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I have been going out in public as Olivia for probably around 10 years now and am quite comfortable being out and about and interacting with people. Some of my favorite moments have been a few conversations I have had with some women I would never have had if they thought I was male. These days I am generally not nervous or self conscious when I am out as Olivia. Driving in and out of our street always has me a bit on edge and from time to time I have a bit of self doubt if someone looks at me twice but nothing like the situation I found myself in last weekend.
I was having the weekend away by myself for a car show that was over a 500km drive away from home. I didn't have a car in the show but it is an amazing show with 1000 cars on display so it is well worth the trip. Of course I was planning on spending some time as Olivia over the weekend.
On the Sunday evening after the show was over I was back at my motel doing my makeup as I planned to go out and get a takeaway dinner as Olivia when I heard a few loud engines briefly then they stopped. I didn't think anything of it. All the rooms in the motel were on the ground floor. Once I was made up I grabbed my handbag and opened the door and walked outside. OMG. The loud engines were a group of blokes some bearded and some not who I would guess were in their late 50's or 60's and were staying at the motel who all had Harley Davidsons. They had brought chairs out of their rooms and were sitting drinking and chatting not 10ft in front of me.
Naturally when I walked out of the room about 10 sets of eyes were all on me. This was my worst nightmare. 10 over 50's blokes all together drinking, blocking my path out and all grew up in the 70's and 80's with the prejudices about people like me from that era. Thankfully I then quickly kicked into a survival mode and thought "Get your shit together. You have passed as a woman before to plenty of people and you can do it here. Be confident and you'll be able to walk straight past them." I just started walking when one of them said "Good Afternoon" I said in my quieter than normal voice "Afternoon". Just when I was past them all one of them called out to me and said "I hope we aren't too rowdy." I just turned back and said " No you are fine". I got around the corner and breathed a sigh of relief then my hands started shaking.
I thought the supermarket is still open so I'll have a browse through there and then order dinner and hopefully they will be gone when I get back. I did eventually relax and enjoy my time browsing the supermarket and picked up my dinner and nervously headed back to the room. I made sure the room key was already in my hand so I didn't have to spend a second longer out than I had to. When I turned the corner they were still there and once again all eyes went to me but they had moved around while I had been out and were totally blocking my path. I took a breath and thought " You got past them once you can do it again" and walked up to the bloke who if only he moved I could get past and said "Excuse me". He said "Of course madam" and moved out of the way and gestured the path with his arm. I just then made a B line for my door didn't look back to see if I was being looked at and thankfully got inside. I locked the door and put the chain on the door as well.
To be honest they are most likely a great bunch of respectable and caring blokes on a few days away with each other. It is funny however I feared the worst immediately instead of what for this day and age would be a far more likely scenario of just saying hello and letting me walk by even if they had picked I wasn't a natural female.
@oliviac Olivia, you aced it! Any woman would be intimidated by such a scene outside their motel room and feel extremely vulnerable. You have great resources of courage and determination that you might not have been aware. Sometimes we have to be tested to see what we have hidden inside.
@leainvancouver Thanks so much Lea for your encouraging remarks. I hadn't thought about it that any female would have felt similar to me and felt confronted in the same situation. You are right sometimes we have to be tested but I would be happy not to be tested that much again. 🙂
@oliviac That was great and another example, nobody really cares and I am sure you looked great.
Lynne
@oliviac Thanks for replaying the scenario, Olivia. It gives others an idea of what can happen outside.
However, you knew that something could still be going on outside. You had the choice of going out or staying behind your door. You could have gotten back in drab mode, too. You made your choice and held your head high.
I don't know if you could look out through a window or door peephole, but you opened the door without knowing what you would have to face while en femme. That had some risk, but, in the end, it all worked out.
Olivia, you seem to have handled the situation with dignity and in a very ladylike manner. You were obviously concerned about the situation, but what woman would not have been? Well done you for having dealt with the situation so well!
Kudos to you. Hugs, Christine
@oliviac I just want to say that those of us that grew up in the 70’s and 80’s are very understanding of trans issues, I have found those that grew up in the 50’s to be more judgemental. I have four relatives that did grow up in the 50’s and would have an issue with me and one that wouldn’t. Just saying. Glad all went well for you, I’m sure it’s an experience none of want to encounter.
I can well imagine what must have been going through your mind upon encountering the group of men. Your story reminds me of my trip to Manchester a few years ago, when I bumped into a party of nine or ten men on a jolly from Glasgow. As soon as I entered the reception area they all turned to look at me. I was fearful, but they proved to be as nice as pie, asking me to sit with them while I waited for my taxi.
It's easy - and very understandable - for us to assume the worst when we find ourselves in such situations. The reality is often far different, reassuring, and pleasantly surprising.
Well done, Olivia, for handling your own encounter with such aplomb!
I suspect that this situation would have intimidated most women, so well done for persevering and handling it the way you did.
My own “out” experiences have been to shopping area and cafes etc., but I do hope to become more adventurous as time goes on.
