Have you seen a therapist?

Well I have never been to a therapist, and I don't feel like I need to or would benefit from it. I crossdress because I feel it gives me a different perspective on things.

It seems like there is a preponderance of men crossdressing vs. women which doesn't surprise me since men have both x and y chromosomes, so it's in there, somewhere.

But when I do actually get out en femme, it is always in private and in a natural setting, like the beach or forest....luckily I live close to both. I feel that I feel more in tune, and more appreciative, of nature and life when I am in my feminine mode.

I do not, however, have any wish to transition. I am happy where I am when I am alone. My issues are with society's expectations of me as a cis male. I have never come out explicitly to anyone and am still trying to work out why. Pretty sure my wife suspects or knows, but something still keeps me from expressing it to others.

But this is me. In your situation, if you really feel like you want to transition, live full time....then a specialist in gender dysphoria may be the right step to help you delve deeper. I didn't look at your profile to see where you live, but in the US many health plans do include mental health coverage. The best place to start, and I bet this is tough, is to talk to your GP and ask for a recommendation.

Take all this with a grain of salt....I am just a fellow traveller on the journey of gender discovery.

Over the last 50 years or so, yes quite a few. The first one was about that long ago and my then wife eventually came along. To cut a long story short, back then, totally useless in "curing" my CD tendencies.

Later years another counselor/ therapist, trying to save our marriage. That failed too.

The on to counselling to try to help with problems with my by then adult kids. Helped me, but not them.

Much later

"Onwards and Uowards, Severe depression and anxiety... more counselling (and hospitalisation) .

The latter two events had me "fessing up" to being a CD, but that was treated as a bonus stress reliever, from all the troubles above.

Caty.

I've been in and out of therapy for 30+ years.  Most therapists weren't very helpful.  One did more harm than good.

5 years ago I decided to give therapy another try.  This time I specifically looked for a therapist that specializes in helping trans patients.  The one I found has been incredible.  I probably wouldn't be here without her.

So you ask "Why is it that a grown man would want to dress up as, or even become a woman?"

Well, I can only speak for myself.  I used to ask that question too.  The answer I found in therapy is my brain is wired female.  There's a girl inside.

The signs have been there all along.

I've wanted to be a girl since my earliest memories....when I was 3 or 4.  Most of my friends are female.  Presenting female feels authentic.  My natural state.  Dysphoria fades.  It returns when I present as male.  At least it's manageable now.  Therapy did that.

Presenting as male feels like I'm acting a part.  I'm going thru the motions.  Zero investment in brotherhood.  Bro culture is a turn-off.  I tolerate being around most guys.  I can count the ones I like on 1 hand.

I'm pretty comfortable being me.  Therapy did that too.  I don't need clothes to feel female.  That's in my head.  But women's clothes do let me express myself more authentically.  Even when I present androgynously I often get gendered female.  My therapist says I give off a girl vibe.

There's nothing wrong with me.  There's nothing to fix.  This isn't going away.

Was it worth the time and money?  Absolutely!

Hope this helps.  Happy Holidays!

/EA

Hi Kerri,

There was a time in my past when I thought about seeing a therapist about my feelings, desires, etc., but somewhat like you, I really didn't feel comfortable wanting to tell anyone what I was living through.  Turns out I did go to (if I remember correctly) one or two sessions about marriage counseling. The first time it didn't help, we got divorced, as all my ex wanted was to get her side validated, which isn't or shouldn't be what things like that are for. 2nd time must have worked as we're still together after 40+ years.

My thoughts back then about my tg concerns were that I wasn't even sure in the 1960's or 70's that there were people who even understood things like gender dysphoria.  And although I lived in the suburbs at that time, there was no internet, no way of searching out with discretion anyone at all to share my issues.  I certainly wasn't going to go in blindly and ask for lots of referrals.

Today, I would think it at least somewhat easier as a lot of research can be done online, along with seeing actual recommendations.  Imagine some tg/ts person publicly recommending a gender therapist back then!

My only solution back then was to read as much as I could, which I did, as well as watch a number of those talk shows that would showcase people with issues, mostly for the ratings, of course.  But the more I saw and read, the more I realized there were a lot more like me, and we all weren't mentally ill.  That was my big revelation over the years.

Now, I can't speak for anyone else but myself.  Deciding to see a therapist is something very personal which I suspect would require several meetings as you both get to know one another and feel comfortable. That's all I can suggest is that if you do decide, go in and ask questions, make sure you're as comfortable as possible, and if you have the least concerns, don't be afraid to walk away and find someone better.

I wish you the best on your journey.

