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I wanted to start a thread that’s a little personal, but something I think many of us can relate to.
As some of you know, for a long time I refused to accept my crossdressing and the feminine part of myself. I treated it like something to suppress, hide, or fix... and that denial led to a lot of pain, mistakes, and inner conflict. Because I couldn’t embrace her, I ended up expressing it in ways that were pitiful, unhealthy, and sometimes even harmful. It led me to do things I really regret... and sometimes I still cry about it. 😥 (I'm crying now because it hurts).
It took me to some dark places. I made choices I’m not proud of, and I hurt myself in ways that took time to even recognize.
But recently, something shifted. I began to open up, even if just in the digital world, and let myself breathe. I said, “I'm Mia.” And the result? I’ve been able to rest. To feel peace. To welcome my feminine side rather than fear or misunderstand it.
One person who’s really helped me in this journey is Mia (yep, me). And I’ve realized how important it is to share our stories and support each other, because that’s where real healing begins.
So I wanted to ask all of you:
Has embracing your feminine self made you a better person?
Whether it’s in how you relate to others, how you express yourself, or simply how you treat yourself... I’d love to hear what this journey has brought you.
Mia ❤️
If it does one thing. It makes you understand women better. Like I'll be ready in 15 minutes. An hour ago.
But all in all the feminine side of me has always been on the emotional roller-coaster. It's led me to really try to accept others. And in doing so myself!
Girl Power!
Fran 🥰
Haha yes! That “15 minutes” line hit way too close to home 😂
But seriously, I love what you said, how embracing your feminine side helped you accept others, and in doing so, yourself. That’s such a beautiful truth. It’s amazing how something so personal can ripple outward like that.
Girl power, always! 💅
Mia
@gafran Yes! I'll NEVER criticize a woman for being late to anything again! Fantastic insights from living as a woman 24/7 for a week or two at a time. My boy side is very introverted. People around me have observed that Kendra is much more outgoing. I have to be-being dressed as I am, I'm going to get a reaction out of people and I need to be ready for that. Being more outgoing heads off trouble, and relieves people of their uncertainty about how to approach me...also helps me understand better (but NOT FULLY 🤣 ) what makes women tick...
This must be our extra senses kicking in when we're enfem. Like thinking on our feet and having situational awareness 🤔
Pink Fog Power! 🥰
Yes, Mia, without a doubt.
When I joined CDH, in January 2024, I did so because, after more than 50 years of crossdressing, regular bouts of shame and guilt, and thinking that there was something wrong with me, I decided to open Pandora's box and actually look at the part of me that I had hidden and denied.
From that first day, I felt such a sense of relief that I was not alone, or wrong. I thought, then, that a cloud had been lifted. And, within a couple of months of speaking to others, making friends and looking back at my life, I realised that "I" had suffered emotional and behavioural problems all my life because only half of me was running the show.
Since that realisation, Allie has been free to share the life that she's been denied for so long and, while she loves to express herself, in part, through nice clothes, makeup etc, her humanity and compassion extends to her male side too. To the point where the male and female, like Yin and Yang, complete the circle and create the whole me.
I've said before, anyone who knew unhappy me would not recognise happy me, such is the difference in my life, my outlook, my patience!, Me.
Wait, what was the question again? Oh yes, a better person, a whole person, Me.
Allie x
Allie... your words honestly brought tears to my eyes.
That image of “only half of me was running the show” hit so deeply. I feel that. For so long, I’ve been stuck in that same loop of shame and secrecy, convincing myself it wasn’t “real” or didn’t matter, and all it did was fracture me more. I love that you’ve found freedom, not just in expression, but in compassion, wholeness, humanity.
And the way you described becoming a better version of yourself—not just a happier you, but a whole you, that gives me real hope.
Thank you for sharing this. Truly.
Mia x
Your topic header is "Has your feminine side made you a better person?"
No it hasn't, really, I'm still me. If I'm dressed I don't suddenly become another person inside. OK, in shorthand I might talk about 'emma' in the third person, but that's just convenience. I've also come across some rather feminine characters that really weren't that nice to know. Femininity doesn't always bestow niceness on a person.
But within your post, you phrase it a little differently: "Has embracing your feminine self made you a better person?". For me that question is the right one. It's the acceptance that has made a big, big difference. I'm not necessarily any better a person, but much more important is that I'm certainly more at ease with myself. And that probably counts for something.
