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- Today I was going to buy some new clothes, makeup equipment and nail polish in multiple shops. Not so long time ago I challenged myself (suggestion from my therapist) to dare to buy some stuff and accept that I feel embarrassed and be OK with it. I just recognized last time when I got the bravery that it's ok to feel awkward but I can do whatever I want and nobody should judge me as a costumer. But even more important, this whole embarrassment is coming only from me. Nobody is going to judge me or if yes, it doesn't matter because they won't say/do anything. But the most important what I see now is no-one really cares what I fetch from a shop. I feel much more relaxed that I can get comfortable when I do shopping. My next goal is to purchase a couple of pair of nice shoes/sandals which is a bit of more challenging because I want them to try on before I buy it. Wish me luck!☺️
Hi Sophia, you are starting to find what many of us have already found - nobody really notices what you are doing when shopping for female items, and even if they do notice they don't really care. As @cdashley has said, many of the sales ladies are really helpful if you actually tell them the items are for you. So, continue to be brave and go do your shopping - you really have nothing to fear. Very soon you will find it gets easier and easier as your confidence grows.
I will warn you about one thing though ... this is so much fun that it soon becomes addictive!! Just this morning I went out with the intention of buying nothing, but came back with a lovely pair of espadrille sandals. Enjoy yourself and let us know how you get on 😀 .
Rebecca xxx
Honey, well done on all these purchases, it's such fun isn't it! I'm reading into what you've said that you were in drab doing this, but it can be equally daunting interacting with people en femme until you get used to it.
Now give yourself an extra big smile from Sophia in the mirror, and go and have fun choosing and trying on shoes 🙂 The shop assistants will be so nice to you, especially en femme, but also in drab if you open up to them that they're for you.
I've probably bought more femme clothes etc. in person while en femme rather than in drab, that's just how it went. But one notable exception was my new glasses. I walked into my opticians in drab, told the assistant that I have a female presentation that I wanted to buy for, and asked her to change my preferred name on their system. Then I browsed frames right there with other customers present, and asked the assistant for advice on what would go with my face shape, describing my wig to her. Everyone was so supportive and encouraging 🙂
Hugs,
Fiona xxx
@sophia91 Going to the wig ship proved to be one of my first and most encouraging ventures out of the house. The stylist was totally accepting and made every effort to help me find styles that worked for me. Besides the fitting and selection process, she gave me some very useful tips on wig care. Although the shop may have been a bit more expensive than an on-line purchase, I left with great confidence in how I looked and my ability to be out in the world as a woman. I hope you enjoy the experience (once you get past the nerves). - Kim
@sophia91 I was thinking the other day that apart from going into a place designated a Drag establishment I have never even noticed any man dressed in Fem. maybe some street performers but they are deliberately drawing attention. otherwise like others have said I just dont think people generally care or notice. certainly nothing in line with my fears. As a CD myself one would think I would be over attentive to this. I would certainly like to see more of us out there as It may ease my fears somewhat. but its also good that we are not noticed that means its no big deal and just another woman. Im overthinking again.. Cheers RC
@sophia91 Well done, it does get a lot easier. Some shops I shop regularly in I can go to in drab will ask me if I need something for Anna. I did try on a lovely dress in a shop on Saturday which I did buy.
Sophia, good for you! It sounds to me like you don’t need luck, just your positive, steadfast attitude will serve you perfectly. The advice you got is absolutely true - you are a customer that wants to buy some merchandise. You are not doing anything illegal or immoral, just making a purchase. Please let us know how it goes. If it’s any comfort, I’ll be sending positive vibes your way. Go get’em, girlfriend!
I remember when I first started buying my femme things and how nervous I was. I use to use the “ it’s for my girlfriend/ wife.” Then one day I told the sales associate I was shopping for myself and she was super excited I shared my secret with her and was very helpful every time I went to that shop. Shoe shopping I would buy them, take them out to the car and try them on. Then I started quickly to slip it on my foot and removing it right away. Now I just find something I like, sit down and try it on and check them in the big mirror. Hell with it, my money is as green as the next cis gendered woman in the store. I always go prepared and have pantyhose on while even in male mode. It took me years to to get to this point but this is just a big part of who I am so go with it I say. You’ll find that the more you do it the more comfortable you’ll get with it.
I’m noticed similarly, that even when I’m dressed up and don’t necessarily pass all the way people really don’t care. They are so intrigued with what they do themselves everyday they really don’t care what the people around them do.
Megan!
We are our own worse enemy when it comes to attitudes about ourselves en femme. The more time I spend fully or partially en femme the more I realize nobody cares. Sure, I get the occasionally odd glance, but that has been the extent of it, and 99.9% of the people don't notice, or don't care. The few that do notice actually are supportive. I gave up the charade of buying for my wife years ago and my experience shopping has vastly improved. All SAs have been super helpful and acctually seem to make an extra effort to help and offer advice...esoecially with make up since it is more important to get the right product for your skin type, complextion, etc. I love the extra smile or comement I get like from the VS greetwr in Little Rock, AR..."Welcome gorgeous".
I agree with all responses, no one cares what you are buying or that it is feminine items. It is and will be addictive to say the least! Enjoy and embrace it. We are our own worst enemy
I wanted to share my perspective on shopping for feminine things. For a long time, I only ordered via online sites. I am coming out more (in both my gender and sexuality), I have been shopping in-person more, which is lot of fun and affirming.
I also agree that the vast majority of people have been either ambivalent (I think most people are here - 85% or so) or supportive (10%). I've had a few people comment on my cute nails or something like that which feels really good. I have also had some people (5% or so) react less positively. I've had a couple people point and stare and a couple kids start laughing at me. And I can "kinda" pass in the right situations. I'm guessing this could be worse the further you feel like you are from "passing."
This is not in any way a suggestion to hold back shopping for your feminine items in-person. I love shopping in-person and then I get try things on and get a better sense if something works for me. We should all live our best lives so long as we are not harming others, which we are not. That said, I do sense that we don't always acknowledge that even if we don't think we are causing harm, some people think we are and respond accordingly. I doubt I have to tell the trans women (or gender fluid individuals) that are part of this community that we are vulnerable to harmful words and actions by people and "not letting that bother us" isn't always great advice. Its ironically, a classic masculine approach to addressing emotional harm
I was super hurt when those kids starting laughing at me when I was just minding my own business and waiting to purchase my items. There so many instances when the social reaction has been far more harmful than kids laughing at someone. I think its ok to admit that those interactions do cause us (or at least me) harm so we can support each other through those experiences. Again, this doesn't mean we stop being who we are. Rather, I am hoping we can admit to the hurt to communities like this one, so we can support our members when one of us experience harm for just being who we are.
The first time my then girlfriend asked me to buy her some tampons I was so embarrassed to do it, I was 20 years old. Today I have no problem shopping for female clothing (except maybe sexy lingerie in my size) no matter how I present, it only took me about 50 years of practice to get here.
Lacy
Hey Sophia,
Well done shopping for ladies essentials. It can be a daunting experience. Have fun shoe shopping!
Alice
