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[Closed] How did you work it out

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Topic starter
(@Anonymous 91593)
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We are all so lucky having the internet as a resource for working out the world and what it's about , many on here may not have known it any different .

However there's more than a few of us as young boys were drawn to a more feminine lifestyle but didn't have a clue what was happening  . How did you work out who or what you are ?

For me I clearly recall stumbling upon an article in a magazine that talked in great detail about Transvestites. (The term cross dresser had not been invented ). After that it was a case of covertly skulking around certain books in the reference library including every encyclopedia I could lay my hands on . I also recall going into a porn shop in the mid 1980s , asking for and buying a couple of"transvestite magazines please" . Not really helpful but all part of looking things up 😀

We also had a gay neighbour loved a few doors down . With hindsight I'm sure he crossdressed at times although I never saw him fully femme . I did see him heading off out at times wearing trousers and tops I realised were from the womens section. He also kept his hair and hair styles gorgeous.  I was always desperate to speak to him but for some reason never got around to it . 

The things cross dressing leads us to . 

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Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
Joined: 1 year ago

Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@kayt 

This is such a good question, Kay, and it's really made me cast my mind back.

As a boy growing up in 1960s North East England I don't think I ever worked out who or what I was. I only knew what I liked, and I also knew that it was something not to be talked about. Such behaviour as men putting on women's clothes was seen as perverted. Transvestites were given labels like queer, light, touched and poofter. And since homosexuality was illegal in the UK until 1967, it was little wonder that admitting or even talking about transvestism was to be avoided. I remember reading an article in one of my mum's magazines which said that a man dressed as a woman in public was liable to be arrested for "behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace". No wonder that dressing was such a secretive activity.

In the 70s I once overheard a friend of my mum's recounting a tale involving "trannies locked up overnight in the police cells, with their stubble showing through their makeup in the morning".

As others have said, there were often men dressed as women on television, though generally for comedy. Transvestites were therefore objects of humour or, more often, ridicule and derision. These days the crossdresser on TV is treated with far more respect.

I recall a sketch on the Dave Allen show back in the 70s; picture the scene: it's a dark, foggy night in a suburb. A woman, seen only from the waist down, nervously walks alone. The view suddenly changes, and now we see a man staring intently ahead, evidently following the woman. Then we see the woman (still only from the waist down) stop and turn in fear. We then see the man again, instantly turning away with a haunted expression of guilt on his face. Then comes the sketch's big reveal; we have not been watching two people, but only one. The man is wearing a skirt, and he is afraid of being discovered. 

Newspapers and magazines have always carried stories about crossdressers, and until comparatively recently have always regarded them as figures of fun.

Before the internet it was easy to believe that you were alone, even though you knew there must be others who shared your passion. But how to find them, when such things were to be suppressed at all costs. That's how it seemed to me, at any rate. Websites like CDH have brought crossdressers fresh hope and confidence.

The situation has improved enormously for the crossdresser in today's society, but there's still a fair way to go. 

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(@Anonymous 91593)
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@jacquelinelarkspur my era and my area too 👍. Wasn't the most liberated was it 😀

Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
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Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
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@kayt 

No indeed.

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(@Anonymous 91593)
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@jacquelinelarkspur like you I live in a Northern town(think there's a song title there) and if yours is anything like mine it's a hard place to indulge crossdressing, then and now. Ridicule and the odd beating would have been on the cards if discovered. 

I am also a child of the 60s and remember the les Dawsons etc on the TV. Always humorous and not the most glamorous of examples. Any group was up for ridicule and worse back then. 

You have thought that would have discouraged you for life. But no I carried on dressing, though privately and was never ashamed.

How did I stumble this. I just remember trying on some clothes, underwear and liking it. There was no 'eureka' moment. Just in me. Never really tried to analyse why.

Mel x

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(@Anonymous 91593)
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@melaniejames certain areas have changed these days and shopping is certainly more liberated . 

Just mentioning Les Dawson , I recall Danny LaRue appearing on a show when I was a youngster . My dad was a mixture of horrified and fascinated when my mam pointed out he clearly plucked his eyebrows 😀. Personally I was sitting there thinking he looked fabulous and the eyebrows amongst other things , so cool lol

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(@Anonymous 91593)
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@kayt the reaction of parents both then and now was hilarious. 

