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Getting older

23 Posts
14 Users
46 Reactions
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Posts: 49
Lady
Topic starter
(@sometimessteffi)
Trusted Member     Reston, Virginia, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

There are several problems with getting older, in no particular order: (1) Even on the best of days, I can't look attractive anymore.  Conversely older women are nearly invisible, so that help me blend it.  (2) I'm having significant balance problems.  Heels are contraindicated.  I'm confine to flats.  (3)  Father time is marching on.  I may die soon, either suddenly or over a period of time.  What will happen to my stash, which is quite extensive.  In my regular world, only my wife know about my hobby, but she doesn't ask or snoop (to the best of my knowledge).  Someone is going to find my stash, sooner rather than later.

My wife is having cognitive and mobility issues.  She may soon require a higher level of care outside them home.  It's horrible to watch the degradation in her life, and I'm having a hard times handling the additional demands, even though some of them are fun.  For example, sometimes she needs me to hook up her bra.

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22 Replies
12 Replies
(@mirandam)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Bay Area, California, United States of America
Posts: 77

@sometimessteffi so sorry to hear about your wife.  Time catches up to all of us.

 

hang in there my dear.  Attractiveness is much more than heels.  

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3991

@sometimessteffi  This is the sort of situation that you might want to let a counselor help you to figure out before you yourself start to have problems.

For example, can you trust anyone in your close circle now to discretely dispose of your clothes? They would need your permission and access.

Do you intend to keep all of your crossdressing clothes until the very end? If not, then you could start distributing, selling  or donating them.

If you post about your decisions here, then others could learn about some of the aspects that you encountered while figuring all of this out.

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(@sometimessteffi)
Joined: 2 years ago

Trusted Member     Reston, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 49

@harriette 

I've always been kind of a lone wolf.  I don't really have any guy friends.  I do have a circle of "girl" friends.  Maybe one of them wouldn't mind being deputized.  I could post a "In the Event of My Death" letter where it could be found, and contact information for her.

I have informally asked the owner of a local consignment store to be deputized upon my death.  She has seen me fully dressed many times.  I would have her collect all of my clothes so my wife wouldn't have to deal with them.  Then, she could sell them at her store.  I really need to formalize this.

I am a packrat.  I've never ever purged; no reason to start now.  I really have way too much stuff.  I should really cull my collection.  If I saw the end coming, I would start giving stuff away.  But, I could get hit by a bus, so to say,

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3991

Posted by: @sometimessteffi

I should really cull my collection.  If I saw the end coming, I would start giving stuff away. 

We all can and probably should cull things that we just don't need or wear. If something doesn't fit, let somebody else enjoy it. It also leaves less of a headache for any of our survivors, too.

 

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3991

@sometimessteffi You can also leave instructions in a will or, at a minimum, leave instructions (on paper and / or a memory stick) in your personal safe.

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(@juliarey)
Joined: 6 months ago

Trusted Member     East central, Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 34

@sometimessteffi I have the same problems.  I can still pull together a passable look, but once we are dead and gone, the kids are going to wonder why we have 2 panty drawers.  My wife has limited mobility issues so I can't devote as much time to my 'hobby ' as I would like.

Jules

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 Erin
Princess
(@erinb)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     Ohio, United States of America
Posts: 1150

@sometimessteffi sorry to hear this unfortunately we can’t stop time or judgement day all we can do is stay strong and thank the lord for everyday he gives use truly sad 😔 to read forms like this and truly hope the best for both you TC 

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Duchess
(@jennconn)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 746

 

I@susanstarrusanstarrometimessteffi I’m so sorry for your feelings of a downward spiral, Steffi, and it’s so hard to watch your wife just slowly deteriorate on a daily basis.  I’m old too (73).  You’ve gotta a lot of life left to love.  You have to focus on the things that you can still do and make the most of them.  

ive said this a lot in my life, “ there aren’t any bad days, but some are just better than others”. I hope you have good days for the rest of your life and make the best of each day that you have, don’t waste one!

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Duchess
(@jennconn)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Florida, United States of America
Posts: 746

 

I@susanstarrusanstarrometimessteffi I’m so sorry for your feelings of a downward spiral, Steffi, and it’s so hard to watch your wife just slowly deteriorate on a daily basis.  I’m old too (73).  You’ve gotta a lot of life left to love.  You have to focus on the things that you can still do and make the most of them.  

ive said this a lot in my life, “ there aren’t any bad days, but some are just better than others”. I hope you have good days for the rest of your life and make the best of each day that you have, don’t waste one!

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2155

@sometimessteffi 

I sometimes complain about getting older but I like it better than the alternative.

Allie x

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1008

@sometimessteffi Well there you found a positive there at the end of your post Steffi😊.

Try looking at the upside of getting older: You’re still alive. Your wife is still with you. Think about what you like that you can do. When I’m done eating breakfast my first thought is what will I eat for dinner? That’s not a little thing either.

