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Help with Therapy

31 Posts
11 Users
87 Reactions
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Posts: 814
Lady
Topic starter
(@valentina16)
Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 month ago

I have been contemplating getting therapy, as part of my journey, to help work better with my good lady wife (of 44 years)(forgiving lady). And for myself, my understanding.

Having had some personal therapy, I found it more useful than I had expected. I didn’t realise what was eating away inside of me. I do now. I shared, nay in truth I regurgitated, every major trauma in my life to her and she reeled as I had so many; at almost 70, I suppose this has to be expected.

But I stopped short of sharing my cross dressing. I felt she wasn’t really qualified to help, and I didn’t want the rest of my life-issues being overshadowed in any way. The process seemed fruitful, but not complete, as I had not shared something which was over layering my entire life, my marriage, my friendships, my family. Only my family know btw. I do not go out en femme unless it is well under cover and camouflaged. I prefer this.

Please, any help on therapy, did it help? 

BTW, I am not looking to suppress CDism, just understand it better. Hence my being here at CDH.

Thanking you in advance.

Didn't know btw whether this was the best place for such a serious Q. I’m sure someone behind the scenes will direct me. 💚

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1036

@valentina16 Well, heck, VV, I’ll bite! I’m definitely not the best girl to answer this, I can only give you my take after being on CDH…almost 5 months now.

Many girls on here have written about how therapy has helped them with their crossdressing desires. I’m sure that many will be more than happy to point you in the direction you might want to go. It’s definitely not too serious a topic for CDH, in fact it’s part of what this site is all about. There’s lots of good info here from all walks of life. Take what you need to help you in your journey as we all travel together in this secret sisterhood.

Personally - I would never need therapy for something as benign as dressing up as a girl. It’s clothing. I don’t make it more than it is. To me, crossdressing has more to do with acting than anything else. Doing my best to look like an attractive girl/woman/lady, etc. That is, if you’re just a crossdresser. My thoughts are that girls who are considering therapy for their dressing are quite possibly considering other things too,  that go beyond the parameters of just “dressing up as a girl.” They may need help working through that. If that’s you then do it.

Back when I was a youth and found myself attracted to women’s clothing and the urge to try it on, I made myself consider that possibly I was gay. Or I wanted to BE a woman. I put myself in the mindset on purpose to see if I liked it. I gave myself opportunities to meet other CD’s and men. Nothing ever materialized for me back then. I was continually drawn to real women. There was no substitute for me. Now, years later I have the time to devote to my old hobby. And grateful that I have such an understanding and supportive wife. She sees me wearing short skirts and taking pics and trying my best to look sexy and puts up with all the silliness! Thank God!

As years go by, people and things change and it’s no different with crossdressing. I can see why some girls are married for years and then they lose their spouse and embrace everything about crossdressing. Including attraction to men or other crossdressers. Something different they haven’t tried before. Why not? We all check out the pics here am I right?We all fantasize about them to some degree. I consider it all to be just “normal” behavior. If you’re a crossdresser you obviously love the ladies. If you’re perusing the photos on CDH you’re going to see some stunning examples of good looking ladies. Hotties in fact. Nothing wrong with checking them out, adding some compliments…in fact it’s what we’re all hoping for.🥰

Anyway, like always it’s easy to veer away from topic and go down rabbit trails. As I said, if you think therapy will help your situation by all means go for it. I’m sure there will be more qualified sisters than I weighing in on this to direct you where you need to head at this point in your journey.

GP

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@gracepal Thanks Grace. You’re being a stalwart, as ever. I guess my first query would be about how to find a good therapist. I have no unanswered concerns myself about my activities, apart from the pace of things these last few months (since I found Temu!), it is more about impact on my wife. I am totally accepting she did not sign up for this. Thank you sincerely. V.

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Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1036

@valentina16 Well, Laura and Victoria New are immediately jumping to mind if you want to engage with a couple here on CDH that are dialed in to your situation. Good luck!