Emma, thank you so much for this grounded, real response. You’re absolutely right to highlight that nuance. I didn’t even realize the shift in my own wording, but yes... it’s not about suddenly becoming someone else, it’s about letting myself be me, without that wall of shame or denial getting in the way.
I also appreciate you pointing out that femininity isn’t automatically synonymous with kindness or goodness—so true. It’s not the style of expression, it’s the honesty of it. That ease you mention... being more at peace with yourself... I think that’s something sacred. It might not feel like a fireworks-level change, but that kind of quiet inner shift? That absolutely counts.
Thanks again for giving me a new angle to reflect on.
Mia x
@mialanieri Hello Mia !! Has embracing my feminine self made me a better person? Absolutely!! I never had much of a temper, I’m easy going and now it really takes a lot to get there. I find myself much more responsive and attentive to others needs. I find myself listening , feeling more connected in conversations. I’m more emotional , I start crying in a movie before my wife… lol!! I put others needs ahead of mine, always have but now even more so. Actions are more for others needs and less for mine , if that makes sense. My wife loves and enjoys foot and back massages for example…I enjoy giving them, to watch her melt under my touch as her cares and worries fade away, as she relaxes after a rough day at work. It used to be an effective way to get in her panties, that was male me thinking!! Now it’s all about the touch, connection, bringing her pleasure, not about me and my needs. But it does still turn her on. Feminine me has a different outlook at a lot of things , some stuff just doesn’t matter anymore!! Let it go !! Let it go!!
I find I’m much more into self care now as well. I only use feminize bath and shower products, ladies deodorant , regular exercise, hair neatly trimmed . I want to try to look good , but more so feel good, about myself.
thanks for the great question… hugs … jo
Jo… this was so beautiful to read. Thank you for sharing your heart like that.
I love how you described becoming more connected, more present, more nurturing—not because you should, but because it just flows from you now. That shift from doing something with a goal in mind (like your old “massage strategy” 😂) to doing it just to bring joy to someone you love? That’s real growth. That’s love in action. And it makes so much sense that embracing your feminine side helped unlock that.
Your point about self-care really struck me too… that sense of tending to yourself gently, not just to “look good,” but to feel good in your own skin. That’s something I’m only starting to explore, and your words give me a lovely glimpse of what it can become.
Thank you again, truly. Big hugs back.
Mia x
@mialanieri No, my feminine side has not "made" me a better person. My feminine side was always "the better person" and letting that out allowed me to express it all the time.
Cheryl… wow. That’s such a beautiful and powerful way to put it. I actually had to sit with that for a second.
You're so right—maybe it’s not that our feminine sides change us, but that they free us. That better, softer, truer part of us was always there, just waiting for the space to breathe. I love how you framed it: not becoming someone better, but finally being who you’ve always been. That really hit me.
Thank you for that little lightning bolt of truth.
@mialanieri It's early days for me, but I think that it is helping me a lot. I already feel more confident and happier in my own skin. Two people have called me 'sassy', in the last week, and I think this is because I am FINALLY allowing Katie to come to the fore.
Katie brings color to my life. Undoubtedly, feeling happier in myself helps me to be kind and considerate to others. This can only be a positive thing. So, yes. I believe that embracing her is making me a better person.
I hear you, about how denying this feature of our personalities can lead to some dark places. I've been there, and I don't want to go back! Onward and upward!
Katie x
Thank you so much for sharing this, truly. Reading your words made me smile and tear up a little—because I know that feeling so well. That first little spark of freedom, of confidence, of sassiness (love that for you!)—it’s like the world starts to bloom in color for the first time, right?
I love what you said about Katie bringing color to your life. That resonated deeply. It’s like when we stop fighting this part of ourselves and start listening instead, we find someone vibrant and kind and full of light just waiting to be embraced.
And yes… those dark places can feel so heavy. But I’m so proud of you for choosing not to go back. Onward and upward, indeed. We’ve got this.
Mia ❤️
Three years ago I transitioned to living as the woman I always knew I was born as. I transitioned where I work. The difference between who I was before and who I am now is literally unbelievable! People told me that I never used to smile, and now the smile never leaves my face! They tell me that I am a different person, that I project my femininity to those around me, and nobody remembers who I used to be. I am more sensitive, filled with empathy and a willingness to be there and able to listen to those who need a caring ear and heart.
So yes, embracing my feminine self has definitely made me a much better person!
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Your story absolutely moved me! Thank you so much for sharing it. The way you described your transition and how it changed not just how others see you, but how you experience life… it's beautiful.
