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How did you overcome the " meeting someone" fear?

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Posts: 54
Lady
Topic starter
(@nehak)
Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Dear Ladies,

How did yall overcome the meeting someone anxious/fearful feelings for a makeover or a for a chat.

No matter how much ever i convince myself i just cant do it. I really wanna get my first makeover done and see the beauty of Neha but its these fearful thoughts stops me a lot.. Im worried about my job, my family, new to country, so many what if's... Did any gurls here met someone from CDH and felt confident?Β 

Hugs

Neha

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44 Replies
13 Replies
(@marleneroberts)
Joined: 5 years ago

Honorable Member     Allentown, Pennsylvania, United States of America
Posts: 510

@nehakΒ  Nehak: You look stunning! I do not know what you look like in drab mode but I bet if you met somebody you knew they would not recognize you. Best, Marlene.

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Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@marleneroberts : Thank you marlene.. Yes, i look totally different in person. πŸ™‚

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 414

@nehak Going for my first makeover was a bit of a leap of faith, but it was something that I felt I needed to do. The day itself was hugely rewarding, being made to feel instantly welcome and at ease by the makeup artist.Β  The session I went to was in a location where nobody would recognise me. As I've now been there a few times, the locals probably recognise the tall girl with the ginger hair!

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Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@annaredhead : Thanks Anna. I'm looking at a location which is atleast 500 miles away πŸ˜€ .. You look so pretty.. πŸ™‚

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Baroness
(@annaredhead)
Joined: 4 months ago

Prominent Member     Cornwall, United Kingdom
Posts: 414

@nehak Thank you! Where I go is about an hour's drive away. You look amazing in your photo.

Hugs,

Anna

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Managing Ambassador
(@LizK)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3078

@nehakΒ 

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself".Β 

That timeless quote by Franklin D. Roosevelt was meant to inspire a weary population during the depths of the Great Depression.Β 

It applies equally well to any girl feeling anxiety on her journey.Β  Whether it's buying your first dress, stepping out your front door, or meeting another person for the first time.

We are our own worst enemies.Β  All the bad things on heavy rotation in your head....they almost never happen.Β 

The worst thing we can do to ourselves is live a life filled with regret.Β  You WILL regret not walking out the door or meeting another person for the first time.Β 

I've been doing this a long time.Β  Yes, I felt anxiety the first few times I put myself out there.Β  It's normal.Β  I overcame my anxiety by expanding my comfort zone.Β  Embracing change and by extension, opportunity.Β  Every thing I do becomes another opportunity for growth.

I go out everyday without a second thought.Β  I've met literally hundreds of my sisters and that number grows constantly.Β  It's changed my life.

Facing our fears isn't easy.Β  And it's easier than we think.Β  Live your life with zero regrets.

And that takes me to another timeless quote.Β  This one by the greatest hockey player of all time, Wayne Gretzky.

"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take"

/LK

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Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@emilyalt : Liz... Thanks thanks so much for those words!! It truly helps.. I'll book my appointment soon.. πŸ˜€ I wish to meet you one day as Neha πŸ™‚

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Managing Ambassador
(@LizK)
Joined: 5 years ago

Illustrious Member     North County San Diego, California, United States of America
Posts: 3078

@nehakΒ 

Likewise Neha!Β  One of these days I'll make it to Keystone or another East Coast event.Β  Or maybe you'll make it to SoCal someday.Β  Palm Springs, WeHo, and Hillcrest are super friendly places for girls like us!

/LK

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Lady
(@kimdl94)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Longview, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 60

@nehak if my experience is relevant, eventually the need to get out and be part of the larger world just grows to the point that fears that keep one confined.