Danny and Fufu Lamarr were two of the better examples for those of us aspiring to achieve acceptable results. Generally though those people were few in those years, different now.

Still chuckling over what our parents would have said. The times they are a changin'. Hopefully.

Lady
(@ria)
Joined: 5 years ago

Reputable Member     Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 330

@kayt As a young boy I was drawn into the feminine world partly because of growing up with sisters and also my breast envy. I felt cheated that I could not have breasts. By 10 I was wearing a bra and panties and by 14 I was dressing en femme.

i did not discover the terms transvestite or cross dresser until I went to college. I accepted the crossdresser label and continued all my life.

Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4015

@kayt I would think that, back in the day, the easiest source of information would be on the more lurid side of things. I doubt that Reader's Digest had many relevant articles about it, for example.

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(@Anonymous 91593)
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@harriette SundayTimes did

Lady
(@harriette)
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Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4015

@kayt I would expect that more from a European area rather than an American area.

Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 803

@harriette Laugh Cry readers digest

Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4015

@sashabennett Well, I did try to use a well known publication. Picking a widely spread magazine may have been a bit more difficult. Playboy? Cosmopolitan? I never even saw a Cosmopolitan until the late '80s, or a Sunday Times.

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(@Anonymous 91593)
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@harriette the Sunday Times ran an article Dec 1988. It wasn't bad at all visiting a cross dressing club in London. A few comments stick in my mind but one that made me smile was a recently emigrated South African who when asked what problems she'd had with dressing answered only finding somewhere to carry her gun out on the ranch when wearing a dress 😂

Lady
(@harriette)
Joined: 2 years ago

Illustrious Member     Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 4015

@kayt I tried to search for that article, but it came back blank (unless I have to be a subscriber).

Guest
(@Anonymous 91593)
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@harriette I have no idea if their available on line archives go back that far .. The article was in the Sunday times printed colour supplement 5th December 1988 to be specific.

Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
Posts: 1005

@kayt 

I don’t think I worked out what I was until very recently.

I’m another that was a teen in the early 70s, when transvestism was ridiculed in the press and on tv.

I remember being so confused back then, in that I knew what I liked, but it was just seen as wrong.

At school I imagined the ridicule I would endure if anyone found out. What I know now is that I probably wasn’t the only one that liked to experiment wearing femme clothes in private.

It just felt right when I was wearing those clothes, and I struggled to reconcile my feelings.

Like a lot of us I suppressed it and it lay dormant for years with marriage etc. As time went on I came to the conclusion that there was no harm in it, and it didn’t happen very often anyway, but it was still something to keep to myself.

That’s certainly not the case now. The Internet has helped of course, and it’s highlighted to many of us the fact that we’re not alone, but sites like this are so important to our community.

What my early days did do, was leave me with a particular dislike of the word Transvestite though. I’ve always linked it to quite a frightening and confusing time in my life, as if being a teenager hasn’t always been confusing enough, so the word Crossdresser sits so much better with me. 

Ambassador
(@jacquelinelarkspur)
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Famed Member     Gateshead, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
Posts: 1497

@lucyb112 

I've never liked the term "transvestite" either, Lucy. I know it's just another label, and taken literally it means exactly what it says. To me, though, it's always sounded a cold, mean, vicious and derisive word. 

Ambassador
(@lucyb112)
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Noble Member     Staffordshire, United Kingdom
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@jacquelinelarkspur 

Yes, that’s exactly how it always felt to me.

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(@Anonymous 91593)
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@lucyb112 I'm not playing the sad song or looking for sympathy but I reckon it definitely was tougher in the 70s . Before I worked myself out I went through a phase where I wanted to be a girl . My nightmare though was reactions from family and friends . I know that exists now but during that era there was so much less tolerance than the following decadesbas you've said.  

During the 80s fashion was so much more androgynous and attitudes started to shift and I found the real me. I could go out in drab (ish) shop and wander around freely. 

Free roaming dinosaurs seemed to be dying back at that time or was it me growing up ? 