I think it’s incredibly inspiring to see what’s possible when someone fully embraces who they are. And I love that your femininity now radiates through empathy, warmth, and presence... what a powerful shift to live and to witness.
Sending you a big warm hug.
Mia
Hey Mia, without a doubt, as I increasingly embrace my feminine self, I am more confident, calmer, and happier!! Yes there are still frustrations, but I'm feeling like a better person all round. Do you know what it is that has caused the shift for you, maybe it's difficult to pinpoint. I'm not able to say with complete certainty what has propelled me forward more quickly on my own journey during the last twelve months, but perhaps as I reflect on things it will become clear.
Anni x
Thank you for sharing that, it really means a lot! I love hearing that embracing your feminine self has brought you more confidence, calm, and happiness. Even with the frustrations, it’s fantastic to feel that shift happening inside, isn’t it?
As for me… it’s hard to pinpoint exactly what changed, but I think it was the moment I stopped running from myself and started listening with kindness instead of judgment. That tiny act opened a door I didn’t know was there.
Maybe it’s also this space, knowing others are walking their own paths and growing into themselves. It’s inspiring.
I’d love to hear what you discover as you reflect, it’s such a beautiful part of the journey.
Big hugs,
Mia x
Mia,
Why yes, now that you ask I realize that it has. While I want to think that I've always been a kind & supportive person I realize that accepting my femininity all the time has made me a better person. I'd like to think others think the same but even if they don't, I do. Thank you for posting such a great question.
Riki
Thank you for such a heartfelt response.
There’s something so important in what you said, that even if others don’t see it, you do. That kind of self-recognition is huge, and honestly, it's what matters most. I really believe embracing our femininity doesn’t change who we are, it just lets us bring out more of the love and softness that was already there.
I’m so glad the question resonated with you. You sound like someone who brings a lot of light to others
Mia
Catherine Louise Ryan has been a vital part of my life for over 40 years.Sher has made mea better person cos she has very much helped me through some difficult stages of my life. Illness, both mental and physical, (for the latter see my many posts about a shot lower back)
Plus she has helped me relate so well to other women, especially some close and very close female friends. EG I have a close "brother sister" relationship with a Canadian woman that goes back to the eeraly 90's. Not that I've seen her for nearly 10 years and wont again, we are both too old to travel.
But that bond between us when both of us were having trouble in our respective relationships will never be broken. She knew about Caty very early on and never batted a carefully mascara'd eyelid.
Caty.
Caty, thank you for this deeply touching share. I can hear how much Catherine has meant to you—not just as a part of your identity, but as a source of strength and support through some incredibly tough times. That’s so moving.
And I love what you said about how she’s helped you connect more deeply with other women. That kind of empathy and emotional resonance is a gift—and it’s beautiful that one of your closest friendships grew even stronger because of that openness. I have to admit, the image of your friend never batting a “carefully mascara’d eyelid” made me smile. That kind of quiet, unwavering acceptance? That’s gold.
Thank you for letting us glimpse that bond—and the journey you’ve walked.
Mia x
Yes Mia, We all are on some journey whether big or small. We all try to find that inner peace within ourselves along our way. Many of us also find a confidence of being the person who we really want to be.
There is no shame in our journey, no apprehension, doubt or bitterness but instead perhaps an inner joy of being the person who we want to be. Does that make us a better person? Most certainly it does
Gwen, thank you for this little slice of peace you just gave me. 🌼
You’re so right, we’re all on a journey, some loud and wild, others soft and slow… but each one valid and meaningful. And that inner joy you mentioned? That’s exactly it. Not flashy, not showy… just a quiet hum in the heart that says, “This is me. And that’s enough.”
Your words reminded me that this path isn’t just about dressing or expressing—it’s about coming home to ourselves. And when we do that, how could we not become better?
Grateful for your perspective, truly.
Mia x
@mialanieri I have often stated that, 'being a woman has made me a much better man.' I see things now from a perspective I never had before. So in that regard, yes.
However, being Melodee has grown absolute granite into who I am as a person. Things that used to seem serious now seem minor if not trivial. I think it's why I'm here proselytizing so much. "Hey, come find this happiness that I've found!"
Melodee… wow. That first line stopped me in my tracks. “Being a woman has made me a much better man.” There’s so much truth and complexity in that—it’s like you distilled the whole journey into one perfect sentence. I might need to borrow that one day (with credit, of course!).
And I love how you describe Melodee becoming granite—solid, unshakable, and fully integrated into who you are. That really resonates. It’s wild how the things we used to obsess over or carry like burdens suddenly lose their weight once we start living as our whole selves. Like, “Why was I even fighting this in the first place?”