This is a little reminder of how it must feel like for women to be out alone, and also, as others have suggested, we maybe shouldn’t judge a book by its cover
@lucyb112 You are right Lucy it really has opened my eyes a little further to what it is like for a woman to feel safe in this world having now had a situation that as a male you feel are perfectly safe but not safe for a woman. Another thing women have to deal with that as males we don't is some men quite obviously leering at you. The thought that a woman was checking you out when I am in drab would probably put a spring in your step but the creepy look this guy had looking me up and down one day while I was walking down a plaza made me feel dreadful like he was putting his hands all over me with his eyes.
Such a tough spot to be in. I don't advocate confronting, but most of the time no one is trying to harm anyone. I teach self defense, and my most important advice is to get out of the situation, or avoid it altogether.
I have a story. I had to drive up through Idaho. I stayed in a hotel, and biker guys were in for some sort of thing. I had some beers outside our rooms with the guys staying next to me. Nothing great, just listening to how cool their bikes were, and all the general man stuff I don't take interest in. They were on a guy trip, away from wives. But I know it, and had the nods and replies. Then went in, showered and shaved, got into my nightgown, and started in on whatever on my phone that seemed interesting. It was fairly loud next door for a while. Wrestling, or something, perhaps, but next morning they looked happy with one another, so I don't know.
Sometimes, the cover means run. Sometimes the cover means don't read too much further.
@siobhann You are so right Siobhann that most of the time no one has any intension of harming anyone and that people are generally good people. I suppose I am a little paranoid because of some experiences when I was younger.
@oliviac I don't think you are wrong to be alert. I hope I didn't sound that way. I do think most people are good people. I also think, there are awful people out there, but far rarer. So I wouldn't call you paranoid, I would say you assessed the situation, and came to your best conclusion. I don't know your experiences, but I am so sorry, girl, as I have had my own, I know what I have seen, but I can't speak to the feelings of others.. So hard to shake. xoxo. I'm happy, and I don't know if dude was a gentleman, or creepy in your situation,,, but I'm imagining a guy, a bit in the cups, genuinely treating you as a lady.
@siobhann Bit of a delay in my replies as I have been away for a few days. No it didn't sound like you thought being alert was wrong. Your post did remind me however of a saying (not sure where I first heard it) "Be alert but don't be alarmed". I think that is probably the good balance point as much as those bad experiences we have had stick with us. And you are right I think he was genuinely treating me as a lady and wasn't creepy at all.
@oliviac I don't know, hon, but that sounds right. I always think about being ready so I don't have to panic. But, beyond that, I don't know more, but I do think it's lovely to have been treated with respect by someone you may not have expected it from. I am sorry you were worried, but happy that you were seen, understood, and respected.
Olivia -
Glad things worked out okay. You handled the situation very well.
Hope you continue with your outings and that hey are as positive as this one was.
XOXO
Suzanne
Phew - what a nightmare! Probably they were a group of quite respectable guys reliving their youth and Monday they'd be back at work. You must have looked good as they treated you right so all's well that ends well. The other thing was that maybe with a big show on in the area hotel rooms were all booked up and they didn't want to be thrown out for being rowdy with no where to stay.
@ab123 Thanks Angela. Thinking about it now it has boosted my confidence a bit that they saw me and treated me as a woman. I'm not going to go crazy but maybe I can be a bit less anxious when I am out and about. I think you are right on the being too rowdy part that they were conscious of not being too loud.
Such a great story about what would send most of us back in the room to order food delivery to our rom. But you persevered and it turned out to be a great experience. I guess this just shows that we all might think that you can’t judge a book by its cover is an appropriate thing to say. Needless to say, you have inspired us all not to judge people so much that they just might surprise us. Maybe things really are changing in this world!
Hi Olivia. I would’ve been scared “something-less” if I were in your situation. You handled it great, and I admire you for your calmness.
I confess to being something of a scaredy-cat in uncomfortable situations, though I’ve often been happily surprised by the common decency of people.
Some years ago, my wife and I were traveling in the South Dakota area around the time of the huge Sturgis motorcycle rally. We were staying in a nice hotel in a small town, but when we went into the bar to have a drink, it was full of bikers in full regalia. I was in male mode but still more than nervous. We hesitated a second and then sat down at a table to order a drink. After a few minutes, a few of the fellows at the next table started to talk with my wife and then me. It turned out they were humorous and engaging, and we spent a delightful hour with them before their wives suddenly appeared and they headed out to a nearby restaurant for dinner. Over the next couple of days, we ran into quite a few bikers, fortunately all of whom were nice, and I put my nervousness aside.
Having said all that, I’d still be afraid if I were in a similar situation now, especially while dressed, and I hope I would have the strength you did. Bravo.
@sallyj Thanks so much Sally. When you see bikers we tend to be worried what they will do. I suppose it's like most things where 99% of them are fine and the bad 1% give the reputation to the rest.
just a couple of hundred yards up th road where I live, there is a gathering every year of sometimes more than 5000 bikers, but they never make any trouble except for noise though again its only one weekend a year.
I love it great job being the woman you are glad it all worked out. I had scary moment a few years back when I got stuck in a liquor store line between a dozen rowdy construction workers that were buying their evening beer supply. As I stood there in a very short spaghetti strap sundress I was shaking like crazy but wow what a rush I will never forget that feeling I felt very submissive and feminine.
Funny thing i also rode Harleys and drank beer years ago but now I much prefer getting pretty to riding loud bikes.
Your story is a great reminder of what genetic women go through all the time.