Lady
(@carla66)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Barcelona , Barcelona, Spain
Posts: 109

@lucyb112 Until now I had not liked the term transvestite, but in my youth it was used in a derogatory way. They have put it in our heads that they were marginal people. Now I see it differently, and I think how hypocritical that all was. When news came out about transvestites, there was always an attempt to ridicule and belittle them, but if a great genius of culture or society did the same thing, he was a funny effeminate. Luckily everything has changed, and I admire the courage and confidence in you who have been faithful.

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(@Anonymous 91593)
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@kayt Me, the eye opener was in senior school and finding myself admiring some girls skirt and dress styles.

Conversations with mates (the lads) and some would talk about "Trannies" (I thought it was a radio LOL).  The penny dropped and I relaised I was one even if not dressing at that time.

Lady
(@sashabennett)
Joined: 1 year ago

Noble Member     Wick, Caithness, United Kingdom
Posts: 803

@kayt I was always more comfortable playing with the girls when I was knee high to a pup. As I grew up my parents started encouraging me to get in with the boys more & it just seemed the way to go, although I never really felt comfortable with laddish behaviour. The penny kind of dropped when there was an article in the local paper about "the man who is becoming a woman" Anyone transitioning back then was obviously something very unusual so it was the talk of the town so to speak.

I was fascinated that such a thing was even possible (this was well before the internet) & slightly horrified that the poor soul was having such a personal story splashed all over the papers. I guess now that it was probably consensual between the press & the lady in question but knowing the state of journalistic integrity who can say? 

At this point the seed was probably sewn or at least nourished but nothing really came of it for many years after that. Partly because the thought of having such things splashed all over the papers filled me with dread & partly because I was just trying to fit in. 

Life just progressed "normally" for a long time until, for no reason I can think of I just put on some of my wife's stockings & suspenders. My wife's reaction was just Ooooo, sexy! (chuckled) we both had a good giggle over it & that was that. The dressing up box had popped into existence & has been there ever since. 

I only really rediscovered the whole trans thing years later when I found an early internet article on someone who had fully transitioned & I was blown away by the before & after pictures. An absolutely stunning woman. Once again though, it never really occurred to me that I could do that. Looking back now I have mixed feelings, I would love to have had the knowledge I now have & then I might have seriously considered transitioning but then hindsight is a wonderful thing. I can't complain too much as my current situation is really rather good so perhaps I have the best of both worlds.

Ah, what could we all do if we had that time over again?

Duchess
(@pattyphose)
Joined: 9 years ago

Famed Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 2296

@kayt I was 17 when I first began going out dressed. There was no internet. There was some opportunities to meet others, but it was a word of mouth thing and small groups. I met others at a college Halloween party. Yes, we were transvestites or TV, which I actually liked. it identified us as a special group. We had sisters like us.

I used to buy Penthouse Magazine to see the Michael Salem's TV Boutique ads. The clothes were amazing and so sexy. I wanted them. So many dreams, fantasies, ideas and adventures came from those ads.

Fortunately, I was able to acquire those clothes or others very similar. I got to act out many of the dreams and fantasies with adventures over the years.

Then I saw Crossdresser Magazine on a news stand. I had to buy it. WOW! There's so many just like me. So many times I felt they were writing about me. I had to subscribe to make sure I never missed an issue.

Then when the internet came in, there was so much more information and resources. Men wearing pantyhose, Men crossdressing in public. CD support sites and groups. Crossdressing clubs and groups.

So much more open and so much more info. I even managed to hook up with a couple of crossdressing groups from info I got from the internet.

 

 

 

 

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(@Anonymous 91593)
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@pattyphose I have no problems with the term transvestite . It's simply the old description and sadly linked with a time when transvestism was seen as a mental illness. Wearing a bra and knickers would have got you electric shock treatment instead of fashion advice. 

There's nothing horrible about the word itself only the link for those who are uneasy with it. 

I'm sure many of us will remember early internet sites , before the word morphed to crossdresser , such as Tanyas Transvestite Temple. She was , probably still is , gorgeous and the site was brilliant. 

For the record I have no problem with whatever label . 

