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Hi everyone,
I wanted to open up about something that's a little tender (or embarrassing) but very real for me: I'm a crybaby. I always have been. I'm the kind of person who cries when I'm overwhelmed, when I'm touched, when I'm sad... even when I'm happy. And for a long time, I felt ashamed of that.
Instead of getting angry, I often cry. It's just how I process things. But I’ve come to realize that my feminine side has helped me embrace that part of myself. It’s given me permission to feel things fully, without shame or apology.
There have even been times when I needed to dress up just to cry. Somehow, being in that space, my softer, more honest self, made the tears feel safe. Like I could just let it all out.
Have any of you ever felt this way? That dressing lets you express emotions more freely? That it gives you a space where you’re allowed to feel, to cry, to be vulnerable?
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Mia ❤️
@mialanieri Yes! Once I finally accepted the feminine side of me the emotions just all came to the surface. I am so thankful! I have to ask why did we suppress these emotions to begin with? Hmmmm
Yes, exactly! It's wild, isn't it? Like once you stop resisting that part of yourself, all these emotions just rise up like they’ve been waiting patiently for their turn. I’m so glad you’ve found that release too, it really is such a gift.
And your question… why did we ever feel the need to suppress it? Maybe because the world told us softness made us weak. Or maybe we just never felt safe enough to be that open. But now? Now it feels like reclaiming something sacred!
Mia ❤️
@mialanieri I cry too, with joy or in sorrow. or just during an emotional moment or memory.
Ever since I was young I teared up from listening to emotional music. My goto example is Firth Of Fifth, by Genisis. That wailing guitar triggers me every•single•time, without fail. Play it in the dark with headphones on. I dare you to not tear up, too.
Later, I found that I easily teared up during movies. Not necessarily from all that emotional scenes, either, they came anyway.
There was no known connection to crossdressing at the time because I only started crossdressing recently. Was there a connection to it anyway?
Beats me.
Just now, I listened to this cut again. For the first time, both of my legs tingled, too.
Hi Harriette ❤️
Thank you for sharing that — I love how you described the power of music to move you. There’s something about certain songs that just bypass the logic part of the brain and go straight to the heart, isn’t there? I know exactly what you mean — I have a few “guaranteed tearjerkers” too. (Now I’ve got to check out Firth of Fifth!)
It’s interesting what you said about not knowing whether there’s a connection to crossdressing. I’ve wondered about that too, whether it unlocks something in us emotionally, or if we were always sensitive and dressing just gives that part of us space to exist without judgment. Maybe it’s both?
Either way, I think it’s beautiful that you feel so deeply. And even more beautiful that you’re open to sharing that with others.
Much love,
Mia ❤️
It does seem men cry less, although there may be a big cultural aspect to this. I'm thinking of macho paternalistic middle eastern cultures where it's not so much weeping as wailing for the world to hear. Yet out in Asia, it's not the done thing to show emotions in public - be it a male or female.
Standard tropes like "big boys don't cry" exist in the west and can be quite harshly applied or adhered to in males. This may explain how accepting a feminine aspect to yourself enables an easier transfer from one attitude to another. And yet, think of another trope, the British "stuff upper lip" which very much applied to both men and women, often seen in the upper classes.
I cry, or tear up, more readily these days. I even have 'go to' movies which I know will make me cry, almost as if I 'need' a good cry . And I've found myself in company apologising for dabbing at wet eyes. It's all good as far as I'm concerned.
Emma x
Hi, Emma 🙂
Yes — you put it so beautifully. There’s so much cultural shaping around who’s “allowed” to cry, and when, and how. I find it fascinating, and a bit heartbreaking, honestly, how universal the pressure to hold it in can be, even across wildly different societies. It makes the moments when we do allow ourselves to cry feel all the more meaningful.
I love what you said about needing a good cry... I totally relate! There’s a strange kind of relief in letting those emotions out, especially when it’s been a while. And like you, I’ve had those moments of quietly dabbing at my eyes while secretly hoping no one notices… but more and more, I’m trying to lean into it and not apologize for being moved. It’s part of being alive, right?
Thank you for sharing your experience! 💕
Mia x
@emmat You are right on the money there Emma!
