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Has your Wife or SO said to you " You're not Going Out Looking like THAT!

16 Posts
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Posts: 501
Lady
Topic starter
(@meghan47)
Honorable Member     Upstate N.Y. Rochester area, New York, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

We've all heard that one time or another. Listen to her; She's really tried to help you and protect you from being 'clocked; and drawing too much attention.

Usually, it involved TWO to THREE points, especially for us CD's who are older in their 60's and 70's (I'm 77!) Many here are in a pink Cloud with time travel blinders. They don't dress their age, wearing miniskirts that ended in the 60's (when we were young and beautiful), some like the real short skirt and nylons or pantyhose that are dark or shiny in coiler, although women don't wear hosiery anymore -sadly. Its jeans, tights, jogging pants etc.

Another sign that I see in many of the public photos here is THE WIG! It should be age appropriate and short or shorter and not the long flowing locks draping down your back of a 55-year-old guy. It Looks like a guy wearing a wig, and you're spotted. Years ago, I belonged to a CD/ TV support group, and we would meet privately twice a month at an accepting closed-door Beauty salon. Occasionally one of the male gay hairdressers who just loved us would come in and style our wigs professionally. I still to this day remember him saying" No Woman (or CD/TV) over 30 should ever ear their real hair or wig longer than neck or shoulder length "Words to consider. 

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4 Replies
Managing Ambassador
(@ellyd22)
Joined: 2 years ago

Majestic Member     Norfolk, United Kingdom
Posts: 5220

@meghan47 

Regular visitors to the Forums will have picked up that I'm taking early retirement from teaching in July to concentrate on two of my loves ... writing and painting.

From that point on, since I'm single and will no longer be going into a workplace on a daily basis, there will be less of a brake on 'Ellie'.

I've been growing my hair out in preparation for this since last July. It will be shoulder length when my last teaching day hits. I'm lucky in that my hair is still very thick; I'm going to colour it, and the plan is that I'll be able to style it in a sufficiently femme way to go out and about without requiring a wig 🙂

My Mum and sister, who I'm out to, are going to add some streaks.

*Important note: they DO have experience of doing that, so it's unlikely to end in disaster*

I have no plans to go any MORE than shoulder length, and I DO take your friend's point about hair length ... BUT there are LOTS of gorgeous over-30 women out there with beautiful long hair who are the exception that proves the rule 🙂

I've just Googled 'Women long hair over 30', and ... wow!

Hugs

Ellie x

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Lady
(@margprodue)
Joined: 3 years ago

Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Posts: 1119

@ellyd22 You go girl!  I can recommend blonde from personal experience.  Live for the day.  Hugs,  Marg

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3858

@meghan47 

Anyone that knows me knows I tend to ignore fashion police types. 

It's 2024.  I routinely see older gals rockin' LONG highlighted hair, miniskirts, trendy shoes, blingy jewelry, ink, piercings, you name it.

You do you.

/EA

 

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Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4016

@meghan47 Has my wife curbed my dressing going out? Of course. Was it because I didn't dress my age or wore a miniskirt? No.

She laughed at me wearing a long-haired wig, too, but I am pretty sure that it was more from surprise and shock. Her favourite entertainer, Celine Dion, is over 50 and still wears long hair (often up in a bun). My wife herself wore long hair for a long time, too.

Keep things reasonable (in public), do your own thing, have fun with dressing. I have seen some pretty elderly women dressing for themselves, to have fun, but I won't deny them their pleasure.

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Posts: 712
Lady
(@jincrocker)
Prominent Member     Oregon, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

When I was in ratty old jeans with the knees out and a stained t-shirt.

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Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

The best thing about rules is they are meant to be broken. But, it is best to know the rules so you can break them them in a reasonable way. My almost 65 year old wife has long blonde hair well below her shoulders and looks fantastic.

I do get your point, and I do listen to my wife if she says something to the affect you mention. I respect her opinion if something is too obviois or over the top. She has more experience then I do in such things.

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Posts: 198
 Lacy
Duchess
(@rholtman96)
Reputable Member     Lincoln city, Oregon, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

My wife is 76 and has hair down to the middle of her back, it's all gone white now and I think her and it are beautiful.

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Posts: 1073
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Preface: I'm 53 with a GF of ~10years who is totally supportive of my dressing and goes out with me from time to time.

