For those of you that came out to your partner, how did you do it?

This had to be one of the most anxious moments in our relationship.

I kept Wendy away from my wife for the longest time.  I was really afraid of telling her, but I got to the point where I just couldn't hold Wendy back much longer and she wanted to express herself big time.

Before I officially came out, I was wearing womens' one piece swimsuits around her.  I have a hunch at that point she had her suspicions.

One day I told myself : "I have to tell her now before it is too late".  However something came up so I pushed it off to another day.  I've read on other sites from other CDers that it is a matter of 'if' your partner finds out, it is a matter of 'when'.  I didn't want my wife stumbling upon Wendy's clothes by accident, I wanted to be up front and honest with her about Wendy.

Well, after pushing it off for several days, I mustered enough courage and decided today is the day no matter what.  So while watching TV, I muted the TV first, turned to her, and disclosed the femme side of me.  I didn't mince words, I just said something like "I am a crossdresser and I like to wear women's clothes (ok this maybe not exactly what I said but I wanted it to be briefly and to the point.  I wanted to avoid a long winded speech)". I was bracing for the worst, expecting her to be angry/dismayed, and telling me that she wants a divorce.

None of that happened, but she did have questions for me like : "are you gay ?", "did you want to transition to a woman", and the big one "why didn't you say so before".  After discussing and me answering all her questions up front and honestly. she said "why don't you go get dressed so I can see what you look like"

I didn't have much of a stash back then but I got into my black pencil skirt, white long sleeve blouse, black tights, black blazer, and my cheapo costume wig.

After I got all dressed, I called her downstairs and she said "you look like an airline stewardess".    We chatted a little more, she went back upstairs, and I got changed back into drab mode.  Since then, she has been accepting of Wendy, but she has commented on Wendy's shopping habits - which is Wendy has way more clothes than my wife; hinting I should really pull back on my purchases for Wendy.

Other than that, now we talk about women's fashion, make up, ... I feel so blessed that she is accepting and open minded about Wendy.

I attempted that in numerous ways over a period of years, none effectively. Perhaps the worst approach came about by discovery due to carelessness with some of my female clothes. Having said that, I don't think there is a singularly successful approach to self-revelation of one's CD nature.  The two individuals really determine what might be attempted and what works for one may not work for the other. At best, I can only say that I see it as an on-going process of mutual acceptance and understanding with varying degrees of success. But, isn't that true for any good inter-personal relationship? I wish you well.

Hi Wendy! Thanks for sharing your story. What was your answer to why did you wait so long to tell her? I am planning to have "the talk" soon.

I just blurted out, "I am a cross-dresser!" I could not think of any way to ease into broaching the matter. Much drama and angst but eventually resolved.

Araminta.

I was driving with my then girlfriend now wife and she said, “I wonder what you would look like wearing lipstick?”

After I regained my composure I told here I’ve been wearing women’s clothes for decades.

Was impressed and excited by the revelation.

-Caroline

I told my fiancé who later became wife of decades until the divorce which was not based on my cd clothes while we were in bed just chatting. I told her I preferred to wear panties and she said that was fine and that a lot of things that could have come up would have been worse. She then got me a pair of her panties and had me put them on after we had sex. Next time we were at my place she moved my guy underwear to a different drawer and put the panties in my everyday undies drawer. She was ok with panties and nighties but asked that I not wear hose or anything else like dresses etc until kids weee out of the house.

Very slowly over many years. I first started by saying I liked panties. When she became comfortable with that, which took a few years, I added the stockings and pantyhose. IT took quite a while before she became comfortable with that. Then she started saying things like I hope that is it, I couldn't handle any more than that. So I backed off. She would see a few stories of serial killers who like wearing women's undergarments so thought all crossdressers must be demented killers. When I set her mind at ease that, that kind of thinking was crazy I would get her back trying to being ok with me underdressing. She had no clue how far I actually went. I have really great hiding places. As the years went by I added things like bras and camisoles. That bothered her a bit but after a while she was okay with it. Then one day a few years ago she asked me. I don't know what precipitated it, but she just blurted out "I want you to be honest with me and tell me what you do and what you have done." I thought what do I have to lose so told her everything. She was a little taken back, but in the end she said she was ok with it. However she made it very clear that she never wanted to see me like that. I can underdress as much as I want and she even on occasions tries to encourage it, She has even bought me a few pairs of panties and camisoles. Anything else I do she is not interested in and does not want to know about it or discuss it. It was not as bad as I thought, but deep down I really hoped I could have come out of the shadows a bit more. To this day she still has not found my stash (and I have a big stash).

Holly

So I'm new to group, certainly not new to being out dressed. I told my wife approximately 30 years ago, kinda a funny story.