I can’t say even now that I cry more than I did, but what I found almost instantaneously when I began to dress was that I suddenly could express emotion, something I had not done for decades, if ever, and the relief was overwhelming. Please don’t think this is exaggerating, it was a real ‘come-to-Jesus!’ moment for me. I found I really loved my wife with an aching longing I had never felt before, and that has not left me and hopefully never will. Most importantly I could tell her.
And that’s healthy. My mother died in her mid-50s of a particularly virulent and aggressive cancer that ripped through her body: diagnosed August 6th, died Xmas Eve same year. She was a kid in WW2, bombed out, brother killed, evacuated then her father ran off, nervous breakdown in the early 50s… and she was someone who ‘kept it all in’ all the time. As the doctor told me ‘The body will cry the tears your eyes won’t.”
So, let those tears flow. It’s good for you, and those around you, to know how you are feeling.
love and hugs
Chrissie
@mialanieri I don't think it's my dressing that has allowed me to cry, at least not just getting dressed. For me I think that since I came out to my wife and dress so frequently that I've been able to let all my feminine feelings be free. Sometimes it's awkward as I'll be drab, see something and suddenly I'm tearing up. When dressed and we watch a show I'll just start balling at some emotional part. It doesn't have to be sappy, it could be almost anything. God I hate those commercials for the rescue animals, they break my heart.
So it's not the clothing but the expression of my female self. And yes, I cry all the time.
Hi, Cheryl!
I love how you put this, that it’s not just the dressing, but the fuller expression of your feminine self. That makes so much sense.
And YES, those rescue animal commercials should come with a warning label. I swear they were designed to wreck us 😭
Thank you for sharing this.
Big hugs,
Mia x
@mialanieri Thank you Mia.
Yes, those commercials are truly aimed at the heart (and the wallet).
Cheryl
Hi there! Welcome!
I’d be happy to help however I can... could you let me know a little more about what you’re looking for or what you need help with? Whether it’s about dressing, emotions, self-acceptance, or anything else, you’re not alone. 😊
Mia
@mialanieri Hi! First anyone can cry! When I grew up and got in fights I would have tears flowing down my cheeks. Don't know why to this day. But I have always cried at sad or cornball movie endings. You don't have to be feminine to cry, you just have to have a reason to cry! I have been on HRT over a year now and I don't find myself crying anymore then I did before HRT. So you go ahead and cry whenever you want!
Hi, Brenda! Thank you so much for this... seriously, it made me smile.
You’re so right. Crying doesn’t have to be about femininity, it’s just about feeling, and being human. I think for me, embracing my softer side just gave me permission to feel things more fully, without shame. But you’re absolutely right: we all have our own relationship with tears.
And I love that you said "cry whenever you want." I’m taking that to heart because I'm a crybaby!
Sending you hugs and thanks for your honesty!
Mia
I have a strange relationship with crying. I was raised to feel shame at the notion of crying. If I did cry it was only from deep and powerful emotions that had to come out but only in private. As I've gotten older and started to more completely embrace my feminine side rather than battle it I find myself experiencing and aware of the strong emotions that should accompany crying more often but the funny thing is I rarely actually cry, even in private. However, in the past couple of years I find myself waking in the middle of the night from a powerful dream with my face and pillow soaked from tears. The next morning I wake up feeling perfectly fine but unable to remember the dreams that elicited my tears. Maybe my subconscious brain is dealing stuff in some unique way. This happens at least once a week and sometimes more.
Michelle, thank you so much for sharing this. That image of waking up with tears you don’t remember shedding… it’s almost poetic in its sadness and mystery. It sounds like your heart has found a way to process what your waking self still holds gently in silence. And I completely relate to that complicated relationship with crying. because we’re taught so early to hide it, bury it, or feel ashamed of it. But I think you’re right: as we embrace our feminine selves, even if the tears don’t always come, the feelings start to bloom more fully.
Sending love to both you and your dreaming self
Mia
“I have a strange relationship with crying. I was raised to feel shame at the notion of crying.”
oh honey, I feel you there!
love and hugs Chrissie ❤️❤️❤️
My Father was so stoic. He never expressed emotions of any kind and never wanted to see it from his children. This caused me to hold everything in. I have come do understand in my adult years that I've always been a deeply emotional person. Getting to communicate with others who can understand me, especially on this site, has a really great healing effect. While I still can't cry freely I do find it easier to face and feel my emotions now.
