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You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray. You'll never know dear, how much i love you. Please don't take my sunshine away.
I struggle with maintaining relationships and friendships. I did not have many friends growing up, and i had many quirks which were off putting to people. I did not have peers present to inform me that what i said or did was off putting, inconsiderate, or weird. I let my own emotions and feelings overshadow those of my friends and now they have decided it is to much.
My friend, R, no longer wishes to associate with me after out most recent argument. For months i have been unwell emotionally, mentally, and socially. I have been taking meds to help with my depression, however i opted to skip my meds and drink at a party last weekend.
R was one of my best friends, and i loved her like my sister. She told me not to drink and i decided not to listen to her. I lied to and betrayed her. My friends are older than me and we rarely socialize due to their jobs and the distance. I was angry, believing that they were ignoring me and trying to tell me what to do and now i believe this is the end.
I loved her. She read the stories i wrote, and told me what she thought of my paintings and motivated me to get with my current gf. I started the wonderful habit known as CD in an effort to cope and express myself, and R told me she would go shopping and to the bar with me once i was ready. She would've accepted and supported this wonderful form of expression and now i've driven her away. I loved her like my sister. Now i fear that i will do the same to my other friends and it is unbearable. I will remain strong, but it won't be easy.
Love Taylor
Taylor, that's quite a burden you'r carrying around, and I hope sharing it here has helped you. I have also been what I prefer to call "socially retarded" for much of my life, but I did find a young lady who could put up with me. And for reasons I can't explain, dressing and sharing with the folks here at CDH has made a wonderful improvement in my outlook. I hope it can do as much for you, also.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Thank you so much Betty Lou it means a lot! I will survive and come out stronger as a result!
Hugs Taylor.
Hi Taylor !
Since you feel R is an important person in your life I think you should consider a written heart felt apology. Since your friends are older their perspective will frequently be different than yours. Sometimes think about deferring to experience. I hope the depression is manageable and I hope CDH helps. There's usually someone here to talk to. I can't comment on the decision to drink over taking the meds as I have never been on meds for depression or anxiety. I quit drinking almost a dozen years ago because I had problems with impulse control and developed a need to keep drinking until I passed out. I am an alcoholic. I maybe sober for over 11 years but I still witness family and friends who make bad decisions and do terrible things when they drink. Some people give them a pass. "you didn't mean it you were drunk". I don't give those passes anymore. Part of my sobriety is due to the fact that I never want to be in a position again where I need someones forgiveness because I made bad decisions while under the influence. I don't know you well enough to know if that applies to you at all but it gives something to consider.
Hugs
Autumn
Thank you so much Autumn it means the world! I will pull through this! ❤❤
I hope R knows how important she is to you and she can get past any mistakes and remain part of your life. I have a similar friend that i pushed away.
‘Happy to chat anytime.
‘Connie
