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I'm a very private person. I rarely accept friendship requests on CDH Which happens to be the only forum I frequent.
My criteria is a person must have a full bio. And has engaged on the forums. I get extremely suspicious when someone joins and within a few days has 50 plus friends. (Even more so when they have hardly contributed to the forums.)
This morning someone sent me two messages, and a friendship request... they said "I had a beautiful face and would talk to me at a party." Ewww. Talk about an instant turnoff.
I replied. I don't accept newby friends. (I made one exception of someone who comes from Bathurst. Fairly close to me.) Though, I did likewise express concern about lack of detail on their profile. Since then, they have engaged well on the forums and in chat.
This evening when I come home from work, I saw the newby has been deleted. I'm not sure if by an ambassador or they killed their account themselves.
While I'm at it. Occasionally I see a post from a newby that reads like one of the fantasy stories that abounds in CD circles. As yet, I haven't seen any of those kind of authors engage on the forums. (I won't engage with, or accept a friendship from anyone like that. To me they smack of falsehood. Anyways I ramble.
My wife and I have each others back. I'm not interested in flirting with other girls, or men in dresses. Thats a black and white rule I hold to here, other social media, and in face to face contacts. No exceptions. And definitely I'm not interested in seeing body parts. (Except once, when I was talking to an amputee, and he showed me his various legs. One for running. And one for walking. I'm sure you will agree, that was an exceptional, and understandable break in protocols.)
Anyways. What are your standards for accepting friendships on CDH.
Edit After reading through the comments, I thought I would add some thoughts.
I certainly agree that CDH is a very good safehaven for support and exploration. The admin do an extremely good job at removing trolls. ADMIN thank you.!!!💖💖💖
I also understand the shyness and reluctance of new members to engage. I certainly was one, and thank you once again to everyone who welcomed me.
I think shyness is a relative term. My alarm bells go off when I read a new member say they "are after elp to dress, and meet up with others...or words to that effect." That doesn't sound shy to me. (I'm also aware there are older members *not many* who seem eager to pounce on new members / fresh meat. Sadly I encountered one like it...who was insisting I send or post up more photos. And was advising they run a cd school. SAM deleted that conversation off my wall very quickly. It was creepy.)
I understand the need for some to collect friends. Its like a measure of acceptance in a world of non acceptance. It provides comfort. To that I'd add the great observation someone else made in the comments, "If your engaging in the forums, groups, and chat, your among friends already." (I'd like to add to that something I have often said to my sons, and others, "The easiest way to make friends, is to be a friend." With that I'd suggest to new members, if you want friends, get involved on the forums, groups, chat, and be part of the friendship group.
I like to read people's profiles, look at their friend list, and look at their activity in the forums.
I, too look at the bio, and forum activity, and don't just click "accept".
However, I do respond to the person, and encourage them to fill in their bio,,and participate.
However, I do also think back to my early days, in the family, how scared I was, to put anything out there about myself, and the support I got from people who knew me not, and try to give that same, back.
I have had many friends here one day, and gone the next, but I just figure, it isn't time, for them just yet,and no, if you send me those pics, your deleted immediately,lol
Hugs, Regi👸💕
I've been a closeted crossdresser since my 20s, but CDH is the first opportunity I've taken to communicate with others like I.I do really appreciate those who've accepted my friend requests, despite my lack of photo.Someday I may get brave enough to post one'
I do try to get involved with the forums and the polls, however I'm not very good at chatting one on one with friends, as it's hard to know what topics to discuss without invading privacy.All new to me, as I've never met another CD in person.
Mary Jane, I'm a little more relaxed than you about friendship requests here. But, I do look at their profile and activity. I'm sure my judgement is not always right, but if they are posting comments and replies that look legit, then I trust them until given reason not to.
Birel
P.S. I would talk to any of you at a party! Oh wait, I don't actually party anymore, but I'll talk to you all here! 🙂
Hi Mary Jane! This is a topic that emerges occasionally. I hear what you are saying too, a new member that doesnt even post an intro yet asks for 50 friend requests in one day is going to raise my eyebrow. That's kinda obvious. Now some slimy trolls are actually minimally intelligent, sometimes they take a little longer to weed out. But even the times I accepted a troll in disguise, I know that will vanish when their account vanishes. ( and trolls have a short life span here )
On the other hand there are many who are uncertain, shy, confused, and feeling a bit lost. There are some that make me think "they could use a friend". I know I did when I first walked in cdhs' front door. I didnt know exactly wtf I was getting into and I really appreciated those who reached out to me. Meant an awful lot.