@mkat3874 Both my parents were very ‘British’ (I.e. repressed.) So was I for 59.5 years, but I’m in recovery now!
hugs to you.
Chrissie
I spent 40 years loathing who I was on the inside because I was raised to believe there was something inherently evil behind it all. I've made great progress in just a couple of years but I'm still recovering from that and probably will be for years to come.
@mkat3874 “Your parents really f**k you up, but they were f**ked up in their turn”, as the poem goes.
occasionally my late parents visit my head to tell me how awful I am being. It used to work years ago. Now I just ask ‘em what about their lifestyle brought them much happiness? Nothing. My mother died of of a particularly virulent and aggressive cancer brought about, according to the Dr because the ‘body cries the tears the body won’t’, and my father died of a heart attack exactly 2.5 years later, brought on by a broken heart and unhealthy living. So now I am living my best life and stopped caring about what they might have thought.
You look great on your profile picture. Hope I can look as good one day!
love and hugs
Chrissie
I can certainly empathize with my parents situations. My dad was from a broken and abusive home and my mother lost both of her parents in her teen years. They turned to religion I guess as a stabilizer in their lives. It just happened to be a very strict and closed minded version. I was raised in it and it framed a lot of my world view and view of myself for many years. This was the source of my struggle with my secret identity. Only after getting to travel the world and meet wonderful people from every place I visited, having incredibly different backgrounds from mine, did it all start to unravel. Now, meeting people here and in person who share a similar interest in the feminine arts, has once again helped me to see myself in better light and realize my upbringing was very flawed.
@mialanieri It wasn't so much dressing for me. It was more me accepting that my authentic self is feminine and embracing it in ways that I am still working to completely understand. I do kind of hate it when my mascara run though....LOL.
Lauren,
Thank you for this... I really felt that. And yes, it’s not just about the dressing, but about accepting and embracing your authentic feminine self. That kind of self-recognition is huge, and I’m honestly still on that path too, trying to understand all the layers as they unfold.
And YES to the mascara struggle! Nothing like a beautiful breakdown followed by a panda-eye moment, right? But maybe there’s something kind of poetic in that too: crying in mascara... feels true.
Mia 💜
@mialanieri Mia,I have cried a few times when I am in Roberta mode.Usually when my wife has bought me a new ladies outfit that is so soft feminine and girly,I am overcome with emotion.It does have a knock on effect on my wife as she then gets very tearful.Last time that happened my wife said ," Don't cry Roberta." I also cry every now and again when I am in male mode when I thank my S.O. profusely for being so accepting and accommodating of my feminine side.Supporting it every step of the way,buying my female clothes for me,constantly saying I look nice in them and saying that we are always girly friends regardless of whether I am in female mode or not.i have been known to cry quite a bit in male mode,especially at sad movies.A good few years back,I watched the original 1961film version of the musical West Side Story on DVD .I have seen it several times but on this viewing ,the death scene between the main characters Maria and Tony as the melody of the hit song Somewhere was heard on the soundtrack. really got to me.It was all too much for me,I just cried.Those of you familiar with West Side Story will know that the characters of Maria and Tony were meant to be a modern version of Romeo And Juliet.I also shed a few tears at the finale of Baz Luhrman's 2022 Elvis movie when I was it at the cinema.In the closing scene the real Elvis,not Austin Butler who played him in the film.performed a stunning version of the song Unchained Melody at his last concert performance only six weeks before he passed away.Powerful and very moving.I am a big Elvis fan anyway.
Roberta, thank you for that beautiful message. It honestly brought tears to my own eyes.
There’s something so moving about how your emotions bloom when you're in your feminine space—how a soft outfit or a loving gesture from your wife becomes something so much more. I think those tears are sacred. They're gratitude, joy, release, and maybe even healing, all wrapped into one. And how lovely that your wife responds with tears of her own… what a bond you share. It’s not just support—it’s partnership. A truly rare kind.
And your movie moments… oh gosh, yes. I know exactly what you mean about West Side Story—that scene always hits like a wave. And the way you described the Elvis finale? Chills. That man’s voice could carry entire lifetimes of emotion in a single note. No wonder it moved you so deeply. Your sensitivity is such a gift, Roberta. Don’t ever feel the need to hide that.
