Gender Identity and sexual orientation

This is one of those subjects I don't need to think about.  Transwomen are women.  If they're straight, they're having sex with men.

Personally I want more options.....

/EA

Look up (on the Internet) the story of "A Girl Named Hope." Details aren't important, but she did point out that "Sexual identity is who you go to bed WITH; gender identity is who you go to bed AS."
I think that says it all.
Hugs and Kisses,
Fredrika Jones

I have been asked this question, albeit rarely, when I have come out to people. It seems to be a natural question as I am not alone in having this happen. In itself that is not really about gender but an assumption as if you want to be a woman you are attracted to men and in a strange way is quite a complimentary inquiry as it would be usual for a woman to be attracted to a man.  They seem more confused when, in my case, that I am still attracted to women which means the question should be answered yes I am gay because as a woman as I am sexually attracted to women. That would confuse the heck out of the questioner!

Hi April

In my opinion the gender we identify as and the gender we are attracted to are two separate issues.
Whether I am 100% male as I was, on the trans spectrum as I am, or choose to live 100% as Bianca, surgery and all, I know I am attracted to women.
I don’t get my knickers in a twist about labels, am I heterosexual or would I be a lesbian if I transitioned, don’t really care.
Yes as some explore being feminine it may be a draw to experience getting intimate with a man. Just as we are exploring our gender some may also wish to explore their sexuality, hey YOLO, live and let live.

B x

Good morning ladies
I guess this is a little bit of kiss and tell.
For me the first time I put on a bra the seed has been planted. Maybe they should have put warning labels on the bras for all men who puts us on your life will never be the same. Your true identity will come out
Now that I've been doing it for years I feel that I am truly a woman inside and I should have a woman so the question is if I'm completely Sarah and I find the man I'm attracted to and he sees me as a woman.
And we end up taking it into the bedroom is that gay sex no it isn't.

Sarah

I identify as a woman and have since 1995. I also am a straight woman since I only have sexual relationships with men.

Labels mean nothing, I am who I am.

I feel like most people struggle with the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity. The question of whether I'm gay or not is probably the most common question I've gotten as I've come out as non-binary, even though I'm very happily married to a woman, who is usually right at my elbow when the question is asked. It makes no sense. My sexual orientation doesn't toggle this way and that depending on my gender expression; I'm sexually attracted to women, period. The worst are the men who assume that because I'm presenting as a woman I must be available to men i.e. them. "If you're not wanting sex with a man, why are you dressed as a woman?" Ask a GG that same question and see how far you get! The question itself doesn't bother me, but the assumptions do get on my nerves.

As an aside: I work with a transwoman who has lived as a woman for over 20 years, and has been married to a woman for almost as long. They consider themselves a lesbian couple. I don't feel that adding a trans- modifier to the front of their sexual orientation does anything but further divide them from the rest of society. They're women. Lesbian women.

I am still getting used to the identity stuff! The longer I travel on my journey the greater I endorse my femininity! Outside of work uniform I dress more as a female daily. I can't totally try and pass physically yet because my job requires athletic ability but I am looking forward to retirement! My wife and I discussed will my sexuality change with my dressing and starting the hormone route? My explanation was to my wife/BFF and a special lady! I am on the goal to be able identify as a female. I have no desire to change the object of my intimacy and that's you. We have even had fun and changed the name of my male thing, so if your ok having fun with another woman and since the world likes to put names on everything are we both ok being lesbians! We are happily married!

The vast majority of people are ignorant when it comes to gender identity, and are happy to remain so. While it is getting better most people want to live in their (wrong) world view that there are two sexes and never the twain shall meet. They are little better about sexual orientation, but at least the past 30-40 years of gay/lesbian awareness has made the at least aware of it, if still resistant to accepting it.

Crossdressing is confused with both of these, and few people bother to even attempt to understand it.

Hi April, well I wish I could help you with your question on the definition of 'straight sex', but I suspect there are as many definitions as they might be people (or at least those who consider themselves straight, whether they or aren't, is a different question).

Personally, I think the concept of the word 'straight' all by itself is questionable at best and possibly pejorative at worst. Or should I say that it implies that those who aren't 'straight' are most likely suffering from some affliction be it physical or mental.  I don't personally think it's an affliction, unless one lets it become that.

Here's my story. I appear daily as pretty much a 'straight' male and have done so for almost all of my life (don't smoke, or drink much or spit or chew), and I'm accepted by a number of male friends and partake in rather male oriented rituals...to an extent.  And from what I've seen or noticed around me, there appear to women I've met over time that if the situation ever arose (suddenly I'm single) they might be interested in me.   I'm married going on way over 40 years, but was married for 6 before that. I have children - that I fathered - by both spouses. I'm pretty much totally monogamous having only had relations with just both, while engaged or married.

Yet, I have felt since I was probably 4 or 5 that I'm a female trapped in a male body.  And if I were to ever have had SRS at any time in the past, I most likely, from the way I have always felt, have looked for or at least seriously considered having a male partner, if one would have me.  That is to say, I have never been interested in same sex relationships, ever.  Just doesn't appeal to me. And I can only speak for me.

Now, if my proclivities were somehow made public, I have no doubt that a number of people possibly including some who might today consider me a friend, would now consider me to be whatever the opposite of straight is. But, think about it, by solely using the accepted definition, it would appear I would have to be straight.

So, there you go. Lots of people who are hung up on the word 'straight' would not consider me at all to be that. Again, it comes down to what is the definition, and how defining is it when you consider different groups of people.

As has been stated here, like most everyone else, I am what I am, just me. Not a definition but a real human with cares, concerns, desires, dedication, commitment, all that.

I do hope, though, that you and anyone else here, can find what you're looking for and hopefully come to a peace with yourself. Or if it's not what you want, search out what will help you get there.

Hugs, ChloëC

Brava Sara.  Great response.

When I'm Dressed--I consider myself a Straight Female-

The development/expansion of the English/American language over the past few decades has enabled better conversations around the subjects of gender identity and sexual orientation. Some people will never want to understand and I mentally refer to this as 'The Matrix Complex' where, even though the situation is wrong/not real, they will defend it, as their minds are not able to grasp something outside of their own version of 'The Matrix'.

I thought the language of gender and sexuality would be extremely useful in conversation with other people, but I think I have found it more useful to understand myself. It helps, especially in the online world, to recognise people who are similar to yourself. In the real world most people I meet are not interested in the diversity and aside from the most common 'So are you gay?' question I don't tend to need to define myself to people but if I do I am, AMAB, Bi-gender and Femmesexual and if the person asking the question isn't versed in the language it really doesn't help too much.

Now having typed all this I realise I have completely wandered off the question and find I should have simply quoted Emily "Transwomen are women"

Eve xx

For the main question, straight sex would be going to bed with someone of the opposite gender. If you are a MTF trans woman, meaning you are a woman, it would be going to bed with a guy. As for people asking if we're gay just because we are CD, that depends on view imo. For me, if I'm dressed as a woman, I'm lesbian since I'm only with women. In drab, I'm straight. For some, they're considered straight as, when in drab (if ever), they're with ladies, but when en femme, they're with guys