Duchess
(@pattyphose)
Joined: 9 years ago

Famed Member     Long Island, New York, United States of America
Posts: 2296

@kayt I had no preconceived feelings of what TV or transvestites was. In fact I was pretty excited knowing there was others like me and we had a name. I was not the only guy who loved being femme. As I learned more with the very limited information I could get on the topic, it seemed there was many who had a bad impression of TV's or transvestites.

From where I was initially excited about knowing there's others like me and maybe meeting some, it put me on alert to maybe keep my transvestism local, private and in the closet to those I knew.

Guest
(@Anonymous 91593)
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@Kay- that is so funny “transvestite magazines please”….!! I remember trying to buy the same and having to explain to the shop keeper… “ No, no, no, you don’t understand, I want magazines with men dressed in women’s clothing!!”

Guest
(@Anonymous 91593)
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@chanel with hindsight it was hilarious . When I bought the two from the porn shop the bloke on there was keenly describing how sexy one  featured girl was I'm sure he had to nip out the back later . Not what I was looking for though 😉

Baroness
(@ryanpaul)
Joined: 7 years ago

Famed Member     Outer Eastern Suburbs Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
Posts: 2034

@kayt Hi kaye,

 

This should explain my story

 

https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/caty-goes-solo-shopping/

Happy dressing

 

Caty.

 

PS Cut to the now and I've been in the "retirement village/storage for Caty's things" for five years now

Guest
(@Anonymous 91593)
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@kayt For me growing up total fascination with the ol Fredericks of Hollywood adverts and the like in my moms magazines. And then one day I cant remember where or how I stumbled across a transformation magazine and it was a game changer as deep down I knew that was me.

Posts: 305
Duchess
(@2bmadeline)
Reputable Member     Walla Walla, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

As a young boy, it was mom's underthings, Montgomery Ward and Sears catalogs. Toward my 20's it was Variations magazine. In my 30's I bought things that I gifted to my wife, but knew she wouldn't wear, but I would/did.

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Duchess
(@missylinda)
Joined: 2 years ago

Noble Member     Ft Worth, Texas, United States of America
Posts: 848

@2bmadeline exactly my situation, with mom’s things and catalogs.  And  now 40 years+ later, I’m wearing some of the lingerie that I gave my wife that she wore once or twice, only to please me.  As a typical young man I was an avid reader of Playboy ( yea right you read the articles?).  One dec they had a joke showing a man in ladies black undies and pulling on some matching stockings. The caption was “ don we now our gay apparel”.  I thought , serious , I like doing that , but I’m not gay.  Was disappointed in the magazine being stereotypical of the times.

Lady
(@carla66)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member     Barcelona , Barcelona, Spain
Posts: 109

@2bmadeline 

You reminded me that my mother received a Venca fashion magazine, and she always looked at it. Also that she sold Avon beauty and makeup products. I went through the entire catalog.

Posts: 1067
Managing Ambassador
(@melodeescarlet)
Famed Member     DC/Baltimore, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

For myself, I never thought of it as a thing that defined who I was - i.e. "I am this." It was a thing I liked to do, like sports or movies or whatever. Even now, I don't think of myself as a CD, more that CDing is an activity I engage in. 

Humans, however, are the world's best label makers, and I understand that one applies to me so the world can make sense of me, and that's fine. 

Posts: 183
Guest
(@Anonymous 91593)
Estimable Member
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I see my cross dressing as a hobby , an expensive one , but all hobbies are  expensive . And in CDH we are members of a world wide club , in which like minded people share experience and hints and tips and have meet up , so why shouldn't we be left alone to enjoy our chosen hobby .

Posts: 3437
Hostess
(@ab123)
Illustrious Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 5 years ago

Those were strange days when there was nothing to gauge 'who' we were. No labels, no influencers, no nothing. There were Girls and Boys, Drag Queens on Telly so not much to choose so I would enjoy watching Danny La Rue on a little black and white telly but felt that I was more of a girl as it seemed more like me.

