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My husband has confessed that he enjoys wearing women's underwear. We have discussed it and he said it was just something he wanted to try and it's not anything else. He told me before we married that he had a porn addiction. We both go to meetings. We discuss how he's doing occasionally. He told me last night he had been looking at crossdressers. He said he was feeling anxious when he went online. He was embarrassed to tell me. He says he knew I would think he is gay. I am not really sure what to think. I told him that I love him and held him till he went to sleep so he wouldn't feel like I was pulling away from him. I did some googling this morning and learned a lot. I really think it would help his anxiety if he could just be free with who he is...at least with me for now. I get the feeling he wants to crossdress, but is afraid of what I will do. I love him and I want him to be happy. We tell each other everything and I think it is tearing him apart not telling me. I want to address my suspicions with him. I'm pretty sure that's why he told me about it. He is afraid to tell me and is testing the waters. How do I approach him?
Thank you for expressing your fears ShiRey. It is very tough to do. I think hubby may be afraid of being called Gay for his thoughts and subject to ridicule. He has told you quite a bit under the circumstances. It is a brutal world out there. I suggest you visit Amazon if you have a kindle and read books on Dysphoria (fear,anxiety over what gender he really is). Most of us in the womb are a combination of male/female and is really determined by genes at about 2 months or so. Hubby could be harboring a female dominant personalty and is causing him confusion. The porn issue could be a sign of his extreme interest in females and searching for something he doesn't quite realize yet. This is a complicated issue that requires much knowledge and can be quite delicate. I will stop here and advise you to let me know in a message that you wish to know more in detail. I will use the private conversation option or send you my private e-mail. Do let me know....I am here for you. Till then....
Dame Veronica
Hello ShiRey. Definitely take Dame Veronica's offer and make contact with her .. This could be a difficult situation for both of you. He most likely will shut you down out of sheer fear. Most of us will never come out due to the repercussions that could come from it. Good luck. Mikayla
ShiRey, hello and thanks for sharing your concerns. I, too, am married to a crossdresser. When he first told me, I was caught off guard. I told him I loved him and supported him, but we’ve gone through a few tough years figuring out how to fit this into our lives. We have tried to do it on our own, until now. I would recommend a few things. First, don’t push him to open up. He may completely withdraw from you because of his fear and shame. Second, don’t do this alone. Seek professional help from someone who is CD friendly and knowledgeable about the issues you too are facing. I wish you the best of luck. Remember, he needs love and sense of security. You do too, so please reach out-you are not alone.
Well done to you for reaching out Shirey, you sound like a wonderful, caring person, and he is so lucky to have you close to him. As other comments mentioned he is perhaps embarrassed, afraid of ridicule, or being thought of as less of a man, confused that he does not fit expected gender stereotypes. Does he know about this site ? It was a great comfort to me when I discovered that I was not alone, there are thousands of normal heterosexual husbands, fathers, boyfriends, sons out there who just love feminine stuff, and when it comes down to it, what harm are we doing ? The problem is not with us, it is with ignorant intolerant people in society who make it so hard for people to express themselves freely. I am also sure that a huge part of it is barriers in our heads, fuelled by fear, guilt and shame, but again through this site I have discovered from friends experiences, these fears are mostly unfounded, and we are usually accepted for who we are. Society is gradually changing for the better as intolerance in all its forms is gradually being eroded and challenged. I wish you and your husband well.
love
Bianca
We talked last night. I told him of the research I had done, that day, and told him that I love him and want him to be happy. I told him about CDH and all the support and advice I got here. He was surprised, and I think a little embarrassed at first. One of the things we talked about before we married was that our marriage would be a non-judgement zone. We talked about his porn addiction and even the bra and panties he had bought. He married young and was not able to explore this side of himself , or anything else he wanted to, with his first wife. He spent two years trying to figure things out, and experimenting, after his divorce.
This whole thing was not a total surprise to me. It was a bit of a shock at first, but this site and those willing to give advise has certainly helped. After I told him, he said, "You are amazing." Which made me feel wonderful. He said he was happy that I had taken the initiative, and with a cheeky grin, he said, "Someone else is happy too." We raided my pantie drawer, and had the best sex ever...Twice! lol He may strangle me for telling that part. He says he doesn't know how far he wants to take this yet, but I am willing to go where he is comfortable.
I hope to introduce him to some of the friends I've made here one day. He says he is not ready for that yet though. I appreciate the advise so many of you have been willing to give. We now have the initial introduction of the subject out of the way. I think the best advise, so far, is to seek professional help. That will be the next suggestion to my hubby. We have been going to a councilor and going to meetings for the porn addiction, so hopefully he will be willing to go for this. I'll let him decide if he wants me to go with him, or not. In the mean time, I will read everything I can get my hands on.
This does bring a new fear to the surface for me. Will he be trading one addiction for another? Hopefully therapy will help us figure that out. I do want him to be happy and whole. It is better for both of us. Now I just need to make sure I don't lose myself in helping him find his way. Man! Life can be complicated, but I do love him. He is the most loving and caring person I have every met. We were made for each other. We will make this work!
I'll try not to push. At this point, I think, I'm more excited for him than he is. I may have to curb my enthusiasm. I tend to go "all out" once I put my mind to something...So it begins!
🎊🎉💑👍❤️💃🕺💕GOOD LUCK👠🥂🧞♂️💋🎉🎊
🎊🎉💑👍👠🕺💃GOOD LUCK🧞♂️💄💗🤞👙🎉🎊
Glad things worked out so well last night. Sharing this with others is a great way to feel more comfortable, but he needs to feel it is safe. My wife and I both saw a therapist, separately for the most part, mostly to deal with each others issues. I felt okay with who I am. I assume his porn addiction was something he did alone, and this can be something you do together-especially if you interact like you just did. But you lead, but just where he is willing. Many will want something and fear you will think less of them for wanting it, so no is not always a full no, but a go slower. There is a phrase called 'pink fog' where CDers who are freed from some restriction get lost in the enjoyment and buy more/do more, then will settle down to stable level of activity. So if he suddenly wants too much, it may be that.
Hugs, Ellen
Congratulations. You are AWESOME , She is damn lucky to have you. I can only imagine the fealing of letting that out. Good luck. All my best. Mikayla