We were snowed in and could not go anywhere. She asked what do you want to do since were stuck here. We tossed some ideas about and then I said, " You know what might be fun? I'll dress you as a guy and you can where one of my suits. (we were are are still similar size except height & shoes). I said you dress me up like a girl". She said," sure that might be fun". She proceeded to get her curling iron and curl my hair and do my makeup, I could not believe how excited she was. She dressed me all the way and put a very nice green dress on me. She said, " I do good work, you look great. If we only had some shoes that would fit you." Of course my next response was, " I have shoes". The I got the comment, "And why do you have shoes ???" (By the way, never even got to putting her in male made which was never really the plan anyway)

That started an evening of all kinds of questions. Over the past 30 years she has been hot and cold on this. She has been out shopping and to some bars with me a few years back. I know I have more clothes than she does. I did ask her tonight before she went out with friends if she wanted to borrow something, and she has a few times before.

So I do consider myself lucky that even though she doesn't get excited about this, she knows it's important to me.

Lisa

I did it quickly, like ripping off a bandaid. It went as well as could be expected considering she had no idea during our 22 years together.  That was just under 2 weeks ago and we’re communicating about it every day. It’s going really well.

Wow Genevieve,

That is such a wonderful story .

Thank you so much for sharing.

I am so glad yor dressing has brought you closer .

Thats a beautiful story.

Thank you Patty

Lets take a trip way back in time to February of 1997. My girlfriend (now wife) and I had been dating for about 5 months at this point. We had been friends for about 2 years prior to dating so we were already aware of most things about the other person, mostly.

I decided that if we were to continue dating I should probably tell her about my dressing seeing as that I did not want her finding out later on and thinkgin I had lied to her by hiding it over the years.

I decided on the day and what I was going to say to her, plans changed. I got out "I have something to tell you" and thats about when my courage ran out. Of course at this point now she thinks I have either something bad to say or I am dying. After a good half hour I was able to spell it out to her. It was done and she was suprised a bit but was really okay with the whole situation.

She has been my rock!

Cynthia

My wife and I were in the middle of an argument, i just came out and told her that I am a cross dresser.
obviously, that didn’t go over well. She called me a deviant. If she had known I was a cross dresser before we got married, she wouldn’t have married me. We’ve been married 31 years and I only found out that I love cross dressing about 4 years ago.

So true Randi that was how it went for me too.  I like how you point out there isn't a singular approach.  My wife and I recently had an 'update' conversation, that was the first one that I initiated about dressing, mainly to tell her about cdh.  I kept trying to time it, but really there's no right time, just being mindful of when is the wrong time, thinking of what came before this conversation for her and what other things she would be trying to get through in the days ahead.  We have our own moments when we are ready to talk, that might never match up.  So I had to be able to do it based on my best read of her readiness, not my own.  I think after enough time she could tell I had something I'd been waiting to say, but it went very well overall.

My story is similar to others. First off she found out soon after we were dating that I loved pantyhose and would ask her to wear the for me a lot. She worked in an office and had to wear them daily.  But when she got how from work it would be the first thing she took off. I think I’ve mentioned in another post that one day I asked her to put some on for me and she went to her dresser grabbed a pair of taupe pantyhose, tossed them to me and said” if you like them so much you wear them.” She left the room so I thought wth and started rolling them up to put them on. I had one leg in and starting the other when she walked back into the room. She saw what I was doing and said “. Wow ...looks like you’ve done this before.”  Now embarrassed I started taking them off but she stopped me and told me to leave them on. The seed was planted , fast forward 18 years and we were out shopping and she asked me if I could see her thong through her pants she had on. I replied “ no not at all” then the words came out of my mouth which I couldn’t believe and I asked her “ can you see my thong”. She was not sure to believe me but as soon as we got home see asked to see them. I knew I had no way out of it so I showed her and she was shocked to see e wearing a pair of her panties.  I got a little emotional and told her that I had added a few things to my pantyhose wearing which she was always ok with . Then the “ talk “ started. The text book questions, are you gay, do you want to be a woman, do I still love her, but her biggest concern was she enough for me. So that’s when I spilled the beans on my history of crossdressing and how hard it was growing up with these urges and no where to turn. The next day she wanted to talk about it in full and was very understanding and told me she wanted me to do what makes me happy! She called me upstairs and when I went into our room she had cleaned out her panty drawer and had a big pile on her bed and told me these were for me . There was panties , a couple camisoles, a fullslip on the bed. I was in shock but very happy  So I slowly started to dress in front of her at her request and things went from there. Shopping trips together , bringing me home gifts of femme things, gave me some makeup to get me started and now she accepts Ashley as a big part of who I am and she was the one who suggested I have an alter name to separate the two.  I love her very much and grateful she has welcomed Ashley into our relationship!
Thanks

Ashley.