By the time the 70's came along and a more free society the papers had articles about 'Transvestites' and even 'Transexual' which were what we would now call labels. Where did that fit with me, only two 'labels', it was a bit confusing as I still saw myself as a girl in waiting but at least it was something to look at and read about. I scoured the papers for inspiration and even cut some articles out. In those days it seemed that there was nothing really sinister in the behaviour but a bit sensationalist and even some sympathy. I then began to see the occasional dresser and even a transexual, times were a changing as these were in public. Sure there was a few negative mumbles among the men but the women were more kind. This was a good for me and made me make a few decisions that moved me forward.

In the plethora of labels now it is quite understandable that the young can be confused with the spectrum, the pro and anti that praises and demonises. Although it was difficult for me to come out at least it was a much simpler time.

I have come from that 'girl in waiting' to the girl I always was.

Posts: 288
Lady
(@carlafirst11)
Honorable Member     So. California , California, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

I remember looking at a magazine as a young man that featured a transgender person, I couldn’t understand why i would get so excited, thinking about putting on a dress. I put it dormant for many years until I got married my ex had gone out of town to visit her family, so I tried on some of her dresses, felt guilty, being a catholic, thinking I was the only heterosexual in the world who enjoyed it. Few years later the internet exploded, what a relief, there are so many of us who enjoy dressing just for the fun of it.

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Guest
(@Anonymous 91593)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 183

@carlafirst11 I can recall when I was in the forces , 1980s , porn mags were common place . One of the milder ones ran a story with pics of a transexual. She looked gorgeous . However the derisive conversation and negative comments  that article provoked ensured I stayed firmly in the closet . 

Interestingly and with a wry smile I'm guessing I wasn't the only one on that group who felt like that 😎

Posts: 183
Guest
(@Anonymous 91593)
Estimable Member
Joined: 1 year ago

I could just copy and paste the first half of Lucy’s letter for myself.
As an adult. I always felt like it was something that I could get hold of and control if I really wanted to (sounds familiar?) I just didn’t want to. 

After my first wife, divorced me because of it, I realized that it was something that I just needed to accept was part of me. And I tried to integrate it into all aspects of my life. 
When the Internet first came in to play in the mid 90s the first thing I dived into was finding information on “transvestism” and you all are right there was not much information out there to be found.
And I was so embarrassed when I had to go to the store to buy women’s clothes, because I just knew that the clerk knew it was for me and I didn’t want to be labeled by anybody.

Thank goodness the world evolved somewhat, because now crossdressing is such a joy in my life!

 

Posts: 83
Duchess Annual
(@chrissydee)
Estimable Member     Connecticut, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Great question Kay.  I remember very distinctly hearing the word "Transvestite" for the first time.  It was in the scene from Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho".  The police were trying to explain (incorrectly) why Anthony Perkins would dress as his mother when alone in the house.  "He's a transvestite." I remember getting a pit in my stomach and leaving the room (It came out in 1960, and I was watching at home with family members - maybe 11 or 13 years old), and going directly to the dictionary.  Looking up the word, I was stunned to know there was a name for the thoughts and urges I had been having.  Is this me..?  Yup.  (But I don't dress as my mother and kill ladies in the shower 😉)

 

Thx for your post.   

Posts: 316
(@oliviac)
Prominent Member     Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
Joined: 2 years ago

Up until 10 years ago I hadn't worked it out. I would be on a huge rollercoaster loving my times as a female then the guilt and shame would hit and I would be so disgusted by myself. Time would then pass and I had to dress again. I hit rock bottom so my wife convinced me to see a psychologist. After a few sessions feeling nothing could get any worse so I had nothing to lose I told the psychologist I have a great secret and I dress up as a woman. She smiled and reacted so positively and said that is fine there is nothing wrong with what I am doing. Shortly after I told my wife and she too reacted positively. 10 years on she still hasn't seen and still doesn't want to see me as Olivia but is happy I have to have my girl time. This changed my life and for the first time I had worked out who I was and was happy with who I was as for me it isn't a conscious choice to dress as a female but something I just have to do.  No longer did I have to be ashamed of it. 