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Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 364

@valentina16 hey 👋 I would be happy to share what's worked for me and hubby . 
I have had therapy myself with a wonderful counsellor who specialises in CD and the family . 
honestly I had like 3 sessions with him and I learnt sooooo much which helped me massively , he has worked with thousands of CDs and wives too & as well as one to one sessions he runs both CD & wife support groups all online.

hubby has been having his own therapy with another counsellor , he has been doing this weekly for a few months and it seems to me that it's helping massively with both himself and also in our relationship so my views are that it has been extremely positive on both our lives. 

😍💕🌈🙏

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@bellaz76 TY Laura, sincerely. I knew you were here and probably best placed to help me, but I think I needed to do some more research first, too much pink fog as Fran might say. 😔

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Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 364

@valentina16 no worries I'm no expert it's all still fairly new we are only four months into me finding out , but happy to help share what works for me 🌈always great to get many opinions 🙏

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@bellaz76 I fear my Qs to you might be too personal for you. I must do no harm. x

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Managing Ambassador
(@bellaz76)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     London, Middlesex, United Kingdom
Posts: 364

@valentina16 I wouldn't worry about that if I find something too personal I will say so 🤪🙏

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@bellaz76 you’re a star, ty x

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2212

@valentina16 

Hi, Valentina, as Grace says, this is not too serious a topic, the whole raison d'être of CDH is to be a support for the CD/TG community and the best place to seek answers to questions like this.

I stopped short of sharing my cross dressing.

Yep, I saw a psychologist more that 30 years ago and kept my "secret" from him. He told me that I had a specific type of personality that meant I could never be as happy as other people! Big help he was 🙄. 

However, and I've said this before, since I joined CDH and recognised this feminine side of myself, it really feels like a weight has been lifted. Maybe if I'd spoken about it then....

If you seek professional assistance, you have to be honest with the practitioner. That doesn't guarantee success but it's bound to improve the chances.

Whatever you do, keep us updated and we'll support you however we can.

Allie x

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@alexina Thank you Allie. All wise words and all taken in and being digested. x

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Managing Ambassador
(@lizk)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3859

@alexina 

Posted by: @alexina

Yep, I saw a psychologist more that 30 years ago and kept my "secret" from him. He told me that I had a specific type of personality that meant I could never be as happy as other people! Big help he was 🙄

Yeah right!  Let's drink to that next time and throw our glasses into the fireplace!

Liz xx

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2212

@lizk 

Absolutely, Liz!

Not sure the owner of said fireplace will be too pleased but, hey, we're only young twice...and for the rest of our lives! 

Pride Heart

Allie xx

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Ambassador
(@gafran)
Joined: 9 months ago

Noble Member     Warner Robins, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 1142

@valentina16 

 This is the Elegant Elephant in the room!

   Explaining to someone else. What we can't explain to ourselves. It's amazing how you can say I crossdress to one person and they accept it. Another goes on the 10,000 questions route to arrive at you must be..... fill in the blank. 

 Crossdressing has been a community going back thousands of years. It seems that those who survived are the one's who thrived. 

 So maybe a Crossdressing therapist would be a goto person for sorting these Pink Fog feelings out! 

I hope you can be your best and trueself Valentina! 

 Fran 🥰 

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@gafran TY Fran. I sort of have 80% comfort, just intrigued by the pace of my immersion into a different lifestyle. But it’s my good lady. My size 11s are often quite unsubtle.

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Ambassador
(@gafran)
Joined: 9 months ago

Noble Member     Warner Robins, Georgia, United States of America
Posts: 1142

@valentina16 

 Time equals experience. Along with practice and patience! 🥰

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1841

@valentina16 I see a therapist.

I've had a couple of breakdowns in my time, the last one which lead me to leave a very well-paid job at an early age. I am still dealing with some of the fall-out of this.

I have struggled with depression since a very early age and as I've got older, need help managing it.

My wife and I have someone who harasses us and we have had to seek police and legal help to contain it, but I have trouble dealing with this - its nasty stuff.