I reckon we could have 'friendship levels' like acquaintance/friendship/bff but that would be getting ridiculous. Accepting friendships is fine, how far we develop those friendships is the thing I think. I'd like to think I have many friends here ( I hope they think the same way ) - I may not chat with them as much as I would like, but I honestly think of you all every time I'm on site - your images and personalities pop into my head as I see/read you, and it usually makes me smile. Friends do that to each other, right?
I think I started to ramble on again. Sorry Friends! 😊
Stevie
Kelli, I understand the photos thing. I am a very private person and went to great lengths to protect my anonymity when I first joined CDH. That being said, I am getting more comfortable with who I am, and have been finding that I really want to share photos of myself. I'm still struggling with that one in my mind.
I'm kind of weird about polls... like, I don't do them. I will happily comment and discuss the topics in them. But, they make me feel like I'm part of some data collection, if you know what I mean. I'd rather just talk to you all.
Birel
Hi Mary Jane
Loved your intro.
I am not sure if I qualify to be a friend???
Hopefully Charlotte
Everyone needs supporting friends and especially our group. Thats what this site is all about isn't it? Its not like friends here will ever come over for coffee or have to be introduced to family. Lighten up and relax already. We're all just pixels here.
Great ramble. I understand the shyness. I certainly watched from a distance for a while before joining. Then took my time before posting my only photo. (Notice I never mentioned photos being a requirement.)
I have a few friends on CDH. There are 2-3 that I regularly send private messages to. I really appreciate these people.
I regularly look for new members that are local to my city and province. I am also sceptical of people that put little to no information in their profile. I like to connect with people in a similar situation to myself and the profile information helps this process.
I don't quite understand the reason for friends on CDH as you can send a private message to anyone you wish. It is easier to recall friends to send private messages.
Are there any other benefits to being friends on CDH?
Very good question. I don't see the point much either.
Its not like fb, where you need friends to see posts. I see groups as the place for connections of like minded people.
And the forums for general connection.
For me I want to see at least an attempt at a bio like location and several pieces of information. Id also like to see some activity in the forums. If they are from my state and things look even slightly reasonable I will give a little slack.
If i get a request and dont see enough info i will politely ask if they would add a little more before I do accept . And i always thank the person for asking when I do accept.
I realize that not every girl who takes the risk of opening herself up to others is as friendly and open as many i do see here and i would rather encourage the shyer ones to stay around then possibly have them think they are anything less than welcome here.
It can be a difficult line to consider but personally i would rather take a chance then possibly lose some soul who already feels alone.
I do agree that a few try what were called 'come ons' and i pretty much reject those. But for me they have been few and far between
But thats me. YMMV
I always accept friends requests as everyone i accepted has turned out to be such a lovely person 💗 i love how friendly this place is and like that nobody is judged or ridiculed. I believe that inside every bio male lurks a little lady that if you choose to do so can turn into a beautiful woman now obviously some dont need much to look amazing which is a added bonus but if you want to try to understand why you hanker for lingerie i think you should try it and if you enjoy it then you should be appaulded and given the respect for giving up your secret, ive always known im not going to be drop dead gorgeous but ive known that im different very different from other males and over the years its become as clear as the nose on my face that i make a better woman than i do a bloke. So when it hits you like that and you set your heart ❤ on it, your have to take that path. It took me ages to see this but i know this is a path i have to take xx
Hi Mary Jane.
Blank profiles cut no ice with me....in fact they really annoy me...if you can't be bothered, then why should I????
but to be honest, I don't see any real benefit of the whole friends thing on cdh anyway. Anyone can message anyone....why is the tick in a friends box so important. I exchange opinions in the forums with loads of people, but just because some of them are not on my friends list, does not mean I value them any less....in fact I treasure them.
I message lots of girls but beautiful people on here are still beautiful with or without that " tick".......
I really don't mind who messages me, as long as it's from the heart and genuine. Whether you have been accepted as a friend or not, I really don't care because if you need advice or just want to crack a joke....message me
...isn't that why we are all here???
Grace xxxx