Interestingly at the time neither my wife or the psychologist used any labels to describe what I do. We just called it dressing as a woman or dressing up. About 4 or 5 years ago I can't recall exactly where I first heard it but when I heard the term gender fluid I thought that is me. Sometimes male and sometimes female. I did feel quite happy that there was a term to describe what I am that didn't have all those negative stigmas that transvestite and crossdresser have. 

Posts: 2108
Hostess
(@cdsue)
Famed Member     Delaware, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

How did I work it out. What an interesting journey it has been. When I was young I would be at home by myself after school and for a reason I don't recall decided to try on my mother's clothes (bra, panties, garter belt, stockings, dress and heels). It felt good putting them on and wearing them. I would only stay dressed for a few minutes afraid that someone would come home and catch me. I had a lot of guilt and shame about it at that time as in addition I was also having sexuality issues, but that's another story. Eventually I didn't have time to be able to dress even momentarily. I went away to college and one year for Halloween dressed as a female in my girlfriends clothes which was fun, but I was extremely nervous. That was in the early 70's and I was afraid someone (especially my girlfriend) would find out I liked it. Throughout my life I would dress on rare occasions, usually in between marriages (been there 5 times) in clothing they left behind (I was much smaller then). A few years ago I came out to my wife (another story). She suggested therapy, not to stop me from dressing but to understand why. As a result I have come to accept my femininity and enjoy my Suzanne time. My wife has come to accept this part of me and is supportive in her own way. We discuss my dressing openly and she helps me with my make up and shopping. 

I can't help but think that growing up with 3 sisters and playing with them when we were home alone (Barbies, house, dress up, etc) may have had something to do with my desire to dress. Going school shopping found me spending a lot of time in the girls section while they picked out and tried on outfits, I guess I was jealous. There have been times in my life I have wondered what it would be like to be a girl/woman. 

I am thankful that I have come to realize this part of me and accept it. While only my wife and therapist know about Suzanne (along with the lovely ladies here) it is refreshing and freeing to be able to be me. 

XOXO
Suzanne

Posts: 2172
 J J
Lady
(@jjandme)
Famed Member     California, United States of America
Joined: 5 years ago

This is a great topic, and one I often think about, but never fully come to a conclusion about.

It took me years to become a CD, but the thoughts always lingered somewhere in the back of my mind. I had the most remarkable course on human sexuality at university in the '70s. It was an open and frank look at all aspects of sexuality from anatomy to the biology of hormones through the psychology of gender and various sexualities. We had trans speakers, movies, and discussions about gay/lesbian topics, even a brief mention of bestiality. 

I was in my early 20s at the time and was busy chasing women and dressing never crossed my mind, though I did dress as a pre-teen a couple of times. It was many years later that I first wore my soon-to-be wife's panties that I started down the long road to where I am. I have never felt wrong in dressing since I knew from my class and now more world experience that there is nothing wrong with being different. Looking back I realized there were a few things that likely were related to my dressing later on. I always had a thing for the way girls dressed and presented themselves and wondered if I had sexy legs like the girls did. I never wore nylons at the time, not even thought about it, but realized in hindsight that I always wanted to.

Of course, all this was long before the internet, but when I did go online years later I had already known that dressing was a "normal" thing for a sunset of people. That just reinforced what I already knew and felt.

Posts: 109
Lady
(@carla66)
Estimable Member     Barcelona , Barcelona, Spain
Joined: 1 year ago

Wow, we agree on many things. I started wearing my mother's underwear, secretly, it gave me a lot of pleasure. Then I felt very ashamed, guilty, I felt like a cockroach. Then he went away and I dressed again. Years passed in these ups and downs. And a normal adolescence. I was not aware of having to be something (transvestite, queer...). It just happened. When I got married I changed my mother's clothes for my wife's, but very far apart. I recently started to inform myself, and! There were more people like me!, and they didn't feel bad. And they led a normal life. And I found CDH, and I feel so identified with you. I don't feel like a woman, but I have always liked everything feminine, and I love dressing up. And I've even talked to my wife. And I no longer feel bad, even relationship problems, sexuality, feeling inferior have been fixed by accepting myself. To let myself go and see that I don't do anything wrong.