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Duchess
(@loneleycd)
Joined: 5 years ago

Noble Member     Roland, Iowa, United States of America
Posts: 1905

@nehakΒ 

Getting over the fear of putting your fem self out there can be SO hard. My first big time was when I got my hair colored for the first time. I made the appointment a couple weeks before, in my mind making an appointment committed me to the deed. Just before going into the store I was sitting in my car sick to my stomach and nearly thewup. My second BIG one was a year latter when I asked my niece to set up a nail appointment. That was my first manicure and pedicure. Each step was hard but it is worth the risk.Β 

CassieΒ 

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Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@loneleycd : Thanks Cassie. πŸ™‚

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(@lauren114)
Joined: 12 months ago

Noble Member     Connecticut, United States of America
Posts: 724

@nehak Once I got over the uncomfortableness of jumping into a new situation as my authentic self, I was able engage with other women like myself well.Β  Β This happened at a LGBTQ+ bar so I knew I was in my "element" and this helped me quite a bit.Β  It helped me start to build confidence in myself that I have been able to carry over into a number of other aspects of my life.Β  Β Now, I do a number of my daily activities out in the world as my authentic self and don't even think about it anymore.

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Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@lauren114 : Thanks Lauren. You are truly lucky.

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Posts: 827
Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Noble Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

Neha, I'm nowhere going out en femme, let alone meeting a fellow CD in person (although I've had one very sweet offer). However I have had two makeovers. There are two issues for a closetted anxious girl. The first is to find a suitable opportunity. In my case I waited until my family went abroad both times. I don't know your circumstances but hopefully you can find time to get away without having to be too devious.

The second, as you mention, is nerves. I was in a right state on my way to my first makeover. I very nearly turned the car round and went back home. I forced myself through it and had a good chat with my MUA, explaining the sort of thing I was looking for. I was feeling quite ridiculous, being the inelegant lump of a man I am. But slowly, as my makeup went on I began to relax and as various wow moments happened (false nails, false lashes, lipstick) I was able to start really enjoying the experience. Add a nice dress, heels, a wig and jewellery and I was in heaven. You have to remember these people are professionals. They do this all day every day.Β 

Second makeover, just flounced in in an excited girly whirl and got on with it 😂. A makeover is a complete no brainer for girls like us, as you'll have seen from me and a couple of other girls here recently. I do so hope you manage to work things out for yourself hun.

Hugs, Chrissie xx.Β 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@chrisfp99 :Thanks so much Chrissie.. Yes, managing family is a big concern. I'm in same boat as you.. i cant do this when they are here. I'll consider it soon πŸ™‚

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Posts: 694
 Leah
Baroness
(@leah63)
Prominent Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

I agree, I am looking to getting a makeover next week while the wife is away. Having one done at Ulta, Sephoria or Mac counter are not private enough, let alone getting and put under the public eye.Β  This is where having a wing lady woudl be awesome

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2 Replies
Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@leah63 : All the best leah. I saw your other post too.. The makeover services that was referred to you in Minneapolis is no longer accepting the bookings ( as per their site) , do they?

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 Leah
Baroness
(@leah63)
Joined: 6 years ago

Prominent Member     Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States of America
Posts: 694

@nehak I tried to use their site to book one,Β  I emailed Rebecca.Β  Will see if I hear back from her.Β  Otherwise I may call her

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Posts: 824
Baroness Annual
(@finallyfiona)
Noble Member     Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 7 months ago

@nehak

Ermm ... actually I just got to the door, was let in as easy as you like and straight in to a long girly chat with Tracey, even while still in my drab.Β  Then the makeup, then the hair, then the dresses ... bliss 😊
What an experience, every girl should find a really warm and personable MUA, she was so good!

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Posts: 54
Lady
Topic starter
(@nehak)
Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

That's awesome Fiona πŸ™‚ You look gorgeous! πŸ™‚Β 

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1 Reply
Baroness Annual
(@finallyfiona)
Joined: 7 months ago

Noble Member     Bedfordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 824

@nehak Thank you honey * hugs * πŸ™‚

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Posts: 113
Duchess Annual
(@emmat)
Reputable Member     I don't do cities ;-), Powys, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 months ago

Posted by: @nehak

How did yall overcome the meeting someone anxious/fearful feelings for a makeover or a for a chat.