I love the Warren Zevon quote: “Enjoy every sandwich.”

So many sandwiches and so little time.🥰

 

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Famed Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 2147

@sometimessteffi So sorry to hear of your wife. That can make your life so much tougher. As far as your clothes, need to find someone who can distribute/ sell/give them to someone who can use them. Myself, I think I can depend on my oldest daughter who knows all about me. 

My best wishes for the both of you. 

Cassie 

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Posts: 1038
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

@sometimessteffi I'm very sorry to hear of your issues, Steffi. 🙁

It is one of the main reasons that at 52 I just threw caution to the wind and started going out. I know those times are on my horizon and I wanted to get as much out of this as I could.

FYI, we do have local events in the Arlington area fairly regularly if you ever want to get out. 🙂

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2 Replies
(@sometimessteffi)
Joined: 2 years ago

Trusted Member     Reston, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 49

@melodeescarlet 

I'm pretty sure that you're the Melodee that I know from the DC Girls Meetup groups.  I was at the last two events at the Fair Oaks Marriott.  I wore a "flapper's dress" for Halloween, and a red/green sequined dress for the Christmas Gala.  If you remember "Where's Waldo", you can fined me in the group picture.  If not, let me know.  I can post some of my own pics.

If there is another group in Arlington, please tell me about it.

Steffi

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(@sometimessteffi)
Joined: 2 years ago

Trusted Member     Reston, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 49

@melodeescarlet 

I was about the same age when I started going out and about with the girls who started the predecessor to our current group.  It was a Yahoo! group, if you can believe that.

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Posts: 2095
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

Steffi -

Sorry to hear about your wife, I wish you the best taking care of her.

I appreciate your dilemma and wish I had an answer. It is something I don't think about but should as well.

Is it possible to write instructions and leave them in an envelope, tell a trusted friend that should something happen to you where it is and to follow the instructions. 

XOXO
Suzanne

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1 Reply
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3991

Posted by: @cdsue

Is it possible to write instructions and leave them in an envelope, tell a trusted friend that should something happen to you where it is and to follow the instructions. 

We can do this in our wills, Suzanne, or we can leave instructions on paper or memory stick in our personal, fireproof safes.

Does anyone have more suggestions or ideas?

 

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Posts: 291
Lady
(@bluefin)
Reputable Member     Brodhead, Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Steffi   I'm so sorry for your wife and the best of luck to you both!!!!!!!! I too am getting closer to that time in my life too being in my late 60's and I think a lot of what your talking about, I'm by my self and and have two daughters and I worry about what I should do. My oldest is gay and she married her partner and she is a sweetheart and she make my daughter so happy, kinda going off subject here.  LOL  I have been thinking more and more about telling her about what her dad is really like, but I'm scared I might hurt our relationship we have always been close, I don't think my youngest would handle it good at all, but the fear is there. 

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Posts: 285
Lady
(@prettytoes)
Honorable Member     alfred, Maine, United States of America
Joined: 2 months ago

i always say do what ever you can before you die. i don't look at it as getting old. i look at it like how many people i know that didn't make it as long as i did. i know people who died in high school. one of my friends died when he was 39. the guy who rebuilt my truck died in his 40's and so many more. i try to do as much as i can before i go. its not easy finding time or money to do these things but i try. hopefully someday i might be in a nursing home telling stories about all the things i use to do. so don't be someone that says i wish i went out dressed when your time is up. now is the first day of the rest of your life. 

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Posts: 379
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 1 year ago

It's a question we all face when we are out late and in the closet. Looking at all my clothes helped me decide to tell my kids about my feminine side. I certainly didn't want them to find out unexpectedly after my death. In the years Ive been dressing, I've collected quite a bit, mostly because

I had no clue about what I was doing. There was no aspect of planning to my collecting that is until I discovered my style. Then I could toss out lots of things that were unnecessary, didn't match anything, or made me look attracious. Since then I have been collecting bags of my clothes and donating them to shelters for trans folks and taking them to conferences like Esprit where they have THE BEST free shop ever. But I digress. We never know when the time will come so it's helpful to have everything figured out in advance and written down clearly so the executor can do their job easily. I had to sort out my mother and father's affairs after they passed and although it was a lot of work, I was grateful for specific instructions about what to do with what, especially things like jewelry where if you have no clue about it, a $5,000 ring can look similar to a $25. one. So in short, it's best to not leave surprises to the end, and clean up after yourself as you go.

 

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1 Reply
(@sometimessteffi)
Joined: 2 years ago

Trusted Member     Reston, Virginia, United States of America
Posts: 49

@leainvancouver 

I don't know about Esprit, but there's a really good free shop at the Keystone Conference.  In addition to clothing and shoes, I've also scored wigs and forms there.

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Posts: 379
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 1 year ago

Sharing is caring! Heart  

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