Your joy is contagious, by the way, please keep proselytizing. We need more people lighting that path and saying, “Hey, it’s safe here. There’s peace here.”
Big hugs, Mia x
Accepting who I really am (female inside) has definitely made me a better person. Not a different person, but an ideal version of who I already am. I feel whole and unified. It is so much easier to love other people now.
How encouraging that everyone responding to this post has responded positively. Thank you for starting it.
A x
Hi Ariane,
Thank you for sharing something so honest and beautiful. What you said about becoming the ideal version of yourself really resonates with me—it’s so inspiring to hear how self-acceptance has brought you more peace and love, both for yourself and for others.
Mia. x
Mia, thanks for asking this. I learned a long time ago, to accept things I couldn't change. I have always known I was "different", so I finally came to a point that I needed to just chill and accept my differences. Having said that, Michelle is still only two years old now. I can very much say she is nicer than Michael, though he is quite nice as well. She is so bubbly and excitable at times compared to him. Several of my coworkers have stated that Michelle is nice and happier, but a few don't notice any difference. Myself, I do believe I am happier and a nicer person. I definitely have a better understanding of some of the male dominated garbage that cis women have always had to deal with.
Yes, allowing Michelle to exist, has made me a better person, IMO.
Michelle Wayne
Thank you for sharing this. It’s amazing how much strength it takes to come to that place of acceptance—and how much softer and brighter life can feel once we do.
I love that you’ve noticed this beautiful shift in energy with Michelle. Bubbly, excitable, kind… she sounds like someone the world absolutely needs more of. And honestly, I relate so much to that feeling of being a little "new" in this space—like a part of us is just starting to stretch, breathe, and grow after being tucked away for so long.
What you said about understanding what cis women go through really struck a chord with me too. That empathy that blooms from embracing our feminine side is so real. It makes us more aware, more connected, and I really believe—just like you said—better people.
So here’s to Michelle, and to all the kindness, joy, and truth she brings into the world. I’m really glad you’re here.
Mia ❤️
The absolute answer is yes. Functioning as a whole will always be better than just being a part of me. The fusion of the two perspectives gives me a more complete picture of myself, the world I face, and my personal challenges. Gisela has been claiming spaces since my childhood. It literally took a turning point in my life to accept that I needed to let it go. It was a second chance at living properly. As a child, I didn't know what to call her. My first female character was an actress who allowed me to dream big about womanhood. I suppose I'll write sometime soon about the journey taken by the fictional actress Queta Marble to develop into the one and only I sometimes jokingly call the infamous Gisela Claudine, the unrepeatable one.
Gisela
Reading this felt like opening a page from a memoir I didn’t know I needed. That image of “functioning as a whole” really hit home for me, because yes, trying to live while cutting off a vital part of ourselves isn’t really living at all, is it?
I love how you described Gisela’s emergence from your imagination, first as a character, then as someone real—unrepeatable, and undeniably you. There’s something magical about how our inner selves try to speak to us even when we don’t have the language or courage to listen yet.
Your story about Queta Marble has me curious and captivated already. Please do write about her journey sometime! I think a lot of us would love to see how your dreams and truth wove themselves together.
Thank you for sharing this glimpse into your becoming. It’s inspiring, and I’m honored to witness it.
Mia ❤️
@mialanieri You are welcome, Mia. There are days when I woke up digging into my soul. Sure. I will do it sooner than later. By the way you have made a heartfelt reflection too.
Gisela
Thank you, Gisela. Your words always seem to come from such a deep and honest place—they really stay with me. I think those soul-digging mornings are hard but necessary... they shape us in ways nothing else can.
Mia.
Living as a woman has allowed my better side to finally fully emerge. That has resulted in me being a different, more likable person versus when I lived as a male.
That’s so beautifully said.
Thank you for sharing that. I’m so glad you’re finding joy and connection on this path. You deserve every bit of it.
Mia ❤️
Embracing my true self has made me a complete person as much as a better person. I am more at ease and able to allow my true feminine side out easing stress and anxiety in keeping a secret so feel better as well.
I totally relate to what you said about releasing the stress of hiding. It’s like carrying a weight you didn’t even realize was crushing you until you put it down. Letting my feminine side breathe has brought me so much calm and clarity too—just knowing I don’t have to keep her hidden anymore is a kind of freedom I didn’t expect.
Thank you for sharing this, Angela. It’s so comforting to hear from others walking this path and finding peace.
Mia 