You're not the only one, Neha. My answer is 'with difficulty'. As regards a makeover, from the realisation I really wanted to have one , to actually getting there, was still a set of 'what am I doing?' stages. I set up a separate email to communicate with my chosen dresser, work out how to use a Paypal account to send a deposit, contrive a way to absent myself for a day without being missed, and so on. It seemed fraught at times. But I somehow I hung in, got there, and had absolutely no regrets ! Setting up and going to my second makeover - a different place and a different person - was much easier and a whole lot less anxious.

We're all different, we all move at different speeds. I obviously work at a snail's pace.

Don't beat yourself up. You'll get there !Β 

Β 

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2 Replies
Baroness
(@chrisfp99)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     London , Kent, United Kingdom
Posts: 827

Emma, I'm with you! I had to figure out PayPal to pay for my first makeover. Second one was so much more straightforward, both for payment and the lack of stress and fear xx.

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Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@emmat Thanks a bunch Emma.. so its just not me.. this is why i love being in CDH.. I'll do cash πŸ˜€

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Posts: 649
Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Noble Member     Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 11 months ago

@nehak I can assure you that no one cares nearly as much as you fear they will. Even then, those that might will at most take notice and make some mental note. The odds that anyone actually has the temerity to confront you verbally is unbelievably small.

My first meeting with a CDHer was AMAZING. We had a fabulous time, became fast friends, and have met up 3 or 4 more times - and will again next weekend! I love her like a sister! @alexkokokline ❤️Β 

So...given all of that - that you could be sitting there missing out on these fun, affirming, fulfilling times of your life - why not just do what you want to do? πŸ™‚

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1 Reply
Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@melodeescarlet : Thanks Melodee... my maryland trip is still pending.. we are meeting very soon πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

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Posts: 387
Duchess
(@jennconn)
Honorable Member     Florida, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Neha, I was just as scared and nervous getting my first makeover. Β The biggest part for me was actually scheduling it. Β After I did that and put up a deposit, I knew I’d never back out. Β (I’m cheap) Plus, I actually went to the studio and met the makeup artist in person. Β She put me completely at ease. Β I knew that it was something I’d wanted to do all my life, and if I didn’t do it, I’d regret it for a long time. Β Then the best part was that I talked one of my fellow CDers from CDH into going with me, which made it a truly memorable time. Β I’ve never had any regrets about doing it, and you won’t either, so my advice is just find a place and a makeup artist that you are comfortable with and get it scheduled, you’ll love it.

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1 Reply
Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@jennconn : Thanks so much Jennifer πŸ™‚ I'll boldly do that soon.

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Posts: 138
Baroness
(@dianas1960)
Reputable Member     South Central, Indiana, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I go out often but avoid interactions as much as possible.Β  The only people I have ever had a conversation while out were at wig shops and makeup stores.Β  I felt that these venues were more open to my presence.Β  I have never gone out as Diana to meet anyone and am very scared to do so.Β 

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1 Reply
Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@dianas1960 : Thanks Diana. Im in the same boat as you..

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Posts: 96
Duchess
(@joannaberry)
Estimable Member     Tamworth, Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Joined: 2 months ago

Hi Neha,

Having only recently ventured out for the first time En femme as Joanna I still can’t believe I actually did it! I have on many previous occasions got fully ready and not managed to take that first step…. The nerves have got the best of me!
All I can offer in anyway of help is, plan and take a very small step at a time. As many girls have done and still do I imagine, just plan a drive out dressed. The overwhelming feeling I have experienced personally has only spurred me to continue, it is one of the most scary, but rewarding experiences of my life. Going for a makeover would be a wonderful experience, to meet up with other girls from CDH in a safe environment would be truly wonderful moment I’m sure. These are steps further down the road for me at the moment, but hopefully achievable.