Mia
@mialanieri yes Mia, even i feel the same. Whenever I'm angry or said i feel like crying first . But the masculinity doesn't allow us to do so. So while I'm all dressed up in a saree it helps me a lot. I feel like now i can cry freely. Or i can express any of emotions freely.
@shreyushah
Yes, I feel that deep in my heart.
There’s something about dressing that way—feeling soft, feeling true—that lifts that heavy weight of “having to be strong all the time.” Like suddenly, the dam breaks and you’re allowed to cry, to hurt, to feel joy without hiding it behind a mask.
It’s so sad that masculinity tries to deny us those parts of ourselves… but I’m glad you’ve found your space in the saree, where your emotions can be free. That’s beautiful. You deserve that softness, that freedom, every day.
Thank you for sharing that with me. You’re not alone.
—Mia
@mialanieri I think I have always cried. I cried at the cinema, when the kid freed Willy! My friends didn't cry, not even when Willy did the dramatic jump over the wall!
So.., I guess I've always known that I was different... Certainly, wearing the clothes brings out different, more feminine mannerisms in me, but the crying... I don't know. I think it gets me, no matter how I'm dressed. And I get it a lot!
Katie, thank you for sharing that—it really resonated with me. I think the emotions were always there for me too, but cross-dressing helped me finally feel safe enough to let them out. Like Mia gave me permission to cry without shame.
It’s amazing how just expressing that feminine side can help us connect more deeply with what’s already inside.
Mia, its wonderful that you feel safe enough to express yourself and to cry without shame! If cross-dressing has helped to achieve this for you, then it is something akin to magic, I think. Its like a medication for the soul. So much more than simply wearing a dress!
Mia, Your question is interesting. In my case I believe my feminine side is predisposed to be emotional including crying. However the masculine side has been trained to be more stoic. I am still kind, I have a sensitivity that has been appreciated by those around me and with whom I have had dealings. All that said, I find that when I am dressed femme, I cry much more easily, for example watching a movie that moves me, or in a tender moment. I remember a few years back when some physical limitations made wearing my heels an impossibility, I cried. So for me yes being dressed and presenting as Genivieve definitely results in my being free to cry!
@mialanieri I have been fighting my own self trying to make happy my family and friends and live a secret life that makes me feel guilty.
@mialanieri yes absolutely! I feel much more expressive and uninhibited emotionally when dressed en femme. As a male I seem to have crying ‘turned off’ accept at the movies interestingly, movies are in the dark and resonate emotionally w me and is the place I cry most often as a guy.
@mialanieri I'm a cry baby too! But niw that you mention it, I have never cried while dressed.
Early on in my "career" (last Fall), I went to a "chick-flick"...as a chick! I was just going for the experience, but it turned out to actually be a good movie. I left the theater with tears streaming down my cheeks! 😭 😆 😉 The movie was, "We Live In Time"
Awww, I love that so much!!
There must be something so special about watching a chick-flick as a chick, right? Like... the emotional connection just hits different. And yes, crying at the end of a good movie is absolutely a rite of passage! 😭
I haven’t seen We Live In Time yet, but now I have to add it to my emotional watchlist. Thank you for sharing this—made me smile (and get a little misty-eyed just imagining it because... well, I'm a crybaby)!
Mia ❤️
What I have always thought is that men have to hide their emotions and condition themselves not to show them Of course for the real alpha male it is part of the D.N.A. as it were.
However reading about many experiences on this subject when dressed the barriers are down and those emotions are allowed out. In those that are more feminine or trans the emotions are part of the D.N.A. so it is a natural reaction.
I have had many perceived female traits in my character, it has been noticed before I came out by friends and colleagues so for me crying with emotion is quite a natural thing for me. perhaps you are just being your real self.
Thank you so much for sharing this. It really resonated with me!
I think you put it beautifully: “when dressed the barriers are down.” That’s exactly how it feels for me. And yes, maybe that is my real self, one that’s always been there but needed the right space to come out.
It’s also really validating to hear that others, like you, have had those traits noticed even before consciously stepping into that more feminine space. It makes me wonder how much of ourselves we unconsciously hide to fit into those “alpha male” expectations.
There’s something really healing about reclaiming that softness, don’t you think?