My therapist knows that I am a crossdresser, knows that I am comfortable with it and knows that I boundary it from most people and has asked about the difference between male and female me. She knows about my various Anna adventures in the wild and in the studio and understands what they mean to me.

My therapy has been about dealing with depression, stress and harassment.

My experience on therapy, is just be open with your therapist to get the most you can out of a session and help you to find the answers to your questions,

Hugs,

Anna xx

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@annaredhead TY for sharing. My therapist was just for life-sh*t-trauma though. I didn’t mention CD in the initial session, so I wanted to keep it separate. I need to think next steps. TY x

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Ambassador
(@alexina)
Joined: 1 year ago

Illustrious Member     Fife, United Kingdom
Posts: 2212

@annaredhead 

Anna, thank you for sharing this, it must be truly awful having to suffer such a level of harassment that you have to involve police and the law. My heart goes out to you and your wife.

What I find miraculous is your valued and positive contribution to this community despite the trauma in your own life. I'm glad you're here.

I'm sure most of us, certainly the more "mature" girls, by virtue of sheer longevity, have stuff in our lives that detracts from the joy of living. Thankfully, there's a symbiotic quality to being here, we can escape, for a time, the difficult parts of our lives and, by sharing those difficulties, often help others. Just knowing that I'm not alone has helped me more than I can express in words.

If it helps, even in a limited way, know that you can "unload" any time, either here or by pm. 

Big hugs,

Allie x

 

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 11 months ago

Famed Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 1841

@alexina Thanks Allie,

Hugs,

Anna xx

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Posts: 1036
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 5 months ago

Posted by: @gracepal

@alexinaYep, I saw a psychologist more that 30 years ago and kept my "secret" from him. He told me that I had a specific type of personality that meant I could never be as happy as other people! Big help he was 🙄

I rest my case. Some of the best therapy regarding crossdressing is free of charge here on CDH😊

 

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Posts: 812
 Leah
Baroness
(@leah63)
Noble Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 7 years ago

I have been in therapy for awhile now, not originally for my dressing but a very traumatic event, which evolved into opening up a can of worms in which my dressing did get brought into the mix.

Therapy has helped greatly in minimizing my guilt and shame, relying on others for my validation of dressing up, although, I think we all love to have our Cd validated by our SO.

Since all of this, I have increased my wardrobe significantly, fully dress and even go to therapy fully dressed. My therapist is my best supporter and encourages my dressing to the level of what I want. She even gives me a little push when I need it.

So, bottom line for me, with the right therapist, it will do you a lot of good!

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2 Replies
Duchess
(@gracepal)
Joined: 5 months ago

Noble Member     South Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 1036

@leah63 And there’s the other side of the coin!🥰

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(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@leah63 Sounds hopeful 🤞

Sorry about your trauma. Feel free to PM me. On non CD issues I have a pretty good ear. 

TY.

💚

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Posts: 1209
(@lauren114)
Noble Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I have gone through therapy specifically for crossdressing and have found it to be life changing for me.   My therapist helped me get rid of the guilt and shame that plagued me for too many years.   It has allowed me to accept myself and freely express my femininity.  The best suggestion I can offer is to find a therapist who specializes in and is experienced in gender.   This way you will get the best advice to address your own unique personal situation.   Good luck with your journey and I really hope you find the clarity you need.

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1 Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@lauren114 TY, sincerely.

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Posts: 1063
Duchess Annual
(@robertaf)
Noble Member     Louisiana, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

There are other threads on this in the forums. Look to the credentials of the therapist. Look fo on that is a trained sex therapist. They are better prepared to help you and any So. 

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1 Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814
Posts: 4023
Lady
(@harriette)
Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Joined: 2 years ago

Based on what I have read here on CDH, finding a therapist experienced with crossdressing and / or gender issues is the way to go.

You can also search the site to find archived posts or articles.

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1 Reply
(@valentina16)
Joined: 1 month ago

Noble Member     Worcester, Worcestershire, United Kingdom
Posts: 814

@harriette Yes, seems so. Just wondering what peeps had experienced, to help confirm this. It seems all positive. TY 💚

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