness, and further, she told me that she liked body hair, especially on the chest.

As I missed that side of our relationship, and anyway, would do anything to both please my wife and keep her happy (happy wife = happy life), I gave in, but keep my pits and other areas trimmed to a presentable, non-bushy level!

I have suggested odd items of female attire to enhance the intimacy, and that, insurprisingly, worked - in fact, it worked better than I expected, as she has several times dressed me to fully feminine including shoes, to further enhance that area of our lives.

When it came to have "the talk", she was remarkably prepared - even when I said how much further tgan the bedroom I would like to take it.

Not really fully accepting, but a major step forward from 12 years ago and my first disastrous attempt to talk to her about it.

I didn't lay down the law, I just stated my wishes, with no expectation that they would be agreed to. In the first instance, I said that I wanted to be dressed around the house while doing the housework while the children were all out, since she would typically confine herself to one room and work.

The response I got was "Fine, but I won't look at you."

A little hurtful, but the all-clear to dress guilt-free with my wife in the house. Brilliant - a baby step!

So no pain, no gain - I keep in mind why I married my wife - after all, I am more than an eccentric man who likes wearing ladies' clothes.

My female side likes a lot of the things that my wife likes, so I am filtering those across bit by bit, trying to keep my male side the man she married and loves, but with improvements brought about by finally allowing my female side to blossom freely.

Again, baby steps - I am finding out what works and what doesn't. To my delight, all of it works. She has even commented that she really likes the improved man - and agrees that it's probably down to the dopamine fix I get when dressing, so I'm quietly excited and very hopeful for the future.

And that is why I'm sharing this - I hope it inspires the reader to find their own path through the twisty maze of sharing their life with someone else, and build a solid, loving future.

Love

Laura

Hi Laura and Bren,

Thank you both for the words of wisdom.  I really appreciate it.  It is tough to figure out.   I have new (gurl) boots that I'm wearing as part of a "costume" for a holiday party, and my SO mentioned I wouln't be able to wear them with anything else.  (I beg to differ).

She seems to realize I want to, but maybe not, who knows.  She maybe in denial, or I maybe.

Thanks again gurls!

Love and hugs!

R