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Getting Emotional

8 Posts
4 Users
13 Reactions
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Posts: 95
Lady
Topic starter
(@amandasdream)
Estimable Member     Brookfield, Illinois, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

It wasn’t that long ago that I first showed up here. Driven by a newfound will and desire to right the wrong of my life. Just coming here and starting to open again has eased my burden and allowed me to hope again. 

I have since reached out to some groups I saw. Sadly they were full. Not the start I had hoped for.  Understand, that’s also something new to me. I’ve been a lone wolf. Need help moving that 200 lb. Boxed swimming pool? “Nah…I got it.”  

okay…the look on their face when I actually did it was worth it. 🤭 still, that was no way to be. And that was always somehow seen as a weakness, even though I usually accomplished more aloneu than the “teamwork” folks ever did. 🤷🏻‍♂️

But I know I can’t do this alone. Some people sound as blaze about it like it’s something I should be able to do as easy as running out and filling out a job application. 😳  I wish it was that simple. 

Coming to my realization is one thing. Figuring out how I might do it brought great worry. Last time I stood anywhere near here, the things one had to do just to start this process was rough. And resources could be problematic for me. My mind still fears the worst, but my heart believes my miracle is out there. 

Another site I was on I was in a conversation and someone sent me a name of a place to look into, which I did, and I’m speechless. I was almost shaking reading through and seeing all they offered. This is literally it. I’m looking at my miracle! It’s more than I dreamt possible. 

Suddenly, I’m finding myself quite emotional. Even getting teary. It’s really dawning on me now that I really can do this!

And my drive towards it is getting stronger every day. Something tells me if I still had those friends I knew so long ago to lean on, I’d already have the appointments booked.  

I guess I’m like someone in AA that needs a sponsor. Especially when those hormones start to kick in! I expect some stuff to roaring back out. 

I can still wait a bit. I waited this long, I need to make sure I get this right. But my optimism has never been higher. The excitement running through me right now is craaaaaaazy!!!

Steps have been small, but I’ve been taking them. Let’s hope I can run soon! 

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7 Replies
Posts: 1721
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Amanda -

Welcome to CDH. You have found a place where you can get advice and make friends to help you in your journey. Be sure to check out the forums, articles and join in the conversation in the chat room. 

XOXO
Suzanne

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Posts: 964
(@lauren114)
Noble Member     Connecticut, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Good for you Amanda!  I'm like you being a lone wolf.   I tried to go this alone but finally dis see a counselor and she helped me immeasurably.   it led me to the point now where I feel comfortable as the woman I am and get out into the world regularly as Lauren.  It was a long process but like you, I am excited for the future and the amazing things it is bringing me.  Fortunately, the world is now in a state where our possibilities are very good and we can realize our dreams.   Had these possibilities existed form me earlier in life, I'm sure things would have been very different for me.

Good luck as you proceed on your journey sister!  I hope you get everything you wnat and much more!

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3 Replies
Lady
(@amandasdream)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Brookfield, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 95

@lauren114 Thanks Lauren! last time I looked, probably most of the girls I came across had trouble just trying to get on hormones. Many took cocktails of whatever pills and vitamins someone told them would help. That was a bit discouraging too, but I kinda think that was the point. 

I’m not discouraged now! 💃

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 964

@amandasdream Good for you sis!  I have some complicating issues but as soon as I get past them, I want to start HRT.  I thought about trying herbal treatments too but I never heard anyone say anything really good about them so I passed them by.  In the mean time, I'm working on self acceptance and love and adjusting to my femininity!

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Lady
(@amandasdream)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Brookfield, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 95

@lauren114 I hear you on the complicated issues. Face a couple myself. Not to mention I’d most likely have no choice but to find a new place to live by the time I’d be ready to start living full-time as a female.  Not sure I’d feel safe here and it hasn’t been getting any better. 

 

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Posts: 2966
Hostess
(@ab123)
Famed Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 4 years ago

Hi Amanda, it seems the euphoria is at its highest and nowtime to work out how to achieve those aims.

This area is a huge array of experiences and advice to help you navigate your pathway. Just take a moment, sit back and have a look at what is here and start to work things through and plan your steps. 

One tip about hormones, always seek the advice of a physician and not self medicate.

 

 

 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@amandasdream)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Brookfield, Illinois, United States of America
Posts: 95

@ab123 I spent far too long thinking of this to start getting desperate now! This is actually a gender care health center that offers specialized services, including getting hormone prescriptions, counselors, therapists, the works. While it’s tempting to run there right away, I’m just not quite there yet. But close. Very close!

I’m making my plans. I had already begun the process of simplifying things elsewhere. I’m getting rid of all that which has held me down. When the time comes, I hope to get myself into a better place. By the time I come out full time, I don‘t want to be where I am now.

 Plus I know the emotional rollercoaster that’s in store. That will probably be great for me in fact. So much has gotten choked down over the years, it’ll be great to finally let it out. 

 

my head is spinning! But it’s not so bad now. 😊

 

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