I've never had her say that to me and my very first time out was a bit of a tarty look. She's always been 100% behind me if I want to go out with a certain look. I can see that in one's later years there's the desire to dress one's age - most of the time. However, I think that part of the fun of it is looking how you want to look - damn the torpedoes. I say it's perfectly fine to just throw caution to the wind every now and then! YMMV 🙂

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Posts: 1742
Duchess
(@alison-anderson)
Noble Member     Middlesex county, New Jersey, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Up until a year ago, my male hair was down to mid back. Now my hair is very fine, and not particularly dense, but by adding clip-in bangs, I was able to go out to the beach and even go in the water. My wig is only a couple of inches longer, although it is much thicker, both in hair thickness and density. I lost a lot of length due to breakage as a result of chemo as well as density. I'm hoping the hair will be strong enough to grow back.

I will go out in a short skirt in the summer, although not extremely short (maybe one joint shorter than finger tip length). Otherwise my skirt is definitely long enough.

My ex never asked "You're going out looking like THAT!" But one time I had tickets to see Casa Valentina (a play about Casa Sussana) on Broadway. She was supposed to be away for a few weeks, but ended up coming home early. I had planned to spend the day en femme in New York before going to see the play, and I wasn't going to let her being home stop me. She knew I was going into New York for the day, and because she's a ridiculously late sleeper, it was easy to leave the house en femme before she was up.

When I got home, I was going to go upstairs quickly and change before she saw, but she called me in to talk to her. So I went in en femme, and she asked "You went into New York looking like that?" Now I wasn't wearing anything inappropriate, her concern was just that I went in en femme. She asked a bunch of what if questions (what if someone we or our kids knew saw me?), but with my unconcerned responses, she eventually gave up the questioning. New York is a big city, and although it's a small world, the chances of me seeing someone I knew, and then being noticed, and then recognized, were pretty small. (I've passed people I knew in stores before, and because it is "out of context" from where they normally see me, I haven't be recognized.) And I reached a level of self acceptance. I go out often enough that I'm probably going to be recognized at some point (and in fact, have), and I'll deal with it if and when it happens.

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Posts: 1335
(@rebeccabaxter)
    Cornwall, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

My legs are bowed, thin and rather lumpy, I put a short skirt on once, looked in a mirror and threw it away (the skirt, not the mirror). My skirts and dresses are calf-length now and I dress for my age, or perhaps just a few years younger -- I want to look as feminine as I can, I do not want to look like a drag queen or a swinging-sixties King's Road reject. Mature elegance is the way for me with shoulder length hair and modest clothing.

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Posts: 1118
Duchess Annual
(@firefly)
Noble Member     Panama, Panama, Panama
Joined: 7 years ago

For some years now I don't have anyone who can tell me that. Smile  

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Posts: 935
Guest
(@Anonymous 47410)
Prominent Member
Joined: 6 years ago

My wife always gives me a once over before I go out in public.  That does not mean I necessarily follow her constructive criticism, particularly since she tends to be very conservative, and I am not. For example, she wears dark red nail polish, while I wear red orange nail polish.  I love wearing large hoop earrings, while she would never wear them.  The list goes on, you get the idea.

As for as rules for hair length, skirt length and such.  They are guidelines, at best.  

If you ever lived in or traveled extensively in Asia, petite women 50 years of age look beautiful in mini skirts and long hair.  

How about here at home?  Dolly Parton is in her late 70s and dresses according to her own set of fashion style rules.  

 

We had a well-known lady here on CDH at one time who would often say,

"Fashion is what others tell us we should wear.  Style is what we decide to wear." 

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Posts: 1119
Lady
(@margprodue)
Noble Member     Madison, Wisconsin, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

Well Meghan, my wife does comment on my outfits but only goes so far as to say something like that she thinks that I might look better if I changed from the light black mini pencil skirt to a darker one.  She also says that my real curly blonde hair that's half way down to my navel is better than hers and she wishes that she could have it too (we're 77).  Anyway if I like something and she likes it, I'll wear it and the rest of the world can look the other way or stay home or eat their hearts out.  I don't care if the world wants to play fashion critic.  That's just part of being in the arena.  They can see me as a man with a great figure or a woman with a manly face.  I'm intersex and don't care.  I'm me living my life and having fun and being pleased with my own creations. If the fashion police don't like what they see, then they don't have to talk to me or sit at my table.  I intend to party on and dance the night away!  Marg

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Posts: 935
Guest
(@Anonymous 47410)
Prominent Member
Joined: 6 years ago

I decided I wanted to try a pair of women's denim jeggings. I got a pair and wore them around the house. I thought they were very comfortable and looked good, but my wife said "you are not going to wear those anywhere are you?" That was the end of that.

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1 Reply
Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4016

@bjb With my androgynous dressing style, I am not sure about wearing leggings out. I am not sure that I could carry it off, either.

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