I am so new to all of this wonderful experience. I tried to hide from my desires and feelings farvtp long. A few months ago I could not run or hide from my inner desires. I went for a complete transformation makeover and when it was completed it was more than I could have ever expected. I melted inside myself. There was no turning back
I had found myself.
And I cried 😢 finally.
@mialanieri Good on ya, girl! Taking something you feel is a weakness and leaning right into it makes it a strength! Own it, and no one can use it against you. ❤️
Melodee, thank you so much! That really means a lot. I used to feel like my sensitivity was this big liability, like something I had to hide or toughen up. But you're right, leaning into it has actually made me feel stronger, not weaker.
Funny how something so tender can turn into a kind of quiet superpower. 🙂
Big hugs,
Mia ❤️
It is a nice topic, Mia. If I had cried instead of getting angry, maybe I would have saved myself some trouble. My grandmothers taught me: Don't let anybody tell you what you can or can't do. And they were wise women.
As I see it: Crying is a necessity for every human being, and depriving yourself of it can affect your health.
I've always felt that emotions are a part of me, and crying was an effective way to release tension. My tears often appear, but they usually happen when I'm alone. Whether it's while reading a book, in a dark movie theater, or when I lock myself in my room because sadness overwhelms me by any reason. So, for me, crying is mostly an intimate act. However, I don't remember a time when I felt embarrassed about crying in public.
Although in our culture (I am latinamerican too) it's seen as a weakness, I certainly freed myself from that handicap as I grew up. My fists helped me a little for a while. It's undeniable that some feelings change depending on how I'm dressed, but basically, deep down, I'm the same person in a different outfit.
Gisela
Hi, Gisela!
Wow, thank you so much for this beautiful reflection. Your grandmothers sound like incredible women, and I can feel their strength shining through your words.
I relate deeply to what you said about crying being mostly an intimate act. I’ve had so many of those quiet, private moments where tears feel like a quiet conversation with myself, not for anyone else to see, but deeply necessary.
And I really appreciate what you said about feelings shifting a little depending on how you’re dressed. Even if we’re the same person at our core, there’s something about certain clothes and spaces that make it easier to let our guard down, right? Like we can breathe a little softer.
Thank you again for sharing so honestly. 💖
Un abrazo grande,
Mia x
Oh yes Mia it seems I tear up and cry watching movies or listening to music ever since I started dressing. Anger not so much but I notice now I cry more rather than get into an angry mood. I am not embarrassed by it at all.
That’s so beautiful to hear, Deborah! ❤️
It’s amazing how dressing can unlock that softer, more open side of us, isn’t it? Like it gives us quiet permission to feel things we maybe kept tucked away before.
I love that you’re not embarrassed by it, that’s such a strong place to be. There’s something really powerful about choosing tenderness over anger. Thank you for sharing that. 💖
Mia x
In male mode I don't find myself tearing up and I don't know why, I don't consider myself a macho man. But in femme mode I cry very easily as in watching chick flicks, I also have a tendency to watch more chick flicks and women's sports in femme mode.
LexiNicole 🩷
@lexinicole
That is so curious, isn’t it? I totally get what you mean... it’s like something shifts internally, not just in how we look, but in what we allow ourselves to feel and engage with. There’s something so freeing in femme mode, like a door opens that we didn’t even know was locked.
And yes to chick flicks and women’s sports, I love how our tastes can shift with our energy too! It’s beautiful to hear how you’re tuning into all of that.
It really made me think 💕
Big hug,
Mia x
@mialanieri Sometimes I have trouble with my male self I wish I could be more like Lexi all the time. I'm so much more calmer, happier and non judgemental as Lexi and more sensitive to other people's needs. I wish I could explain it but I can't.