Kisses from Carla

Posts: 379
Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Joined: 1 year ago

Like a lot of you I loved girls and admired how they looked. I surreptitiously combed through catalogs of the day, moving from the toy section when I was being observed to the women’s undergarments section when I wasn’t.

I loved Monty Python and admired how they often dressed as women and parodied them for laughs. They were role models for me. With some of the discussion about violence against transsexuals I was reminded of the Python skit of gangs if grannies that terrorized small towns and thought that’s maybe where we need to go to patrol clubs where louts create trouble. Anyone ready to form gangs of older cross dressers to keep us all safe? 😉

It took me a lot of time and reflection to come to terms with who I am, specifically working on healing my Anima, Carl Jung’s term for our inner feminine. I now fully embrace my feminine and am open with friends and family about her. Better late than never. I always knew I was different but I didn’t have the words or the courage to be myself until the last few years. ❤️

2 Replies
Guest
(@Anonymous 91593)
Joined: 1 year ago

Estimable Member
Posts: 183

@leainvancouver yes Python were rather good at that 😂. I also recall a documentary about the carry on films and one of the male actors saying in each film one of them had to get "in drag". My immediate thoughts .......I want to be an actor 😂

Lady
(@leainvancouver)
Joined: 1 year ago

Prominent Member     Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 379

@kayt Indeed! Having license to slip into a nice outfit, whether as an actor or dressing up in women’s clothing for Halloween was often a fantasy I would entertain as a youngster. Lucky Bastards! 😃

Posts: 263
(@veroslondon)
Reputable Member     Surrey, United Kingdom
Joined: 1 year ago

I remember exactly where I was and when I first realised that there was a word for what I was (transvestite) and oddly that I wasn't a freak. It was in my second year of university (1966) and I was living in a rented room trying to cram for upcoming end-of-year exams. I'd bought a copy of Penthouse magazine which had a sort of letters section where readers recounted their sexual adventures. Incidentally, I now know that all the letters in Penthouse were written by their editorial staff and were not from genuine readers but I was too innocent or naive to know that at the time. One letter claiming to be from a woman was about how she liked her boyfriend to wear her knickers because he always became very sexually aroused by this. The woman then asked if this meant that her boyfriend was a transvestite. Now having a label for what I was opened up the door to using every available written source (no internet in the 1960's) to try to learn more. I was still very much in the closet about my cross-dressing but at least I now knew that there were quite a lot of others like me out there.

I actually don't mind the word transvestite and I'm happy to accept it as a label for what I do. Obviously, it can be used as a term of abuse but then I think that can also apply to cross-dresser. I've seen articles recently in which both transvestite and cross-dresser have been used pejoratively. These have usually been by women talking about self-identification and women only spaces where the phrases of the type "any old cross-dresser/transvestite wearing a smudge of lipstick -----" seem to crop up regularly. To avoid accusations of transphobia, the articles then also add some weasel words about having "sympathy for those  having genuine gender identity issues" implying that being CD is actually a "lifestyle choice" but not exactly spelling it out. 

Posts: 253
Lady
(@jamietaal)
Reputable Member     DC Metro Area, Maryland, United States of America
Joined: 6 years ago

Being a teenager in the’80’s I too struggled to resolve my identity without any real resources. I grew up in a large conservative religious family and conservative social circle. All I saw about CD was from tv and news and it was mostly sensational or negative.

I wasn’t the greatest student and in high school and I failed a final exam and that really angered my parents. I didn’t have to retake the class but was offered to retake the exam at some point in the summer. My parents felt that studying in the house would  be problematic with all the summer activities going on. So, they informed me that I was going to be driven to the local large university library every weekday for a few weeks to study without any distraction. Heh, “no distractions” they said

Studying was going well for a few days then I got the wild idea to peruse the card catalogs (drawers of cards listing all the books in the library) to see if they had topics relating to my dilemma. Of course they did but the vast majority were very scholarly. As a teen boy, the books were mostly a difficult read but I got the sense that I was not alone with my situation and it was not harmful unless it negatively consumed my thoughts or preoccupation. For a time in high school and college it was still an obsession but then settled down as I resolved some of my inner turmoil.

 

Oh, and I also passed the exam. 

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