going out in public

Research where you plan on going. Find out if it is LGBT friendly. Know the rules of the restrooms as they vary by state and establishments. Make sure that it is a safe environment. Know your surroundings.

I have been going out "dressed" for many years and to this day I follow those very rules before I go out.

Hi Ashley

Nice to hear you plan to venture out in the world.  I have been going out extensively for the past two years and have generally had nothing but great experiences, both locally & out of town. 

As Fran has mentioned, try to dress in a blendy fashion for your age.  I usually only attempt to be blendy for shopping trips & travel, driving to overnight destinations.  The rest of the time, i dress depending on my mood and the venue i will be going to. (and with some flair..Lol)

Best advice i can are three things.. confidence in yourself, very important (avoid a scared deer in the headlights appearance) carry a crossbody bag or purse (safest) and try to avoid encountering small children (they can be unpredictable) 

Enjoy Yourself!

Em

From what you say some of the obvious is already said and are comfortable with your style.

Dress age appropriately and in everyday styles.

Practice a little deportment,shoulders back slightly, elbows to the side, palms to the front and sway very gently. Walk with legs close together and sashay don't lollop!

Location- I found out that the busier the better, yes really. People are focused on their own things and aren't looking for you. The less people about the more to look at. Yes avoid busy male filled pubs or areas full of youth.

Using ladies facilities is fine in the U.K., if you look acceptable then there should be no issues.

The main thing is to be confident and keep your head held high and not curled up nor shy away from interacting. It may just need a polite please or thank you to a little more. Soften the voice and go for it.

Enjoy your day and we'd all like to hear how it went.

Lots of good advice here about how to look, so I won’t discuss that. On the other hand, there are somethings to add regarding how to act.

Continually looking around to see who is looking at us doesn’t help.

Continually messing with our hair or tugging on our clothes doesn’t help.

Continually looking at the mirror in a compact doesn’t help.

What all these things have in common is that they are outside of the general behavior of those Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB) in casual public settings. It attracts the wrong kind of scrutiny and attention because people will wonder what is making you so nervous and fidgety.

I have been out many times in public, I am going out tomorrow, probably to Truro. My first time out was a time of apprehension--but not fear--and since then, I have become much more confident and because of that, much less obvious. I dress for my age and make sure my man-legs are disguised (men's legs are a real giveaway), I also try to walk smoothly and with femininity.

Wear makeup, not too much, but enough to break up your outline. Wear a good wig if you have one and need it (I do) and don't fiddle with your hair constantly. Walk upright with small, but confident, steps.

Do not slouch! Real women can get away with slouching and still look like women, we cannot. Walk with your head down and your shoulders rounded and you might as well wear a sign that says 'man in drag' as you'll start to walk like a silverback gorilla -- oh, what a giveaway.

Most importantly, look like you're enjoying it and do this all the time. Don't stare at people to see if they are staring at you; you wouldn't do this in drab, don't do it while dressed.

I could go on, but others have said what I haven't. The more you do it, the more easily it will come to you and you will soon be in a position to give other people advice about going out.

Have fun,

Becca

@cosplay101 Well I'm certainly the last person to give you any advice on having a subtle look. lol

What I would advise however is attempting to dial back your sensitivity to being noticed. I think one reason I can walk about being 6'2" in bright red hair is that I've simply learned to spend the absolute minimum of energy concerned with what strangers are thinking when they see me.

Are they going to see me? Sure, but I can't control what they think or why they think it, and frankly it's none of my business. Should other people have the right and ability to control what you think about them? Looked at in reverse, the absurdity becomes obvious. 😉

All you can do is make sure you walk out of your door feeling good about yourself, then...damn the torpedoes, girl, full speed ahead. 🙂

I go out regularly. Sometimes, Cerys is around for days on end.

Don't stand out. If you are tall, avoid heels.
Don't dress like a hooker.
Careful with the make up. Concealer, foundation, a touch of powder, Lipstick (nothing too brash) and mascara. 

Jewellery should be noticeable, but understated. 

Do your hair/wig. Nice, but natural. 

A spray of perfume. Perfume finishes off the transformation.  Not too much though.

Think about where your are going. Think about what women dress like in that place. Emulate them. 