Hugs Joanna 💕

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Posts: 54
Lady
Topic starter
(@nehak)
Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Thanks Joanna. I'll do that. πŸ™‚ You look very pretty πŸ™‚Β 

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1 Reply
Duchess
(@joannaberry)
Joined: 2 months ago

Estimable Member     Tamworth, Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 96

@nehak - why Thankyou Neha 🤭

From your profile picture so do you! It looks like you should be fine when you decide step out 💕

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Posts: 934
Duchess Annual
(@firefly)
Noble Member     Panama, Panama, Panama
Joined: 6 years ago

Hi Neha. I try to act without thinking much beforehand. This is how I avoid backing down. Along the way I usually realize that many fears were unfounded (There are others that are not, but that affect other decisions more).
But sometimes I have taken advantage. Because of the fear of makeovers, I have learned to wear makeup better.At least that's what some young women would have me believe. Smile Β 

Gisela

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1 Reply
Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@firefly Thanks Gisela.. πŸ™‚

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Posts: 1215
Ambassador
(@leonara)
Noble Member     Long Island,, New York, United States of America
Joined: 9 years ago

I had my first makeover about six years ago. The opportunity presented itself when the wife was away for a week (circumstances familiar ladies?). I had an agenda to learn makeup techniques and a sexy dress (fell in love with the LBD ever since) my makeup artist has a private boutique and I loved being pampered during the session.. if anyone has the opportunity go for it it is such a wonderful experience.

Β 

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2 Replies
Lady
(@nehak)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Posts: 54

@leonara : wow.. look at you leonara... so pretty πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

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Ambassador
(@leonara)
Joined: 9 years ago

Noble Member     Long Island,, New York, United States of America
Posts: 1215

@nehak Thank you Neha

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Posts: 584
Baroness Annual
(@rhondalee)
Honorable Member     Winston-Salem, North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 3 years ago

I find all of the comments helpful but also believe fear is usually based on something that has an element of truth, so it is often wise to be cautious. If in doubt I call ahead. I'm glad I did when looking for a wig, because when I revealed I was a crossdreser I was told I would not be served. I'm sure most would have responded differently, but I want to allay my fears before having a negative experience in person.

I also think that it is wise to avoid going somewhere close to home where one might be spotted and potentially outed unless confident this won't happen.

Even if it turns out there is nothing to worry about, the experience may be more enjoyable if the concerns are put to rest before walking in the door. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I have been going out a long time and would go just about anywhere without a second thought. Still, I tend to be guarded and not inclinded to engage in conversation unless I know I'm not apt to be outed or not accepted. For me, calling ahead confronts such fears with less risk. I WOULD go to a place like Sephora or a MAC counter who I know train their SAs to be accepting, although a MAC counter is usually in an area attracting a lot of traffic so I would not do this locally. I'd be more inclined to call ahead and schedule a session at a time and place I know would offer privacy.

When I travel I usually stop at a nail salon somewhere en route to get manicure, pedicure, and brow wax, especially if traveling with my SO, who herself might be recognized, drawing undesired attention to both of us. If getting a makeover she might be unhappy if I did this solo. She never got nails and other stuff done before meeting me, but is now accustomed to such privileges and believes she should be treated at least as often as me! Even if dressing at home I'm conscious of what she is up to. She likes to garden, but is not particularly happy if she comes in dirty and sweaty to find me in a dress. Ditto when she returns from a shopping trip and expects help unloading. And lipstick or wig at home crosses a boundary that to her causes her to see me as a woman rather than a man in a dress, so a makeover, in my case, would not be possible without careful planning for a girl's day out or at least one of us is traveling. She is traveling this week, but I'm not inclined to get dressed and go out unless with company, as that's part of the fun of it for me.Β 

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Posts: 54
Lady
Topic starter
(@nehak)
Estimable Member     Charlotte, North Carolina, United States of America
Joined: 1 year ago

Thanks so much Rhonda! Im definitely considering a makeover services atleast 300 miles away 😊

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