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Hello Gurls!
It's been a long time and I've missed everyone! Quick update on happenings with me and my SO.
I recently found I'm still a very jealous person when it comes to my SO. Issues of trust (from my part), and such a hypocrite! I'm seeking professional help!
My SO and I finally had the "talk" about my dressing, shaving, you name it. She is really put off by it all. So much so I've had to let my (body) hair grow back. That has been really painful. She was not surprised I found a way to dress in public, hybrid mode, and was particularly concerned at the amount of gurl clothes (jeans) I had accumulated, and put off by the shoes too (flats), that I wear/wore just this weekend. I've bought a couple of necklaces recently and worn them, she knows it is hard for me to control.
Really difficult things to deal with, and "give up", although I and she knows I'm not completely willing to do so. Still looking for and hoping to find some form of compromise, although it does not look promising.
Trying to be the "good husband", the "perfect man", which she claims is not an issue, there is no "perfect man", although hers appears to have hair everywhere, despite the person (me) having a real issue with it.
Anyway, wanted to post quickly and I will be back soon.
Love and Hugs to you all!
R.
Hugs and best wishes Rebekka
I hope you can find some common ground to work from. Thanks for the update so we know you're ok.
Sorry to hear Rebekka,
Last year when we spoke I was under the assumption that she was coming around. Personally, when I told my SO I was prepared for the worst and she ended up being supportive. Then when I told her I was transitioning, I expected her to leave but she said she loves me, the person inside the body. Maybe if you take that approach with her she will understand she still has the guy she married, and now has a new girlfriend to do girlie things with. I just can't understand how do many people in this world can make love conditional on their expectations of someone and not accept that loved one for all that they are. I really wish and prey for the best for you both and hope your able to work things out and remember. The minute you compromise on one item, then they have control over you and you become the resentful one. I recommend you to shave and be yourself!!!
P.S.
C'mon Rebekka!! Jealousy like yours stems from personal insecurities and you have absolutely nothing to be jealous of insecure about!! The only thing you will accomplish is to push your SO further away from you and if you want the relationship to survive, it's the last thing you want. Search yourself, you know why you feel jealous and address that issue in therapy if you can't correct it alone. I know all about what your feeling but I overcame my nonsense a very long t?one ago. If I can help, let me know Hon!
You are so right Bren! That is exactly what is happening. I'm very insecure about not being the "perfect man" in her eyes, plus the fact (knowing) there is a person she has some obvious interest in (at work), and the (her) admission she thinks its perfectly fine for her to spend "casual time" with a male friend, although she has not that I know of, make it all very difficult.
I'll start seeing someone soon, and hoping that will all help!
Hi Hon,
I'm sorry to hear that... But you can never control another persons actions, thoughts or attractions. Is she unhappy in your relationship together? Does she look down and object to your CDing? And, in reality, there is nothing wrong with her having male friends. It's wrong to fuel the fire if she, and/or he has an attraction to each other and they are "hanging out". That's pretty obvious where that will go.
So, if you really love her, try treating her with trust, respect, and as a lady. Surprise her with flowers!! Do what you can to spark the love and romance you both felt for one another. Long term relationships need long term work to keep them going and I am gonna assume you both became too comfortable and stopped romancing one another. Do not!! Do not!! Fight and argue with her, give her space to be herself and if she really loves you, she will come back!!
Good Luck!!
Hugs, Breanna
Hi Rebekka,
I am sorry you and your wife are having such turmoil right now. When you say you are seeking professional help for your jealousy, I hope that means you currently have a therapist to talk too on a regular basis. Trust issues are tough. I am a firm believer in taking a love one at their word. Better to believe and find out the truth later either way than to not trust and find out your should have trusted but didn't. I agree with Bren's comment as to putting the effort and energy into the relationship. There is no perfect man and there is no perfect husband. I'm sure it's hard to be the best husband you can be when you feel she's not validating a very important part of you. I believe if you work on the relationship first, then even though she might not ever accept every aspect of your feminine side, if she feels more secure in the relationship it will help her tolerate more aspects of it.
Hugs
Autumn
I’m sorry, trust issues are hard. While things with my SO are better than ever I’m still having a little trouble with the trust. It’s hard being thousands of miles apart! Is your wife a member here? It might really help her. The women on the wives page are fantastic. This site has been a huge, huge help in getting me to where i am with my fiancé.
I hope that she will try to compromise with you. I don’t think it’s fair that you’re the one losing a part of yourself in order to please her. Would just hate to see someone slowly taking parts of themselves away until there’s nothing left.