Lexi 
@lexinicole
Lexi, I completely understand what you’re saying. There’s something about stepping into that space (where we feel freer, softer, more attuned) that lets the best parts of us shine through. Sometimes I feel like Mia is the version of me that’s most whole, even if I can’t always explain why either. Just know you're not alone in feeling this way. 💖
Mia
As a general rule, I am not a cryer. I have rarely cried in my life, even at times when it is accepted for me to cry. It is just not my emotional release as it is for others. This is neither good or bad, it is just me. My wife is not a cryer either. But, I have on occasion, and one recent episode is pertenent here. As most of us have experience some guilt and confusion about why we dress, and whether we have control, it can great stress, sometimes great stress. I have always had a permissive view of dressing, and all LGBT issues, so I have never had a problem with others who dressed, so when I started I never really felt guilty, but was confused about why I did dress. Several years ago I pretty much gave up trying to figure it out, and just accepted the fact that I liked to dress and since it gave me pleasure and hurts no one, and my wife was acceoting of it, I just gave up and dressed and stopped worrying about it. One day while fully en femme I just happened see myself in the mirror. I just stopped and looked, and suddenly tears of joy started streaming down my face. Now, I have seen myself dressed many, many times in the past forty years, and taken countless pictures, but I just had such a sense of peace and well being that I just let loose. It was an odd, but pleasent sensation. This is just one of the many benefits of dressing, I guess.
JJ, thank you so much for sharing this. Your story really moved me, especially that moment of seeing yourself in the mirror and just feeling that peace and joy wash over you. I think that's such a powerful thing, when emotion finally breaks through in a safe and affirming space.
I love what you said about giving up the need to explain or justify it. That kind of self-acceptance is so freeing, and it sounds like it opened the door for you to feel something really profound.
Mia x
Hello Mia
You have such wonderful insights. I rarely get the privacy to dress and feel full on Ellie, however go through periods that my inner feminine self just can cry over anything, music, movies, and especially memories of loved ones now gone. I've learned to embrace this part of me that I hold close. I cant really explain but its a kind of sadness that is such a deep part of me , and crying just seems to help me
@ellie56
Ellie, thank you for sharing that with me.
What you said really resonated—there’s something so profound about how our inner selves hold space for feelings we often don’t get to express outwardly. I know what you mean about that kind of sadness… not necessarily something bad, just deep and real. And when it comes, being able to cry—not just as a release, but as a kind of honoring of what’s inside—it feels sacred in a way.
I’m sorry you don’t get the privacy to fully be Ellie as often as you’d like. But it’s beautiful that even in those quiet moments, she’s still with you. Thank you for trusting me with that.
Sending you softness and light,
Mia
I cant get over what a gifted writer you really are. Your words and insights are so exactly what's in my heart and soul yet am unable to express them with the grace and clarity you do. even your closing [with softness and light] makes me want to hug you and not let go.
many sincere thanks Mia
your dear friend Ellie
@ellie56
Ellie,
That was the soul-hug of a message I’ve ever received. Thank you—truly. I’m deeply touched. Knowing that my words are helping you express what’s already living inside your heart means more than I can say. It’s not me putting it there—it’s you, trusting enough to let it rise to the surface. I’m just the mirror.
You're never alone in this. I’m right here, your friend and fellow traveler.
Mia
Another thought provoking question Mia! Thank you! I cried when young and quickly learned to shut it down as opposed to being made fun of. My tears mostly stayed away after that. This is a very sad but true story-when my sister passed about ten years ago, I wanted so badly to cry and was unable to. This bothered me tremendously as I so wanted to cry. Fast forward to a couple of years ago, when Michelle was born- After a makeover that was my first, and prior to Michelle being able to apply makeup well, I slept on my recliner so as to not be as likely to smear the makeup as I slept. The next morning, after a few more selfies and liking the gal in the mirror, it was time to allow Michael to return. As I removed my dress and wig, I laid on my bed, curled in a ball and wept bitterly for about 30 minutes. I did NOT see this coming, but I have been free to cry since, regardless of who is in the mirror. It is so freeing to be able to have this long hidden release of emotion. I can almost cry now, at the mention of the word, "cry." So yes, finding Michelle has allowed me this freedom.
I also feel more able to cry and express emotions when I am dressed femininely. The barriers come down and it feels very natural to let this happen. So many of you have described with wonderful detail and insight about the difference you also feel, and that is simply amazing.
Hi girls
I can cry at the drop of a hat whether I’m en femme or not. But I think my girly side plays a large part. The tearing up comes from my father’s side ( no idea where my femme side comes from) my father and his mother could tear up quickly, my oldest son is the same.
Maybe because of crossdressing I’m not ashamed or embarrassed when I weep. I think it makes me a more compassionate person.
Natalie 💋💋