Hugs, ChloëC

Kerri -

I have been in therapy for the last 3 years with a therapist that specializes in gender issues.  I started at the suggestion of my wife and it is one of the best things I have done.  Initially I was scared and concerned as I had never told anyone about my crossdressing, and in fact denied the feelings to myself.  Like many others here I first started back in the 60's, a time where it was considered to be a perversion and mental illness.  Since starting therepy I have learned to accept this part of me and am embracing it.  I have no intentions of transitioning but do enjoy being able to expres my feminine side.

The decision to see a therapist is a personal one and the key, I think, is finding the right therapist.  It may take a few before you are able to do that but I think in the end it is worth it.

I wish you the best in making your decision.

XOXO
Suzanne

I did see a therapist around six or seven years ago for a period of several years ago. I was her first crossdresser or trans person see had seen. Now she is a go to person in our area. She helped me a incredible amount. Helped me realize there is really nothing wrong with who I am and that I was in a terrible long term marriage. I think that somehow pushed me more into dressing. Just my thought but I believe it did. I would go back in a heartbeat in I thought I needed to.                      She actually cried when My ex filed for divorce. She said it was a gift fron God. I just didn't know it yet.  She was right.

Yes I've been to a therapist but the first time was in the early 80's and the therapist had no clue at all about gender issues. I was there because of the wife discovering my dressing and I lied and convinced them both I was "cured". After that it was deep into the closet for the next three decades.

After coming out to the wife a few years ago I tried counseling again but the guy was an idiot so I only went twice. Finding the right therapist is crucial. It seems my best therapy is dressing in some way every day.

Thank you Emily.  I've never heard it expressed more perfectly.  The last half of your response mirrors my life also.  Thanks for putting into words what was floating around in the back of my mind.  No recent therapy here, but I too am pretty comfortable being me.      Marg

I have been active over the years in a group therapy with other cds and it has been wonderful. Where  six or seven girls all talk freely about their experiences as we do here. The therapist is a cd as well and I have made a lot of friends to do things with from the group so I highly recommend this kind of therapy. I have never gone to a therapist for a one on one session though.

Helped me.
Question myself.
Realised there is nothing WRONG with me.
I am doing nothing WRONG.
Why do I feel like this, well, Why not?

Not being who I really am is more harmful to me than being who I am, doing what I want,  not what is expected of me.

So I don’t fit into the gender stereotypes laid down by society. Does hat make me bad? Or wrong? No.

Those who do not accept what I am, is it my problem or theirs?

Therapist helped me stop hating myself for being this way, stopped the shame, the guilt, the fear. Helped me see there is nothing wrong with me, learned to love myself.

I mentioned in another post the song

‘I am what I am, and what I am needs no excuses’. I love myself, the way I look, the way I dress, the way I act. Not being big headed, just think you have to love yourself because nobody spends more time with you than you.

Therapy helped me come out the other side a happier person.

B x

No, I have never been, never felt the need to. Like most, I was conflicted about my feelings to dress, but as my wife says, they are just clothes. I enjoy dressing, but have no desire to be female, so I suppose that is a big difference from those who true feel or want to be female.

I thn k therapy can be very beneficial to many (if the therapist is good.) Most people seem to say their therapist (and therapists in general) have given up on trying to figure out why you want to dress or transition, but instead focus on how to accept those desires. I have accepted the fact that I like to dress, that it gives me pleasure, and that I have no intention or desire to do more, so I don't think a therapist would do much for me.

I haven't. I wouldn't have done so in my youth as the subject was still taboo. So I just went on with life and looked within myself and asked all sorts of questions. As time went on access to information became more prevalent and society became more accepting. Life became easier and I came out and things went from strength to strength. I always knew I was 'normal' others saw it differently therefore I didn't feel dysphoria, my body may not have been correct but the mind was set. I played the game of being male and did quite well but was never overtly masculine and not afraid to express those feminine traits, so bumbled along. In the end I had gained a peace within myself and knew what I was and, when the time was right, I moved forward with no doubts in my mind also making the decision to stop with relationships knowing that could hinder my progress. Something that others have had to deal with complicating the issue in a lot of cases. It took a lot of time but the end result is that I am now living and working as the person I have always wanted to be and appear as.

I suppose I did my own therapy and, from what I have read, any therapy can take time for an individual and perhaps longer if a partner is involved.

I'm in the UK and have been lucky enough to have "mentoring" from a charity that supports trans people's mental health. I've found it invaluable and feel it's helped my wife and me hugely. Our marriage appears to be surviving and my mental health is just about ok: two things which both seemed in great jeopardy.  It's not magical though and of limited duration.  They've given me advice and I've now started private counseling with someone who at the very least seems very open to gender issues.  My experiences are very limited: but for me it's been (quite literally) a life saver.

Thea

I did go to see a psychologist and was in therapy for about 3 years. My crossdressing wasn’t the primary reason for being there - I was dealing with an episode of depression. Inevitably, my cross dressing became a small part of the conversation.