When going out, confidence is key. So many crossdressers seem to hunch over when out and about, as if they are trying to make themselves smaller.
Stand tall. Stand proud. Hold your head high, and carry on as if it's perfectly normal. Often when I'm out, it is perfectly normal. I often forget that I'm in Cerys mode. 
If you are confident, it will show and you will blend in. If you try and hide, it will be obvious that you are trying to hide.

Head high. Carry on!

Cerys

I find it easier to be oit in public in busy places. The more people, the more they will be busy qith their own issues. Confidence is key. Act like you own it, and you will. Dress to more or less blend in, but wear what tou will enjoy wearing. Don't wear a cocktail dress and 4" heels for coffee, but a nice skirt or casual dress would be fine.

My philosophy is that I marginally pass, and up close I definetely am a guy in a dress, and I don't care, and I have found nobody else does either. Just enjoy your self and let others deal with their own issues. Just be smart and don't walk down dark alleys, et cetera.

Ashley, I'd say don't over-think your choice of clothes and styling.  Sure, it will help not to be an absolute outlier from the norm in your attire, but the best thing you can wear is actually a smile 🙂  Most important is you liking the way you look, being comfortable and carrying yourself with confidence.  Yes, absolutely walk tall and proud with your shoulders back, looking mostly ahead and not around too much, but be relaxed, not rigid.  I'm totally with Melodee when she says don't be sensitive to others' reactions.  Don't even look for them - there will very likely not be any, anyway.  Just go there and enjoy yourself doing what you want to do. 

Don't worry at all about passing, especially up close.  That's something that only a very few of us will ever be able to do more than superficially.  I find that with less make-up, interacting with people is, if anything, easier.  I think that's because they can already see for sure who they're dealing with, rather than having to subconsciously reconcile a femme look with a homme voice while already engaged with you.  They'll accept you for who you are anyway, you just make it easier for them.

Go to it and good luck honey 🙂  and do tell us how it went!

Hugs,
Fiona xxx

While I agree with everything Giona said, the value of a good makeover can not be overstated. I agree less make uo is generally better, but having your makeup done by a professional is not only and fun and incredible experuence, ut is an amazing confidence booster.

99% of the time if I go out en femme, it is just lighr makeuo...lipstick, alittle blush, and maybe masscara, but if I am goint to an event like a play or concert, I do like to have my makeup down well by a pro.

Hi Ashley,

For many years, before I truly got the gumption to go out in the wide world dressed as Jennifer, I made it a point of my feminine education, if you will; to make general observations(without being creepy) on how women conducted themselves when they were out and about. For example, how they pulled a wallet out of their purse when they were about to make a purchase, or how they used utensils when they ate, how they walked, talked, sat, gestured and used their hands when they spoke. I grew up in NYC, so people watching was actually a thing you could do rather easily, but carefully, if you know what I mean. 

I considered it a study in behavioral science, and it was brought about by some of my rather disastrous attempts going out dressed as a woman early in my life as a young crossdresser. I was so clueless and looking back, I can laugh at myself now, but I wish I had a place like this site back in the day so I could have been a little better prepared.

Kudos to you for asking for advice!!!  

I think the most important thing is to dress age appropriate. Make sure your makeup is not over done, relax and don't be rigid, take short steps when you walk and hold your head high and embrace your confidence, smile a lot, believe me that goes a long way and just go about your business like any woman would.

Go for "blending" in, don't worry about passing because I can tell you from experience that is something only few are able to do. 

If you happen to see any "surprised" reactions, ignore them and move on and above all; do not take it to heart. 

Smile, be confident, and enjoy being out!!

Have a good time!!

Hugs,

Jennifer 

in my own experience the main thing is to blend in, don’t dress out of place. You can dress a little sexy even if you’re going to the mall, but always think of the environment, what women are wearing, don’t over do your movements / walk like some ladies do, is a dead give away, be as light as possible with your makeup. People in general pretty much leave you alone or don’t pay much attention, again if you’re acting like a lady. Stay away from teenagers, they can be mean.

i hope that helps, go for it, the experience is fabulous, my worst regret is that I didn’t do it earlier in life, best of luck.

Carla❤️

Thanks ladies, food for thought, I too have been wondering now all is revealed .Thanks gals! 

thanks for all the lovely help girls much appreciated